Afraid

BOOM! BOOM! sounds from my bedroom door, groaning under the pressure as if it was going to break in half at any moment. " Get the fuck out of bed stupid bitch," I hear from the man who's supposed to be my protector. " If you make me late again, I promise you'll regret it for the rest of your pathetic life!" He screams at me through the door. Hearing his loud foot steps stomp down the hallway. I roll over on my side sitting up from the torn futon I call my bed.

I had found it by someone's garbage cans walking home from school a couple weeks ago. It was covered in dog hair and a few stains I wasn't sure what they were from. I dragged it behind me taking breaks in between the six blocks, till I reached my neighbor Tawnya's house. Grunting as I pulled the heavy mattress into her back yard over to the garden hose. 

I doused it in the antibacterial soap I had been given that day in health class. I stood partially bent over scrubbing away the dog hair with a few of the stains that came out. After washing it the best I could with my hands, I pulled it behind the garage attached to my house. Hoping no one would see it and it would be able to dry in the sun till tomorrow. Sure would beat sleeping on the hardwood floor with my one blanket.

Blinking as the memory fades. I start scrambling through my small backpack that carried the two outfits I owned with the few hygiene products I was able to gather from the school's lost and found. I grab out the small bottle of shampoo and slowly make my way to my door, removing the chair that was placed under the door handle. Listening with my ear against the hard wood for any signs that he may be on this floor. Hearing nothing I fling the door open running down the hallway into the bathroom quickly and quietly closing and locking the door, not wanting to let him know where I was in the house.

Glancing up into the mirror I cringe at the sight of my messy hair. It was going to take me quite some time to comb it out with my fingers. I wasn't aloud to have a hair brush, do to me using it as a weapon the last time he tried to hit me. I had broken the brush across his face, leaving him with a medium size cut under his eye, with a small black eye. He took me down to the basement that night. Leaving me there chained to the wall in the hidden room behind the wine cellular for over a week, with no food and only an applesauce size container for water, every other day if I was lucky he remembered.

Shaking the vivid thought from my head. I turn around turning the shower on. Praying he wouldn't try to come in like last time. I hop in wasting no time washing my hair and body, worried he would try to break the lock to get to me. Sliding the shower curtain to the side, stepping out I freeze at the sound of foot steps on the other side of the door. Tighting the towel around my body, I move brassing myself against the door, waiting for what could possibly follow. When I hear him grumble out "You have less then two minutes to get the fuck out, before I come in there and rip you out you fucking whore!" Holding my breath I lean on the wood listening to his foot steps getting quieter the further he walks away.

Twisting the door knob I swing the door open hearing it smack against the wall franticly making my way to my room again. Slamming and locking the door behind me. " You better not break any of my doors in my fucking house you dumb bitch!" He screams from the floor underneath me. With as much speed I could muster I get dressed while furiously trying to tame my curls with my fingers enough to put my hair up into a pony tail. Finally managing to do so, I start to gather my homework and books I'll need for the day. Today was a black day meaning I would get to see two of my favorite teachers, Mr. Jacobs from Math and Mrs. Mulberry from science. They always made class fun. Striding over to my bedroom door, I slowly unlock it not wanting to be any where near him. But unfornately he has to give me a ride to school everyday and we have to walk into the school together so he can sign me in each day.

Mrs. Mulberry called Child Services making a report that she was extremly worried something bad had happened to me, when I hadn't shown up for school two weeks in a row without my parent excusing my absences, causing a social worker to show up at my step father's girlfriend's house. He had put her address down as our home address in my emergency contact information. Becky had spoke to the social worker telling her that my father had taken me to go see the doctor sense I wasn't getting better," The lady bought her story for the time, soon coming back five days later two check up on me. My step father had predicted she would show up again sooner or later. So he forced me to stay at his girlfriend's house with him for the next week. I was told to " Stay in bed and act like I was terribly sick," from both of them. Which I actual was from them refusing to feed me any food. I had dark circles under my eyes and my skin was really pale from malnourishment. This is what the social worker saw when she had arrived. Becky came in carrying a small bowl of chicken noodle soup with a couple saltine crackers on a plate. " I hope you'll be able to keep one of these down today," she says to me as she came over to me feeling my forehead like I had a fever, faking the small smile she gave me and the soical worker.

My step father and the soical worker spoke downstairs before she left. I heard her apologizing to him " For the false accusations and she hopes I feel better soon." Even the though the case woker had given the all clear that I was truly sick and hopefully would be better soon. Mrs. Mulberry insisted to the principal that my step father had pulled one over on Child Services. Sense that incident my principal Mrs. Wenstien told my step father he needed to sign me in each day with me present has a sign of good faith I was healthy and okay.

I was brought out of my hesitation with the angry tone of him yelling " Why the fuck are you not down here standing by the fucking front door already!"  I scurried from my room down the stairs hoping he wouldn't slap me acroos the face like he did yesterday. We ended up being late because of the red mark displayed across the right side of my cheek from him hitting me. As I reached the door I see him raise his hand out of the corner of my eye. I flinch back waiting for the impact of his hand to make contact, but it never does. I slowly open my eyes to see him standing there fuming with hate in his eyes clenching his fists. " Just get in the fucking truck before I change my mind!" he screams at me spraying me in the face with spit from his agape mouth.

Side stepping around him I open the door quickly and run to the truck flinging the door open, hopping into the back of the cab on the passengers side. A few minutes pass and I hear the creaking of the drivers door as he gets into the drivers seat. Glancing back at me through the rear view mirror.    " Why the fuck did she have to leave me with a piece of shit like you, you should have just died along side her,"  he says looking away starting the truck and pulling out of the drive way.

If only he knew, how much I wished each morning I awake, that I to had died with her that day.