5 - Shock

Napansin ko ang pagtingin ni Meredith kay Josh, napatingin din ang lalaki sa kanya at lumawak ang ngiti ng babae. “È lei quella di cui stai parlando, amore?” (Is she the one you’re talking about, love?) She asked, brows furrowed but then she smirked.

Napataas naman ang kilay ko sa sinabi ng babae. What? Pinaguusapan ba nila ako? And ano daw? Kinukwento ako ni Josh sa kanya? Bakit niya naman gagawin iyon e, hindi nga halos lumalapit sa akin. Ayokong umasa ano! Teka ba, isang Erato Adeline Devin? Aasa? Aasa lang ang nag-iisang Erato kung magiging square na ang mundo! Hmp!

“Ano daw pinag-uusapan, Era? Hindi ko sila gets.” bulong ni Rian sa akin tsaka napanguso kaya napatawa ako nang mahina.

“Ang ganda ko raw.” sagot ko, habang tawang-tawa parin.

Napataas naman ang kilay ni Rian at hinampas ako sa braso. “Hindi nakakatuwa.” sagot niya, tsaka napanguso.

Inirapan ko nalang siya. Alam naman kasi ni Rian na marunong akong mag Italian kaya napatanong siya sa akin.

Lumapit si Josh kay Meredith tsaka may binulong. Nanlaki naman ang mga mata niya kaya nagtataka ako kung ano ang pinag-uusapan nila.

But right before I could speak, River's arm fell into my shoulders. “River!” I blurted. Pero ginulo niya ang buhok ko kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

Napatingin naman siya sa harapan nang mapansin na may iba kaming kasama. “Oh, hi there,” then he waved his hands on them.

Napatingin ako kina Josh to see their reaction, pero ano nga ba inaasahan ko kay Josh? Tahimik at walang emosyon na napatingin kay River, habang nagulat naman ako nang makita ko ang ekspresyon ni Meredith. Namamalik mata ba ako? I saw Meredith blushed in front of us while looking at River. Uh? Akala ko ba girlfriend siya ni Josh?

“Hmm. We have to go.” Paalam ni Josh.

Hindi na namin sila nagawang pigilan pa at tuluyan na silang nakaalis. I bit the insides of my cheeks as I saw them walking away. Likod palang ni Josh nakakatakam na. Bakit ba kasi napaka-reserve niyang tao, titikman lang naman e! Ang damot!

Shit. I badly want to taste right now. Naiirita ako dahil sa lalaking iyon! Kaasar!

Sinamaan ko naman ng tingin si River pero nang makita si Ali ay kaagad ding tumakbo papalapit kay Ali na kasama sina Lia at Poly. Tanginang lalaking iyon! Bwiset! Baka kung ano pa isipin ni Josh—teka nga bakit ko ba iniisip ang lalaking iyon?! Eh may girlfriend na nga!

“Sama mo makatingin,” sa sinabi ni Rian ay masama ko din siyang tinignan pero tumawa lang ang bruha. Kainis.

“Bakit ba kasi ganyan ka makatingin? Are jealous of Meredith?” she teased, nakangisi pa ang bruha.

“No. Why would I get jealous? Isa pa wala namang namamagitan sa amin ni Josh at lalong-lalo na hinding-hindi magseselos ang nag-iisang Erato!” I said in monotone.

Napataas naman ng kilay si Rian, not convinced of what I’ve said to her. “This is the first time I saw you jealous, Era. Do you really have feelings for Josh?” Nagtatakang tanong ni Rian, hindi mapakaniwala.

Inirapan ko naman ang babae. “Wala. Wala talaga. Huwag makulit, Rian at baka isumbong kita kay River.”

Sinamaan naman ako ng tingin nag babae kaya natawa ako pero kaagad lang din siyang nag-zip ng mouth to keep her mouth shut, and I'll do the same for her.

We just spend time shopping, talking, eating and laughing. Just like we always do whenever we're all together. But my mind keeps on drifting to Josh.

Is Meredith his girlfriend?

Bakit ba ganito ang epekto ko sa kanya. Gusto ko lang ba talaga siya tikman or iba na?

Monday morning came, I didn’t wake up earlier from the expected time. Feel ko wala akong kagana-ganang pumasok dahil sa Meredith at Josh na iyon! Nakakainis!

“Oh? Lukot na lukot ‘yang pagmumukha mo?” Tanong ni Rian nang makapasok ako sa loob ng classroom.

“Ano ba dapat?” Walang emosyong sabi ko sa kanya.

Hindi na sumagot si Rian kaya umupo ako sa upuan ko at kinuha ang phone ko para tignan ang socials ko. “Crush mo si Josh ano?” Bigla niyang sabi tsaka niya inikot ang katawan niya para harapin ako.

Kaming dalawa pa lang ni Rian ang nasa classroom, kahit na may mga bags na nandito. Some are having a morning practice para sa mga sports nila.

I scoffed at Rian’s question. “At bakit ko naman magiging crush iyon?” May girlfriend na nga e. Tulad ng sabi ko, hindi ako pumapatol sa may girlfriend na.

“Sus, halata naman sa mukha mo lalo na noong Sabado na nakita natin silang dalawa ni Meredith.”

Napataas naman ang kilay ko sa sinabi niya. “Hindi nga. ‘Wag kang assuming,” pinipigilan kong mainis kay Rian ng sabihin iyon dahil sa pagiging makulit niya.

“Josh!” Sigaw ni Rian kaya napatingin din ako sa pintuan pero wala namang tao ang nandoon.

I look at Rian who’s smiling like a bitch while playing with her hair. “Hindi daw crush, okay,” she said smirking.

Natahimik na muli si Rian at kinuha ang kanyang cellphone pero ilang saglit lang ay muling napatingin saakin at nagsalita, “Pero ang ganda no’ng Meredith no. Bagay sila ni Josh.”

Pinitik ko ang noo ni Rian. “Mag-aral ka nalang dyan may quiz mamaya.”

Ngumuso si Rian bago siya humarap muli. What Rian said makes me think. Oo, I admitted, Meredith is beautiful and hot as fvk as hell. I never been so insecure in my entire life. Maganda ako, pero tao lang din ako na humahanga din sa mga kagandahan ng iba, dahil hindi lang naman ako ang nag-iisang tao sa mundo.

Lumipas ang mga araw ay naging tahimik ako at malamig ang pakikitungo ko kay Josh. As I’ve said, hindi ako pumapatol sa may mga girlfriend na, kung kaya’t tinutunan ko nalang ng pansin ang mga lalaking nasa paligid ko, well, especially, Timothy.

Mukhang wala din namang effect ang kagandahan ko kay Josh, siguro common na sa Italy ang ganitong itsura. But, I am beautiful, gorgeous, at halos pag-agawan na lahat ng mga lalaki sa campus namin! Bakit sa kanya walang effect? Or maybe because he already has Meredith?

OMG, just thinking about her, make my blood boil! Ano bang nangyayari sa akin? May gusto na ba ako kay Josh? No! Over my dead gorgeous body!

I’m still Josh’s tutor, but hindi ko na siya nilalandi, mukhang napansin niya rin iyon pero hindi na nagtanong pa. And he’s just focused on learning Tagalog. And he’s eager to learn! Kaya minsan ay naiintindihan na niya ako. And fuck lang, kasi he’s a fast learner!

There are times na nahuhuli ako ni Josh na may kahalikang iba. He didn’t even bother to react! Umaalis lang siya kaagad. Naiirita ako. Never in my entire life has been ignored by a man! Nakakagigil.

“Pumapalya na ata pagiging playgirl mo, Era. Mukhang walang epekto kay Josh.” Natatawang sabi ni Rian habang nagre-retouch ng make-up.

Inirapan ko naman siya at napatingin sa cellphone ko tsaka sumandal sa lababo dito sa loob ng banyo. I visit Josh’s social at letche, wala akong makita ng kung ano sa socials niya. Ni post wala, following wala, pero ang daming followers. I mean, 25 is much. Wala din siyang ka-picture picture at tanging profile picture niya lang ay ang aso. Sabagay, mukha rin naman siyang aso! Ang magdo-dog style sa akin!

Rian seems to noticed my expression as I keep staring at my phone. “What? Why are you blushing, Era?” manghang tanong ni Rian sa akin, titingin na sana sa cellphone ko nang bigla ko iyon nilayo sa kanya.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya at itinago ang cellphone sa bulsa ng palda ko. Muli kong tinignan ang sarili sa salamin, bago tuluyang umalis. Bakit kasi ganon ang iniisip ko? Taena! Akala ko ba galit ako sa kanya?!

Napatawa naman si Rian sa ginawa ko habang nakasunod sa akin. “Taray, may patago-tago pang nalalaman, kita naman sa salamin!”

Kaagad akong napakagat ng labi sa sinabi ni Rian. Shet. Oo nga pala, nakatalikod ako sa salamin, kaya malamang, kita ang pangs-stalk na ginagawa ko sa socials ni Josh.

“Hindi daw niya crush.” Rian said with a teasing smile.

Napairap ako sa kanya tsaka ko siya hinarap. “Hindi nga! Naiirita lang ako sa kanya!” gigil kong sabi sa kanya.

“Naiirita ka kasi?” She asked as she grabbed her phone from her pocket.

Muli akong naglakad at nakasunod lang naman si Rian. “Naiinis ako! How dare him to ignore me? Hindi ba ako maganda, Rian?”

Haharapin ko na sana si Rian nang may lumitaw na ulo sa gilid ko. Muntikan ko pang masuntok ang mukha ni Dom nang magpakita siya sa akin. Inis kong inilibot ang tingin ko para hanapin si Rian, pero ang gaga, iniwan lang ako nang hindi man lang nagpapaalam!

Kitam, nagtatanong kung bakit ako naiinis, pero hindi man lang ako pinakinggan. Lagot ka sa akin mamaya, Rian. Iaasar talaga kita kay Sir Gomez mamaya!

“You’re beautiful, Era,” Dominic said, his eyes twinkling and brimming with happiness.

Inirapan ko siya sabay sabing, “Fuck you.” Tsaka ko iniwan lalaki.

“Teka, Era!” habol niya sa akin, at kaagad na nahawakan ang braso ko.

Inis ko namang tinignan ang lalaki, kumukulo talaga ang dugo ko sa tuwing nakikita ko siya! Fvk him. Of all people, siya pa talaga makikita ko ngayong araw?

“Can we talk, Era? Please?” Pakiusap ni Dominic.

I scoffed at him, trying to pull my arms away from him. “Ano ba, Dom! Wala na tayong dapat pang pag-usapan pa!” I gagged as I kept pulling my arms. It hurts. The way he tightens his grip feels like he’s about to break my bones.

“Just listen to me, Era! Just this once. At kapag ayaw mo na talaga, titigil ako…” Pagmamakaawa niya.

Muli akong napatawa sa ginawa ni Dominic. “Why would I listen to a cheater like you, Dom? Pwede ba, bitawan mo ako! Nasasaktan ako!” Sigaw ko sa kanya at pilit na hinihila ang brasong hawak ko sa kanya.

Pero habang tumatagal ay mas lalong humihigpit ang hawak niya. “Dominic! Let me go! Masakit!” sigaw ko sa kanya.

“Just listen to me, Era, please?” he shouted, his voice trembling with a mix of anger and desperation. His grip tightened painfully around my arms, his eyes red and filled with an emotion that was a twisted blend of rage and longing. His face was flushed, his neck and ears red from the intensity of his feelings.

“Let me go!” I screamed, my voice breaking as I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the pain from his vice-like grip. The fear that gripped me was paralyzing. Dominic, the man I once knew, was no longer the same. He had changed, becoming someone unrecognizable and dangerous.

Dominic leaned in closer, his breath hot against my neck. He pressed a rough kiss against my skin, and I recoiled, unable to push him away. His strength was overpowering. “I miss this, I miss you, Era,” he murmured, his voice husky and rough, filled with a twisted sense of possession.

I shook my head frantically, tears streaming down my face. Oo, playgirl ako, bitch, a whore, anything. But forcing me to do things is what I hated the most. Especially if it’s him.

“Please, stop this Dom!” I begged, my voice trembling with anguish. But Dominic didn’t listen, tearing at my blouse with a force that made the fabric rip apart. His fingers roamed inside my torn clothing, exploring areas I desperately wanted him to leave alone.

Nanghihina ako. Bakit ba walang tao sa lugar na ito?!

Dominic’s actions were a brutal assault on my dignity and my sense of safety. He savored each moment, tasting and exploring every part of me with a disturbing intensity. The way he touched me, the way he seemed to take pleasure in my suffering, made me feel sick to my core. I hated every second of it.

I squeezed my eyes shut, praying and hoping for someone to come and rescue me from this living nightmare. Each passing minute felt like an eternity, stretching out the terror and helplessness I felt.

Just as I began to lose hope, a sudden shift in the atmosphere jolted me awake. I opened my eyes to see Dominic’s weight lifted off me. To my astonishment, Josh was there, his fists pounding mercilessly into Dominic, who lay on the floor in a pool of his blood.

“J-Josh…” I called out weakly, but Josh was lost in a furious haze, not stopping even as I tried to get his attention. My strength was fading, and I felt my legs buckling beneath me. In a last desperate effort, I reached out and grabbed Josh’s arm, pulling him away from Dominic.

Nanghihina ako, nanlalabo narin ang mga mata ko dahil sa hilo at sa pag-iyak. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.

“Josh, stop! You’re killing him!” I shouted with the last ounce of strength I could muster.

His expression softened, and he began to comprehend the gravity of the situation. “Are you okay, Era? Are you hurt? What did he do to you?” His questions came in rapid succession as he removed his coat and draped it over me, his hands shaking with a mixture of concern and fury.

Josh’s eyes shifted between me and Dominic, his face showing frustration and anger. He cursed under his breath, still angry. When he tried to hit Dominic again, I grabbed his arm, trying to stop him.

“I’m okay,” I whispered, though my voice was weak and my body was shaking uncontrollably. My heart raced, overwhelmed by the adrenaline and exhaustion.

Josh took a deep breath, his concern and guilt evident. “Fuck,” was the last thing I heard him say before everything went blurry. I felt myself slipping away, overwhelmed by fatigue and stress.

As darkness closed in, I felt some comfort knowing Josh was there, even though I couldn’t feel him anymore. The chaos faded into a heavy silence as I lost consciousness.