dark humor dad jokes

Kiara Westwood was the 18 year old daughter of two Alpha parents. But she was born without one of the basic abilities of a wolf. Wanting to escape from the protection and concern of her family and pack which suffocated her. She moves to the pack of the Lycan King himself. Alejandro Rossi. Fearless, ruthless and cold-hearted. Alejandro cares for nothing or no one and that’s the way he liked it. He believes his sole purpose is to contain the danger that threatens their very existence. At 34, Alejandro had not found his destined mate, nor has he taken one of choice. Fucking women was just a past time and he didnt have the heart for love nor the interest. That was until Kiara stepped into his life, like a breath of fresh air or a storm on a hot summers night. Under the blood moon, by a cruel twist of fate they realise they are mated. Will Kiara be able to make her way into his frozen heart and revive any emotions he is capable of? Or would he destroy her completely in the process? ---- THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF THE ALPHA Book 1 - Her Forbidden Alpha Book 2 - Her Cold-Hearted Alpha Book 3 - Her Destined Alpha Book 4 - Caged Between The Beta & Alpha Book 5 - King Alejandro: The Return Of Her Cold-Hearted Alpha For updates, character aesthetics release dates and more follow me on IG author.muse or FB author muse

Sophie Mack, a 19-year-old resilient and dedicated child of a zealot parish man, raised by a nanny turned stepmother after the death of her mother from birth. She not only faced betrayal by her stepsister, but her boyfriend of five years drugged her, then she had a one-night stand with a stranger, resulting in triplets.   Elliot Harrington, a 26-year-old shrewd billionaire, wakes up in a hotel room to find himself wrapped around a beautiful girl.  Before he checks out of the hotel room, he leaves the girl with a bundle of cash. Later, he sends his investigator to find the girl he slept with, who mistakes Sophie for Olivia, Sophie's step-sister.   Five years later, Sophie, now a renowned financial analyst, returns to New York and starts working at the prestigious Harrington Group, where Elliot is president. Little does she know, her triplets embark on a mission—to uncover the identity of their elusive father.  *** "Owen, did you hear what that man said? He said you looked like his boss. Can the boss be our daddy?" Nathan said, looking at Owen, who had already started working devotedly on his laptop. "We can't be sure of that. But we can still make him candidate 1. The point is helping Mummy find Daddy," replied Isabel, the only girl of the triplets.   "I found him—his boss—and I guess I kind of resemble him. I have his eyes and ears." Owen said with a raised brow. "See, Nathan, you have his hair. But Isabel, you don't resemble Dad, not even Mom; who do you resemble?"  "Who told you his dad? We are not even sure he is our dad; it's just candidate 1." ***  Will Candidate 1 prove to be the missing link, or is there another layer to the mystery that even the triplets couldn't foresee?

Aria was the Luna of the Winter Mist pack, renowned for her achievements in war strategy. Her contribution was crucial in her pack becoming the most powerful in the entire country. Everything in her life should be perfect. ...Except it wasn't. In actuality, Aria's life was anything but successful. She was helpless to the whims of her abusive Alpha mate and his mistress. A mate who never loved her. As she watches their relationship grow, her options are to run away or die trying to keep her Luna position. But this is not the story of how Aria sways his closed-off heart until he finally loves her. No, this is the story of how Aria died. So when she is faced with the opportunity to go back in time and try again... will she take it? ...Or is she fated to relive her mistakes all over again? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "...And if I refuse?" I asked hesitantly. "Then you will remain in the Abyss, forever reliving your earthly memories." My mind recalled the images that had just tormented me, showing me my death over and over again. I knew now she must have shown me that strategically so I had a taste of what my refusal would look like. "Then I don't want to be Luna again... and I don't want to be Aleric's mate," I said, surprising even myself that I was bargaining with a Goddess. But I couldn't shake the feeling something seemed off. "That is the fate I have chosen for you." "Then I don't accept," I argued. "I think there is something you're not telling me. A reason why you need me to go back so badly." She was silent, her silver eyes regarding me warily. "...So I am correct," I said, taking her silence as confirmation.

Don't touch me!" She yanked his hand off, inching away from his reach. "Kath.." "What do you want from me?" She snapped, fighting the urge to tear up in front of this untrusting man she once called her husband. "You." he answered with so much authority and possessiveness. Katherine scoffed, what does he take her for? She wasn't ready when he drew closer to her, covering the space between them. He lowered his head until his warm breath fanned her face, "Marry me," he whispered to her, "again" ... Anderson Riecke is determined to do anything to legally secure his place as CEO of his father's chain of companies. But when his father's proposal was for him to get married, offering him only a very short time; it becomes a tug of war for him and his brothers. Anderson Riecke is willing to do anything to retain his position and inheritance, including remarrying Katherine Tetrazzini, his ex-wife whom he divorced out of her infidelity. Anderson is left with no choice than to invite her back into his life. No strings attached and on contract basis. The deal was to part ways, once he achieves his aim of being stated as CEO and rightful owner of the conglomerate; Katherine Tetrazzini felt the same way about him, all she wanted at that point was the benefit and then she'll be out of his life for good, before he finds out about his seed developing in her womb. But what happens when the feelings that both thought had died resurfaced, threatening to pull them back together? When Anderson Riecke took the risk of entangling himself with his ex-wife again, he was ready for anything but not for the weight of her secret and Katherine is determined to keep it away from him forever.

I fucked the daughter of my best buddy. Now I have to safeguard her. Skye needs to learn how to swim in my infinity pool. That sounds like a great deal. And I know precisely what my malicious purpose is. Take her in the water with my hands on her curves. I know it's terrible, but she's as desperate as I am. Our affair will be our little secret. My former business partner, on the other hand, is out for vengeance. He's threatening to go public and reveal our identities. It'll wreck us both. So I'll be one step ahead of him. I'll protect her... even if it means marrying her.

“I don’t need magic, I need your arms around me when the dark is too much, I need you to be real when nothing else is, I need you to be with me when everything around us is chaos.” Skylar Ray O'conner

Poppy Brooks wanted nothing but the best for Kelly Brooks, her five-year-old baby girl.  She had already forgotten almost everything about Nolan, her divorced husband after being an asshole when she got pregnant to Kelly. However, Poppy's peaceful life was ruined when her ex-husband started asking for a second chance. Another source of Poppy's headache? It was another man, Sebastian Holding, a famous billionaire saying she ruined his wedding.  What. The. Heck? How did she ruin his wedding when they only see each other now?! Men. Will. Always. Be. A. Pain. In. The. Butt.

“Oh daddy… I am going to c*m Daddy... I am going to c*m ” her eyes rolled backward as she felt her orgasm wrecking through her. “Yes, princess! You are going to c*m, but you are going to do that while staring into my eyes, so stare at me while you c*m so hotly on my fingers. Nuella’s eye rolled forward and she bit on her lower lips trying to keep her gaze on him, her nails digging into his arms and her body quivering uncontrollably. “Good girl… Now c*m for Daddy. Grace Daddy’s fingers with your beautiful c*m,” “Argghh… thank you, Daddy.Thank you.” Nuella’s back arched and her toes curled as she came hard on his finger, her body spamming uncontrollably as she tried to remain daddy’s good girl by keeping her eyes on his. “Good girl.. Daddy loves how you c*m.Keep c*mming.” he urged plumping his hands in and out of her pussy, her body quivering underneath him. Devine pulled his fingers out of her pussy, with her eyes holding onto his, he moved his finger to his lips and slowly began to glide on her juice. “So tasty..” He mummed hotly, s*cking hotly on it, while Nuella remained still, her p**sy craving more of his touch. Bad of her to crave the wrongest sin in the world, but he was the one who made her heart leap and her p**sy tingle at mare sight. Mr Devine El Lorenzo was her father's youngest friend and the renowned mafia viper, but her body yerned for his touch. Once, she got a taste of him, now she was back on his bed pleading for another, taking his command and being Daddy’s Good Girl.

He went to my backside and started trailing his kisses on my back. "I want you to stay still for me Addie. Can you do that for me?" I was moaning my answers, I just couldn't seem to think. "Answer me, Adriana, I will reward you with every answer you give me." ***** Adriana is a very successful business woman. She had powerful, successful, wealthy men and women on her grips. Coming from a dark world of prostitution she knows how to make money. She's the daughter of a very dangerous and notorious business man. She never had boyfriends, she had lovers, she enjoyed sex, one thing for sure, she would never commit. She was daddy's little girl. She loved her father more than anything in the world. ***** Alexander is a very handsome playboy actor. He wasn't always this wealthy. But he was an inspiring actor, and he had fucked his way up the ladder. He'd do anything for power, for money. He craved the envious looks of other people when they saw him bathed in luxury and beauty. He's your typical male specimen with ripples of muscles and face to kiss and licked. He's your sex on a stick and he knows it and had play it to his advantage numerous times before. He was on the top of his game after twenty years being in the industry. That was why it shocked him, when his agent Drew told him to call a very expensive escort service, to fix him a date for his next premier. Alexander was not ready when he called Adriana, her voice gave him the chills down below his belt.

Sue Greene in one elaborately planned schemed steamy night, lost her home and reputation... but gained just one thing that encompasses it all. Ford Mason, the current CEO of the Mason Group, fell for one cute and sweet woman just for one hot and steamy night. As Sue's family wanted her to marry instead of her sister to a vegetable, she refuses and is given a choice. To Marry him or to get Disowned. She chooses the get Disowned and leaves the country. Five long years later, Sue is back as a woman with a child and the founder and CEO of the brand that is on everyone's lips. And she's back to have her revenge on those who asked for it.