All Chapters of A Love of Despair: Chapter 1 - Chapter 9

The hospital bustled with activity as I numbly followed the nurse's instructions to sit on the bench. My hand instinctively moved to my abdomen, where my baby had once been growing. It had been three months since my last period after losing my fully formed child. Worried there might be lasting complications, I finally came to get checked. As I stared ahead blankly, a familiar figure caught my eye. It was my husband, Nicholas Zimmer, carrying a child about five years old. The child had brownies smeared all over his face and held one piece in each hand. A woman stood beside them, gently wiping the boy's mouth with a handkerchief.Nicholas stood tall and commanding; the woman exuded warmth and grace, and the boy looked adorable with his rosy cheeks. They looked like the picture-perfect family—at least to everyone else. Even though it was an unbearable sight to me, I still watched them, clutching the hem of my coat tightly.When the boy suddenly whined about needing to use the bat

Anna shouted desperately, "Nick, stop Nancy! She's gone crazy and wants to take me with her to die!" I maintained my grip while turning to see Nicholas. A group of doctors and nurses followed him, as did curious onlookers.Nicholas frowned, looking at me as if I were a misbehaving child. "Nancy, what are you doing? Let go of Anna right now. It's dangerous over there!"Even then, he thought I was just causing trouble. He did not care why I acted this way; all he cared about was Anna's safety. I cried out, "Nicholas, why didn't you come when I called that day? Why did you abandon me and our baby to take her child to the hospital? Do you know how much pain I was in?"I screamed hysterically, "I foolishly believed you'd come back, even as I passed out from pain, telling our baby not to be scared because you'll come to save us."But where were you? You were taking Anna's child to the hospital, completely abandoning us!"My voice was hoarse from shouting at Nicholas. Even though I t

Anna then chimed in, her voice full of guilt. "Nancy, please don't blame Nick for this. If anyone is to blame, it should be me."I'm unfamiliar with this area, and Liam's gotten so big. I'm not strong enough to carry him, so I had no choice but to ask Nick for help. Thanks to him, Liam was able to recover, but it came at the expense of you and your daughter."Her words were apologetic, but beneath them was a clear sense of pride."I'm truly useless. These past few days, I've relied entirely on Nick to take care of Liam. Without him, I wouldn't have known what to do."Seeing Anna's self-deprecating look, Nicholas immediately spoke up to comfort her. "Anna, don't say that. Raising a child on your own isn't easy. Liam is lucky to have a mother like you."Just listening to the intimate way he called her, it was clear their relationship was anything but ordinary. Emboldened by his praise, Anna shot me a sly, provocative glance.She couldn't even keep it together now, could she?Meanw

Soon, Serene was a month old, and we held a party to celebrate the occasion.Nicholas invited a few of his close comrades over as guests. Kendra and I spent the day in the kitchen preparing a sumptuous feast for everyone.When we were all gathered around the dining table, Anna grinned and raised her wine glass while everyone else watched."I apologize for what happened at the hospital the other day, Nancy. Would you do me the honor of accepting my toast and drinking this wine? Otherwise, it means you won't forgive me. I'll be very upset if you don't."First of all, I was still breastfeeding. That meant I couldn't have any alcohol. But even if I could, why should I show Anna any respect? Who was she to me?Swallowing the bite of food I had in my food, I replied nonchalantly, "I'm still breastfeeding, so I can't have any alcohol. Being a mother yourself, Anna, don't you know I need to watch what I consume?"Anna awkwardly set the wine glass back down and bit her lip until it turned

For a long time after that, Nicholas didn't come and bother me.One afternoon, while I was out for a stroll with Serene, a soldier came running up to me—he served under Nicholas."Mrs. Zimmer, Commander Zimmer injured his leg on a mission. Please come by to see him," he said.I declined, saying, "I'm not going. He has plenty of doctors and nurses to look after him. It's not like he'll get better any quicker if I visit him."The soldier had a grim look on his face as he explained, "The doctors say that Commander Zimmer's injuries are quite severe this time. He might have to cut his military career short."That startled me. Nicholas has been in the army for over a decade now, and he excelled as a soldier. In fact, he was one of the top-performing ones in the entire base. How did he end up so badly injured?Seeing that my attitude had shifted slightly, the soldier doubled down."The doctors say that perhaps he might recover faster if his family is there to support him. Please visit