All Chapters of Toxic Paradise : Chapter 51 - Chapter 60

Ryan and I sat together on the couch. I was relieved that our initial conversation was over, and he said that we were good, but that didn't stop me from feeling kind of awkward as we tried to focus on our movie. It was one I hadn't seen before, and honestly, I couldn't tell you what was happening in it. I also caught Ryan looking over at me several times throughout, like he wanted to say something, but then he changed his mind."Ask me anything, Ryan. I promise no more hiding things from you," I encouraged.He nodded, and it was like this invitation just opened the floodgates to all my thoughts and feelings from the beginning. "When did this whole thing start between you two?" He started.This was a hard question. I took a moment to gather my thoughts before answering, running my fingers up and down my water glass in a nervous gesture. "Um... that's a hard question because my feelings were so complicated, and I tried to push them down for so long because of everything you told me abo

As Alec and I entered the restaurant, we were met with the smiling faces of 2 hostesses who were all too eager to greet us; or Alec, I supposed. He told them our names and we were immediately walked through the restaurant to our table. This restaurant was nice, and it was completely indoors, unlike the beach bars and outdoor restaurants we had been going to. I was happy to eat inside tonight though, as I knew I'd be chilly outside without a jacket. Inside was a nice temperature, with a dimly lit dining area speckled with candles on each table. It looked like your classic supper club, and I loved it.Alec pulled my chair out for me, and I sat down as he pushed it in towards the table. Once he had a seat, I was left feeling nervous again. Last time I had gone on a dinner date, I was dumped. "What are you thinking about?" Alec asked, settling in on the chair beside me. "Just about how cute this place is," I lied, not wanting to disclose my thoughts."Yeah," he agreed, "It's one of my

I took another sip of my red wine, staring blankly at the computer screen ahead of me. My skin slightly stung from forgetting to reapply my sunscreen today on the beach, but I didn't mind. I wanted take whatever tan I could back to Chicago with me. I knew that once I was home, I'd miss the smell of freshly applied aloe and the feel of the slight burn on my cheeks. Ryan had a headache from being in the sun all day, so he turned in around 8:00, but I knew I had plenty of research ahead of me. The problem was, all of these job listings sucked. I knew that the job I had before wasn't exactly my dream job, but it was definitely a great stepping stone to success. Having been fired, I was sure I wouldn't acquire a glowing recommendation for any new job I'd be applying for. I wasn't even sure if journalism is what I still wanted to do. What did I even have to write about? I tipped my wine back, polishing off the rest of it. I was feeling frustrated, and I knew that nothing would be able to

I nodded, thankful for the dismissal. I was quick to grab my red one-piece out of my suitcase and headed into the bathroom to change. I liked this suit. It was one of my favorites because of the way the cut outs revealed only the best curves of my body. The bright red also brought out my tan skin, and I was pretty sure Alec was going to like the look as well. I didn't bother with a shirt as I pulled my shorts back on. Before exiting the bathroom, I took a moment to splash some cold water on my face. "Snap out of it, Jayna," I scolded. I needed to get a grip. This was the same Alec who I'd been living with for over a month. The same Alec who could be a complete and total jackass. But also, the same Alec who had a way of making my heart beat like I had just run a marathon. I patted my face dry with the scratchy hotel towel, ran my fingers through my hair, and exited the bathroom to join Alec, who was already changed into his swim trunks and a light blue t-shirt. The color looked great

After stopping to get some food, Alec and I headed back to the hotel, and my jitters had returned. At first we were fine, both eating our take-out as we watched The Office. Normally, I was a fan of the show; not obsessed with it like everyone else I knew, but I liked it and appreciated the subtle humor. Tonight, however, as I sat beside Alec in bed, most of the one-liners that I normally would have laughed at just went over my head. I couldn't focus on anything else aside from the ridiculously handsome man casually laying beside me. I wondered if he could tell how nervous I was. I was fine when we were out, but something about being in a hotel room and in a bed, alone with Alec, filled me with nerves. This was different than the night he spent with me after my nightmare. Then, I was vulnerable, and it was spontaneous, so I didn't have time to work myself up like I was doing now. I didn't second guess myself when I went to make a move. What if I wasn't going to be good in bed? Ser