All Chapters of Portwood Brothers: Chapter 21 - Chapter 30

Josh had played the morning over in his head a million times, and each time he cringed when he got to the point where he didn't stand up for Payton. He wished he had said something to the guys right then. Better yet, he wished the guys had kept their mouths shut. Sometimes the guys just didn't think, and sure, he was guilty of that too, but he hoped it had never caused the kind of problems it had this morning. The guys knew they'd messed up and tried to apologize to him, but he let them know that he wasn't the one that they needed to be apologizing to.After she left, he'd gone back to his place and called to see if he could talk to her. He hated that she felt she couldn't measure up to Ella. He hoped he'd never given her any reason to feel that way, and he'd work hard to prove to her that she never did again. Hailey had just about let him have it on the phone that morning."She's in the shower Josh," she told him.Letting out a sigh, he said, "Yeah, just like she's washing her hair t

Pushing himself harder, Josh made the turn around the yellow house that marked the halfway point on his old running route. There was a sense of comfort running the path he'd spent his childhood on. Things had changed, sure, but it still felt like home. It felt right. His mind drifted to Payton, and he wondered if she'd survived the night with Addison. They were sharing his and Jackson's old room even though it looked nothing like it used to. His mom had stacked the beds into bunk beds again, and the rest of the room had been made into an office for her.Slowing down as he hit the yard he checked his watch and was pleased to see he'd made the run in less than forty minutes. He took some time to stretch and cool down before making his way inside. Everyone was finally awake and sitting at the table eating breakfast. Payton looked like she was comfortable enough so he excused himself and headed downstairs to shower and change. He'd told everyone he'd go pick up Jackson from the airport, an

Josh held Payton and watched her as she slowly drifted off to sleep. He felt her body totally relax, and he even heard a small sigh escape her lips. What he realized as he was holding her was that he'd never seen her so relaxed before. Maybe it was because she'd never let him in this close, but maybe it was because she always had her guard up. Their relationship was shifting, and the feelings he felt for her were overwhelming. Just looking at her he knew there was so much more to the woman in his arms than he could even begin to imagine, and that scared him because he didn't know what she'd do with that once she realized it too.Just thinking about their relationship the last couple of months, he realized he'd never been happier even though he'd worked his ass off. Their relationship was the hardest thing he'd ever worked for, but he knew that's what made being with her so much better than any of his other relationships. Most of the time women were easy, they wanted to be with him, and

Payton didn't know what to think, much less say to Josh's declaration of love. She wasn't stupid and knew that they were probably headed in that direction, but she didn't think that the time had come. She wasn't even sure if what she was feeling for Josh was love. If she faced the facts, she didn't have great examples of what a loving relationship should look like. Sure her grandparents had been together for over fifty years, but they were the only ones that had a stable relationship.When it all came down to it, Payton didn't want to be in love. Being in love meant she had to open herself up even more than she already had, and she'd have to be totally honest with Josh. That wouldn't be easy, and she couldn't face that.Breaking her out of her head, Josh said, "Payton, relax. I'm sorry.""You don't have to be sorry. I'm the one that's sorry.""What for?" he wondered."Because I can't say it back. You deserve that, and I can't give you that. You deserve so many things that I can't give

Being back at school had been good for Payton. She'd been able to get the space she needed and had Hailey to talk to. She wanted to keep Josh at arm's length because that's how she usually coped, but Hailey had encouraged her to keep working through it with him. It had made for a rough and awkward few days, but things were better, and she was glad that she and Josh had been working on things together.There were only a couple of weeks between Thanksgiving break and Christmas break anyway, and if they had left for a month on bad terms, she wouldn't have felt right. They had both been so busy; there wasn't much time to stay upset about anything. Josh had been getting everything finalized for his student teaching, and Payton had enrolled in classes for the next semester.Payton was sitting on the floor in the living room trying to keep from getting too comfortable. She'd been sitting on the sofa earlier studying and almost fell asleep, so she was hoping the hard floor would help her focus