All Chapters of Ruins of a Sinner: Chapter 41 - Chapter 50

I DON'T have the energy to wake up this Sunday because of everything that happened last Friday. Yesterday, because of that event, I did nothing but to sulk and moped around. I was staring blankly until the day ended. The fear, anxiety and the trauma kept me up the whole Saturday night and up until dawn today. Nakatulog lang ang namamaga kong mga mata mula sa pag-iyak dahil sa pagod. I stared at my ceiling as the alarm of my cellphone keeps ringing. Flashes of what happened last Friday night came back on my mind and my body automatically shivered in fear. Hindi ko inaasahan na gustong gawin din sa akin 'yon ni Zach. Sobrang natakot ako na baka pilitin niya rin ako gaya ng ginawa ni Nick. Natakot ako sa sakit at matinding panliliit na muli kong mararamdaman kung hinayaan ko siya. I would never have anal sex again. Not that disgusting thing again. Kumuyom ang mga kamao ko bago huminga nang malalim. Kinalma ko ang aking sarili nang unti-unting bumabalik sa alaala ko ang mga ginawa sa a

"OKAY ka lang ba, Ava?"I forced a smile at Cora before I nodded. Halatang hindi siya naniwala sa sinabi ko pero hindi na niya ipinilit pa.Nagpatuloy siya sa mga ikinukwfvvento niya sa amin nila Ven at Xie tungkol sa nalalapit na kasal nila Joven at Zach. Masaya ang dalawang kaibigan ko at kitang-kita ko kung gaano sila ka-excited sa darating na Biyernes— ang araw ng kasal nilang dalawa. That is exactly two days from now.Habang ako, parang pinupukpok ng martilyo ang puso dahil sa matinding sakit. Cora told us that Joven and Zach were both busy for the final touches of their wedding and for the rehearsals. Hindi ako naka-attend ng rehearsals kahapon dahil hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang makita si Zach kasama si Joven.Unti-unti akong binabalot ng sakit at konsensya. After going to my nephew's death anniversary, there were realizations that kept me up all night for the past few days. Doubts and conscience started taking over me.It didn't help that I haven't heard from Zach since Frida

WHEN I love Zach and decided to stay with him even though he's dating Joven back then— I got no problem about holding on to our relationship and waiting for him to come with me when he got a chance.Ayos lang sa akin ang lahat basta nandiyan si Zach. Basta sinasagot niya ako sa tuwing magsasabi ako ng 'I love you' sa kaniya— hangga't sinasabi niyang mas mahal niya ako kaysa kay Joven.I was selfish.Again.If someone would ask me the 'why' of my decision in staying with Zach as his other woman— silly as it may sound— but I only got one answer: Nagmahal lang ako.Yes. Love can be this addicting and cruel. When others were saying 'All is fair in love and war' — I know for a fact that love would never be fair. There were people who would have love easier and happier while there are people, like me, who would have it in the messed up way.It's nice to fall in love not until you have to face the reality that your love wouldn't be able to sail because it was wrong.My love for Zach was wron

Zach's P.O.V. *** Decisions. Unless it is for business, I suck on making them. People will say — you know things when you got older. You gain wisdom and become better in decision-making. Sadly. I was living this life for almost three decades and yet decision-making and crossroads were still mysteries for me. I tend to weigh pros and cons in business to come up with an appealing solutions and options— but I figured out that I couldn't do the same thing in real life. Life is too complex to just base your decisions in pros and cons. It's not white or black. It got an endless possibilities and paths to take. As a human, we all strive to live not just to survive. And Ava made me feel how it was like to be alive. That's why I don't understand why I am standing here with Joven... "Are you okay, Honey?" Napabuntong hininga ako nang mag-iwas ng tingin sa akin si Ava. Ibinalik ko ang aking tingin kay Joven. "Yeah. I'm okay," I answered, holding her hand firmly to stop myself from runn

LUCIA'S P.O.V. (Ava's mother) ••• "Ma, proud ka ba sa akin?" Natigilan ako sa paghaplos sa buhok ni Ava dahil sa tanong niyang iyon. Nakaupo ako sa kama niya habang ginawa niyang unan ang kandungan ko. Napatitig ako sa kaniya dahil sa tanong na 'yon. Nanatili naman siyang nakapikit habang mahigpit ang hawak sa kaliwa kong kamay na nasa ibabaw ng dibdib niya. Ito ang unang pagkakataon na itinanong sa akin 'to ng anak ko. Madalas kasi, hindi talaga siya nagkukwento sa akin hindi katulad ng ate niya. "Oo naman. Proud ako sa 'yo. Proud ako sa inyong magkakapatid," sabi ko bago hinalikan ang noo niya. Unti-unting dumilat ang mga mata niya at nagtagpo ang mga tingin namin. "Ava? May problema ba?" Pero umiling lang siya bago pinilit na ngumiti kahit na ba nanggigilid sa mga mata niya ang luha. Bilang ina, alam ko kung may mali o may problema ang anak ko. Nararamdaman ko 'yon. Kahit itanggi pa ni Ava, alam kong may dinadamdam siya at nararamdaman kong mabigat 'yon. "Alam mo namang p