Calum starts singing and I’m transfixed again by his voice. I heard him sing yesterday but the emotions are new, touching me in all the places Mum’s voice used to touch me. I cross my legs on the chair, too stunned to do anything more. The singing slows to an end but his smile is still intact when he says to his camera, “Alright guys. That’s it for today.” Before he started singing, he made a small announcement and apology for his long, unexplained absence. I know it had to do with his band breaking up but that’s all I know. “See you next time.” He blows a kiss to the camera and my stomach knots with jealousy. I have to find his YuuTube channel ASAP. “Love you. Stay safe.” As Calum’s eyes come to rest on mine after ending the recording, I can’t help thinking what it would feel like to be loved by him in a proper way. Not as a brother or sister but as a man loves a woman, his lover. As if hearing my thoughts, his smile fades. The clapping from somewhere in the room tears his eyes
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