All Chapters of Wild Embers: Chapter 1 - Chapter 9

2000's Trigger Warning: Graphic Sexual Content Looking out the window of our new Dodge Neon, I notice all the little details as the world drifts by, I see little kids playing soccer at the local park. of course, they are playing with empty soda cans marking the goal lines. This doesn’t bother them. it's how it always has been. As kids growing up in poverty, we used what we have.  My mind drifts to the evening ahead of me. Without thinking about it, I start digging through my purse. I pull out a shooter of vodka and slam it all at once. I keeping my eyes closed a few extra seconds just to fully experience the warmth of the liquid gliding down my throat and wait for it to calm me. I look over at my husband as he drives us through the city towards our destination. He isn’t a very handsome man.  I met him when I was fifteen and homeless. He brought me in and gave me a place to live. Shortly after that. I was p

  “Mommy! wake up I want to play!” “Casey be quit let mommy sleep come downstairs” “But Daddy, I want mommy to play with me” “Not today, moms not feeling good today let her sleep” I can hear the door close slowly as I start to open my eyes. The room is dark. The blackout curtains keep the sunlight out and today I’m so glad that they do. My body feels like it has been run over by a train. I try to turn over in bed and it hurts so bad that a moan escapes my mouth. I don’t know how long I laid there. I didn’t care, I wished that I would die right there and never have to live another day in this place. I feel horrible and could not see anyway out of this situation but death. I finally force my body out of bed and into the master bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I examine the extent of the visible injuries. I notice the swelling on the left side of my face immediately. My eye has turned black, and my lip is busted open. Well, I’ll be in the ho

  Sitting in a counselor’s office feels wrong to me. Afterall, for the last eighteen years I have built a life that I am proud of. I have a stable home and my children have grown up healthy and happy. In fact, my oldest Daughter Casey is a semester away from finishing her bachelor’s degree and has already been accepted into a graduate program. I am so proud of her, who could have imagined that this would be our life? Not me. I should not be here. My anxiety rises into my throat, and I feel the urge to get up and walk out of this office and just continue doing what I’ve been doing to control my many issues. Afterall, I have a degree in psychology, I already know what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I fix it myself? Why do I have to go to another person in order to talk things out when I am qualified to take care of my issues myself. I’ve tried, it’s just that I can’t convince myself to heal. I just end up falling back into the same unhealthy patterns that I have grown

 Leaving Erica's office, I felt agitated and on edge. I was used to controlling my emotions and my actions but at this moment I felt like I would explode. I had begun to pry open the safe that I kept locked in my mind and feelings were beginning to seep out while I desperately tried to push them back in. On my way home, I called my husband and told him that I needed a break, and asked if he could watch the children so that I could spend the night at the casino alone. Usually, you would have a good time staying at a casino, but I was more interested in the free room that they give you for gambling there in the past. I needed that free room right now. I do not want to put this burden on my family I need to be alone to process all of the emotions that were attacking me causing random pains all over my body.Entering my house, I head straight to my bedroom and pack an overnight bag. I then go down the stairs to the living room where my husband and five-year-old son S