Chapter 2

2000's

Trigger Warning: Graphic Sexual Content

Looking out the window of our new Dodge Neon, I notice all the little details as the world drifts by, I see little kids playing soccer at the local park. of course, they are playing with empty soda cans marking the goal lines. This doesn’t bother them. it's how it always has been. As kids growing up in poverty, we used what we have.

 My mind drifts to the evening ahead of me. Without thinking about it, I start digging through my purse. I pull out a shooter of vodka and slam it all at once. I keeping my eyes closed a few extra seconds just to fully experience the warmth of the liquid gliding down my throat and wait for it to calm me. I look over at my husband as he drives us through the city towards our destination. He isn’t a very handsome man.  I met him when I was fifteen and homeless. He brought me in and gave me a place to live. Shortly after that. I was pregnant and he became my person. The only one who truly loved and cared about me. He was taller than me, but still short. He had chicken legs that caused him to walk with his toes pointed out. Looking at his face in this moment, all I could see was his big nose that I hoped my daughter would not inherit.  I don’t think I was ever really attracted to him, but he brought me in and took care of me when I needed help and now, we were a family.  My nerves settled a bit as the warmth of the vodka mixed with the butterflies in my stomach. Closing my eyes, I tried my hardest to calm myself. I could feel my husband's hand grab for my own hand, and this made my nerves feel like electrical shocks ripping through my entire body. My eyes opened and I instantly flashed a smile to let him know I was okay. Looking down as I sat, I admired my new black stiletto heels that I got from the mall earlier in the day. A present from my attentive hubby. My eyes wondered up to my short black mini skirt and the silky red backless top that he had picked out for this occasion. I looked like a 90’s goddess. I pulled down the passenger side mirror and checked my long raven hair and nude lipstick. As I looked into my own eyes, I could feel my stomach turning again. Reaching in my purse, I pulled out another shooter and slammed it. How did I get here? Am I really about to do this? I’m so glad I remembered to put the shooters in my purse before we left the house.

Pulling up to the curb, my heart was pounded out of my chest. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. “you're going to be late to the party, get out” was all my husband said. As I opened the door, he grabbed my arm. “Don't make me look bad” I stopped breathing; all I could do was nod my head as I got out of the car.

It was summertime, and the weather was perfect. The sun had already set for the day, but I was still very comfortable in the little amount of clothing that I had on. This “party” was a homecoming party. My husband's best friend Mark had been sent to prison when he was only sixteen for shooting another boy in the head in what was thought to be part of a gang violence epidemic that the city was dealing with. He was now twenty-three and had successfully pleaded a case of self-defense. This “party” was for two and I was a present from my husband to get Mark back into the game. I stopped for a minute and tried to remember the room number. “132!” I hear from behind me. Room 132, room 132 I repeat to myself as I continue to make my way to the hotel entrance. Spotting the door, I stop in front of it and try to calm myself. I work up enough courage to knock on the aged red hotel room door and wait for Mark to answer. I had never met Mark. He got locked up before I started dating my husband. As I stood at the door of this dirty hotel room, I noticed a used needle on the floor next to my foot. This hotel was obviously overran with drugs and prostitutes, The door opened, and as Mark stood in front of me. I couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was. He did not look like the type of man that needed help getting pussy at all. In fact, under different circumstances I would have been happy to spend time with this man. He was tall, especially considering how small I was at 5’2. Mark had olive colored skin and deep brown eyes that reminded me of chocolate. They sparkled as he greeted me and invited me in. I entered but could not do much more than to just stand there terrified. He walked over to a table that was in a corner of the room and came back with two beers. Handing me one of them and lifting the other to make a toast.

 “So, how old are you? You look kinda young”

“Eighteen, almost nineteen”

“Cool, how long have you and Bobby been fucking around?”

“Um, I’ve been with Bobby for the past three years”

We talked like this for a few more minutes, basic questions that never went below the surface of greetings.  I thought I saw pain in his eyes, is he as torn about this situation as I am? I tell myself that I could walk away if I really wanted to. Mark would respect my decision because he seems like a good person. Good people do exist, right?

The problem was not Mark, but what would happen to me or even worse, my daughter if I didn’t go through with what I was sent here to do. Thinking about this made the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach return again.  My chest tightened and I felt like there was no air in the room. I could not breath and I began to panic as I stumbled over to my purse franticly trying to retrieve another shooter.  My hand found the small bottle and I slammed it as I closed my eyes again and took a slow breath. As I opened my eyes and turned around, I realize that Mark had unzipped his pants and was now sitting down on the edge of the bed with his dick hanging out.  I had no choice; it was do this or face the consequences if I leave. I thought of asking Mark if he would lie for me and say that it happened when it didn't, but I did not know this man and obviously he was okay with doing this knowing that I was being forced. He is my husband's best friend and that means that he is going to be loyal to him, not me. I close my eyes and take another slow deep breath. My mind numbs and my mood turns cold. I try my hardest to turn my emotions off, after all its just sex. Why should this bother me, it won’t be the first time I’ve done it without it being my choice. I open my eyes and coldly stare at Mark.  I walk toward him with my face emotionally blank. I stop inches away from where he sits with his eyes glued to me. Reaching behind my back, I pulled the string that is holding my shirt up. As my blood red top falls to the floor, I kept my eyes on Mark. I watch as he stares at my bare breasts and felt a little more in control of the situation when his mouth dropped open. I move toward him and placed my legs on each side of his legs in a straddled position never taking my eyes off of his eyes. Sitting on his lap I reach forward and kiss him, I let my anger escape for a split second as I bite his lower lip and taste blood. This is just sex, it doesn't mean anything.  I look him in the eyes as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me toward him. he places one of my tits in his mouth. Sucking and nibbling on it before he retreated and placed his hand on the nap of my neck. Following the pressure and guidance of his hand, I drop down to the floor. Having his cock in my face gives me the strange feeling in my stomach again. At that moment I felt my soul leave my body. As I gave in to what this man wanted me to do, I was watching this moment like it was on a television show instead of actually being involved. I saw the 18-year-old girl on her knees as she gently kissed the tip of the man's cock. His hands tangled in her hair as he forced her head down. I could feel the pain in the back of my throat as her head was pushed down and then pulled back up. I felt myself wanting to throw up and began to gag as he continued to shove his dick in my mouth. I pulled away to catch my breath before I felt the pressure pushing my head down harder. Slowly the feeling of gaging stopped as the speed of his hands motion increased. I pulled away as my body tried to protest and regrated it immediately when I realized that his hands had moved from the back of my head and were now wrapped around my neck pulling me to my feet. Before I could comprehend what was happening, I was on the bed and Mark was climbing on top of me. The vodka was starting to make the room spin and the numbness that it provided was a welcoming feeling. I was brought back to reality by a sharp pain that I felt in my chest. I looked down and realized that what I was feeling was Marks teeth on my breasts. Mark was like a rabid animal. His eyes were hard and the expression on his face was darker than it had been a few moments age. I heard the ripping sound before I felt the pressure of my underwear being yanked from my body.  Marks hands were around my neck again and I felt the pain of his dick penetrating me deeply. He did not make it romantic or even try to be gentle with me. I watched in shock as his sweety body moved up and down on top of me. He then flipped me over and placed me on my stomach. Confused, I protested by tensing my muscles. But Mark was stronger than me. Using his legs to pry my legs open. He brought his head down to my neck and began to leave wet saliva on me as he kissed and bit my neck. He raised his head to my ear and with his hot heavy breathing whispered, “Bobby told me you like to take it in the ass”. At that moment realization hit me, and I wished for death to take me far away from this world. Slowly, I left my body again. I no longer felt what was happing to me. It was happing to someone else; I was just in the room watching, I laughed at myself, yea…sure…. there are good people in the world. I’m so fucking stupid was my last thought before everything went black.