All Chapters of Colors of Heartbreak : Chapter 41 - Chapter 50

 I lost my ability for thought. My mind just went blank. It's different that he just knew me for a long time but this? That I possibly knew him from my past and I somehow forgot. Seven long years.I staggered backward, hands shaking. Deep inside I knew it. Just like I know that we were somehow connected.Wait! The girlfriend.No that can't be. There's no way I'm that girl. I internally shook my head.One. Two. Three. I still keep going. Until I couldn't smell his intoxicating scent anymore. Until I know I could somehow resist seeking comfort in his arms.“Where?” I croaked out.“Please don't hate me.” He looked at me pleadingly.“That's not up to you to decide. Explain.” I snapped, glaring at him. I'm not mad at him I'm just fed up hearing secrets and lies to the people I care about.He took a deep breath, let it out like there was a boulder weighing him down and maybe there is.

 Memories and feelings after death should be illegal, a proper consolation to the dead, away from the pain and terror they or should I say ‘we’ have to go through while dying. I am not a masochist, trying to find my place in the living world when I know I'm no more than just a ghost hanging around them. While the idea was good and dandy, I'm still stuck, lying on my grave, relieving everything that had happened to me.I remember Gus as he lay unmoving, blood pooling from the back of his head. The terror and pain as I was struck from behind.It doesn't make sense and above all, I died without telling Killiad that I love him and that I was never mad at him. I'm mad at myself for being so shallow, only thinking for myself and what I feel.“Elle? Are you awake?” Came a rough, gasping voice on my right.“Gus?” I called unsurely.There were groaned and shuffling sounds before he talked again. “Hey, c

Fear.I've been scared my whole life. Scared of being alone and of not being enough. And then along the way, I lost myself in the process of running away from all things I was afraid of.I am trapped inside my head, afraid to face reality. Either it breaks you or makes you that's reality– that's truth. And unfortunately, I stayed in limbo.I planned things. I orchestrated everything that would undoubtedly end in a happily ever after. A perfect ending.That was probably the reason why I've been working as a part-time wedding planner in college while pursuing interior design, thinking a well-planned life could save me from disappointment and heartbreak. At the end of the day, I'm still the insecure little girl trying to prove my worth. And even how much I've physically grown from that girl, deep inside I'm scared of taking risks and falling apart.I've been making my own truth, my alternate reality.Lies are a different kind of dru

Blistering heat hit me from the afternoon sun as I walk out of my office for a late lunch at my favorite Mexican place.A smile curves up in my face as I looked around. The world is extra vibrant like an old musical movie playing on a vast lawn with the cold night breeze blowing in the background.It was a scene–a fantasy that had played out many times than I could count when I was falling asleep. It was a safe haven for me in my dreams. A smile tugged up at the corner of my lips. I circle my arms around my stomach as the urge to skip on the sidewalk while humming a nameless tune came over me.As I rounded the corner, nostalgia hit me right in the gut as the scene around me played in a manner like the last movie I had watched.I had watched it with Killiad. I remember wiping a stray tear in my eyes as we watched the movie in silence while I was cocooned in Killiad's warmth.A smile started to bloom on my face the moment I saw Killiad's famili

If I could just snap my fingers and wake up from this nightmare.I have never been so terrified for myself or others. Perhaps it's my fault. I didn't want the attachment. Attachment means physical and emotional responsibility. It means you have to fully giving yourself to someone became you trusted them to take care of yours and they trusted you to do the same. It'll mean my childhood all over again.I've never been so scared for a stranger jumping out of nowhere to save me.That would mean I would be responsible for his life if he's still alive after that single shot went off.I lay unmoving trying to feel every part of my body. At my peripheral vision, I saw Killiad pounding the glass wall mercilessly. He looked tortured, defeated, and scared out of his wits.If he could just look in my direction.My breath caught when then the muscled stranger groaned, a grimace marring his handsome face. He's tall, big, dark, and handsome. He's like the