chapter 2

2 years.

I can't help but wonder if I even lived in those two years. It feels like it was just yesterday when I was re introduced to this world, when I regained my voice, when I opened my eyes to my horrible reality.

What happened, happened in my past. I cannot change that. I've lived through it, I've witnessed it and I've survived it. I may have lost my hope somewhere in the darkness quite a few times but it always comes back to me in one way or another.

Hope never left me as I thought, or as I still think, it just waited for me to discover it in the deepest pits of my existence.

Blinking the haze away from my eyes I focused on the words that i had subconsciously typed on the screen.

One step at a time, she took.

I pulled the laptop shut and massaged my temples frowning at the burning sensation in my eyes. It felt as though I hadn't slept a wink when clearly I took those prescribed pills for a better sleep since I had a meeting to attend.

My phone rang and I looked over at it. Throwing my head back I sunk in my seat sighing deeply. Declining the call I texted my brother asking him what he wanted to say.

"Baba's friend and his family is coming home for lunch. Better come home early today"

~Shahzain

I rolled my eyes before replying while nodding at my assistant who came to inform me about the meeting.

"I'm going for the meeting right now. I'll come back right after I'm free"

After attending the meeting and receiving a good response from the publisher I shook hand with her and took my leave and headed over to my car.

My phone was blowing up with messages from my sister and brother but I ignored them and drove calmly to my house. Ok my way i admired the nature my city was blessed with, the greenery all cleaned from the recent rain and I couldn't help but gaze at the passing trees in amazement.

Honestly I didn't feel like going home, especially when there were more than the people I'm used to having around me. Azan uncle and his family are nice people, they are polite and caring but their son, well I have different opinions about him.

He's rude and cold.

I don't know why but he's always angry, he gets pissed off at the most minor things and is the very few times that I've met him in these two years he never once acknowledged me like a decent human being.

The journey came to end and I stepped out of my car with a long tired sigh. Driving alone has always been a beautiful experience, most times I have Myra api with me but since she had a trip planned with her husband she's gone out of country.

Most times I feel left out of this beautiful family. Maybe because I don't feel beautiful about myself. I still don't feel like a person who deserves to live in a civilization of pure and clean people.

I was about to go inside but as searched for my keys I realized I forgot them at home. Slapping a hand on my forehead I groaned in annoyance.

Not I'll have to ring the bell and announce it to the whole world that I'm home. Too much for slipping out of the situation unnoticed.

If only I had my keys I would used my the door that led to my built in penthouse quietly without anyone knowing. Seeing how uncomfortable staying surrounded by people made me baba gave me the permission to get my own place built on the top floor of our mansion, that way i would be in the house with my privacy intact.

I looked up to find the glass walls of my penthouse shining from the sunlight. The glass screen was there in replacement of the front wall and the ceiling. It was an expensive and tricky design but I had it built since the light of the day and shine of the stars was I missed the most.

It gave me a sense of tranquility whenever it rained. Wherever the droplets pattered against my ceiling or the glass wall. The early morning sun warmed me with it's magnificent gaze. Nature calmed my sense and the fear of being locked within thick dark walls.

I shuddered at the image that flashed in the back of my mind and took out my phone to text my brother yet again since he didn't bother opening the door for me the first time I did.

For the love of myself I tried to check my bag again if i had mistakenly missed the keys in there but to my utter disappointment my hands came out empty. Stomping my foot on the gravel I turned my desperate gaze towards the drawing and my frown froze catching a pair of dark eyes fixed on me.

My heart lurched in my chest and I swept my tongue on my lips to moistened them. My breathing picked up it's pace, his gaze felt like a x-ray vision that could see my soul and know all of my darkest and deepest secrets.

Ignoring him I took in a deep breath and moved away from my current position, standing on the other side of my.car praying to have turned invisible I bombarded Shahzain bhai's phone with messages.

After waiting for an eternity I finally saw the door opening. Shahzain Bhai stepped out and glared at me, why won't he though. The love of his life was inside, obviously he had turned blind to my messages.

I walked inside the house feeling relieved that now I could disappear in my depression den but Ammi had already caught the sight of me.

"Dua is home." She exclaimed making me resist the urge to stomp my foot again.

"Dua beta come, Azan Bhai is here with Mehak, Malaika and Raza" she smiled genuinely making me heart warm up to her.

I mastered up a small smile and went inside, I felt my anxiety pipe up and I nodded at them in acknowledgment. One good thing about my family is that they all are comfortable with my silence. Apart from my parents no one knows that I can speak again and no one ever forced me to either.

It's better this way. Not having to explain anything to anyone. Staying in my own mind, even though it can be harmful sometimes I don't care.

"I'm literally stinking and exhausted right now" I wanted to groan but smiled at what Malaika was saying. She was a nice girl with an even beautiful accent. Her Urdu is to die for, god. That's my new inspiration right there.

I chuckled silently at one of her students stories when I did the mistake of looking to the side. At my left sat Mr arrogant who was... Still staring at me. Gosh I hope his get infected.

No no.

That's a nice pair of eye though. Annoyed as I was i couldn't help but gaze into those beautiful eyes. Deep blue mixed with a hint of green, deep honey melting around the pupil. Since he sat close to the window every colour in his eyes was clearly visible.

Those eyes would be perfect for my new charac—.

No.

Gulping my desire to pull out my phone and poetically describing his eyes I turned towards Azan uncle who called my name.

"Dua beta if you don't mind I have something really important to discuss with you."

I nodded and smiles encouragingly at him.

Uncle and my parents leaned in, in an attentive manner he cleared his throat and began speaking. What I heard was something that confused me and ruined my light hearted facade immediately.

"Dua beta you know how much me and your aunty Muskan loved you, right?"

Listening to aunty Muskan's name brought tears to my eyes she was such a lovely lady, so compassionate. She passed away almost a year back and it was harsh blow for me since i had grown closer to her.

I nodded forcing my tears away. I looked over at ammi and baba to get a hint of what this could be about but they looked a bit troubled same goes for everyone else. 

"I have a request for you I'm hoping to hear a positive response" he said I nodded again.

"Dua will you consider Raza as your future husband?" Uncle asked and I froze. The tension in the room was thick enough to be cut into two. I took in a shaky breath and abruptly to my mother.

My hands trembled and I brought back gaze to the floor, stinging caused my eyes to water and a series of events flashed through my mind.

Flashback

"Habib I want to ask your daughter Dua's hand in marriage for Kashan he really likes her and wants to marry her" those words made her heart explode in millions of small butterflies that flooded her stomach making her hold back her giggles, her face warming up at the thought and her hands shaking with excitement.

The girl didn't know she was bring happy for her own demise.

Remembering all this formed tears in my eyes and caused a wild headache in my head my breathing was getting ragged and I felt more exhausted. My hands were shaking and all I saw were little black dots in my vision.

"Dua?" Ammi's concerned voice brought me out of the panic attack. I blinked my hysteria away and glanced at Raza who was staring at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Its alright beta if you need time I understand" uncle said and baba nodded.

I nodded hurriedly and excused myself from the company to run off to my safe space. The little forest joined with our backyard. It was a place abandoned by human being and filled with the serenity of nature.

That was what I needed, a place to cry my anxiety out. Allah I don't want to do this please..