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Chapter Thirty - Eight
Last Updated:
2021-12-05 22:11:32SAM
It's immensely pleasing to watch him get excited as the days go on. We have been sitting at my kitchen table for a few hours, a piece of paper between us, and a couple of pens scattered around. Theo is biting his lip, trying to make sense of the itinerary we've drawn up.
It's not like I know a lot about travelling overseas, but I've taken to the task of doing all the research possible so we can plan the best trip possible for him. Once we finished with breakfast, we went took Muppet out for a long walk and then just set up our little planning station. It's been so long that I'm getting hungry again now.
I lean forward and draw a circle around Chicago.
"So, this would be around the halfway point. Near the Holidays. I've read it gets mad cold there by the end of the year,"
He nods and a slow, careless grin appears on his face, "Well, it's not like London's a tropical wonderland by Christmas. I should be able to adapt accordingly."
"I mean,
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Sam"You know those things never work out, right?", Andrea tells me with a sad look on her face, "Like, statistically, the chances you're still together by next year are very slim."I nod and take a sip of my tea. This is just another one of our morning coffee dates, and all I can talk about is Theo's trip. That's exactly the thing about it. We have so much against us and generally speaking, I do know long-distance relationships very rarely are worth it, but I can't get the thought out of my head that we will work out."Yeah. But, might as well, yeah? It's not like I want to be particularly single or anything. If it ends, it ends."She shakes her head, "No, but mentally, you will be with him all the time. You're going to keep wondering where he is, why he isn't texting, or who he is with. That's a fact. I love you, and I really like Theo, but I don't want you to go through all of that alone."A lump forms at the back of my throat and
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Theo The waitress places a tall cappuccino on my table next to the window. I dump two packets of sugar in it, smiling at the thought of Sam's appalled facial expression every time I did this in front of him. It’s only been a few weeks since I’ve been away and my feelings are all over the place, as usual. Part of me misses him every second of the day. In hindsight, being glued to him right before I left wasn’t a smart thing to do. I wouldn’t have done things any differently if I was given the chance. The other part of me has been completely immersed in the culture, going to every museum I can, checking out local universities, and reading as many novels as I can. I even played an old piano at a bar I was in just last night. I don’t know why I did it. I guess it had been a while, and it made me happy seeing the crowd get into the music and request their favourite songs. Mostly, they were classics, so it was like being back at George's Club minus
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TheoMy phone pings, bringing me back to the present. I glance down at it. A couple of texts start rolling in one after another, covering my screensaver. (It’s Sam and I snogging before Bryce's wedding.) I lift it a little so I can unlock it with the Face ID feature.17:31 p.m. Bryce: hey um17:31 p.m. Bryce: everything okay at home?17:32 p.m. Bryce: PhotoI tap on the photo and I can’t help but gasp. It’s Sam back, taken from afar. I’d recognise his broad shoulders anywhere, the line of his neck and then his strong back...it's all too familiar. He’s leaning against the counter at the Starbucks near my flat. I know those chairs, and although most Starbucks shops are similar, there's something special to each one, and I've memorized this one perfectly. Before Sam, I used to go there a lot on Sunday mornings. That's when it's the most empty, before the city awakens, while families are still asleep. Now, sometimes we hav
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Sam Goodbye day is somehow less dramatic than last time. It's just as heartbreaking for me, though. Mostly, we were rushing to get him to the airport on time. He packed while I took the trash out and made sure his flat was nice and tidy for when he comes back next. I don't think getting back to an empty, filthy flat would feel great after months away, so I dodidmy best with the little time we have. He thanked me by snogging me against the door and offering me the keys if I wanted to stay here while he was away, and I batted them away laughing. "Just trying, you know?" He said with his palms up as he landed another big kiss on my mouth. I raised an eyebrow before pecking his cheek, "Like you don't know me." We spent Sunday morning walking around the park, and then when the sun started showing, we went home for a slow fuck and then he was en route to the airport. There's something about him that's odd, I can't tell what it is. He talks the same amount as before, he looks at me and
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Theo "I miss you, by the way," Sam says, halfway through destroying a supermarket croissant. He's not really looking at the camera, which means he's not looking at me either, instead he's staring at his computer at work. Now that he's doing night shifts for a bit, he calls me when he's at the clinic, and I despise it. When I first left, he was in bed and it felt more like an intimate moment between us, a sacred tradition. Now it feels like he's just checking something off his to-do list. I miss when I had his undivided attention, and I can't believe I feel this way. I used to think couples were gross about a year ago, and now I'm getting upset over my boyfriend having to work all the time. "Me too, loads. I don't sleep well when you are so far, honestly, it's the worst-" The sound of a door opening startles me, and he looks away from his computer towards his right, giving me a perfect view of his profile. He has terrible dark circles, but other
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