Angry and hungry

The sight before me was unpleasant….

 The moment I pushed the door, he pushed the woman straddling him on the floor.

“James!” That was the only thing that came out of my mouth. The sensation arising from my heart was hard to explain. I felt hurt in a way I didn’t express. Right before me was the man I loved and in a relationship with being with another woman. That was hard to take. I dropped my hand by my sides and turned to leave the room. Time seemed to have stopped at that time.

James jumped out of bed wearing his sweatpants without his boxers and running after me. I assumed that it took seconds for him to follow after me.

“Babe, babe, come down. Please listen to me,” He tried to say, but my mind was blank. To me, he was a traitor. He should be faithful to me. We have been together for over six months, and we had crossed so many stages for him to begin doing what I just saw.

“I am sorry. Please give me a chance to explain.” He said, hugging me from behind. I liked it when he would hug me from behind. In some way, it was a turn-on for me. But at that moment, I felt betrayed to even enjoy his touch. I wanted to hold my tears, but it was hard. I could not help but release all the welled-up tears in my eyes. I trembled slightly on his arms, and he held me even tighter.

“I am sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He tried to explain, but his words were not coming out well. I shook him off and went to the kitchen.

“Get that woman out of this house now.” Those were the next words that came out of my mouth. He looked surprised but took backward steps and strode back into the room. He came out again, holding the woman’s arm hard dragging her out of the house.

“Let me go. Why are you doing this to me?” The woman tried to struggle out of his grip, but it was hard to do so. She threw me a hard look from the open kitchen, but I didn’t even bother to give her a glance. To me, she was nothing. I had no problem with her. James was in the wrong.

Throwing the woman out of the apartment, he came back worried and regret written all over. I almost laughed at him at some point. I have never seen a man scared as he was. The look alone was enough to give me second thoughts about the decision I was about to make

I got the items I bought from the market out of the carrying bag and placed them on the counter. I took a knife from the holder and played around with it in my hand for a second before placing it down on the chopping board. I took out all the ingredients I bought and my chicken before preparing them.

I chopped the chicken him standing on the kitchen door looking at me. I could feel his presence from the moment I started cooking till the end. He sometimes could follow me trying to say something but found it had to express himself. Later he disappeared in the kitchen and came back a few minutes in fresh clothes and smelling good.

I knew he must’ve gone to shower.

I took all the cooked meals and placed them on the dining table. I didn’t bother to invite him to eat. I only took my plates and spoon, and drinking glass. I took his favorite wine from the collection area and sat down. He followed me to the dining table and sat right opposite me, looking deep at me with uncertainty.

I ate my chicken wings without care. I was hungry and angry at the same time. I had no strength to fight him. I just wanted to think while eating and looking at him. I knew that was not punishment enough, but I was not ready for a break-up. I didn’t want my friends to say I told you so.

I drank glass after wine, but it could not take away the emptiness I felt. He tried to take the glass away from me, but my stare was enough to hold him in place.

“You brought a woman here. James. Here? In your home. Where we share our times together. Where our memories are made.” I tried to stand straight, but my body gave way, and I fell down on the floor. I tried to hold on to the chair, but I missed and fell down.

He rushed to hold me again, but I shrugged my shoulder

“Don’t touch me. Your hands are filthy.” I said to him. I swear to have seen the hurt in his eyes.

“I am sorry, babe. I really mean to do that. She came at me. I tried to resist, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t,” he explained, sitting down holding his head in his hands.

“You just couldn’t? That’s what you got to say.” I shouted at him, but it was more of a loud thought

“I know I have hurt you, but I don’t want to lose you.” I could feel his statement coming from his heart

“So what are we going to do now? Pretend nothing happened and move on?” I asked, struggling to stand up. I held on to the table to stand, but I felt light-headed. I could vaguely see his tensed state staring at me, ready to catch me when I fell.

I pretended to fall, and there he was running to hold me before I fall

I laughed to myself.

“You clearly love me.” Laughing hysterically, tears falling down my cheek, I started looking at his handsome face. “Why do you then sleep with another woman on the bed we share together?” the question hurt him.

“I am sorry, babe. No amount of words could describe how sorry I am. But I am very sorry. I didn’t mean to do it. It just happened.” I could see his struggle. In my state, my love for him was above everything else. I leaned in and kissed his beautiful mouth. His eyes were wide open in surprise, but he eagerly kissed me back.

I felt a salty taste in between the kiss, and I opened my eyes again. I saw his closed eyes, but a tear had dropped from that beautifully shut eyes. I could see his remorse. In between the kisses, he kept on muttering,” Sorry.”

“I forgive you,” I told him finally, my heart softening seeing his sorry state. He smiled at me, but there was regret on his smile.

“Don’t do this to me again. I know I have not been there for you as a woman, but that does not mean you can be unfaithful.” I rebuked him for once since our relationship

One of the reasons I forgave him was because I knew he was a playboy from the start. Despite that, I still loved him. Over the months, he had tried to stop his way, and he did. That was no excuse for me to forgive him. I loved him, and forgiving was part of a relationship. I could understand his situation. He was used to getting women, and temptation came his way. He could not resist her.

“I am tired. I want to sleep.” I said to him, breaking the kiss. I struggled to get out of his arms, but he held me. He hugged me tightly in his arms for a while before carrying me towards the room.

On his room door, I stopped him.

“Not that room. The guest room,” my statement stopped him on his steps before going further down the hall to the room at the end. He opened the room and closed it behind him. He placed me on the bed before tucking me in. He sighed for a moment and walked out.