Was she ever so young? She’d loved him freely, eagerly, unaware that circumstances wouldn’t always allow her to do so. That part of her life was over now. She’d never be loved that way again, and thinking about it was useless.Now, as she inspected a pair of Will’s well-worn jeans that were free of holes but getting too short for him, she reflected on the irony of once having assumed she’d never have to work for a living except to sit on the board of her father’s oil company one day. She’d fancied herself an artist, traveling to tropical beaches and capturing the variations of sunlight on sand and water.Well, she could blame neither her father nor herself, nor Ben and his family. She’d done this to herself. And never again would she innocently trust that someone else would always take care of her. Nor would she entrust her son’s welfare to anyone else. He was her responsibility - hers alone.People turned away for reasons she didn’t understand. Her father, who had believed Ben was th
‘St Matthew, I guess.’‘What did he do?’‘I’m not sure.’Matt paused and extended a hand to the boy. ‘Pleasure to meet you, Will,’ he said.Round-eyed, the boy tentatively accepted his handshake, enjoying the gesture normally reserved for adults. His chest swelled and he stood taller, but the grasp of his small hand reminded Matt oddly of little Tanner reaching out to him last night.‘What are you doing out here, Will?’ Sierra’s voice broke through the encroaching darkness. ‘I told you not to disturb Mr Rollins while he’s working.’‘He’s not bothering me,’ Matt insisted calmly. ‘We were just discussing going riding tomorrow.’Matt saw her hand ball into a fist.‘Can I, Mom?’ Will pleaded. ‘I wasn’t begging. It was Matt’s idea.’Matt nodded to confirm this.‘We’ll see,’ she said. ‘Why don’t you go inside and get washed for dinner?’ Reluctantly, he marched off. It had been a long time since she’d seen his eyes shine about anything.‘He’s a nice kid. Sierra,’ Matt noted. ‘I’d like to tak
‘Alison, I can’t tell Matt now. He thinks little enough of me for having married Ben so quickly, but all things considered, it was the only choice I had. Had Matt known the truth he would havestood by us, borne his responsibilities, and resented me for chaining him to a life he never wanted.’‘You two were so young. Maybe Matt’s changed.’‘I really don’t know him now. And I can’t take the chance. Telling him would add to the risk of Will finding out. And I’m afraid Matt would be too angry to continue working for me. I had a hard enough time convincing him as it was.’‘He has a right to know.’Sierra held her head high and shook her head. ‘Ben accepted Will as his son and never treated him as anything less. Regardless of Ben’s failings, the rest is just biology.’Alison eyed her friend critically. ‘I can’t imagine his conception resulted from a science project. Honestly, you talk as though the heart has been cut right out of you. Is this the evidence of Ben’s caring, that he couldn’t
‘I could shovel out stalls, but my mom won’t let me.’‘She watches over you pretty close, huh?’Will nodded. ‘All the time. I know she needs me to take care of her, because my dad died.’Matt whistled. ‘That’s a pile of responsibility.’‘She never wants to have fun any more. She used to take me places.’‘She’s got a lot of work now, a lot on her mind.’‘You mean things will be like this forever?’‘I reckon not. She’s probably got to get over missing your dad too.’‘Will I stop missing him?’‘I don’t know.’‘Will you show me how to make the horse jump?’‘Not today.’‘If you show me how to take care of the horses, Mom won’t have to worry so much.’‘She worries a lot, does she?’‘Uh-huh. Are you sure you were named after St Matthew?’‘No. I don’t think I was really named after anybody. Why?’‘Matthew means a gift from God.’Matt chuckled. ‘I’ll be hanged. Where’d you learn that, Sunday school?’‘No, I was looking up Matthew on my computer encyclopaedia.’‘Damn.’‘Excuse me?’‘Nothing. Yo
She drew back.‘You really are trying to make this place work, aren’t you? You’re still the most beautiful woman I know,’ he said, his eyes sweeping over her. ‘And you’ve always been strong. You just never knew it because your old man was stronger.’She laughed lightly. ‘I could just imagine what he’d do if he heard himself being referred to as my “old man”.’Matt shrugged. ‘Even if he was the devil himself, you probably miss him.’‘I do. I’ve missed you sometimes too.’ She was lying again. She’d missed him all the time. She shifted her eyes down to the floor.Matt eyed her uneasily, then swung his glance around the room. ‘So is this a doll house or what?’‘It used to be servants’ quarters.’‘It’ll do. I’ll keep the door locked so you can’t break in again.’‘Matt, what changed your mind about staying?’ ‘Will.’Sierra recoiled as though she’d been stabbed in the heart. She’d feared hearing that. Will favored her more than he did his father, but if Matt spent too much time around him, h
‘Well, yeah.'‘But see, you don’t know it’s because he’s got two broken legs. You really don’t know enough about him to say. You can’t make assumptions about people you don’t even know.’‘That’s different. And that was cheating, not telling he was crippled.’Sierra intervened. ‘Will, go get your clothes together. Luke and his mom will be here for you any minute.’ Sierra’s tone left no room for argument, and Will offered no resistance. But as he was leaving the room, he shot Matt a sharp parting glance.‘You’ll have to forgive him, Matt. I honestly don’t know what’s gotten into him. He’s been exposed to Ben’s elitist philosophies, and Ben’s views usually fell short of compassion.’Matt kept his voice low. ‘I think I know what’s wrong. He was talking about how his father died. Must have been harder on the kid than he’ll admit.’‘Will’s suffered a lot of trauma.’‘Maybe he needs to talk about it more, get it out of his system.’‘When he’s ready. I’m sure he will.’‘Maybe he’s not sophist
‘I’ll go change,’ she said quickly. ‘There are him sandwiches in that bag. Help yourself, if you’re hungry. I know you must be.’Holding the candle in front of her, she made her way into the bathroom, where she set it down on the sink. Peeling off her wet sweater and bra, she hung them and her jacket on the towel rack. As she put the shirt on and buttoned it, she inhaled the same soapy fragrance she’d detected on Matt a few minutes ago.The cotton shirt was endlessly big on her, but at least it was dry. The stiff fabric smelled faintly of laundry detergent and of Matt, a scent that made her light-headed.She shed her wet shoes and socks, leaving on her damp jeans, then used the candle to make her way to the living room. Matt was sitting on the floor,his back against the sofa, munching a sandwich.‘You were hungry,’ she noted, placing the candle on the coffee table and slipping down beside him.‘A little,’ he admitted. ‘You make a good sandwich.’ Reaching for the candle, he rose. ‘Be
‘Something happened to me, Matt. I’m not the same as I was.’‘You feel the same, taste just as sweet. Sweeter, I think. Like peppermint.’She took his face in both hands and pinned his head back. He cast her a bewildered look.‘There’s something inside me that doesn’t work right.’Now, he leaned back, folding his arms across his chest.‘I reckon you’d better be more specific.’She shot him a tentative look, then dropped her eyes.He reached for her hand, knit his big fingers through her slender ones. ‘What is it? Did something happen when you had Will?’‘No. I’m not sure when this happened. I can make love with you, Matt, I want to make love to you. But whatever happens I don’t want you to think it’s your fault. There’s nothing physically wrong. It’s in my head, some cold, hardened part of me.’When she looked up, she saw anger in his eyes. ‘What did he do to you?’She knew to whom he was referring. ‘Nothing. It’s me, not anybody else,’‘Why do you assume the failing was yours and not