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CHAPTER 25
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2021-10-28 18:55:48"W-wait, what? What the hell are you even saying?" I asked Jinx with my widened eyes because of shock.
I could not believe he said that! Like, what the fucking hell?! He likes me and he was slowly falling in love with me? Is he even joking? Well, if he is, it was not funny. And I will never laugh at that if ever.
"I hate fooling around, you know.." he sighed and lifted his weight, he then stood up in front of me straightly like a soldier in a training. "I am just fooling myself, and you, Astra."
"What do you mean? You are just joking back then? That you do not even care at me and you are just playing around me?"
He chuckled and shook his head. "Of course, no. What I mean is, I should not fool myself to deny that I do not have feelings towards you. It was just that, I am afraid of rejection and also, you might not like me, like the feelings are not even mutuals."
My heart beats started pacing. So, he was really serious with that? That he likes
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"Yes, I do like you too."I am happy that I already expressed my feelings towards him. I am grateful that finally, I have nothing to hide anymore, that my feelings was already expressed and I am proud of myself for having the guts to say that. I could not help but to be proud of myself. My heart now was at peace. Nothing would bother me anymore very night and daw.If I only know that I could find my peace of mind by confessing, I have already done it from he start.I could see his eyes full of strong emotions upon hearing me repeat my words with all my heart. He looks so happy while we were staring at each other direct into the eyes. I could hear my heart beats pumping fast and I think he hears it because silence embraced the whole place. Funny how I could feel his' too."Are you not joking?" he asked slowly, voice were monotone. I nodded my head twice and forced a smile. Gosh, i felt so awkward.""Yes, I am not."The side oof his lips
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Things was fast and I did not expect that I would come this far. I just go with the flow of the world and to what God has planned to my life."I am happy that there was a development between you and Jinx, Astra," mister Adonis said while we were eating in their kitchen. Do not get me wrong, he invited me to join their dinner especially that Jinx's mother will arrive later.I am afraid and excited at the same time. I know Jinx's mother is an intimidating woman that is why I am nervous, and excited because finally, I will already meet the mother of the man I like.I want to know if she likes me or not, but for sure, she would because Jinx and Mister Adonis told me that Jinx's mother has a sweet side. She was intimidating, however, I adore her. Even if I had not see her yet, I am already amazed by how her family describes her. I love their relationship anyway."Jinx was the first one who confessed," I smiled and looked at Jinx teasingly. He was sitting
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I was just that ashame to show myself to Jinx.I did not went to work the next day because I know that Madame Lucia was there. As far as I have remember, they say that she would be at home temporarily. And I am shy and afraid to show myself again. I am too coward, really. And I am being sorry for myself because of that.I thought I am already fine. That I would not feel upset anymore because my anxiety and depression has already leave me, but I am not sure right now even if my doctor said that I am already healed. I just have to control myself.But then, I think my previous problem that I thought that was already gone came back.It was annoying and frustrating. I cannot focus on my class and the thing I should do. I even did not inform Mister Adonis that I will excuse myself too. But maybe he already understands what was the reason why I did not come for work.I have not seen Jinx for one week already and I could not help but be sad. He did n
Last Updated : 2021-10-31Wretched Self CHAPTER 29
Time was really just fast and sometimes, you would not notice it.I did not know when I started avoiding him. I did not count the days, though. Because if ever I do that, I will get bored and became impatient to everything.I want to see him but I did not know how to.Maybe I would just let fate across life and will have faith from Above. I know He will control me and He has a good plan for me. I did not know what was it, but I know it was a good thing and was better than my plans.But still, I could not help but feel sad.It was like I am too drained. I always think about him but then, the words from his mother was stopping me to like him. It was annoying at the same time. My emotions has been mixed. Damn it.I could not understand myself anymore. It was like I came back with my old personality and mindset. Negativities came across and crept my mind.I fucking want to scold myself."Hey."I stopped from what I was doing
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Maybe I was just that fragile to easily forgive him.I want to be mad, but he did nothing but to understand me. He deserves recognition. And he deserves to be loved.I cannot help but sigh. I think I already love him, that my feelings towards him become deep. He made me fall for him so hard and I thank him for that because he shows me that I was in love with the right person.That I was smitten with the man that was a gentleman, understanding, nice, humble and loving.I will always be grateful that he came into my life."Astra, would not you go with me?" It was Sew who asked. She was referring to the party wherein invited by Jinx. He said it will be held on their mansion with the big time business partner.At first, I have decided to not go because I am scared to show myself again to Madame Lucia. And I think she will insult me again in front of her business partners. And also, I do not have a nice dress that I should be wearing on their wea
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"You two really look so cute together," said Sew, enough to make my cheeks blush in shame. I had been telling Jinx that I was not ready to be in a relationship yet but he insisted and desperate to court me. It was just that, he wants me and he will never get tired waiting for my will to be with him. "Hey, why are you even crying?" Jinx asked with his panic facial expression. I chuckled and wiped my tears. I was just that happy because he was too good for me. "Nothing, I was just happy. I am sorry," I said and drink a water. We were currently here in a restaurant of a mall because I requested that I would like us to go out. And I want to tell him that I wanna get back to work even if his mother hates me. I will prioritize my work rather than others opinions. "Happy? Why?" "Why are you even asking about my happiness? It was just that, I am happy that you are with me." He bit his lower lip to stop himself from smiling. He got
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"Where to you want to go?" Jinx asked while we were busy fixing our projects. He helped me with mine because I really struggled. I thought he has not done yet also but I was surprised when he showed me his very pretty work.Funny how I felt envious because he work so good, unlike mine that was like I was just a new born here in the world.Life will really always be unfair, swear."Hmm, I just like staying at home," I responded and shrugged my shoulders. I really have no plan of going somewhere because I was not use into that. I just love staying here inside the unit and study even though my head already hurts.And also, I am not comfortable with bunches of people around."Eh? Why is that?" he asked, a bit raising his brows. He was not looking at me so I was thankful he did not notice how I smiled as I saw his face in different angle. He was busy with my work that I felt guilty because he looks so tired from work."I am afraid going outside,"
Last Updated : 2021-11-03Wretched Self CHAPTER 33
"Wow, it's good here!"I could not stop it but adore the good view that was spoiling my eye. i could not believe I am already here. In front of my dream place. I have been imagining myself in a good view to give my eyes a new environment. Not only that it always sees the unit of Sew's."Yeah, that is why I brought you here," Jinx said while roaming his eyes around, too. I could not stop from smiling because he really wants the best of me."Thank you for bringing me here," I thanked him. We were in a park that was so beautiful. There was no much people around, I bet tourists here were limited."Yeah, no worries," he smiled too. Then he held my hand to drag me towards the place were there were more good views. I pursed my lips because it was like, an electricity ran through my system. I did not expect that coming! And why would he hold my hand?!"H-hey," I called, an pointed his hands on me."You might lost," he shrugged."W-what? Why w
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"I am so happy for the both of you!"My lips automatically formed a smile as Jinx's father embraced me. We just had a dinner together. I am beyond grateful to everything. That even after years that we did not talk, nor any connections, we still have the closeness we had before. I am not saying that we're too close that could bond or hangout together, it was just that we were cool since then."Thank you," I whispered to him and let go. Jinx just gave me a sweet smile. All he did in the midst of the dinner is to stare at me. Even if his father asks him, he will answer with his eyes on my face. I really stopped myself from kicking his ass off. He is kind of annoying."Maybe I will now leave the both of you here," Mister Adonis said. I was the one who requested for a dinner, a short dinner. I am thankful that he also want us to bond with his son. But of course, he has a work so he could not stay here long. He excused himself
Wretched Self CHAPTER 69
"Hey, good thing and you are already awake." I stared at nothingness while I feel nothing. I moved my right hand to see if I am still alive and good thing I still could feel myself. I just feel nothing, really. I do not have to look who was beside me who talked because from the tone of the voice, I knew that it was Jinx. I felt myself lying on a soft mattress, and I am inside a room that is not familiar to me. Where am I? "Here, drink some water," Jinx handed me a glass of water. I tried to get it but my hands were too weak to reach for it. I gulped hard. My throat already needs water because it was getting dry. Jinx, then, stood up to guide me sit on the bed and lean against the headboard. "Here, drink it." Good thing he made me drink it with his right hand holding the glass, while his other hand gently held my chin to guide me. I gulped the water quite fast because I really am getting thirsty as seconds pass by.
Wretched Self CHAPTER 68
"But you can't marry me," I slowly uttered and looked away from him.He really can't marry me because he was already married. He shouldn't be saying these things to me. I will just feel bad to her wife."How do you say?" he asked in monotone. He tried to hold my chin to make me look at him but I did not let him. I stared still at nothingness, away from his eyes. "How do you say, Astra? Give me a reason.""Because you are already married," I snorted. "How can you marry someone when another woman already owned you? You were cheating?"He stayed silent for a moment not until I heard his chuckles. My brows creased in annoyance and looked at him sharply. Why is he laughing? He is making fun of me? Seriously? This time? This situation?"Married?" he grinned. "You think I am married?"I pursed my lips into a thin line and slowly nodded my head. "You really are marri
Wretched Self CHAPTER 67
"Do you want to go with me visit mom and dad?"Cine and Val nodded their head to me. My lips then automatically formed a smile. It will be nice if we, sisters, Faye, Cine and Val will go together and visit our parents in the cemetery. It will be a family bond."I will go and guard you guys," Simon interfered and forced a smile. We did not complained at it, though. He wants us safe. He did not want something bad to happen to us. We were thankful that Simon did not leave our side even how hard it is to manage his time for work. He should have already focus himself to the work but he insisted to still guard us. Something bad might happen, he says. But we all hope that there is none."Yeah, I will, too," Jinx appeared all of a sudden. I thought he went off for an important matter? Why is he here?"Alright, we're all done. Let's go?" Faye smiled to us. We all nodded and headed outside the house. We used S
Wretched Self CHAPTER 66
"I am sorry to all the things I did."I want to slap him from 360 degrees because of anger. What? He will just say that after everything? It is easy for him to apologize like everything he did will just fade away just because of his word "sorry? That everyone he got hurt will be healed easy when he will say sorry to them? That everything will be fine with just a sorry?i looked at Fin with my raging eyes while he just looked down. "You have the guts to think that everything will be fine with just your damn sorry? Rot in hell!""Astra," Jinx warned me but I did not listen to him. I pointed fin with my index finger and I gritted my teeth."I will promise that you will live in the prison forever. You will have your last breathe inside the jail."I thought he will shut himself but suddenly, he looked up at me with a grin on his face. "Yes. I prefer live here. World is t
Wretched Self CHAPTER 65
"How is Fin?" I asked Jinx while I am busy staring at nowhere. I want to know where he is now. I just want to hear the place where he belongs to. The place where he must suffer and pay the bad things he did.He sighed and looked at me. "He was already sent to the prison."I pursed my lips and nodded my head. "Good to hear that."He stared at me for a moment and all I did is to look away from him. He was like trying to read me. Trying to know what I am thinking. I really felt awkward when he tries to stare at me because it sent me a different feeling I could not define. It really is annoying when he look at me like that. It was nostalgic."Do you want to visit him and talk to him?" he asked and sat on the chair far away from me but facing me.I answered him without looking at him, "Yes, I want to." I want to make him realize how evil he is. That he did so many bad th
Wretched Self CHAPTER 64
"Thank you for coming..."Jinx just threw me a glance and say nothing. He kept on driving his car as fast as he could to get away from the place where Fin planed to kill me. From the place of nightmare. The place where I think that was already my last breathe. The place of devil.My hands were shaking so bad because or nervousness and fear at the same time. I do not know how to calm myself. The mere thought of myself fighting for my life is already making my system weak. The thought of Fin planning to murder me was like already killing me. The thoughts were making my heart break into pieces.It hurts.Since I was in the womb of my mother, I was already blamed. Someone is already mad at me even though I was not born yet. That even if I have no knowledge about their anger, my individual has. I did nothing. I was still a very innocent child when they put all of their anger towards me.
Wretched Self CHAPTER 63
"You have the heart to know everything?"Even if I am afraid, I have to know everything. Even if I know that my heart could not take it, I have to bear with it. It sucks. The thought of not knowing the truth while you on the other hand were the one who is suffering in pain and agony because of the blame that people throw towards you."Yes, I have," I said bravely. I have to show him that I am not afraid at all. That I have the guts to accept everything. To know the truth. I have to know everything. I am in the center of the blame and so I have the rights to fucking know the freaking truth. I am in the midst of blame and I cannot even escape from it. I was stuck and I can only get off after I get through the barrier and challenges.His lips automatically formed a devilish grin. "Waste time to know the truth before you will die?"When I nodded my head with no hesitation, the expression of his face chan
Wretched Self CHAPTER 62
I didn't know what happened next.I just found myself in a dark room where I see nothing but darkness alone. I didn't know how I get here. I do not know where I am. It was like, I was in my highway to hell. I felt like, this is my last.I tried to move, but I cannot.My hands were freaking tied!Where the hell I am?! How did I fucking get here?!I sighed heavily in anger. I then closed my eyes as the door from nowhere swung open. The bright light hit my eyes and face and so I have to not see it so it wouldn't hurt my eye.The hell. Am I in a horror movie?"You're now awake." A voice lurks in every corner of the room. I gulped as I had goosebumps. The voice is so... creepy. "How is your sleep, Astrallaine?"When I opened my eyes, a man standing amidst the light welcomed my eyesight. His face isn't clear to my view, but
