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[Secrets]

SIERRA

"What are you on about?" I stared at her as though she had grown an extra head.

"I’m saying I caught Jensen with someone else who wasn’t you. Sierra, he doesn't deserve the sweet and kind person you’re, and neither do you deserve to be treated this way."

I shook my head in bewilderment as I laughed dumbly. "No! No way, Katie! Jensen wouldn’t do such a thing. He'd never cheat on me." I couldn’t help but wonder if I believed the words as they left my lips and lingered in my head. Once upon a time, I would have believed it. But I wasn’t so sure anymore.

"Have I ever lied to you? Sierra..." Her words trailed off with a heavy sigh. "It's obvious you don’t believe me, and that’s fine. You have given this man something you have never given away so readily before. Therefore, hearing this would be unacceptable."

"Jensen has been there for me in ways that neither you nor my mother could. He’s gentle and sweet and makes me smile like I’m the only girl in the world. How would you react if I told you the man you loved was cheating on you?"

"That doesn't mean I would disregard the subject. Men are dogs, Si. They’re all cheaters and heartbreakers. Once they get what they want, to hell with anyone else."

Even though I knew she was wrong, Katie adamantly continued to defend her belief.

"You’re not as familiar with him as I’m. Katie, we've been dating for a year. How can you expect me to forget those incredible months and accept this?"

"This isn't about forgetting and accepting, Si. It’s about what’s true. The question is, what are you going to do about it now that you know?"

I shook my head, not finding her allegations against the guy I devoted so much of my time to—amusing. “What’s this, Katie? Why would you level such accusations against Jensen?” I asked, my heart pain-stricken. “Since I introduced you two, he has been nothing but courteous toward you. Yet, you accuse him of cheating? What’s your deal?”

Katie and I were great friends. We had been like that for as long as I could remember. But when she mentioned that the man, I loved was a cheater. I had to admit; that it was a tough pill to swallow.

I opened my mouth to ask what proof she had. She cut me off before I said a word. “Sierra, I watched him kiss another woman.” She spoke. “At first, I assumed the girl was a close friend. Then he kissed her. Friends don’t kiss friends like that, Si. Those two are more than friends.”

My body went numb, cold, and heavy in an instant. I refused to believe Jensen would cheat on me, even if we had been together a year or five. My heart forbade my mind from accepting that as the truth. “No!” I shook my head, then sighed and glanced around with a half-hearted wish that I was back at home, where my mom and I would watch old movies to our hearts’ content.

“You spotted someone else kissing that woman, not Jensen. He wouldn’t do this to me!” Despite my reluctance to believe her, my body had deceived me.

Katie reached across the table and took my hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Si, I’m so sorry. I knew this was the last thing you wanted to hear, but I saw them together.”

“When?” My voice croaked. I almost didn’t recognize it as mine. A tear threatened to fall, but I hardened my face and squared my shoulders. Katie wouldn’t lie to me. She had no reason to. Still…

“I love you, Si, but I don’t believe knowing the answer to that question is best.” I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth in frustration. “When did you see Jensen with this other woman, Katie?” I reiterated.

“Sierra—” I raised my hand, preventing her from saying anything further.

“Since you’ve refused to tell me what I need to know, I’ll find out for myself.” Adrenaline coursed through my veins, and my heart pounded against my chest. There was only one way to resolve this—I needed to hear the truth, and I needed to hear it from him. So, help me, God, Jensen would have no choice but to tell me the truth. Upset, I sprang to my feet, and almost knocked the chair to the ground while struggling to release my bag.

“Sierra, where are you going? What do you plan to do? I’m worried you will do something you can’t take back.” She said, her voice soft with trepidation.

I shouldered my bag. “It’s sweet that you’re concerned. But I’m not the one you should be worried about.” Soon after, I left the cafe with one destination in mind: Jensen’s flat. He shouldn’t be home at this hour, given that it was just after 2 p.m. Regardless, I would wait if I had to.

My mind kept reliving what Katie had told me on the way to Jensen’s flat. He cheated on me. How could Jenson do such a thing? Why would he do such a thing? What happened to all the plans for our future together? Was it all a bunch of nonsense?

Another tear fell onto my cheek, and it took everything I had not to scream. I might have put on a brave face in front of Katie. But on my way to his place right now—I was a wreck. I wanted to curl up into a ball and bawl my eyes out. How could he have done this to me? How could he have done this to us?

Whoever she was, she wanted to take Jensen away from me. I mean, it was hard to blame her. Jensen might not have informed her he was already in a committed relationship. Regardless, I wanted to wrap my slender fingers around her throat and squeeze until I heard that gratifying snap. I wasn’t a vile person, but I would be damned if I sat back and allowed another woman to steal what was rightfully mine.

***

I took out all my anger and frustration on my car’s engine, swerving between the vehicles until finally, I pulled up outside Jensen’s apartment building.

My gaze drifted to the red-brick, two-story complex, and I froze. Was I about to confront my boyfriend? Well, ex-boyfriend, if he was cheating on me. Was this what I should do?

Confused and uncertain, I banged my head on the steering wheel, a slight hatred creeping into my heart. “I should want to know the truth, shouldn’t I? Then why am I questioning it? Why haven’t I called and demanded he comes straight home from work?”

Perhaps I could tell you why. It was because I was such a softy. Sierra McBride—the sort of woman who would prefer to curl into a ball under her covers and cry herself to sleep. Rather than confronting her cheating boyfriend or cutting off his dick so he couldn’t use it again.

My phone dinged with a text, and I looked down to see it was a message from Katie. A breath caught in my throat as I read her text.

[Katie] Hey, remember I’m here if you need to talk. Please don’t do anything stupid.

Yeah, I know. Thanks. And don’t worry, I won’t. I’ll message you later. [Sierra]

Amid my languor, I reminisced about the months we shared. Those moments made me laugh my ass off when Jensen conjured up ridiculous scenarios about our future. Jovial and excited to see me after work, he would spoil me with massages and foot rubs. What became of the man?

I peeked out the window. It drew my attention to the sun’s slanting rays, which cast a warm orange hue on the sky, and the silhouette of a woman pushing a child in a stroller, her smile radiant with pride.

I had always imagined myself as lucky as she was, having the life of a devoted wife and loving mother like mine. But now, I was afraid I would never know what having that would feel like—after all, how could I ever trust another man?

Although I wasn’t sure whether Jensen was cheating on me, I knew his behavior toward me these past few weeks was unfair. Jensen had reduced his regular calls and texts to once a day or three times a week. Also, if I didn’t go to his apartment, he never came to see me. Were things so bad between us that cheating was preferable to hashing it out as a couple? We were not so far off the in-sync scale, were we? How did I miss all that? How did he believe cheating was best?

***

Five minutes flew by like nothing. People strolled by, and each time, their eyes shifted to me, revealing an unfathomable look on their faces. If I had to guess, they probably thought I was insane because I was sitting in my car like this, glaring at the building to my right.

One guy even asked if I was all right. I merely nodded, and he proceeded onward. I wasn’t in the mood for chit-chat, and a random stranger was the last person I wanted to pour my heart out to.

When I noticed someone like Jensen enter his building, I opened the vehicle door. Dressed in khakis and a gray buttoned-down shirt, and his copper-colored hair blowing in the wind, I dared not take my eyes off him. My heart stopped, and my palms became clammy to the touch as my eyes followed his slender frame. That was always the effect he had on me whenever I saw him. He wasn’t as attractive as a male model, but his six-foot-lanky figure was endearing to look at.

I got out of the car and followed Jensen inside the building, climbing the two flights of stairs because the elevator wasn’t functioning. When I got to his door, I knocked twice.

Muffled shuffling emanated from within the room just before the door opened, revealing a deep pair of sandy brown eyes and a confused expression. “Babe, what are you doing here?” He asked. Jensen stepped forward, engulfing me in an embrace. The astonishment of finding me standing at his door faded. “You didn’t phone to let me know you were dropping by.”

I remained still in his arms, the need to push away erupting in a snarl from my throat. “Since when...” I moved out of his hold and entered the room. My eyes went around the familiar rich dark wood furniture, beige walls, and maroon drapes concealing large bay windows. "Do I need to call before dropping by?"

He chuckled behind me, playing off his statement. “I didn't mean it like that. I’m always delighted to see you. You know this. I’m only surprised, that’s all.”

“Why? Were you expecting someone else?” I turned to face him, the warmth in his eyes still effective at making my knees weak. “How are you home so early?”

“How about a glass of wine to help you relax?” He asked, avoiding my questions. Jensen reached up in the cupboard and removed two glasses. Then he took an opened bottle of wine from the fridge.

“Thank you,” I said as I took a sip of the wine. “You never answered my question.”

Jensen came around to the open plan living room and removed his shirt, draping it over the back of the couch. “Oh, we had a half-day at the office today.”

“Okay, but that wasn’t the question I needed answering. Were you expecting someone else at the door?” I emptied the glass and placed it on the side table, crossed my legs, and waited for his response.

He fumbled for a moment before he said, “not at all.”

“Hm,” I hummed in response. “Are you happy with me, Jensen? Does our relationship mean anything to you? Do I mean anything to you?“

“Where is this coming from? Si, you mean the world to me.“

My heart fluttered at his words. That affectionate tone of voice he used made me want to reconsider ever doubting our relationship. Then again, I couldn’t trust him completely. Men are prone to lies. Why would he be any different?

“How about this...” He unzipped his pants and unbuckled his belt. “I’ll freshen up.” Jensen lowered his trousers to his ankles and stepped out of each pant foot, keeping his gaze fixed on me. “Afterwards, we can sit back and speak about it further.”

Under normal circumstances, I would leap at the chance to sleep in his bed, but right now, I wanted to be as far away from him as possible. If he had shared his bed with another woman, I wouldn’t want to sleep on those sheets, no matter how many times he cleaned and Febreze them.

“I’ll confess,” I responded, rose to my feet with a phony smile, and bridged the distance between us. I traced my fingertips down his slender body. “That sounds wonderful, but I promised Mom I would meet her at the clinic.”

“Raincheck, then?” He asked, and I nodded.

“Thanks for the wine.” I side-stepped him and moved toward the door, hoping he wouldn’t catch sight of the grimace on my face for touching him.

“You’re leaving now?” His husky voice breached my thoughts.

Without turning to face him, I answered. “Yeah, it’s already after four, and remember, the clinic closes at five.”

“All right then. How about this Saturday, you and I go on a date? It has been a while since we did that. If not, we can see a movie. It doesn’t matter where we go or what we do, once I can spend the day with my beautiful wife-to-be.”

I wanted to scream “no” at him for that overconfident endearment. Instead, I nodded a reluctant nod before I opened the door and exited his apartment without a second glance. What puzzled me was, if he was cheating on me, why would he suggest spending a day with me? Could I have been a little too quick to believe Katie?

I closed my eyes, inhaled through my nose, and exhaled from my mouth. I picked up my phone and dialed Katie’s number.

Ring, ring, ring, ring

The call rang about four times before it went to voicemail.

“Katie has never ignored my calls.” I tried again. She didn’t answer. “Strange.” I let out a sigh, staring at her number on the screen. I shoved the phone in my pocket and headed outside toward my car.

“Why would she tell me to call and not answer when I do?”