Book 3 - Chapter 2

GINGER

"Gigi!" my sister Paige wrapped her arms tightly around me as soon as I entered the house. I hugged her back, so appreciative to be reunited with her again, returning to my pack in Vermont after finishing up the school year. Being twins, we had a special connection. It had been much stronger when we were younger, a lot of my own resentment toward her pulling us apart over the years. It wasn't her fault, but I couldn't help but feel envious that she was able to accomplish all my dreams. An unsettling feeling that someone else was living my life constantly choked me, salt rubbed into the wound.

The thing is, becoming a warrior was always my dream. Our dad was a warrior, and I was always way more into it than Paige. I'd love to go with Mom to watch him spar on nice days out. I loved when he spent time training me to fight and defend myself in the backyard. Yes, I was a daddy's girl through and through. And the way I hung onto my dad was the way Paige hung onto me. Even though she was born only fifteen minutes after me, she still always acted very much like the baby sister.

Before long, my dreams became her dreams. And not long after that, we started competing in everything—especially who did better in training at school. While, okay, my sister was pretty good, I still think I was better. "She has heart." That’s what trainers used to say about me. They never said that about Paige.

Of course, that dream was abruptly stolen from me the night I lost my wolf. How could I fight without my most prized weapon? Before I even had the chance to train as a wolf, she had disappeared. And now, well, now my dreams consisted of doing human things, like going to college, getting a desk job, and maybe even a human husband one day. After all, how could I have a mate without a wolf? And what kind of werewolf would want a wolfless girl?

"Peachy Gigi!" my dad sang out, pulling me in for a hug next, using his nickname for me. I snuggled into him, inhaling the Dove soap he used, freshly showered after warrior duty. The smell brought a feeling of familiarity and comfort. While I'd come to understand that my sense of smell wasn't as acute as my other family members', different scents did still bring back different memories and feelings. I liked to believe more so than for humans, but I had no way of knowing whether that was true.

My mom and older sister, Heidi, who had brought me home from school, were now making themselves busy in the kitchen preparing dinner. Heidi had always been the most domesticated out of the three of us, and none of us were surprised when she found her mate not long after coming of age, getting married almost immediately, and now trying to start a family.

If I were being completely honest, there were often days I felt sick with envy looking at her life. I had never been a hopeless romantic, nor had I ever wanted to be a housewife like my sister, but something about the ability to meet my mate being taken away from me just made me bitter about the whole thing. She was all blissed out, living with her mate while I was slaving away in school fucking around with fuckboys that wanted nothing to do with you between the hours of 6 am and 10 pm.

Before long, we were all seated at dinner, the OG members of the family reunited. "So, Gigi, how are you feeling after completing your first year of college?" my dad asked.

"Good. All A's of course." I stuck my tongue out at my twin.

"She clearly didn’t get my brains," my dad chuckled. "Looks like I picked a good mate for breeding." My dad winked at my mom. She fluttered her eyelashes at him like a teenager. My parents were so vomit-inducing most of the time. Okay, I totally wanted it for myself one day. They were proof the mate bond worked.

"It's so funny how Paige and Gigi ended up doing completely the opposite of what I would have thought," Heidi spoke. "Like, if you'd asked me ten years ago who I thought would have ended up as the warrior and who would have ended up as a student, I would have totally put down a hundred bucks that Paige would have been the student and Gigi would have been the warrior."

The whole table was silent. Heidi decided to go there. The place the family knew not to go. It was a soft spot for me, and she had pushed on it. And she said it too as if it were my choice. As if Paige hadn't gone on to do what had always been my dream.

"Gigi was always smarter than me, so it makes sense," Paige said. Always the fucking diplomat, trying to smooth things over. Always the one that didn't rebel or make waves. The one that played it safe. The one that made the right choices and didn't lose her wolf. Boring, in my opinion. But I'm also the one that lost my wolf. So the jury's out on whether being boring is a bad thing.

"Gigi, you're doing so great. Your mom and I are so proud of you," my dad patted my leg.

"Very proud," my mom smiled at me. Goddess, I couldn’t take their pity.

"Can I be excused?" I asked, not wanting to sit with my family anymore.

"If you want," my mom looked at me sadly.

"Yes, I do." I pushed my chair away from the table, the legs scraping against the tile floor. Before anyone could stop me, I ran up to my room, my safe place. When we were kids, Paige and I shared a room out of choice. But after the whole losing my wolf thing happened, we separated our bunk beds and I moved into my own room.

I pulled out the jar and rotated it in my hands, memorizing every detail of the crushed dried herb that was contained within. Hope—that's what it signified. Maybe I wouldn't be stuck like this forever. Maybe it would work. No, that was the wrong attitude. It would work. My wolf would come back to me. Just think it into existence.

***

The full moon was a few days later. Just as I did during each prior one, I made my way outside close to midnight. In school, no one watched what I did, so it was easy enough to take an Uber out to the Fells in Medford, where I'd make my way into the woods to perform my ritual. Okay, it was probably pretty crazy considering how vulnerable I was without a wolf, without night vision, and without a powerful sense of smell to alert me to predators. But all caution was thrown to the wind out of desperation.

Now, in my pack, I was much safer. Werewolves guarded the border to keep intruders out. But I didn't exactly want my family to know what I was up to. They'd certainly try to talk me out of it. So I waited until everyone was asleep and snuck out, making my way by foot with a tote bag filled with my supplies.

I walked all the way to the outskirts of the pack to the party lake, a lake that was historically known for parties, before being banned at least a decade earlier. I quickly ran to the lake to fill my jar with water, screwing the cap back on and shaking it, allowing it to dissolve the herbs inside. I then entered back through the tree line, walking into the forest until I found a small clearing that would be perfect.

I dropped my tote onto the ground and pulled out the crystals inside. After drawing a circle in the pine needles, using my foot, I used a compass app on my phone to place one crystal in the most northern point, and then placed the other four to indicate the other four points of the pentagram. After completing this task, I checked the time. Five minutes to.

I stripped myself completely naked, as I had been directed, folding my clothes neatly and leaving them on a nearby rock. Then I stepped into the pentagram and waited, cell phone and concoction in hand. At one minute to, I unscrewed the top. Once my cell phone indicated 12:00, I went through the ritual I had now memorized, chanting the words the witches had taught me, instantly throwing back half the concoction, it burning as it went down my throat, practically making me gag with how horrible it tasted. But it didn't deter me. I did the same thing again, throwing it back a second time. Then I spread my arms and legs and turned in circles, allowing the moonlight to hit every inch of my skin.

My stomach grumbled with murder, rejecting every bit of what I had swallowed. But I would rather die than throw it up. This was my only hope. I incessantly swallowed my saliva, indicating to my body that the only direction was down, and it had another thing coming to it if it even thought about sending anything up.

But although I had always been successful in taking just one dose, the double dose was too much for me to handle. Before I knew it, my whole body was convulsing with agony, my insides burning. My vision was blurring. I was sure I had poisoned myself. I probably needed to go to a hospital. But I stayed there, unmoving, allowing the poison to overtake my body as I fell to my knees and tears spilled from my eyes, a silent plea for help.