Kissing

It happened so fast, and I already found myself hardly breathing that's why I chose to just look away for me not to face even a tiny part of his face. He's really my husband. He's really my Neil. Because he's the only one who could make me feel like this. But, the only problem was the way he looked at me was the proof he didn't remember any single memories with me anymore.

"The doctor said you need a lot of time to rest. So please, rest. Remember, you should take care of my company after regaining your strength." Mom peeked a glance over me as if she's expecting a specific emotion in my face. I knew she's just trying to catch something from me. And I knew what it was. "My dumb daughter can't handle my business anymore that's why I only now have you, Cal."

When I was in highschool, I tried to do my best in everything. I was an athlete. I chose to be one because my mother wanted me to have an athlete daughter. But what I did wasn't enough still, because she wanted me also to have an excellent grades, which was very easy for me to do for I really excelled academically.

But I was still not enough. No matter how I tried to be the best daughter in her eyes, she only saw me as a useless trash. She never made me feel loved because hurting me and commanding me were ones of her talents.

She forced me again to run our company since she wanted to rest and pass all the responsibility to me because I was the only child and my father died in a car accident. At the age of 22, I tried to run our business using my own capabilities with the help of my knowledge I had gained in college.

But there's a sentence 'You are not enough', because no matter how hard I tried to make our company to be on top, I was even the reason why it once went down. But once upon a time, my mother met a friend who had an older son named 'Neil Sandoval'.

I was glad because he made me glad everytime my mother bombarded with a lot of disgusting words. Neil was my witness how I cried every day and night. I already had the idea before that my mom wanted to give our company to him -- and yes, she trusted him so much that she's willing to act like I never existed.

I was happy by the fact that I met Neil, really. But there were times that I just thought I should have done my very best for my mom to shout to the whole world how proud she was to have me.

"I am okay. Don't worry. I just can't rest peacefully if there are two woman arguing with each other," Neil said, and I diverted my eyes to him, only to notice him observing my face still. "What's your name, Miss? So that we can start our friendship."

I shook my head immediately. Just what as I said earlier, even though he would offer me a very special friendship, I wouldn't still agree. I was a wife. Legally, I could do anything especially in making him remember me.

"Sorry, but I won't take my words back. Whether you like it or now, I'll make you remember me. You don't remember me, right? That's still okay for me. I won't mind if you look at me with full of confusion in your eyes. Just... Let me stay near you."

"The audacity!" Mom yelled again. "Don't. Ruin. Him. Again. Sydney. You once did and I won't let that happen again. Go on and destroy yourself. But don't you ever damage Cal's life!"

The main reason why she was acting like this was because she was afraid to be left by Neil since my husband was her only way so that her company wouldn't back from nothing again. She's manipulative. I couldn't even believe Neil let her control his life. Well, why was I even surprised?

When his mother died, my mother was the only one who took care of everything. She became his guardian until he was finally capable of living alone, that's why until now, he still could remember all the good doings of my mother for him.

And maybe I was not that special for him to forget me like this. Or maybe he only remembered the days that we're just strangers, causing him not to remember the days that we met each other and started acing things together.

"Mom, lower down your voice," Neil, again, warned. "You two should talk. By that, I could go back to sleep again." My mother rolled her eyes at his words. Of course, even though she's like that, I treated her as my mother still. I wished to resolve the problem between us so that it would be easy for us to start a new life.

"How can I calm myself down? That woman will be our death, Cal! She might hurt you -- no,  crap that --she'll really hurt you. She won't get tired in tearing you into pieces!"

"That's not true!" I defended myself, my voice breaking again. She's right by saying I was not enough because I knew I really wasn't, but she shouldn't speak like she knew all the things. Tearing Cal's heart? When did I ever do that? Yes, I committed a lot of sins, but God knew how I regretted a lot of times!

"What sins?" Neil asked me. "What sins did you do to me, hmm, for your mom to be mad at you?" His voice was so smooth enable for me to feel comfortable.

In the middle of a silence, my phone rang, so I got it out of my pocket with my shaking hands.

"Hello," I whispered, intentionally lowering my voice.

"Hello, Sydney."

I put down the phone immediately. Why was he calling me?

Why does he keep disturbing me?!

"Just leave me alone, Daniel. Stop meddling with my own life!" I decided to just whisper as I realized there were people around me. "Okay, okay. Let's talk properly. Where are you now?" I stood up and breathed in. I really had no choice but to face him or else everything would be completely messed up. "Yeah. I am coming. Just wait there."

"Where are you going?" Neil's question made me stop from walking and turn around to face them. In too much excitement and eagerness, I even forgot to excuse myself politely. My mom was now probably thinking I was indeed an irresponsible woman.

"I am going to meet someone outside," I answered him, smiling. "There is an emergency and we need to talk and--"

"Crap that explanation. I am sure you and your caller have a plan of making love inside his car."

"Sorry, mom?" Flashing my sad smile, I just surrendered my ego and just gave my mother a smile. But before I could reach the door handle, I spoke once again. "I don't cheat, mom. God had given too much gorgeousness but cheating never flashed in my mind."

Silence fell.

And I smiled, feeling proud of myself.

I guessed I just said the right words, right?

At least, I defended myself in a way that would show my respect to her.

"What the hell are you even thinking, Daniel?" I asked when Daniel, my supposed to be boy friend, welcomed me in a wide hug as if he didn't do something wrong, as if he wasn't a reason why I was carrying a lot of problems now. "I told you to give me space! But, you're acting like you really want to burn me!"

"No, let me explain," he begged. But I got tired by this. I got tired by giving him a lot of chances and explanations. He held my hand again. "Where's your husband? What did he say? Sydney, if he can't love you back, I am here. I am willing to be your everything, just--"

"Just shut up!" I cried, causing his lip part. "I don't want to blame you for you're my friend. You know all my secrets. I share my life with you. But this time, please let me control my own life. Because, Daniel, I have now a husband."

He snorted. "No, I was there before you met him. I came into your life first."

"It doesn't matter when you two came into my life!" When I noticed we're already making a show, I walked closer to him. "You're my friend, but what you did is wrong. In God's eyes, what have you done is a sin!"

"What do you mean?" he fought back. "Is loving someone a sin?"

"Goodness. I am fucking married, my friend! I am committed into someone! And if you can't accept that fact--"

"But you did like what I did to you, right?" He seemed competitive.

When he smirked at me, a slap from me landed in his face. I regretted hurting him when he didn't move his face. His face not facing mine. Regardless, the pain, the regrets,  and the doubts could be seen in his eyes.

"Hate me, Sydney, but when that husband of yours hurt you, I'll take you away from him."

"He won't," I lied. "H-he won't hurt me. T-the way he loves me is so p-priceless."

I remembered all the happenings happened earlier. The fact that my husband didn't remember my role in his life was already the sign that my incoming days wouldn't be easy. Especially that my mother kept controlling my marriage life.

"I am leaving. Sorry for disturbing you again," Daniel excused, while I just stared at his back, saying nothing, until his car's machine activated, making me step backward.

I felt sorry for my friend. He never deserved me at all. There were a lot of woman who wanted to be with him but he still kept pursuing the forbidden. He still kept chasing me.

But, nothing could change the fact that he did a life-changing mistake. I knew I had a mistake too, I let him fall for me. If I just made a way before for him not to fall in love with me harder, our relationship as friends wouldn't get ruined.

Wiping my tears, I closed my eyes and inhaled a lot. When I thought I was somehow okay, I went back to Neil's room while hoping for a miracle to happen that he'd remember me in just a blink.

However, I was still not reaching the door handle when I saw through the glass window the two person talking with each other, and I classified the man as my husband and the woman as Felicia, Neil's ex girlfriend.

I began questioning myself.

Why are you crying again?

Why are you holding your chest?

You're losing a lot of tears, my love.

"Oh, my lovely daughter. What are you doing here? I thought you are with your lover outside this building." My mother gave me a victorious grin and left me open-mouthed. Part of me wanted to beg for her to force Felicia stay away from my husband -- away from my belonging -- but I also knew it's impossible for her to hear me. When in fact, she saluted Felicia a lot.

Felicia.

Her again.

Her perfection again.

Damn her.

When we're on our highschool days, we always competed to reach the very top, though I didn't expect that until now, we're still having a battle, and by this time, the possibility of winning was under her control.

But no. I would not let that happen. Neil -- when he was in his old self -- did a lot of sacrifices for us to be one, and this time that he needed to be rescued, I would do my best to be on top.

Even though he's now kissing another woman.