Part 65

Claire opened her eyes again. Her room felt quiet. Moments ago, she had managed to send Gladwin away after her twin received a call from the hospital where he was interning. Now, she could only sit in silence, reflecting on her conversation with Gladwin.

"Open your eyes, Claire. I know you're not asleep," Gladwin said just as the door to her hospital room closed.

Claire fully opened her eyes and saw her twin still sitting in the chair beside her. Gladwin helped her raise the bed and, with careful attention, handed Claire a drink without her even asking. He then returned to his seat and looked at Claire with a gaze full of apology.

"Did I act out of line?" he asked softly.

Claire knew what her twin meant. It all related to Gladwin's words to Antony.

She raised the corner of her mouth in a faint smile. "No," Claire replied softly. "You didn't do anything wrong. Everything you said is true. That's just how it is."

"Are you starting to take an interest in Antony?" Gladwin asked again, his eyes curious as they studied Claire.

Claire shrugged. "I don't know." She looked down at the IV attached to her hand. "If only I could read my own feelings, maybe I wouldn't be this confused."

"What do you feel when you're with him?"

Claire turned to look at Gladwin for a moment before smiling again. "Strangely enough, I feel comfortable with him. There's a sense that I'm being protected by someone."

"That's enough, Claire," Gladwin replied. Claire looked back at her twin. "That's enough to start a relationship. Why don't you give it a try?" he challenged.

Claire couldn't help but let out a bittersweet laugh. "After what you said to him earlier, do you really think he would come back to me?" Claire asked mockingly. "All this time, he might have seen me as a challenge. Just a thrill-seeker's high. Just like you guys who are excited to conquer women who are hard to approach. Just like you feel the adrenaline rush when riding a motorcycle at high speeds. Once you have everything, once you've won, it's nothing anymore. What's the difference between that and me?" Claire asked more to herself.

"Claire..."

"I'm holding back. Trying not to fall in love because I know how it will all end up the same," Claire said, her throat tightening, and her eyes blurred with sudden tears. "Mom. No matter how much I love her, it's clearly not easy to make her believe I can determine my own future.

"On one hand, I want to be the child she can be proud of in front of everyone, but on the other hand, I feel like I'm nothing in her eyes. My escape, my achievements, they have no value to her. In the end, if I want to gain more from her, I have to surrender myself to her authority and do everything she commands." Claire fell silent.

Gladwin reached out and gently held his twin sister's hand. Claire bit her lower lip.

"I don't want to repeat the past," Claire continued, holding back her sobs. "I still remember how Mom openly insulted Brian even though he hadn't said anything. There was nothing between us except friendship. I hadn't even had the chance to express my feelings for him, but Mom openly judged Brian as unworthy for me, even though she didn't know who he really was. She didn't know his background."

Gladwin remembered that name. Brian was Claire's senior in college, the guy Claire had eventually liked after Harry. And just as Claire said, that guy had already faced rejection before she could even make a move.

Then there was Yudhis. Gladwin knew that Claire's coworker liked her too. But once again, their mom dictated Yudhis even before he could express his intentions. Eventually, Yudhis chose to move on and is now engaged to someone else.

Maybe because Gladwin was a man, he could rebel against their mother. But Claire? She loved her mother so much. She was the first person who didn't want to see anyone hurt her mother, let alone hurt her. Especially after their father passed away, Claire no longer had a place to share her grievances.

Yes. Claire was indeed much closer to their late father than to their mother. Gladwin had once felt jealous because their father often prioritized Claire over anyone else. Now, Gladwin understood that in their family, it was only their father who gave Claire the freedom she needed. He was the only one who supported Claire and always asked her what she wanted, while their mother mostly indoctrinated and criticized them, which made them uncomfortable.

But no matter what, she was their mother. She was the one who had carried and given birth to them, raised them, and fed them with her own hands. As children, they certainly didn't want to be seen as disobedient.

Gladwin might be a rebellious child, but Claire wasn't. Behind her cold demeanor towards strangers and her cheerful façade, she was just a girl who wanted to be a good child—obedient and loved by her mother.

"If he really likes you, he will come back to you. He will fight for you and hold onto you."

Claire smiled again. "That's what I'm afraid of," she said, a sad smile on her face. "How valuable am I that he would want to fight for me? Out there, there are many women who are better and more deserving of his efforts."

Gladwin squeezed Claire's hand tightly. "People might see diamonds as valuable and expensive, but few know that there's something even more beneficial than that: Californium." Gladwin said. "It may not be beautiful, even though its luster resembles gold, and it's often underestimated by many. But few realize that it can produce gamma radiation. It's the same with you.

"You are valuable to me and to those who know you. So if Antony can open his eyes, he will see that you're not like a diamond that he can easily buy in the market; you are more valuable. Because you're rare, like Californium, known only to a few."

Claire chuckled. "Can't your analogy be a little different? Why do I feel like I'm ugly in your eyes?" she said, trying to lighten the mood.

Gladwin shrugged. "Of course, to me you look pretty average because I still think Naomi Scott is more beautiful." He said. Claire laughed again and punched her twin brother's arm playfully. "Just believe, soulmates won't run away. Even if you sink in the Congo River and part of your body gets eaten by a Goliath Tigerfish, if she's your soulmate, she will accept you as you are."

"That's rude. Is that a metaphor or a curse?" he scoffed. But Gladwin just shrugged again. Their conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door, and Bella peeked her head in.

"Am I interrupting you guys?" she asked. Claire just smiled and shook her head.

Now, hours had passed since Antony left. There was no sign of his presence.

Miss him? Could it be that Claire missed him? She herself didn't know. If the uncomfortable feeling that now settled in her chest was a feeling of longing, maybe yes, she missed Antony.

Her thoughts wandered far, imagining various possibilities about Antony's whereabouts. Suddenly, picturing Antony in the arms of another woman made her feel suffocated.

Claire took deep breaths repeatedly, trying to calm herself and the discomfort that wouldn't go away. She needed fresh air. She had to leave her hospital room.

No matter how spacious and luxurious the place was, Claire still felt stifled. It was as if she were in an airtight room that grew more suffocating by the minute. She needed to get out.

Claire moved her IV line to a rolling pole beside the bed, grabbed the outer jacket that Gladwin had placed on the back of the chair, slipped on her sandals, and left the room. The cold air hit her immediately as she walked towards the hospital yard.

Quiet. Of course. It was late at night. Only a few people sat on benches in the hospital corridors. They were probably those accompanying patients who felt bored and chose to step out for some fresh air, just like her. Others were seen walking around in hospital uniforms.

Claire chose to walk to an empty park bench and sat there. The cold wind blew through her hair. She no longer even cared about her current appearance. It might look messed up or it might look fine.

Claire looked up. Looking up at the dark sky above. There were no clouds, let alone stars. Just a dark black sky. Many times Claire took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"Something bothering you?" The question made Claire turn her head and was quite surprised at the figure standing towering beside her.