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Chapter Twenty-one: Unexpected Turns
Last Updated:
2025-04-27 03:47:35
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When loving you meant losing me Chapter One: Two heartbeats
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Last Updated : 2025-03-21When loving you meant losing me Chapter Two: The beginning of us
"Who was that guy beside you?" I asked, smiling secretly."Who?" Bianca looked at me cluelessly."The one you were standing next to. Isn’t he your friend?""I don’t even know who you’re talking about. I was just standing there searching for you," she said, smiling."What guy are you talking about?" Bianca asked again, trying to understand."Let me show you."I turned her face toward him, subtly pointing at the guy in question. He stood there, looking uninterested—like he'd rather be anywhere but here Jayden, Biance barely spared him a glance"I don’t know who that is, madam. Focus on your assignments," she said, giving me a funny, judgmental look."Never mind," I responded and went back to my seat, still smiling.I had arrived at school early and was waiting for Bianca. Every time I called, she claimed she was almost there. When I turned to look behind the hall, I finally spotted her standing—but someone beside her immediately caught my attention.Thump... thump... thump... My heart p
Last Updated : 2025-03-21When loving you meant losing me Chapter Three: Fate and a phone call
Time crawled. I checked my phone for the hundredth time. Bianca had disappeared, and the hall was nearly empty. I replayed everything that just happened in my head over and over again That perfect opportunity, did I blow it, maybe I should have said something else My heart wouldn’t stop it erratic beating. What did I say, should I have said something else? A million conversations ran through my head, each more cringe worthy than the last. Hey, I noticed you standing there looking like a Greek god, and I’d like to volunteer as tribute? No. That would have sounded too desperate. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past you again? Absolutely not. No....no...no I groaned softly, gripping my pen so hard as if it was the reason for my frustrations. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me, But I enjoyed it, I didn't know I had it in me You go girl, I gave myself a high-five. I tried to continue writing my note but my thoughts kept derailing. What if
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The rest of the week dragged by slowly, each day blending into the next. Jayden and I kept talking on the phone and texting about the most random things. He never mentioned anything about his feelings—if he liked me or not. He never answered my question on how I got him.The only thing I ever got was don't rush to things, slowly my frustration was building.It felt like I had known him for years, like we had some unspoken connection that made conversations effortless. We didn’t have to search for topics—they just flowed. It was easy. Natural.Before I knew it, Friday had arrived. I was both excited and sad. Excited because the weekend was approaching, and sad because Fridays were my longest days in school. I had afternoon classes that stretched till 6 PM, and as a final-year student, the workload was suffocating. I was on edge, exhausted from the endless cycle of lectures, assignments, and deadlines. I just wanted this semester to end so I could tell myself, Only one more left. Just
Last Updated : 2025-03-21When loving you meant losing me Chapter Five: Between the lines
I told myself it didn’t matter. That I wasn’t entitled to an explanation.I thought about it the whole time I was walking back home from school.He wasn’t my boyfriend.But no matter how many times I repeated it, the thoughts refused to settle. I knew what it meant for a guy like Jayden to spend the night at a girl’s house. The way he dismissed it so casually… was she just a fling?Or was I?My stomach twisted every time I thought about it.We weren’t dating, yet it still hurt like hell.I wasn’t waiting for his message. I told myself that over and over again. But each time I picked up my phone out of habit, of course—I found myself checking for his name.Nothing.Frustrated, I tossed my phone aside and tried to focus on something else. Anything else.Just when I was about to give up, my phone buzzed.His name lit up my screen.Jayden: Hey, what’s up?I stared at the message, a million thoughts racing through my mind. Was he texting me from her house? Had he just left? Or was she
Last Updated : 2025-03-27When loving you meant losing me Chapter Six : Fear of falling
Talking to Jayden became part of my days, from morning calls to afternoon texts and late-night conversations that stretched into the early hours. It was the perfect beginning. Our conversations flowed effortlessly, as if we had known each other forever. I was falling deeper and deeper, unable to resist the pull of his presence. He would share details of his day, update me on every little thing he was doing, and I found myself reciprocating. At this point, I felt like I was already his girlfriend, though he hadn’t asked me out yet. The waiting was unbearable. One evening, we found ourselves talking about relationships. I don’t know if it was the way his voice softened or the way his words landed too close to home, but I felt exposed in a way I hadn’t before. “I didn’t want anything serious before I met you,” he admitted. "I was done with love. I just wanted to focus on making money, graduate, and get better at programming" "A relationship wasn’t on my list. I've been hurt
Last Updated : 2025-03-30When loving you meant losing me Chapter Seven: Fluttering hearts
My conversation with Jayden from the previous day echoed in my mind as I dressed for college. His voice had been softer than usual. What was it he said about being hurt before? About not wanting a relationship? Did he have a past he didn’t want to talk about? Or was he just not into women? I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I rummaged through my wardrobe, searching for the perfect outfit. I Wanted to look effortlessly stunning—school edition. If he saw me today, I wanted him to want me. Since it was Monday, I decided on a corporate look—a pair of wide-leg pants, a chic shirt, and sleek shoes. I put extra effort into my hair, glossed my lips generously, and when I looked in the mirror, I smirked. "Ooouwiii, that’s a hottie right there,” I murmured to myself. Who wouldn’t fall? My first class was at eight, then another at twelve. It was going to be a long day, but the thought of seeing Jayden made it better. When I stepped outside, Ava—my friend and neighbor—gasped.
Last Updated : 2025-04-04When loving you meant losing me Chapter Eight: One visit
I tore through my wardrobe in a desperate search, fabrics rumpled as I tossed aside options. Too formal. Too clingy. Too… desperate. My fingers brushed the black dress—the one that hugged every curve—and I held it up to the light. Nope. Too needy. A flush crept up my neck as last week’s memory flashes—his arms around me, the way I felt his breathe against my ear. Just a hug. Just a fleeting moment that had made all my senses come alive. I grabbed the trousers and t-shirt instead. I wanted the casual and unbothered look. Like I didn’t spend an hour searching for the perfect outfit. Four weeks had passed. One month of consistent calls and texts that left my stomach in knots and kept me yearning for more. Jayden insisted on taking things "slow," but every glance felt like a silent message. Tonight, though—tonight his home, his voice, his smile— I yanked open another drawer. Choosing an outfit had never been this difficult —Why was this so hard? Jayden’s voice from last night’s call
Last Updated : 2025-04-09
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When loving you meant losing me Chapter Twenty-one: Unexpected Turns
I left Jayden’s apartment early that morning, careful not to make a sound as we closed the door behind me. Felix was still knocked out on the couch, a blanket half-slipping off him. For a second, I almost turned back, almost crawled back into Jayden’s bed and pretended none of this real-world stuff existed. Jayden walked me to where I got a bus and we kissed good bye. He was going to his apartment where he stays with his cousin—his real apartmentThe seminar was coming up. And no amount of pretending was going to stop it. The days between then and Tuesday felt like a blur — half stress, half fatigued.I’d sit hunched over my phone for hours. Obsessing over every single PowerPoint slide. Changing fonts. Rewording bullet points. Adding animations, then deleting them because they felt “too much.”Ava, my neighbor and lowkey study buddy came over every evening, throwing questions at me until I wanted to scream. She was brutal in the best way — every awkward pause I made during practice, s
When loving you meant losing me Chapter Twenty: When The night Turns Soft
After the final exams on Friday, I spent the whole of Saturday sleeping—trying to revive my energy so I could function like a real human being again. By Sunday afternoon, around 1 p.m., I was sitting in the garage at the front of our building. It wasn’t really used for cars since none of us had one—we were all college students, so we’d converted the open garage space into a study and hangout area. The shed above gave just enough shade to make it bearable.I stared at the empty document on my phone, fingers hovering. Blank. I had no idea how to begin. As always, once I started, the words would pour in, but that beginning? Torture. I sighed and decided to work on Dom’s paper first. Mine could wait. "You can do this Sharon" I whispered to myselfThree hours later, I’d done the research, pulled in some articles, and outlined everything. Using the speech typing tool helped speed things up. I wrapped up the entire work—from introduction to literature review and references. Clean. Precise. M
When loving you meant losing me Chapter Nineteen: The Weight Of Wanting More
I had the weekend to prepare for exams. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I had to stop seeing Jayden for a while. We’d been spending so much time together—doing the things we both enjoyed, things I maybe enjoyed a little too much—and even though my body still tingled at the memory of our last weekend together, I knew I needed to focus. No distractions. Just me, my books, and maybe a little caffeine to keep me from collapsing halfway through.The thought of having a carryover in my final year was terrifying. My dad would probably kill me—or maybe not literally, but close. Things were tight at home, and he was already doing more than he could afford to make sure I stayed in school. I couldn’t let any of his efforts go to waste. All I’d ever wanted was to make my parents proud. They went through a lot every single day just to keep me going, and the guilt of knowing that weighed heavier than any textbook I had to read. Our school fees had been increased by ten percent that semester—j
When loving you meant losing me Chapter Eighteen: Safe Haven
By the time we got home, my stomach was growling. Jayden had picked up drinks and chicken on the way, and I couldn’t wait to tear into it.Normally, I’d barge in without thinking, but remembering I wasn’t alone, I paused at the door and knocked.“Come in!” Lydia called out from inside.My heart started racing. This was the first time I was introducing Jayden to my sister, and I silently prayed she’d like him just as much as I did. On our way in, we had run into Ava. She blinked at me— wide eyes and flushed cheeks. We said a quick hi and I rushed past her before she could launch into questions.As soon as we stepped into the room, Lydia sat up with a teasing grin.“Hmmm… who’s this handsome man?” I quickly introduced Jayden to my sister.We lived in a small studio with a family-sized bed, a kitchenette, and a tiny bathroom. It was cramped but cozy—our own little haven. The house was more like a shared family compound. The main duplex was empty, but the studio-style apartments in the b
When loving you meant losing me Chapter Seventeen: The Ones We Shouldn't Miss
I woke up to a message about a practical class. It had been scheduled earlier, but I’d completely forgotten. My chest tightened. I wanted to crash back into bed. It was a week before exams and everything felt like a blur. I needed time—to study, to breathe, to think.I called Jayden. He said he’d seen the schedule and would be in school.Dragging myself to the wardrobe, I shoved fabrics aside like they were obstacles in my way, searching frantically for my lab coat. I found it—crumpled in the laundry basket, smelling like sweat. I held it up, stared at it, then sighed. I didn’t even hesitate. I opened my sister’s side. She had two. One was clean.Relief washed over me.I tossed it into my bag, then rummaged through my bookshelf, scooping up notes, extra papers, and a pencil. My stomach growled. There was no way I was facing a practical class on an empty stomach. I had leftover sauce. I parboiled spaghetti and ate quickly, checking the time every two minutes like it might disappear.By
When loving you meant losing me Chapter Sixteen: Soft Lies, Hard Truths
"He is my friend," I breathed, my eyes tightly shut. The lie tasted bitter on my tongue. I hated saying it, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. We were all in the same college, just different majors. Running into each other was inevitable, and the last thing I wanted was tension or drama between the two of them—my past and present can not collide. Jake was the bane of my existence. We met during my first year. I remember sitting alone, struggling with a biology assignment—trying and failing to sketch the internal organs. That was when he walked over, confident and easy, offering to help. I declined, stubborn. But he didn’t leave. Natalie, Alice, and I met him at the same time. We were inseparable back then—the three musketeers. Somehow, Jake slipped into our trio like he belonged there, and from that day, we became friends. At least that’s how it started. I spent more and more time with him—during classes, after school, and eventually at his place. I didn’t plan to fall, but I
When loving you meant losing me Chapter Fifteen: No place to hide
Jayden was within eyeshot, pacing up and down the block. His brows were furrowed in concentration, his phone glued to his hand. He was having a hard time transferring last batch of result transfers from his old department. He’d told me before about the whole drama—how he switched his major from physics after nearly losing his mind, how he did it without telling his father, and how that had spiraled into one of their worst fights. He eventually moved out of the house. Jayden was headstrong—he always did what he believed in, even when it hurt. Except with me. I was his soft spot, his exception— I suppose. Bianca and I sat on the stairs, laughing about something silly. I hadn’t told her Jayden and I were dating yet, but judging by the look she gave me whenever his name popped up on my screen, I could tell she had already put two and two together. Bianca was observant but respectful—never asked more than I was ready to give. We chatted about school, the pressure, and our different
When loving you meant losing me Chapter Fourteen: The Edge of Burnout
School work became hectic. By Tuesday, I already felt like I’d run a marathon blindfolded—with no finish line in sight. School felt like a punishment–an academic war zone. Every lecturer had ditched all assessment for full blown term paper. I’d written so much, my wrists felt like rusted joints, grinding with every word I typed. Three papers down—one more to go. I’d spent the entire morning squinting at my phone screen. Editing. Proof reading with heavy eye bags and a racing clock. When I finally glanced at my watch—9:00 a.m. sharp—I panicked. I slung my bag over my shoulder and bolted out. My eyes stung from the sleep I never got. My morning routine—I went through it like Flash. I was in and out of the shower so fast. It was like the water barely touched my skin. I was running up and down the house—half-dressed. Exhausted. Back aching. The café buzzed with noise—low conversations, rustling papers, and the endless beep of printers. I managed to squeeze into a corner seat, hunched ov
When loving you meant losing me Chapter Thirteen: All I needed
The morning sun filtered through the curtains softly—but it didn’t warm me. My body moved lazily, but my heart was in a mess.The weight of what happened yesterday still beared down on me. I dragged myself out of bed, changed into something decent, and grabbed my bag and file. Outside, the world continued like nothing had happened but I felt like I was still in a void—an emotional wreck. Classes had already started rounding up because of the exams. I sprint towards my department to catch up with submission of assignment. My head throbbed. My mind wandered. I had other assignments to submit, presentation to prepare for, and—of course—my final research paper to finalize. It seemed like my world was coming to an end. My phone which was my only support to type was going bad and really fast. After class, I went straight to my supervisor’s office. The paper was already a patchwork of sleepless nights and last-minute edits. I had made over a thousand corrections since the semester began
