5. If You Let me

Holland's POV

On the day of my anniversary, I left work excited. I had made it to that auction just in time to bid on the perfect pair of earrings. I saw them a few days ago, and they reminded me of my wife’s beautiful eyes. I just had to have them. But nothing went the way I had planned it that day. 

Once I won the bid to purchase this expensive jewelry, I knew reporters were at the event and would swarm around me to interview me. So, to disguise my wife's natural gift. I ended up bidding on the ruby necklace at the auction and won that bid, too. So, I knew that the bid would attract reporters to me. And Amanza would probably see me on television talking about the necklace.  So, I never mentioned the earrings because I planned to surprise her with them as my anniversary gift. I got a phone call when I was getting ready to leave work. 

Susan said, “Hey Holland, what are you doing?” 

“Oh I’m on my way to meet Amanza at Rochesters, it’s our anniversary today.” 

“Did you forget what else today is?” 

“Uhm…I can’t recall.” 

“Ah, that makes me sad. Today is my birthday.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right, congratulations.”

“I would love to have some company. I’m  feeling quite depressed, and I would like to know if I can come over.”

Immediately after work, I went straight to Susie’s place. Susie is so fragile. I opened the door with the key she gave me a few days ago in case of a medical emergency. 

When I arrived at Susie’s apartment, she was curled up on the sofa. As soon as she saw me, she threw her arms around me all limber and enthusiastic, she pulled me into her apartment.

"I’m so glad you are here. Have a seat. Baby, I'm so happy to see you. It seems like forever since I've seen you, darling. I have something important I want to talk to you about.”

“Let me get some water first. Do you want something to drink?”

“Oh, okay, thanks.” 

I came back to the living room with her glass of water.

“Come sit on the couch next to me. Let me help you take off your jacket so you can get comfortable. I need to explain something to you.”

Susie began to open up. She said, “Holland, when I decided to go to New York and go abroad, it was because of my depression. I  was in a bad situation back then, and my health was terrible, so I went across seas to get help.”

“Why didn’t you tell me back then.” 

“ I didn’t know how to tell you, and I didn’t want to be a drag on your life with all my problems.”

“So, are you better now?” 

“Well, the doctors are keeping a close eye on me. Being stressed out isn’t good for my condition or depression. I’m so lonely now that I’m back, and all my old friends are married and busy with their families and careers, and all I have is you. Will you promise to be by my side?” 

When I heard this, I felt full of guilt. “Yes, I’ll be here for you until you're better.” 

 I couldn't help but promise to stay by her side until she was fully recovered.

Wait here a second.” Susie goes into her bedroom and then comes back out. “Here, take a look.”

“What is this?” I asked, looking at her puzzled.

“Silly boy, it’s a pregnancy test. “I’m pregnant.” 

 I froze completely. And when I tried to talk, I stuttered. “A pregnancy test.”

“Yes,  unaware that that drunken night would have such serious consequences. I was so sorry, but I don't remember anything from that night.

“You remember when I first came to town several weeks back, and I called you over, talked, and drank? Not to mention the other stuff we did, " she said, blushing. 

I was lost for words, but I recalled her calling me over. Telling me she was feeling sick, that her depression was coming back, and that she was terrified of being alone. 

“You don’t remember?” She said pouting.

“I’m so sorry, Susie, but I don't remember anything that would cause you to get pregnant from that night.”

Susie looked a little embarrassed as she recalled the sight of me passing out that night. “I admitted that I couldn't resist taking a selfie of us together before you woke up. Here, take a look.” 

I sat there stunned and unable to speak as I looked at the picture of me in her bed with her all hugged up and asleep. 

“We both got pretty smashed that night, you a little more than me.” She snickered. “So I don’t blame you for not recalling what we did together.” 

Susie, I’m married…”

“I know you're married; I can raise our baby alone if you don’t want to help me.  I will manage as a single mother.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to help if it’s my baby…”

“If it’s your baby! You see the proof right here; we slept together, Holland.”

“I see the picture, but I don’t remember anything from that night, and if I’m going to explain something like this to Amanza, don’t you think I should be certain about it? This isn't any light matter, Susie. I can’t reveal something like this to Amanza until I have concrete proof.”

“What! All you care about is her! And How she’s going to feel! What about me? You knot me up, and now you want to act like you don’t recall any of it! Holland, you can go! Forget about it! I will take care of my child myself!    I am tired and anxious. Leave me, please!”

Susie started to cry, saying. "Look at what you've done."

"What have I done? Look, I'm sorry if I hurt you, Susie.

“Get out! Go to her!” 

“I’ll call you later when you have calmed down and get some rest. Good night, Susie.” 

Later that evening I sat in the driveway hitting the steering wheel so full of frustration. I kept thinking about how I would tell Amanza what I just heard from Susie. If only I could remember sleeping with her, but I don’t. I was sitting on the sofa, and that’s when I passed out. That’s all I recall about that night.

I am tired and anxious about everything that happened tonight. I need a drink. After a few drinks, I wasn’t ready to drive. So since I wasn’t that far from my office I went there to sleep a few hours to sober up.

My heart hurts the most when I wake up. I had been fumbling and twisting all night until the truth started to click in my brain. There’s so much space in my head, and it’s only filled with miles of her smile. 

I realize that I don’t want to be just a memory, and I don’t want to feel her wings break free because I’m lost in the breeze without her. 

I have to be strong now, and I have to show her how I love her like I have never loved her before. Please don’t let her tell me she’s had enough, that my time is up, and that she is over us because I am willing to do anything for her.

My eyes and heart are open now, so I returned home and decided to discuss what I had with Amanza. However, as soon as I entered the door, I saw Amanza packing all her belongings. The first thing she said to me made my heart stop for a second.   

“Holland. I want a divorce.”