My child, not our child

Gwen

My legs gave out immediately he walked out of the room. Tam, who had seen our exchange and had figured out what happened was actually there to hold me.

My head was banging. Everything seemed fuzy in my eyes. Tears stung the back of my eyes and they were blurry. I could not see straight.

My breathing suddenly started getting shorter. It was hard for me to catch my breath and I could not get it together.

"Hey, hey, babe. Calm down. Don't do this, please." I heard as Tam picked up her bag to rummage it. Probably to check if there was an inhaler there. It had become an habit for her when my attacks became frequent.

"There, there. Slowly." She said as I dragged in whatever was inside the inhaler. I've always hated it. The tang that came along with the puff from the thing irritated me lots. But there was nothing I could do.

Especially in situations like this.

I had panic attacks sometimes. It mostly happened when I had nightmares from the day I was pushed down the stairs. Or faintly the day my mother left when I was a kid. That, I could not say. Cause her face was faded. I don't know what she looked like. So I don't know why I have nightmares about the day.

"Calm down, girl. It's all over. You don't have to see him anymore." Tam said and I wanted to tell her no.

That he was going to come back for me. He said it before he left. That it wasn't over.

I knew I had taunted him and caused him to be angry. I did it intentionally. I wanted to annoy him. He didn't seem affected that we met again.

And there I was, feeling all nervous and hoping the meeting will wrap up as quick as it had started.

He just sat there. Like he owned the place listening to every word of the meeting. Like I wasn't there. Like he was not causing ruckus in my head.

I felt his steel eyes staring deeply at me. Anytime my eyes caught his, he'd hold my gaze until I dropped it.

He still had effect on me and I hated it. He made me feel hot and bothered all over. Even without doing nothing. He pulled on the strings of my heart that I have kept deep somewhere in me without making any effort at all.

There had to be some sort of imbalance in me. There was no way the man who left me alone, high and dry to only be engaged to the woman I hated still get this kind of reaction out of me.

He left me and his child alone with just a common letter. He could not even do it to my face.

There were times when I had hoped that he would come looking for me. Maybe, just maybe, he still loved me like he acclaimed.

Turned out I was just another notch to his bed post. I had pulled on my big girl pants later. Though I hid so well, I knew there was no way he'd find me. But still, I had hoped.

"You've gone through this one. The other times you'll be meeting will be more easier for you." Tam said as she gripped both of my hands in her slightly bigger ones. Tam was a tall girl. Taller than some men. And was on the bigger side. Which actually complemented my petite figure.

"There won't be other times, Tam. I'm not sure I'll be able to do this again." I said, holding her gaze so she'd see how serious I was.

"You'll only be deceiving yourself if you think this would be the end. With what went down between both of you the other time, you're definitely meeting up soon."

She wasn't doing anything to alleviate my nervousness.

I knew this too. Charles was a stubborn man.

"What if he gets to know about Charlie, Tam?" I said. And that scared the shit outta me. Immediately I said the words out, things even went more realistic.

"So what?"

"He might want to take her away from me." I said shakily, rubbing my palms on my face.

"He wouldn't dare. He was the cause of this from the start. He left you alone when you needed him the most. He fucking left, Gwen. He knew you were hurt and he left you and your child. So what right do you think he's going to claim over your child?" She said emphasizing more in the 'your'.

I trusted her words, but not fully.

"You'll be fine, babe. We'll cross the bridge when we get there." She said rubbing my nose with her index finger. She does that a lot.

I laughed, even in the situation that I was.

"Stop it."

"Let's go for some drinks tonight." She said and I shook my head.

"I still have work to cover." I said, putting my hair in a ponytail bun after releasing the band a little.

"I'm altering all the dresses myself. So I'll be needing all the extra time I can get. Has the invitation been sent out to all of our clients and prospective clients?" I asked her, getting my head into the game and forgetting a particular green eyed monster.

"That's my girl. And, yes, it has. They can also bring a plus one along with them when they are coming." She looked at her iPad as she spoke to me.

"Annnnddddddd, the hall has been booked, the decor is going on presently."

"Okay. I'd like to be there tomorrow to look at what is actually going on. I want to add some idea that popped in my head about the arrangements of how the models will walk out."

"Cool. They will actually be going tomorrow for the practice of their walk."

"Excellent. That will work perfectly fine. This means I'll be working overtime today." I sighed gently. I've not spent time with Charlie lately. As if reading my thoughts, Tam said,

"Why don't you bring in Charlie tomorrow?"

"Can I? I mean, with all the work and all that." I said.

"Your daughter is the most understanding kid I've ever met in my life. She will love just been around you. And besides, you're the boss." She said and I knew it. Charlie acted like she was older than her age. The child was a old soul.

"Don't you think I'm a bad mother, Tam?" I asked quietly.

"Where is this coming from? You are the best mom I've met. With all you went through, to raise your child and become the woman you are today, you're the best, Gwen and don't forget that. I know today room a toll on you. But don't because of anyone change your thoughts about how you raise your child."

I closed my eyes tightly as I let her words sink in.

"You got this girl. Let's get it."

She said and I nodded along with her.

I walked out of the conference room with a new found confidence in myself.

Charles Emmett could go fuck himself for all I cared.

If he eventually knew about my child, there was no way I was letting her go with him. He left me first.

She was my child not our child.