What If I Do?

I swayed my body to each beat of the music that the DJ was playing. My eyes were closed while I dance like a crazy woman in the middle of the dance floor. I honestly don't give a f*ck if I'm wasted. I feel sorry for the people that I had accidentally hit every time I move.

I just want to have fun! Tonight is the very special day of this month! I want to celebrate it!

I shook my head and shout just like everybody else do whenever they totally lose control of themselves. We're like people who lose our minds for a moment to have fun.

Suddenly, I felt someone dancing behind me. Just by his hand roaming around my waist, I can easily say that this person is a jerk. I opened my eyes and stop myself from dancing. His heavy breathing behind my left ears makes me want to punch him in the face.

I gritted my teeth as I felt his hand slowly sliding down and I knew where it is heading.

"Hey, na-ah! That part is private!" I slapped his hands. I also shout or more than yelling a bit because he wouldn't hear me if I use my normal tone.

Naramdaman ko naman na inalis niya ang kamay niya. Doon ako humarap at saka pumayawang. I just dumped my boyfriend earlier and to sympathize, I won't look for another guy as my new boyfriend to replace his position. Let's respect his broken heart at least for this night.

"Then, when will it be public?" He asked in a cold and serious tone. That got me. This is my ideal type of man! Ghad! Bakit kapag naghahanap ako hindi ako makakita pero kapag nasa harap ko na saka naman ako walang gana?

Ah! This is so frustrating. I want to have this guy but not now. I want to have a rest. Maybe I can get his number? At tawagan ko nalang siya kapag gusto ko na?

Yeah, right! That's it!

Naghahalo-halo ang mga neon lights na tumatama sa mata ko habang nakatingin ako sa kaniya. Marami ring mga taong nakikiindayog sa malakas na musika. I don't know if it's because of the effect of the strong alcohol that I drank or because the lights are kind of dim kaya hindi ko masiyadong makita ang itsura niya?

He's also blurred in my vision.

But anyway, I don't like to do the first move. Dapat mauna siya, ganun naman ang halos lahat ng ginagawa ng lalaki pagdating sa akin. He should ask for my number and I will give it wholeheartedly.

"Sorry, sweetheart! But that part wouldn't be public if you don't ask for my number!" I said and laugh a little. Normal naman na sa akin ang ganito but boy! Aaminin ko! Ngayon lang ako nakaranas ng ako yung maguutos na kuhain niya yung number ko!

This is not me! This is really not me! Maybe because I'm drunk right now? Ghad, I need to get back to my friends.

Baka maikama ako ng kung sino dito!

But I can't deny that this guy is a little bit challenging to get that I find it more interesting.

I heard him laugh with a sense of humor like he's fascinated by what I have said. I rolled my eyes because of embarrassment. Wait, why do I even feel embarrassed? He should be the one! Dapat mahiya siya dahil ang bagal niya! Babae pa ang nauuna!

What a jerk!

"Anyway, if you don't want to get my number. I'll go ahead, my friends are probably looking for me right now," I said and then turn my back at him, leaving without hearing any last words from him.

That man is not just a jerk, he's so slow and weak! Mahina pala ang lalaking iyon pagdating sa babae. He doesn't know the moves to get a woman's heart.

Para akong pilay kung maglakad dahil ramdam ko na talagang medyo lasing na ako. Ay hindi, lasing na talaga ako. Gegewang gewang ang lakad nang makarating ako sa table namin. Naabutan ko pa na nagiinuman pa rin sila.

I glanced at Dave and Julie's direction and I saw them flirting. Ew, limang taon na silang magkasama at alam naman nila na may gusto sila sa isa't isa pero kung makaasta 'tong dalawa nagpapakipot pa. Naghihintayan pa kung sino ang unang magfifirst move.

Ew, mga weak!

Gumagaya pa sa akin na malaki at mataas ang pride. Mga baliw talaga. Akala mo naman mga high schooler students pa kung magdeny sa mga feelings pero kung maglandian dinaig pa ang mag-asawa. Tapos sa selosan akala mo susugod sa labanan eh mga wala namang label.

I shake my head and turned my attention to Drel, my best friend. Naabutan ko siyang kunot na naman ang noo habang nakatingin sa kaniyang cellphone, malamang naiinis na naman. Hayan na naman ang reaksyon niya dahil paniguradong hindi na naman nagtext ang magaling niyang boyfriend.

Linapitan ko siya. "He didn't message you again, probably," I said. I heard her sigh.

"I don't know what to do with this guy anymore. He's pissing me off. Yesterday I caught him talking to Loisa, remember that girl? Argh! Gusto ko silang pagbuhulin dalawa!" She said angrily, pabagsak niyang ibinaba ang kaniyang cellphone sa lamesa.

I laughed, no longer have control over myself. "Break up with him then. Drellia, you shouldn't take boys seriously lalo na sa lalaki na 'yon! They are all asshole!" I said and lean my back on the couch.

I closed my eyes. I'm so sleepy. Gusto ko ng umuwi!

"No, he's not! Ren, he's madly in love with me! He admitted it when he confessed his feelings! It's just that Loisa, his ex, keeps on talking to him! Ang landi!" She sneered.

Humalakhak na ako.

"Whatever, Drel. If he really loves you then he'll be responsible for informing you whenever he's going somewhere or doing something. That's the real man with their real commitments," I said before I closed my eyes, ready to sleep.

Nagising ang diwa ko dahil sa malakas na pagkakasampal sa akin ni mommy. Agad kong sinimpatya ang kaliwang pisngi ko dahil sa kirot na nararamdaman ko dito.

"What the hell, mom?!" I shrieked because of anger. Usually, uuwi ako sa bahay nang hindi nila napapansin at aalis nang hindi nila nalalaman. Even if I informed them that I'll go out with my friends they won't even pay attention or in short, they ignored me all the time. They don't care about me, they only care about the company.

Every time we eat, laging iyon ang topic. I'm so sick of that repeated cycle situation that's why inuunahan ko na sila. I'm so sick of how they treat me like they don't have a daughter! Pero ngayon? Magagalit sila dahil ginabi ako ng uwi!?

For fvck sake, I know that it's passed 12:00 in the evening! Pero kahit noon madaling araw pa nga ako umuuwi wala naman silang pakialam! Anong nangyari? Bakit biglang may pasampal at sermon?

"What the hell is your problem, mom?!" I shouted again, pissed off.

I step backward, feeling unbelievable and angry at the same time because that is the very first time my mom had slapped me. For the first time in my life, ngayon lang ako napansin at lintik lang, napagbuhatan pa ako ng kamay.

Mom looked at me with her sharp bloodshot eyes that can make your knees tremble by just looking at it. She pointed her index finger in my direction and I can sense her pure wrecking range. Para bang galit na galit siya sa akin dahil may nagawa akong illegal at masama.

I glanced in my Dad's direction, he seems bothered and worried about me but he's afraid to meddle in this situation.

I wanted to laugh so bad right now. Ngayon ko lang nalaman na takot si dad kay mom. Funny how a man can't intervene in something because he's afraid of her woman.

I look away because my anger is just getting bigger and bigger and that any minute from now I would just explode.

"Do you know how much you made us so worried, Rena?! You're a girl for heaven's sake and you came home at this late hour?! Where have you been?! Hindi mo ba alam na may magulang na naghihintay sayo?!" Mom yelled.

Hindi makapaniwalang tumingin ako sa kaniya. "Hah!" Suminghap ako saka tumingala at muling nagbalik ng tingin sa kaniya. Why is she acting like she really cares about me? Why is she acting like that? I feel like she always waits for me to come home even if it's not.

The hell, why is she even doing these things that I felt like I don't even know her for so long?

...