Chapter#1: Rest Forever

‘It’s a race against time, and a race between heart and mind.’

****

I pinched myself.

“Ouch!” I shrieked.

“It really isn’t a dream. Okay, calm down, Pearl Bennet, you can do this.” The words for reassuring myself weren’t helping at all.

My heart was still thundering inside my chest. Sweat pricked my forehead and the back of my neck, making my baby hair to stick there. Using a handkerchief, I swiftly made myself less sweaty.

I glanced at the extravagant mirror. Deep blue eyes, as if one had gathered the ocean waves, stared back at me. I swiftly pulled out a brush from my black purse and began combing my straightened raven black hair. Odd pair, right? I got my eyes from my mom and hair color from my dad.

Once done with the hair, I moisturized my thin lips with a pink gloss and then went ahead to straighten my fish tail red dress, that hugged my skinny body, highlighting the few curves I had.

“Let’s do this.” Yep, I talked to myself often.

Exiting the white marbled grand washroom of the hotel building, my feet reluctantly carried me to the open terrace, where the party was taking place.

The guard opened the glass double doors and I finally stepped to the party.

Soft music played in the background with white and yellow lights illuminating the terrace. My eyes roamed around the place to find a familiar face until, the voice that never missed to make my heart beat at the fastest rate, called my name from the behind. I turned around to find the most handsome face smiling at me.

“Ethan.” I said.

“Oh, my God. Look at yourself! Is this really Pearl Bennet, who loved to dress up as a tomboy?” Ethan smiled way broader and pulled me into a hug. Immediately, his mint cologne hit my nostrils and my heart beat finally came to a normal pace. I felt relaxed just like the good old days.

“Duh! I thought it was time for some change. But look at yourself, you look even more handso…good! Hahah!” And just like the usual me, my slip of tongue managed to get the truth out, almost. Ethan raised a brow at me. Of course, I had just made a fool out of me with that stupid and fake laugh.

‘Hold yourself, Pearl! You are meeting Ethan after 5 years! Calm down.’ I scolded myself with the thought.

“So….how have you been?” I asked while pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

“All good. Come, let me get you a seat.” Ethan held my hand in his and led me through the mobbed terrace. At that moment, all that mattered was the warmth of his hand that had enveloped my small one. I just wished, that may that moment never end. It felt so safe. After all, there was no one to hold my hand like that. There never had been. A small smile tucked at my lips.

We stopped by the terrace railing and in front was a small round table with two chairs. This table set was a little different, decorated with red and white balloons, accompanied by scented candles on the table.

I blushed at the thought that this decoration was especially for us; me and Ethan. But what if it really was? Since there were only two chairs and the site and the decoration was different than the other table sets. Taking in the surroundings, I noticed that it was also right in front the stage.

My heart hardly had settled but once I was done scrutinizing the scene, my doubt felt a little more close to turning into reality.

“Hey!” Ethan’s honey laced voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

I turned to him and saw him smiling with a sheepish tint.

“Have a seat. There is something I want to tell you.”

I slowly took the seat, with eyes glued to Ethan’s face.

‘Is he really going to say that he is in love with me? Like what else are these arrangements for?’ I thought. This brought a giddy feeling in my stomach and reminded of the first time I met Ethan. However, the incident was terribly embarrassing one but…anyways.

“What is it?” I asked with a million thoughts buzzing in my mind like a factory producing myriad products at a time. One machine doesn’t know what is happening at the other side but yet they work in a sync. If one stops, the entire finishing is halted to a stop.

Ethan settled in the chair in front of me, lacing his fingers hesitantly with mine. His hazel eyes were locked to mine, like a magnet. If possible, my heart beat increased even more. If this was to be continued, I would for sure die out of a heart attack. And people, this is the result of having extremely low experience in physical touches.

“Well, today I am going to make a very important announcement. I really wanted to ask you about it, consult with you but it was as if I just couldn’t.” He lowered his eyes.

“I am on all my ears.” I signified him to continue. My breath was almost coming to a stop. I really wanted to hear him before I died from suffocation.

“You see, I had no clue what your reaction would be, but I am glad you are here. You know that you have been the closest to me. I went through various upside downs and Pearl, you were always there for me. I definitely wanted your word about this but, I think a surprise would make you even happier.” His words left me smiling.

Actually, smile would be a small word. It was the happiest moment of my life! That day, finally the miracle I had always imagined came true. I legit wanted to jump and dance in front of everyone, to shout my heart out loud and tell every single person on the face of this earth.

Yeah, Ethan didn’t say it clearly that he loved me or something but, the clue he gave me was more than enough. Moreover, he had especially arranged this party, just to make an announcement.

Ethan scrunched his brows and a look of concern washed over his handsome face.

“Pearl, you alright? Yeah, you used to often doze off but, you seem lost way too deeply.”

“No!” I replied a little too quickly.

“I meant, I am sorry for dozing off. It is just that….what you are hinting at….I just cannot wait to hear it out.” I said while lowering my eyes. I felt shy. Don’t judge me. Anyone would at such a moment.

Ethan laughed and then squeezed my hand. Oh, the sensations that kept on passing through my hand were remarkable.

“You look too adorable. I am glad to hear that you are really keen to hear the announcement and you are not mad at me either for not telling you about this.” Just then, his dad called him from the other corner of the place.

“Ah, gotta go. See you at the time of announcement. I literally can’t wait to see your expression. Enjoy the party till then. And oh! Gordon is here too.” I stood up from my seat with such alacrity that the chair was about topple over, if it wasn’t for the railing’s support behind.

I saw Gordon making his way to us. I almost couldn’t identify him. Thanks to his award winning smile and those fluffy curly hair, I identified him.

Ethan and Gordon shared a manly hug and when Gordon looked my way, his expression turned into a startled one. I knew wearing such type of dress would definitely catch attention, something I always tended to avoid.

“I will leave you two. Bye!” Ethan ran off to his dad as Gordon smiled again and pulled me into a tight hug. His bear hugs were something I missed way too much.

“OMG! Can’t believe my eyes. You look stunning, cotton candy.” Then Gordon ruffled my hair, ruining my hair style.

“Hey, don’t call me that! Also, is this really Gordon Harris? One who hardly used to wear anything apart from casual T-Shirts and sweat pants?” We chuckled as we sat down on the chairs.

His attire consisted of a two piece gray colored suit. Totally not his style.

“But really, not lying, you look nice.” I spoke.

“Well, thank you. People have to change with time but then again, some things about people don’t tend to change even if we wash ourselves with a huge wave of change." I wanted to squirm under his scrutinizing gaze.

“What do you mean?” I asked him. Although I knew what he was hinting at.

Gordon smiled and replied, “Pearl, you have changed. Your dressing, your confidence, your spirit and you seem content. Not like the Pearl who used to chicken out under people’s gazes and teared herself for others.” Every word that left Gordon’s mouth left me stunned. He had changed entirely. He had turned into a serious and intelligent person.

“Yep, you are right. I know how to counter back things now but then again, as you said, some of our parts remain the same, and at times they get even weaker.” I teared my eyes away from him and searched for Ethan.

My eyes caught him laughing to a girl with blonde hair. My mind immediately went to one person’s thought only. Before I could think any more, Gordon broke the silence with an ice breaker.

“You still love him.” I found Gordon’s eyes. They had a curtain of some un-explainable emotion. I averted my eyes anywhere but him.

“Yep.” I squeaked.

“Of course.” He whispered to himself.

A wave of nostalgic memories washed over me. Gordon was the only person who knew about this little secret of mine. Adding to this, if I had been through all the upside downs of Ethan’s college life, then it was Gordon for me. He had always been there during my emotional breakdowns, whenever I saw Ethan, together with…

“Ladies and Gentlemen!” Ethan’s sound pulled me out of my thoughts.

 Ethan waited for everyone’s attention. I waited as my left foot began tapping on the brown crystal clear tiles of the floor. It was finally time.

“I welcome you all today at this party. Thanks for your precious time. Today, however isn’t just a reunion party but in fact, a very special day for me.” I heard his every single word tentatively.

“Let’s not get you bored and get things a little spicy. But an intro is important. Today is the date and month when I met someone very special. I didn’t realise that the person I am meeting right now would become such a beloved one for me.”

After saying those words, he looked at me straight away. Although my table was at the front of the stage, yet there was some distance which led me to struggle to see if he was really looking at me. But then, he really was looking in my direction. I opened my mobile and saw the date.

It was 1^st March. I smiled to such extent that maybe if my mom was here, she would have for sure pinched me to smile less, but I just couldn’t help it. How could he remember it? It was the date when we met at the party, the day before our first day at college.

My dream was finally coming true. He was going to accept his love for me in front of every single person. My eyes went watery from the happiness that just generated inside me.

“Today, I am going to accept my feelings in front of you all. I am in love. True love!” His eyes had the brightness I had never seen before. They made me feel even happier and at peace. The man of my dreams was in love with me.

“I don’t know if she feels the same for me, loves me with the same intensity as I do, but I know, she still, over the time, has that soft spot for me. Guys, I cannot wait anymore.”

‘Neither can I wait, Ethan!’ I screamed inside me.

“Today, I am going propose my love, for binding herself in marriage with me.” I stood up from my seat out of disbelief. Love was more than fine, but marriage? What else could I wish for? From the corner of my eye, I saw Gordon looking just as shocked as I was. However, not happy the way I was.

“So, here I propose you. Will you marry me, Delisha Evans?”

I was near to saying yes out loud, until……..until the name Ethan had just spoken settled upon me.

My smile, slowly began vanishing. I turned numb. Numb? No. I had just paralyzed into a statue as I saw a girl with familiar blonde hair making her way from behind me until, reaching the stage and enveloping Ethan into a tight hug.

“Yes, yes, yes!” She screamed yes thrice and then they kissed. Kissed in front of me.

“Delisha…” I whispered my best friend’s name. The only one with whom I remained in contact all these years.

My eyes let out the silent tears. The tears which were born due to happiness at first but now they fell because of the worst nightmare of my life. I couldn’t stand on my shivering legs anymore as they buckled and I fell onto my chair.

Gordon, as fast as a flash, came right beside me and pressed my shoulders. He was speaking something whilst the crowd was cheering and whistling at the new couple on the stage as Ethan slipped a diamond ring into Delisha’s finger.

However, every single sound was muted to me. All that I could hear was thumping of the hot blood inside my ears and going all way to my head. My mouth was hanging open and no other thought could be formed in my mind. I felt as if innumerable needles had just pierced my skin.

My heart felt no need to continue beating. Black dots began appearing in front of my eyes until, a splash of cold water went all over my face.

Light came back into my vision and I found myself standing in the washroom with Gordon’s emerald green colored eyes looking at me with severe concern. He must have dragged me into the washroom.

“Pearl! For God’s sake, talk to me!” His words boomed in my ears like a drum.

“Delisha….she and Ethan……Oh God! They were dating back in college. I thought they were over till now.” I was talking to myself but was loud enough for Gordon to hear.

“Hey, stop. Just look at me. Pearl, I am asking you to look at me! Hey!” He seemed frustrated but I continued to blabber with a shattered heart and soul.

“How could I forget her? They….she and him…love. Getting married…Oh my God!” I finally let myself break down.

I slid down on the washroom floor and began crying out. Gordon let out a huff and sat right beside me. He engulfed me into a hug. I didn’t resist myself and leaned into his hug. I collected his button down shirt in my fisted hands and let all my tears out.

If tears are kept inside, they turn into a monster and then keep on clawing from the inside until one is completely devastated. I was already devastated and couldn’t afford any more destruction.

My soul and heart had shattered into a million pieces. Like a vase can’t be put together even if all the pieces are glued. The vase still remains unstable and the marks never leave. Just one more crash and no more gluing to put them together either.

I continued to cry until, I just couldn’t continue to do so. Despite Gordon hugging me tightly and rubbing soft circles on my back, I wanted to leave. Leave this place, leave the world, forever.

I teared myself away from Gordon. A part of me missed his warmth but what had just happened couldn’t be cured by a hug.

“What happen?” He asked.

I stood up from the floor. My legs had gone numb and when I stood up, I stumbled. If it wasn’t for Gordon, I would have kissed the ground already. I stepped away from him as if he was a virus.

“Pearl, look at me. Please, say something. I know you are tensed over the proposal and everything but….”

“Tensed? Tensed? NO! I am not tensed!” I shouted way too loud. Even I couldn’t believe it was my voice, so for sure the expression that curtained Gordon’s face was fair.

“I am not tensed at all! I am done! So done with my life! I waited all these years, but what did I get? Nothing! Nothing at all!” I began weeping by the last words but quickly got over it.

“But, no. Not anymore. I won’t let people use me, play with my feelings anymore. I am done!” I hurriedly escaped the washroom with Gordon hot on my tracks.

I knew I looked terribly ugly with all the smudged black mascara and eyeliner. But it didn’t matter. Not at all. Walking in heels and then with numb legs wasn’t a good idea.

Just as I reached the middle of the terrace where the party was taking place and people were enjoying their moments, I fell.

I fell in front of ‘everyone’ in the party, and right in the middle. My day just couldn’t get any worse.

“Pearl!” I heard Ethan’s voice and he was the last person on earth I wanted to see. People began surrounding us in a circle and Delisha also approached me and pulled me to my feet. Gordon reached just in time, too. Great, all eyes were on me.

I snatched my arm away from Delisha and sent a burning, raged gaze at her. Delisha looked so surprised but even then, she looked alluring as ever. She had everything a girl could ask for. Naturally blond hair, curves, height and brains. And me, I was just a nerd and a coward.

“Don’t you dare come near me!” I shouted.

Everyone gasped and Ethan looked at me as if I was some lunatic. Of course, I was looking like one and acting like one. A hand of applause for Pearl Bennet.

“Ummm, Ethan, Delisha, Pearl is just a….a….little drunk! Yeah! I will get her home.” No one bought to his lie.

“There isn’t alcohol here.” Ethan answered back and then turned to me.

“Pearl, tell me what happened? You okay?” I laughed and snorted at that out loud. It was the end of everything. People were looking at me and enjoying.

“Yeah, I am okay. Way more than okay. I wish you two good luck, by the way!” I stumbled forward and tried to gain my balance. I was literally like a drunk person without even drinking.

“Pearl, listen, come with me…” I interrupted Delisha.

“I said, don’t you dare come near me! Just enjoy your blissful life with your love! Bye!” And then I took off my heels and tightened my grip on them, as if my little bit of the pride depended on the intensity of this grip, and ran away. Literally ran away, like a thief.

People whom I called my friends, called after me but I ran like there was no end. My eyes couldn’t hold in the tears and they let them out again, even more badly than before.

I forcefully went through the restaurant with people’s sights on me. Some kids even called me a clown.

“Thank you! At least some one is honest!” I shouted back at the kids as I ran to the garage with tears spilling continuously from my eyes.

I was about to take out my car keys when noticed that I had forgotten my handbag. Thinking no more I threw my heels on my car’s windshield, making it shatter into pieces and to fall everywhere. Ignoring the tiny pieces that stung into my bare feet, I moved out onto the road.

‘How could life turn out into something like this?’ I asked myself while walking in the middle of the road.

‘Why did it happen to ME? WHY?’

“Am I not beautiful enough for someone to love me? Yes, I am not as pretty and perfect as Delisha but…couldn’t he just love me?” I commenced speaking louder and my pace moved to a faster and rougher one.

“Oh God! Why! Please, God! I cannot take it anymore. I WANT TO DIE!” I halted to a stop and let my weight to carry me on my knees in the middle of nowhere. I never knew that my eyes could produce this much of tears.

Until, a car came while banging the horn continuously.

I wasn’t in my best mind and that explained why I realized way too late that….the car was speeding ahead….towards me.

All that I remember was how the car was coming and afterwards, how with an instant, everything went black. The world melted all around me, leaving me and my tears to have some rest, forever.

****

When life comes hitting Pearl, her heart and soul wants to rest forever. But how long will this rest last?