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I LOST MYSELF

I never know where it started, but somewhere in the pain and in the darkness, I lost myself.

It was just pain at first: the pain of losing a baby that lacerated my chest and made it hard to breathe. It was like they took a part of me-a part that would never be returned. Every breath I took was a reminder of the child I would never hold, the life I would never nurture. It felt like the world had grayed, and no matter how hard Seth tried to comfort me, I couldn't find my way back to color.

Days passed. Weeks, maybe. I'm not even sure anymore. It's all such a blur, one endless stretch of numbness. Mornings, I woke up and didn't know where I was. The walls that enclosed me felt unfamiliar-the bed beneath me, too cold. I didn't know how I'd gotten there or why I should care. I didn't even feel like the same person anymore. Whoever I had been-the woman who had carried a child, who had fought so hard to survive-was gone. In her place, someone hollow, someone I didn't know.

I forgot simple thi
Neha M

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