04 - Hazz

“I can't believe you did this to me again, Hazz!” Ruth practically dragged me by the ears. “You keep complicating me with your habit of being late.”

“Ruth, I swear to God it's not a craze” I spoke in a whispered tone, because I was afraid to scream for the hand she held in my ear in that painful pinch. “I ended up sleeping too much. I didn't hear the cell phone ring, and when I noticed it in the sun, I was already two hours late. I swear to God I won't do it again.”

In every corridor we passed, everyone looked at the scene and laughed. She was just grumbling, but my way of walking in a hurry should be the fun of the time.

“Oh, aren't you going to do it again?” she asked, ironically, still pulling me forward with her hand in my ear. Despite the anger in her voice, she no longer pulled me hard, she only did that to vent some of that fury into her little body. She was so smaller than me, that I might as well have straightened and run away from the reach of her hands, but it seemed cruel to leave her jumping to try to reach my head and have some way to take revenge for the complicated situations in which I put her. “Of course you won't do it again, Hazz. Your head has already been awarded in this place. Everyone wants you to be sent away. No one can stand these lies anymore.”

Dismissal. The word that bothered me the most. Worse than a late bill, just the idea of not having a way to keep paying the bills. My blood froze, and not even my consideration for Ruth allowed me to let her still hold me by the ear.

I straightened up, thinking if I would really be as pale as the walls that surrounded us, or if I was imaJessyndo things when I saw the skin of my hand changing color. I couldn't be fired. Anything but that.

“Ruth, for God's sake, don't send me away!”

“Ah, Hazz, come on soon. Let's go to the studio before someone really throws us both out the window.”

She tried to push me forward, but I made the effort to stay still. My eyes were wide, and the vision should be very frightening or painful, because even Ruth faltered in her attempt to continue squandering fury.

“Ruth, I need the job” I begged in a low tone, even though I knew that my colleagues still listened to everything and laughed. More and more people passed by us, as if everyone already knew about the show and wanted to see it with their own eyes. “I can't be unemployed.”

“Neither do I” she said, nervous.

Everyone in that place always thought a reason to make me a joke. The worst thing is that I even thought I was provoking that kind of thing. Everything I said or did was a reason to laugh until they let out sounds of snoring. I never laughed at my workplace, even though I was a person endowed with a great ability to laugh at the least appropriate times. I felt exhausted in that place, and I couldn't open my hand to make it the joke of the moment.

“I swear I didn't stay up late” I explained to Ruth, in a hoarse and desperate tone. All my bills didn't need was a delay due to my resignation. I had to stay at that job, even though I didn't like the jokes. Even getting irritated by the lack of empathy of my co-workers. I needed the service, and I needed money. Ruth, however, still looked at me angrily. She didn't care if I had bills to pay. Everyone had it, and I had apparently delayed everyone's side. “I mean, I stayed awake, but not because I wanted to. I was working late at the bar, and when I got home, I thought I set the alarm clock.”

“Your work schedule starts at eight thirty, Hazz” said Rute, sharpening his voice to a very angry tone. The people who passed by us giggled at me, and some even made obscene gestures of those who say: "You're fucked, weird." I ignored them, just like Ruth. “Hazz, I want to help you, but you need to help yourself. Every day you are already late, and when the excuse of the other job is not enough, you still mention college. I understand it's hard, but you need to understand me too. Not to mention that, in addition to the delay, you are still completely crumpled and with clothes that don't match. It's almost as if I had dressed in the clothes I harvested from the neighboring clothesline.”

I sighed, looking for the best way to report my stress and tiredness to my boss. She was right. A look at my clothes was enough for everyone to laugh. In a hurry, I ended up getting a checkered and orange shirt, and a khaki pants. I looked like a ground saffron.

It was ridiculous. Not to mention the hair, which I didn't have time to comb or more than moisten with the water from the sink, and now they were drying in wavy curls and falling on the forehead by the strands that came loose from the elastic. My glasses should be making everything worse, because their degree was very high. I couldn't even complain about the people who passed by me and laughed. I was comical, but my life was very tragic.

“Yes, I understand, Ruth. It's just that I've been very tired lately. Besides, it's not my fault if Ricardo had a rehearsal for today. He didn't tell me anything. He never prepares me for anything.”

Ruth frowned. He frowned.

“Don't you know about the accident?”

“What accident?”