Chapter 2 -First memory

Natalie's POV

"You look extra hot today," Sarah commented, her eyes narrowing as they went up and down my body, "Is this a new skirt?" She asked, her gaze flickering all over my face, "And your hair, you never let it down when you're working, and oh my god," She walked closer, her head tilting, "Is that makeup on your face?" Her eyes widened, "Since when you put makeup just for work?"

Jesus, was it that obvious? Have I really neglected myself that much lately?

I straightened my skirt and looked down at myself, "Yes, it's new, got it on sale, fifty percent off actually."

Her eyes stayed narrowed, "Are you going on a date after work or something?" She asked, "I am getting a very bad vibe."

I rolled my eyes at her and went back behind my office, "You came here to give me some files before you leave, right?"

She nodded, her eyes still skeptically following me as she placed some files and papers over the desk, "Anyway, it's already six pm, won't you be leaving for your date that you are not accepting to tell me about?"

I huffed out as I opened the file and looked at its content, "I am not going on a date, and did you forget that I have still one session to go?"

Realization flashed in her eyes, "Oh, new guy, right." Confusion drew her eyebrows together, "How come you accepted such a late appointment, I remember you saying that after five pm, your holy hours start."

On cue, a knock on the door echoed in the room. I immediately shot up to my feet, ready to kick Sarah out as Mr. Hot pants opened the door and made his way into my office.

"Hey, come in." I said when Nikolas's eyes fell on me. He gave me a nod, his eyes flickered to Sarah for a second before he walked inside.

"Ohhhhh," Sarah gave me a low whistle, "You're not going on a date, the date is coming to you, now I get it." She whispered, sending me a wink before she started to make her way out, "Uh Nate, I am gonna close up and leave, you know having a husband and kids at home to cook for is not that easy," She sighed, "You don't know how lucky you are to be a beautiful single woman in this city," My eyes widened at the way she stressed at the word single and how she managed to bring that fact into her sentence.

She stopped by the door, her eyes at Nikolas's back, she mouthed, "So hot!"

I wanted to facepalm when she closed the door behind and said, "Have a nice dat....session, have a nice session, bye!"

Nikolas turned around, his confused eyes on Sarah as she left the office. When he looked back at me, "Never mind her, she sometimes has a drink with lunch, so-" My chuckle was nervous as I pointed to the couch, "You may sit."

He nodded and seated himself down, and I definitely didn't miss the way his gaze went over me for a very fast second. His eyes lingered over my face for a moment before he looked away after. He rubbed at the back of his neck, almost nervously.

I couldn't help the satisfied smile that made it to my lips. So, I really do look good today, even Mr. hot pants noticed it.

He cleared his throat as his eyes went back to me, "I hope I'm not making you late for something," He said, his eyebrows pulling together and I felt my smile drop almost immediately. Was I that much ugly before that everyone thinks I am going somewhere?

Jesus, can't a girl put a nice outfit and makeup just for the sake of it these days?!

"Oh, no, no," I said, waving my hand in the air, "It's not like that."

"Because I can just go, you know."

My eyebrow raised, "You really never miss a chance to try and run away from me," My lips curled up in a teasing smile, "Do you?"

He shrugged and a small smile lightened up his beautiful features, woah, talk about getting hotter by the second, "Is it that obvious?"

I nodded, "Can you please try and be a bit interested in being here," I let out a low sigh, "Because believe me, it's hard to do my job when you're sitting by the edge of your seat, ready to run for the hills."

He leaned back into his seat, getting more comfortable. His smile stayed there and he nodded his head, "I guess you're right," He said, "There is no harm in doing this after all."

Excitement flowed and I said, "See, that's the spirit!"

I grabbed his file and made my way around the desk, I sat on the chair facing him, "So, Nikolas, since last session was just a trial, we couldn't fill up all the info for your file," I said, my eyes skimming over the empty blanks after almost every question.

"I've got the full name, age, occupation," I mumbled as I went over it from the start, "Martial status?" I asked as my eyes lifted up to him, "Single? Married? Divor-"

"Single." He said and my inside squealed with happiness.

Silly, he could still be in a relationship though.

And here goes all of my dreams.

"Health conditions?"

"None that I know of."

"Any medications?"

He nodded and pulled a small bottle out of his pocket. He placed it over the table ahead of him. I leaned forward and took it. My eyebrows pulled together as I read the content of the drug, "That's..." My gaze went back to him, "That's a really strong drug."

He nodded, "And I need it to be that strong." He said, "The one before you prescribed it to me."

I nodded in realization before I read the next question, "Been to therapy before?" I said and nodded, "Guess the answer is yes to that." I went on, "When was that? Was it recent?"

When he didn't answer, I lifted my gaze and looked at him. I immediately noticed how his hand that's laying over his leg tightened and curled into a fist, "If you don't want to answer, that's okay," I explained, "It's just good to know what changed since the last time you had therapy till now, that's all."

The muscles of his jaw worked, "It was really long ago," He answered, "I was young, I uh-" He rubbed at his jaw, "I stayed in an asylum for a couple of years."

Oh.

I tried to hide my shock at the new unexpected information as I scribbled them over the paper, "I guess that's enough for now," I mumbled, "I suppose Sarah sent you the form, if you didn't read it, we can go through it now before-"

"I read it."

"Oh, usually no one reads it," I said as I got up and made my way toward him. I sat by his side and placed the papers and the pen in front him on the table.

He and I both leaned forward at the same time and at the sudden closeness, I felt my heart skip a beat, or maybe two.

I tried to act totally unaffected, I swallowed hard and pointed, "Over here," He signed him name and I opened the second paper, "And here," My voice was so low I doubted he even heard it.

He signed again and turned his head toward me, "Anything else?" He asked, quirking an eyebrow at me.

I shook my head, "That's it." I mumbled.

Staring at him from this angle just made me wonder how perfect would it be to kiss him. My jaw tightened as I realized how big of a trouble I am in.

I am really crushing over my very own patient. That got to be the most unethical thing to be done.

I took the papers and went back to my chair, all while taking a mental note not to get that close to him again. It's so very dangerous.

"Okay, so usually," I started, pulling on the professional me - the only one who should be dealing with him - "Considering you've went to therapy before, we would start with that, but I have a feeling you won't just tell me why," I noted, "Because it's obvious you don't trust me yet."

He nodded, agreeing with me, "We don't need to start with that." I added.

We could always start from the beginning and I could solve the rest as we move along. He was admitted to an asylum at a young age, which could only relate to the kind of childhood that he had and to one of the followings: abusive parents, traumatic incident that he either lived or witnessed, or maybe death of someone really close.

Something in my gut tells me it's the second option.

"Let's start with your childhood," I went for the most basic approach, "What is your first earliest memory?"

I had to start with that. Usually, the earliest childhood memory you can recall is often related to an emotional event. It also reflects the impact of the type of a childhood one has experienced. And these experiences are not just what happened, they are what helps in shaping one's identity and self.

His answer could give me an insight about the type of man he is.

He didn't answer me right away. I wondered if he was trying to remember which memory is his earliest.

"Can you not remember?" I asked, "It's not a problem, memories can be tricky."

He shook his head, "No, I remember. I remember everything." He answered, "That's the problem you see, my worst enemy is my memory."

***************

Nikolas's POV

FLASHBACK

"I am so sick of you and of this, it's enough!" The screams coming from inside had me backing away from the door right away, "If you were gonna keep weeping after

him, then maybe you should've left with him as well!"

"I keep trying to open a new page," His voice now was lower and I felt my fingers tighten over the drawing in my hand, "Why, why do you always have to trigger me like that?"

"Isaac, it's enough, I just want to sleep, please get out," She said. Her voice wasn't as usual, it was a bit choked and tight.

"That's all you got?" His voice was raising again, "I took you in after everything you've done-"

"I didn't do anyth-"

"Shut up!" The sound of something breaking had me flinching. I backed away till my back came in contact with the wall, "You betrayed me, and I still took you in, something you don't deserve, you ungrateful bitch!" The sound this time wasn't something breaking, it was different, like a...slap?

My fingers let the paper go as that sound echoed again, and again, "You ruined my life, you know that?" He screamed, never once stopping. I slid down the wall and pulled my knees up, I pressed my hands over my ears to stop his voice from penetrating through.

It still did.

I heard the door open after I don't know how long, his voice became louder and more clear, so did her cries, "Get out!" All I saw after was his hand that was wrapped around her hair from the back. How he pushed her forward, so harshly, and she came crashing over the floor.

I gasped and I wanted to get up and help her but when his eyes fell on me, I froze in my spot, fear overpowered my senses and numbed my organs, stopping me from moving.

His eyebrows pulled together, "Nikolas," He said and that's when mom's eyes flickered to me, they widened when she noticed my presence and she scurried up toward me.

Isacc bent down, in front of me. I pressed my eyes shut and tried to back away, scared. When his hand touched my face, I couldn't help but flinch, "Son, what are you doing awake, right now?"

He took hold of my wrists and pulled them away from my ears, "Hey, It's okay, nothing happened, your mother and I were just," His eyes went to her as she came beside me, "We were just talking."

She placed her hand over his, pushing it away from me. I looked at her to see her tear-filled eyes glaring at him.

"You're so lucky you're my son's mother, or I don't know what I would've done to you," He said to her through gritted teeth. When he looked at me, his expression changed a hundred degree as he patted my head. He stood up after and walked away.

I immediately felt mom's arms wrap around me. They pulled me closer to her chest and she straddled the back of my head, "Hey baby, are you okay?"

I backed away and my eyes looked up at her, my eyebrows furrowed as I noticed the blood dripping at the side of her temple, my fingers went there, "Mommy, there is blood," I said, tears forming in my eyes.

She shook her head and palmed my cheek, she smiled, "I am okay, sweetie." She wiped at the side of her head like it was nothing before she lent closer and kissed my forehead, "I am okay."

************

The look in Natalie's eyes right after I explained that little incident to her was almost similar to the look in my mom's eyes that day. Pure worry.

"That's," Lines cut through her forehead, "That's your first memory?"

I nodded, "I think so," I said, "It's the first thing I remember." I remember the fear I felt that day, the immense worry. I felt much worse after it, but my journey with fear must've started that exact day.

The one I saw my father for who he truly is.

The first monster that shaped a part of who I am now.

"Was that happening often?" She asked and I nodded.

It happened, and it only got worse as I grew up, it happened almost everyday up till Frank kidnapped both her and me. And that's when I got to meet the man who contributed highly to who I actually am.

"It only got worse."

"Did he ever..." She paused, choosing her words perfectly, "Did he treat you too that way?"

I wanted to smile and how naive and innocent she actually is. She thinks my problem is as simple as an abusive father, she doesn't know that Isaac was the least of my concerns.

I went on with her, filling her little fantasy of saving the man sitting across from her. She still too new to the job, it's obvious.

She is searching for the big fish in the sea, that one case that will make her feel accomplished. She thinks that it's me, that she can magically heal me

and turn my life upside down.

She can't.

But for some reason, other than Alex insisting, I still accepted to go on with this and with her lousy attempts.

Little by little, she will get it on her own.

She will get to meet the monster one day.

She will understand that I am beyond saving.

She will give up, just like almost everyone did, just like I gave up on myself years ago.