Chapter 4

      I drop my purse onto my desk and place a full cup of coffee beside my computer. The morning light floods into the room from the window behind my desk, I open it slightly and admire the sun reflecting off of the tall Chicago buildings. With my office being on the twentieth floor I have a great view of the bustling crowd below and also of the highest parts of the city. The small room is painted a light gray color and minimally decorated with pictures of myself and Kate, my family, and my Bachelor's Degree in Social Work framed proudly in the middle of it all. There are still empty spaces on my book shelf where small picture frames had been removed after my break up. Sometimes I feel that empty space taunts me.

I ease myself down onto my chair and rest my head in my hands, groaning quietly and regretting the lack of sleep I had gotten. 

I should have gone to sleep earlier, but I just couldn't help myself. 

I hear three swift knocks against my office door and it opens. "Are you doing okay this morning, Kris?" 

I lift my head up and sleepily smile at my supervisor, Julia. A tall, lean woman in her mid-thirties. She props herself against the door and peers into my office, crossing her arms over her chest, one eyebrow raising above her blue-gray eyes. 

"I'm fine. I didn't get much sleep last night." I pull my coffee in front of me, wrapping both of my hands around the warm cup. 

"I'm sorry to hear that. Any particular reason?" Julia sits down in the cushioned chair on the opposite side of my desk. She crosses her legs and makes herself comfortable. 

"Oh, you know, it was just one of those nights." I shrug as I lift my coffee to my lips. 

It wasn't a usual night for me. I had stayed up until nearly two in the morning exchanging messages with E. I hadn't anticipated our conversation lasting that long, but once we got started we couldn't seem to stop. For a girl who needs at least eight hours of sleep, I'll be pushing through the day on barely four. Though I'm exhausted, the pleasure I felt last night seems to be worth it. 

"Ah, I know what those nights are like." Julia nods, tucking a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear. 

Oh, I don't think you do. 

My lips pull into a small smile against the lid of my coffee cup. 

"Hopefully you'll survive the day then, we've got a lot of files to work through." Julia stands up and gives my shoulder a quick squeeze before returning to her office across the hall. 

I power up my computer and begin mindlessly scrolling through emails, catching up on responses from Friday, and jotting down notes for my cases. Even after nearly five years of work in case management, the demands of the job haven't gotten less exhausting. And yet, I don't think I can see myself doing anything else. Julia and I have been working side by side since my first day on the job. She's been not only my mentor but also my best friend in the office and I have thrived here. 

I spread out client folders across my desk and organize them by priority before checking my calendar for any last minute meetings that may have been added to my agenda. 

None. Thank god. 

I lean back in my chair, close my eyes, and exhale. My mind begins to wander, thinking back on my messages with E. He was incredibly descriptive, expressing all the different ways he would touch me. Where, when, and how we would have our next rendezvous together. I reach across my desk and pick up my phone. I unlock it and scroll back to the start of our evening messages. E: I'd love to hear your moans turn into screams while I pull your hair and pound myself into you... 

Damn. 

E: To take you in the shower after already going two rounds in bed... 

Please. 

E: I'd pin your arms above your head, pressing you against the wall... 

I take in a deep, shuddering breath and bite down on my thumb nail. Imagining how it would feel to have his hands on my body again, I close my eyes and trace my tongue along my bottom lip. My heart races as I trail the tips of my fingers from my lips, down my neck and let them settle on my chest. 

There's a quick knock against my office door. 

"Hey are you able to—" 

My eyes flutter open and I sit upright in my chair, coughing uncomfortably. I click my phone screen off and place it face down on my desk. 

"Yes—Yes? What can I help with?" I stutter. 

Julia stands at the door and narrows her eyes at me. 

"Are you sure you're okay today?" she asks. "You don't quite seem like yourself." 

I suppose she's right. Most mornings I'm more alert and focused at the tasks at hand. This morning my energy is lacking and there's a lot more on my mind in place of work. 

I nod quickly, clearing my throat. "Yep, yes, I'm fine." Julia holds up a handful of folders. 

"We were sent some new files from the department for our case. I need you to log these into the database before making new hard copies. You'd need to make a few calls to begin scheduling too. Do you have time to work through these?" 

"Of course, 

" I motion to the open space on my desk. "Put them there and I'll get to work once I finish these last few folders." 

Julia places them down. She continues to look at me questioningly, one eye brow raised and her lips pressed together in a straight line. 

"Julia, I'm fine." I laugh. "I'm sure these will keep me awake." 

Julia exits my office, leaving me in deafening silence. As fun as last night was, I can't let it distract me today. I slide open one of my desk drawers, silence my phone, and throw it inside. 

Focus, Kristine, focus. 

I place both hands firmly against the surface of my desk and let out a deep breath. My office phone rings. I pick it up and press it to my ear. 

"Good morning, this is Kristine!." 

**** 

4:59... 5:00. 

I retrieve my phone from my drawer, throw my bag over my shoulder, and exit the office. Lacking my own form of transportation, the train is usually the easiest way home. Impatient and desperate to be lounging on my couch, I call for an Uber. While waiting at the front entrance of the building I begin looking through my messages. 

Mom. Kate... E. 

I press my thumb against his name. 

E: If you want to check something off of that list tonight... 

Yes. YES. 

My chest tightens as my Uber arrives. Any feelings of tiredness are now gone and my body is suddenly aching to be touched. 

I quickly hop into the front seat and greet the driver. 

"I'm actually going to need you to change the drop off location..." 

I show the driver the address in E's last message. He nods and types it into his phone. I try not to let my nerves get the best of me and I attempt to slow my breathing. He pulls the car away from the curb and travels down the street. My heart races. Am I really about to do this? Show up at a strangers house and have sex with him again? This is so new to me. Am I being too eager? Too easily persuaded by the words of a stranger? 

I hear Kate's voice in my head, throwing aside all reason and telling me to do it. 

I am, I'm doing it. 

I was ready for this, I needed this. I'm in full control of my body and my decisions. And I wanted- –no I craved-– more of what he had given me the other night. 

"Alright, we're here." 

Shit. Already? 

I thank the driver and exit the car. With a friendly wave, he drives away. I stand there on the curb looking up at the apartment building, fighting the urge to call the Uber driver back. I try once more to control my breathing before walking up the front steps. I open the door to the main lobby of the building and locate the elevator. I step inside and quickly press the button for the third floor. I lean back against the wall of the elevator, resting my head and closing my eyes. I press my hand against my chest, my nervousness causing my heart to beat hard enough that I feel it through my breast.

The elevator shakes briefly before coming to a halt. I straighten out my blazer, untuck my hair from behind my ear and swiftly run my fingers through it, trying to bring it back to life. The metal doors slide open and I step out of the elevator, Finding myself in the same cream-colored hallway I had hurried through the other morning. I scan the gold-plated numbers on each of the wooden doors, searching for E's. Remembering how easy it had been to locate the elevator last time, I assume he's close by. 

28... 29... 30. There he is. 

I knock on the door, quiet at first but louder with the last tap. This was the same door I had been pressed against nearly 48 hours earlier. My stomach flips, I instinctively press my hand against it, as if that would make the excitement stop. I hear the door unlock, as it opens, a friendly smile appears. 

"I didn't think you'd come." E's bright eyes slowly look me up and down, pausing at my lips and breasts, mentally undressing me before they return to mine.

"I, um, didn't think I would either." I laugh and tuck my hair back behind my ear, nervously avoiding eye contact. 

E reaches out and takes my hand, escorting me inside. 

"You're just in time," he says. 

"For...?" My eyes scan the apartment. I hear the water running in his bathroom. 

Oh... Oh! 

He smiles down at me and begins pulling off his shirt, which he drops onto the floor. E leans forward and kisses me. 

"Join me for a shower?" he whispers in my ear. 

The hair on the back of my neck stands straight up. I meet his eyes and nod. I drop my purse and step out of my heels. Though still feeling reserved, there's hesitation in these drawn-out moments, it's as though time has slowed and I can't undress myself quick enough. 

E pulls my blazer down off of my shoulders and kisses me again, his tongue slipping into my mouth. I hungrily tear at his pants, unbuttoning them quicker than I had the other night. They drop to the ground and he kicks them aside. I slip myself out of my skirt and pull my blouse over my head. E reaches down, his hands slowly venturing between my legs. His fingers run over the fabric, before sliding my underwear down to my ankles. We fall into a rhythm of undressing each other. I reach behind my back and unclasp my bra, letting it drop away from my chest and landing into our pile of clothes. E holds my face in his hands kissing me passionately. I pull off his underwear in one last swift motion. I reach my hands up into E's hair, tangling my fingers into it. 

He pulls away from me, pressing his forehead to mine. 

"Shall we?" he asks, breathless. 

I nod again, swallowing hard to conceal my nervousness. He gives me one more long, gentle kiss before turning away. I follow him into the bathroom, closing the door behind us. The room is full of steam, the reflection of our bare bodies barely distinguishable in the foggy mirror. I quickly take in my surroundings, noticing the tidiness of the bathroom. There're folded towels on the shelf, a single tooth brush in a cup beside the sink, and the faint scent of cologne I had smelled when I woke the other morning. 

E opens the glass shower door and steps inside, letting the water run down his body. I watch as the water glides down his broad shoulders, chest, and abdominal muscles. 

Jesus. This man really is beautiful. 

E runs his hands through his hair, the water darkening the color of it. He reaches a wet hand out to me. 

"Are you joining me or not?" He raises an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth pulling into a smile. 

"Y-yes." I take his hand and join him under the hot water. 

He traces his fingers across my cheek, sweeping my wet hair off of my face. 

"You seem nervous." He holds his hand against the back of my neck. My eyes meet his. 

"I've never done anything like this before.," I whisper, pressing one of my hands against his chest. My index finger traces along his light brown chest hair. 

E kisses me once more. 

"If you're not comfortable we can stop. I won't push you into anything," he tells me. The kind tone in his voice and the fact that he's actively ensuring that I'm comfortable in these moments sets me at ease. 

I shake my head. "No, I want this." 

I really want this. 

I kiss him hard, dragging my hands up and down his wet body. E tangles his hand into my hair and gently pulls my head back. I gasp and bite my lip. He presses his lips to my neck, kissing quickly and aggressively He turns our bodies and pushes me back against the cold tile wall of the shower, a contrasting sensation against my skin as his warm body meets my front.. He turns our bodies and pushes me up against the wall of the shower, pressing his body to mine. I can feel how hard he is as he moves himself between my legs. I reach down and begin to rub him, rotating my hand as I effortlessly glide it up and down. He pulls his lips away from my neck, I can feel his warm breath against my skin as he lets out a soft moan. 

"That feels so good..." 

I smile and tighten my grasp ever so slightly and continue to stroke the full length of him. He lets out a groan of pleasure and rests one muscular arm above me on the wall. He looks down at me, water dripping from his hair onto my cheeks. I bite my bottom lip as my eyes lock on his. He tears my hand away from his body. I let out a gasp, surprised by his sudden movement. He clenches my wrists together, holding them in one of his hands. He lifts my arms above my head, pinning them against the shower wall. 

He runs his other hand along my neck, tracing the tip of his index finger along my jawline and lifting my chin up so my face meets his. He presses his lips to mine as he moves his free hand to my chest. He gently grazes his fingers down the shape of my breast, stopping to tease my nipple before following the path along my abdomen. He makes his way to my waist and reaches around to cup my backside. I try to move my arms, wanting so badly to touch him. His grasp on me tightens. He smiles and shakes his head. 

"No," he hums. "Stop moving." 

I take in a sharp breath and comply. I've never known myself to be submissive per se, it wasn't a dynamic I've previously explored. But the dominant tone in his voice makes it hard for my body to deny his demands. 

I close my eyes and lean my head back against the wall, letting him explore me. His hand moves from my backside , to the front of my thigh. He slowly glides his hands between my legs pushing them apart. 

My hands fight once again, attempting to tear my wrists from the wall above me. E leans down and bites at my neck before whispering in my ear. 

"I said, stop moving." 

A whimper escapes me and I nod, once again complying. I feel his lips pull into a smile against my neck, pleased with my submission. His hand returns to my outer thigh lingering there for a moment before moving between my legs and back again. 

Goddamn tease. 

I open my eyes and groan in frustration. He smirks and lets out a small laugh. 

"I don't want our fun to end too quickly..." he murmurs. 

"But—" His lips interrupt my protest. 

E's fingers drift back between my legs once more, this time he doesn't move them away. He knows exactly what he wants and he's going to take it. And I want him to. 

He slides one then another finger inside of me. I moan, becoming weak in the knees. He loosens his grip on my wrists. I drop my arms down, wrapping them around his neck. He continues to glide his fingers in and out of me before moving them in a way as if to say "come here." They reach a place I had only ever heard about, never experienced for myself. It sends me into a spiral. I breathe hard, pressing my lips together trying to stifle a moan. 

"I want to hear you," he commands. "I want to know how I make you feel." 

Unable to resist the sensual, demanding tone of his voice, a loud and desperate moan escapes my lips and echoes off of the shower walls. 

E slowly removes his fingers, dragging out the sensation before grabbing my waist. In one sudden movement he turns me around and places a hand on my back, slowly guiding me forward. I flatten my hands against the shower wall and press my ass back against him, slowly moving my hips to tease him. His body stiffens and his hands tighten against my hips, allowing me to grind against him. 

He lifts my left leg up onto the shower ledge, sweeping his fingers from my calf to my thigh. I secure my hands against the slick shower walls, I arch my back and push against him. I feel the tip brush between my legs and I flood with warmth and excitement. I whimper again as he tears his finger through the long wet strands of my hair, taking a handful of it into his fists. He positions himself between my legs and slowly guides himself into me. 

"Oh god." The words escape with my breath. 

He groans as he continues to thrust. His pace quickens, our short breaths falling into the same sporadic rhythm. He pushes into me harder, I let out a small cry of pain. My body isn't used to this feeling, being wanted so badly by a man that he's rough with my body. 

And I love it. 

He slows down and begins to pull out. I reach one hand around, grabbing onto his hip, holding him inside me. 

"Am I hurting you?" His voice is full of concern. 

"No, please don't stop," I moan. "Don't stop." 

He lightly chuckles before he pushes harder into me again, thrusting deep and fast, grunting as he does. I feel him beginning to pulse inside of me as my muscles tighten around him. I'm close to finishing and so is he. My body shakes as I reach the beginning of my climax. I feel my knees weaken again as my body explodes, spilling down the length of him. He thrusts once more before quickly pulling out, finishing onto the floor of the shower. The warm water rinses his mess away. 

E lets out a deep breath and pulls me upright. He wraps his arms around my waist and holds my body against him. I fold my arms on top of his, leaning my back against his chest. His muscular arms are the only thing holding me up, my legs unable to support the full weight of my body. I had never felt anything that strong before. 

"So much for using soap." E laughs into my ear before kissing the back of my head. 

"Mhm. We seemed to be in a bit of a hurry." I smile.