1: Counter Surprise

BLAIR

PREGNANT

I shuddered and moved back from the strip sitting on the bathroom counter.

My entire world stops just then.

I place my hand on my chest, pressing my hand on my wild beating heart. It sounds like it wants to leave my ribcage.

My breathing comes out in short pants. I grip the edge of the counter with my other hand, so tight that my knuckles started to whiten.

I shook my head, getting rid of the haziness and chanced another glance at the test kit. The words are still spelled out.

Pregnant!

Almost like it is screaming at me. Telling me to see the end of my life in those bold letters.

I pinch my hand, just to be sure that I am awake and not dreaming, or hallucinating.

The sting from the pinch barely registers in my mind.

I am here. That just happened.

My fingers shook terribly as I turned the faucet on and splash water on my face.

Once. Twice, but it is not enough to pull me from this nightmare.

“This can’t be happening.” I whisper to myself.

Looking up at the mirror, my reflection stares back at me. 

Wide blue eyes bulging out of their sockets, the fear in them so evocative. I look ten shades paler than my usual caramel complexion and my hair is frizzy.

That is not just from the result of the test but I find that it goes well with my current state.

“Oh shit.” I mutter again, a little louder this time.

The panic is clearer in my voice now as the realization starts to settle.

I am pregnant.

Pregnant.

As in growing a baby type of pregnancy.

The surprise starts to wear off and dread settles in the pit of my stomach.

Almost robotically, I brought my shaking hands and placed it over my flat stomach.

Where a child is currently growing.

I shake my head, trying to get rid of the voice speaking in my head, because if I don’t stop it. It will keep going and it will list all the ways I’m fucked over five ways from Sunday.

It is relentless and it brings up the next thought that makes me almost lose my footing

I’m having a child and I don’t know who the father is.

————

In my dorm apartment, my two best friends, Mikayla and Sasha flank me on both sides.

The three of us stare at the object I kept in the middle of the coffee table immediately after I got back from the store.

If you ask me, I don’t know how I left the bathroom of the store I purchased the test from. I was too nervous to wait to get home and do the test so I just ran into the bathroom and tore through it.

All the while I prayed it would all just be in my head. It wasn’t, and here I am now. Having a baby whose father I don't know.

I know this paints me in a bad light, but give it a moment. All of this will make sense.

The first thing I did was call my friends who were out of the apartment. They both dropped what they were doing and came to answer my call like loyal soldiers would.

And now we sit, with the elephant in the room quite literally staring at us back.

“What do we do?” Mikayla speaks, her voice sounds detached. The hint of fear is obvious.

She is the problem solver in our little trio group. We’ve been tight-nit since our diaper days.

Our parents knew each other from high school and their parents before then. It was almost tradition to have their children grow up together.

Standing at 5’4 with the prettiest brown eyes and brunette hair. She commands attention and finds a way to fix whatever problem we may have whatsoever.

Now twenty years old and in college, nothing has changed.

No one was surprised when she chose to major in public relations. There, she could do all the fixing she liked.

“Find the daddy?” Sasha says in the form of a question.

Her green eyes move from Mikayla to me almost comically.

Sasha is the wild one out of the three of us. 5’11 with dark blond hair and the body of a Victoria’s Secret model. She is majoring in law and like Kayla, it is a perfect fit for her too.

I’m what you call the ‘in between’ compared to my friends. 

While they both knew what they wanted to be even before we were through with high school. And our obsession over boy bands was over. I had no idea what I wanted to do.

I had freely fallen into my major, literature. Not because I liked books but because it sensed the easiest route. Something my mother was not happy about.

When it comes to our wildness, I’m cold compared to Sasha but too hot compared to Kayla.

But never in my twenty years on this earth did I think I would take a pregnancy test and it will come out positive. When I’m in college no less.

“Mum will kill me.”

The words leave my lips out of the blue, cutting off my friends that have gone into planning mode.

“No, she won’t.”

“We’ll figure it out before she finds out.”

I snap my neck towards Sasha and give her a look that says, ‘yes she will and you know it.’

Then I look to Mikayla, pleading with her to help me out of this mess.

Preferably in the next three days before we head back home for summer break.

How did I get into this mess, you ask?

Well, it all happened three weeks ago on a lazy Friday I had planned to spend in bed. Sasha—no surprise there—had the perfect plan to make us go out.

We’ve just finished finals, a busy month of back to back studying and all nighters.

It sounded like the perfect plan for us to let go and unwind.

She found a club a couple of hours away and we got dressed and called an Uber.

I remember three drinks but from there it’s all a blur.

I’m a lightweight and the three martinis knocked me out faster than you could say ‘shoot’.

I woke up in a hotel room with a man next to me. Like every cliche novel out there, I got dressed and left before he woke up.

That was the best and worst decision of my life.

Because one, I have no idea who the hell the man I spent the night with is! And I have no idea who the hell he is!

Like any smart person would, I took the after pill. I didn’t have time to ask mister stranger if he’d used a condom or not.

That was my best and smart idea to stop this nightmare from happening.

Where did I go wrong?!

“Everything will be fine B, we’ll find a way to fix this.” Mikayla said softly, stroking my back slowly.

I turned to her, wondering why she was speaking to me like she would a child that was crying.

Why the hell are my eyes cloudy anyways?

“Yes, she’s right. Don’t cry, cause you’ll make me cry too.” Sasha says, her voice breaking.

I don’t know what the hell they are going on about.

It isn’t until I touch my face and I feel wetness there that I realize I’m crying.

Well, shit.

What the hell is going on? I never cry!

Even when I’d fallen off a tree that one time when we were in third grade and broke my arm. I didn’t cry.

Not when I lost my grandma, and she was my favorite human.

“It’s alright,” Kayla is still stroking my back.

I try to shake my head and swallow down the tears.

Something clogs my throat making the back of my eyes burn. I go to clear my throat but the sound that makes it past my lips is more like a sob than anything.

Sasha is the first to pull me into a hug, whispering words of affirmation that fail to make me feel better.

Mikayla, who is not really big on showing emotions, joins in.

They both wrap me up in their arms while I cry for the baby that I’m carrying, and for myself.

I’m barely taking care of myself. How the hell am I going to take care of another human?