Chapter 7: A Guilty Conscience

Alec

I’m sitting on the edge of my bed and a million things are running through my mind because today was quite an eventful day for me, and a few hours ago, I received the confirmation that it all worked out in my favor.

I glance at Carla, who’s lying on her side fast asleep, and slowly get out of bed before walking toward the window of our bedroom. The moon is merely a crescent, but I’m drawn to her already.

In a few days, the Full Moon Hunt will begin. For once, I actually feel excited about it, and that’s because this year, I’ve let go of the weight that’s been burdening me for close to seven years.

My father’s death earlier this year has made me Alpha, and with that, came a heap of responsibilities. Leading the pack is more troublesome than I thought, and it’s incredibly difficult to make a decision because it has to be approved by the board of Alphas that rule our city.

Carla moans in her sleep, and I tense up and turn my head to look at her. Thankfully, she doesn’t wake up. I hate it when she catches me awake in the middle of the night because she always ends up accusing me of thinking about someone else. Over the years, Carla shed the lighthearted persona she used to carry around and became instead this cold, bitter woman who’s paranoid about everything.

I’ve lost count of how many times she accused me of being unfaithful to her. Every week, there’s a new allegation, and in all honesty, the only reason why I’m still with her is because of her father, who’s still my Second Beta. I have immense respect for him, and breaking things off with her will make it difficult.

Her father has always made it known that he’s proud of her being Luna, and for the most part, I don’t mind it either. She’s a good Luna. She manages her responsibilities fairly well. It’s our personal relationship that’s messed up, and I don’t know how to fix it.

Although, if I were being completely honest, I’d say that she’s not so mistaken about there being someone else on my mind.

Today marked the end of my suffering, and oh, how I’ve suffered. Guilt has been an essential part to me for years, so much that I don’t know what to do with this new sense of freedom. I’ve finally righted the wrong that’s been poisoning me slowly for years.

Delaney Waters has been released from prison today.

I had to wait until after my father died to make that possible. As Alpha, my decisions are rarely questioned, and this is one thing that I’ve kept hidden from my circle of Betas, Deltas, and Gammas. I know that nobody would agree to her release, mostly because it’s a disrespect to Trevor’s father, but they haven’t had to live with that fact that an innocent went to prison for a crime that I committed.

They have no idea what that feels like.

Naked, I make my way to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. Carla is still asleep, and I think it’s unlikely that she’ll wake up. As long as I’m quiet.

When this thought crosses my mind, I experience this strong sense of derealization. What am I doing? No, literally, what? I’m stuck in a relationship with a woman I don’t love anymore. Most days, I feel like a prisoner. Being a leader doesn’t come with the freedom I thought it would offer; I can’t take a step without mentioning it. If I don’t, then there’s a huge discussion and I’ll have people disagreeing with me.

This thing with Delaney, for instance, can never be discovered. Releasing prisoners is something that only the council can permit, and I’ve gone ahead and done it to unburden myself.

I’ve made sure that nobody will find out, though. I personally handled the officers in charge and dealt with the court order. I made sure she would be issued with a new identity so she could leave the city and start a brand new life somewhere else.

It’s the least I could do.

The discussion I had with my father on the day Trevor was killed returns to me. I think about it all the time. I can’t say that I hated my father, but on that day, something changed between us forever. I could never look at him the same.

It was the day I realized that life wasn’t fucking fair.

“What happened?” my father had asked. By then, Delaney was in prison and news of Trevor’s death spread like wildfire. “I hear rumors of an Omega having killed a Beta-born. You were there?”

My eyes had been low, and every muscle in my body was shaking.

“Answer me, Alec!” he boomed.

“I was the one who did it,” I finally revealed.

Confusion was etched onto his features. “What?”

“I killed Trevor, not the girl,” I told him. “She needs to be released. She didn’t do anything wrong.”

He ran a hand down his face. “Tell me what happened. From the beginning.”

And so, I did. I explained everything from the very beginning to the end, and I added the fact that our group had never quite left Delaney alone. We were always hounding her and making her life more difficult. It seemed like a pleasant joke at the time. Before I found out that she was my mate.

I told him that too. It was the main motivation behind me killing Trevor. Goddess, everyone talked about finding their mate, but nobody ever told me what it would actually feel like. When Trevor was harassing her, I felt physically ill. I felt sick to my stomach. I felt this anger deep inside of me that was impossible to ignore and erased everything else. I forgot we were friends. I forgot that she was an Omega born under a black moon. All that nattered was keeping her safe.

So, when Trevor ran after her, I ran after him. When I saw him on top of her with his hands around her throat, I became murderous. I grabbed the stone and slammed it against his head with all my might, and when he died and she breathed out, causing color to return to her pale face, I heaved a sigh of relief.

At that moment, she became mine. Mine to care for. Mine to protect.

As soon as I finished telling my father the tale, he did the unexpected. He slammed his fist into my face with a disgusted sound. Then, he cradled his hand and cursed. “Fuck! You imbecile! Do you have any idea what you’ve done!?”

With a burning face, I said, “I didn’t choose for her to be my mate, Dad. It just happened!”

He turned away from me and started kicking the furniture in his office angrily. I’d never seen my father as angry as he was that day.

When he turned to look back at me, his eyes were red. “Waters. Waters was…dammit. We should have killed her when we had the chance!”

I stared at his face in confusion. My face was starting to ache.

His hands fell to his sides. “She’s the Omega they’re saying killed Trevor.”

I nodded.

“Good,” he claimed. “Let her be sentenced. There’s no way this story is going to come out, do you understand me? I don’t want you to mention anything about the two of you being mates. This will die with you.”

“No,” I found myself saying.

He tilted his head. “What did you say?”

“I won’t let it happen,” I argued. “She won’t be sentenced. She’s an innocent. I was the one who did it. If anyone has to go to prison, it will be me. So, you can kick me and punch me as much as you want. Beat me to an inch of my life. It won’t matter!”

He lunged at me then, and grabbed the lapels of my coat. “Don’t you understand what you’re saying!?” he asked, spittle flying. “Do you understand the gravity of the situation!? That girl can’t be spared! You don’t know what she represents!”

I frowned. “What could she represent? She’s just an Omega.”

My father released me and stepped back. His face was harder than ever. He then pointed a finger at me and said, “The choice is yours, Alec. If you choose to fight for her innocence, she’ll be killed. They won’t want her around for that. That, or you leave her in prison, but at least she’ll be alive.”

“What? No. That’s not fair.”

“Fair doesn’t exist,” he claimed. “There’s only what will happen and what won’t. Her life is now in your hands.”

I made the choice that I thought would benefit her more. I testified against her and claimed she was the one who killed Trevor even though it was me. Rejecting her was part of the deal, and I just had to see it through. Still, what happened never sat well with me, and as soon as I stepped into power, I made sure to make things right.

Now, she’s probably far away, and I’ll never get to see her again. For some reason, that thought fills me with sorrow, but at least I’ll know she’s safe.

“Alec?”

Carla’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. I turn around to look at her and find her sitting up. “What’s wrong? What are you doing?”

Her question irks me, but I choose to say, “Nothing.”

I get back into bed with her, shutting all thoughts of Delaney Waters for the evening.

Tomorrow, though, the cycle will start all over again.