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Confused
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2024-10-29 19:42:56James
It was hard coming home. And not to Vegas. I meant home, here in Massachusetts. Because ultimately, that's where home was to me now. I missed Kelly so f*cking bad, and seeing her reinforced all of my feelings for her tenfold, but...the entire time I was back in Vegas, I couldn't help but think of the trauma bond sh*t Sarah told me about.It stuck in my head and I tried to analyze Kelly while I was there, to see if maybe she had some of the markers. But, maybe I had some too? I didn't know because I felt a sense of relief to see her, to be with her, to touch her and kiss her.It felt like I was missing something and she was there to fill in my missing parts.And now, back home, I kind of felt off again. We talked, but that didn't feel like enough. I wanted her here. I wanted her with me and I felt like a selfish prick for wanting it so bad, but did that make me a bad person?Her mother left her for months, stole her money and didn'tRelated chapters
Unapologetically Me Christmas Break
It was a long three weeks of waiting for James to come home but as soon as I saw him at the airport, my heart stuttered and my eyes teared up.I ran to him and felt like those silly romance movies, but I couldn't care less about what anyone thought of our public display of affection.He caught me and held me tightly to his body and everything felt so right again. I had a rough three weeks starting with a man groping me and sticking his hands down my panties and touching me before Paulo was able to get him and throw him out.I cried so hard that night, feeling completely dirty and disgusting. I felt like I cheated on James somehow, even though I knew it wasn't my fault. But I pushed past it because the money I was making from dancing now was a f*ck ton more than I was making just serving drinks.I was asked if I could dance more days out of the week, but since I knew James was coming home for Christmas, I opted out and told Kade I would start after
Unapologetically Me Goodbyes and So Longs
I dropped James off at the airport the next morning and although he kept saying he was okay, I could see that he wasn't.Our drive to the airport was quiet and it made me nervous. I knew he was still upset about my refusal to leave with him and I felt bad about it too. I just couldn't abandon my mom. It sucked.Once there, I cried a little and he just hugged me tightly from the passenger seat and pulled away, his beautiful blue eyes shining with unshed tears. He pressed his lips to mine and I felt his tongue smooth over mine, the kiss hard and passionate. When he pulled away, he pushed a stray hair out of my face and studied my face for a long time. Horns honked behind me but I let him. "Call me." I whispered to him."Yeah." He said. He grabbed all his stuff and left without a backwards glance.I didn't expect a call that first night. I figured he would be tired after his flight. But when he didn't call me the next night and th
Unapologetically Me Big Talk
The days dragged slowly after Spring Break. I focused on myself and my body and getting my routines right. I focused on getting my mom to all of her appointments and getting groceries and doing laundry and cooking, even though I sucked at it.Anything and everything to keep myself busy.May rolled around and I was on my way to the club gym when my mom stopped me. She had been acting kind of strange since I came back from Spring Break, wandering the house aimlessly and muttering to herself. She had lost weight, but remained bloated in her stomach and legs. She showered when I'd force her in and most of the time she just seemed out of it. I wondered a lot of her medications had something to do with it, but I never really put too much thought into it.Now, staring at her face, I saw some light in her eyes that had been missing for a while. Her body fingers dug into my arm as she clung to me and I noticed that the wrinkles in her face were more prono
Unapologetically Me Alone
I'm watching as the EMT's roll out her body in a black body bag and my heart is in a vise."What do I do?" I ask as they begin walking out. "Wait, what do I do?" The EMT that I talked to earlier turns to me. They have been here for a little under an hour. "We are loading her into the car for the funeral home. Remember when we asked you?"I shake my head because I can't really think of anything else. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. "Okay.""Are you going to be okay?"She looks at me with kind, brown eyes and I give her a curt nod my throat beginning to ache. "Is there anyone else you need us to call?""No. We're alone. It's just us. Just...me." My chest constricts and I feel my eyes burn. She places a hand on my shoulder and I smile at her as best as I can. She leaves with everyone else and I watch from my floor as they leave. It's just me. Just me. I walk back into the apartment and shut the d
Unapologetically Me Marlene
"Kelly." She whispered as she closed the door. I shook my head and covered my face with my hands. I didn't want her here. I didn't want anyone. I just wanted to lay down and be forgotten. That's all I wanted.She slid down the door next to me, with only inches away from me and looked at me with James' eyes. "You don't have to talk. We can just sit here." She said quietly.I nodded and laid closed my eyes again. I felt her hand on my hip, moving it soothingly up and down my leg, comforting me the only way she could.After a few minutes, I couldn't stand it anymore. "You don't have to be here.""I know I don't." "I-I shouldn't have even called him.""Why not?"I stared at the back of the couch, noticing trash underneath that I hadn't seen before. "You know why."She was silent for a while and then she sighed. "He never told us. We...we didn't know he broke up with you until today.""He didn't."
Unapologetically Me Three Months Later
Within three months of my mom's passing, I had her funeral fully paid off. Her headstone and everything. It was a lot of money. A lot, but the feeling I got in my chest, seeing that bill gone made it worth it. Made every single drop of sweat worth it.After I finished that bill, I got to work on my mountain. It was still growing with the remaining of my mom's hospital bills coming in, but I didn't mind. It was a goal to finish them off. A purpose.And so I began. I got myself an account to start getting my finances all together so I wouldn't pay out of my ass in taxes and continued working.I danced, getting my routines perfected and adding new ones to the mix since I was now on stage three times a night. I had gotten exponentially better on the pole due to the pole dancing classes I took and was getting tipped so much more money because of it.I worked the floor like nobody's business, plastering a flirty smile and talking out of my ass to horny
Unapologetically Me Renewed
Christmas passed by without a hitch. I spent it in Hawaii. It was still fairly warm and so I spent that holiday much the same as the first one.I did have to avoid all of the holiday sh*t going on everywhere, but being somewhere that wasn't home made it easier to face by myself. I ate to my heart's content and swam and took tours up to the volcano. I enjoyed it there almost too much. It made me think of relocating to somewhere like here, where every day felt like a vacation, but at the same time, I didn't want to hide away anymore.Not only that, but I got things going for that house I found. I talked to the realtor and was able to start the paperwork on my new house. It was an ongoing process, but seeing as I had good credit and money to put down on it, it was going easier than I thought.So I took the time to enjoy myself in Hawaii, visiting different islands and doing every single touristy thing I could do. I hiked to some waterfalls and kayak
Unapologetically Me Starr
I curse and I know I can refuse it but...I don't. I put my earrings back in and find my top from my last dance. I take a few deep breaths after I put it on and fix my hair and makeup.I got to Apple and asked her which private room he was in and she pointed to the first one. I feel like my heart is about to beat straight out of my chest but I straighten up and walk into the room.He's sitting ramrod straight in the room, his eyes on me as I step up onto the small circle stage in the center of the dark room. Music starts to play, but I put my hands on my hips and stare down at Jordan Starr."What the hell are you doing here?"His mouth pops open and he stares at me, his throat bobbing. "Trust me, Kelly, I didn't know you worked here. I-I didn't know."I walk off of the stage stand in front of him and glare down at him. "Is your brother here with you?"His eyes widen and he shakes his head. "N-No! I'm here with Lyle and Keenan."
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Unapologetically Me Making a home
I have found myself to be more relaxed than I have ever been before and it all has to do with Liam. I go to school and because my schedule for work is so different now, I actually have time to study. I have lunches with him almost every day and when I'm off and he comes home, I'm deliriously happy.It feels almost too good to be true, which is the scariest part. I feel like here lately I've been too happy and something sh*tty is about to come around the corner and bite me in the ass. And I wait for it. I may be comfortable, but it doesn't mean that I'm not waiting for my happiness to turn to ashes in my mouth.Until then, I'm enjoying just being with him. When his stuff arrives from Boston I unpack most of it while he's at work after school. I hang up his expensive looking suits and fill the bathroom vanity with all of his toiletries. I'm happy seeing my space being shared by someone I care about. I'm excited and also scared of the future that is coming o
Unapologetically Me Job Interview
LiamIt's done. Everything to do with my parents and my old life is finished. I'm home. It's exactly how it feels, laying next to a sleeping Kelly, watching her chest rise and fall underneath her sheets.I have an important interview in the morning, but I'm too wired to sleep. I had been at the airport when I had talked to Kelly before she went to work and although I was tired as hell, especially after ravaging my beautiful woman, I couldn't sleep.Seeing her walk into the club in the lacy lingerie had me wired. She was sexy as hell, I knew that, but seeing her in action at work, even before I paid for six dances, there was no denying that she was a goddess. I smile at the memory of her shoving my money back in my hand as soon as we get home. "I didn't dance for you, so you take it back." "I don't care, Kelly. Keep it. It's from your job.""Ew. No. It makes me feel icky if you pay for me to do stuff for you. I like giving it to
Unapologetically Me Staying
Leaving Liam this time was hard. We were so close now, closer than ever to not have to do this anymore. But I ugly cried in the SUV when it was time to say goodbye. I mean, snot and tears and everything. It was bad. And Liam, who was usually so put together and happy go lucky teared up as well."It's okay, Kel. I'll be there soon. I've got some loose ends to tie up, but don't worry. I'll be in Vegas before you know it. I promise."And so I got on my plane alone and went back home. I started getting ready for Liam's arrival as soon as I did. I would go to class and instead of hitting the gym, I started organizing my closet and taking clothes and shoes out to donate. I made drawer space and cleaned out my spare bedroom to give him a special surprise.I ordered some office furniture so that if he wanted to, he could work from home as soon as he found himself something here. Did I tell him about it?No. I was afraid that if I did, he would tell me I was doing too much but I was just excit
Unapologetically Me Christmas Aftermath
Liam and I sat on the floor of his apartment with our gifts in front of us. After our laughing fit in the car, we came inside and neither of us really knew what to say or do.I felt guilty as hell for everything that happened at his parents house. I felt selfish because I didn't want to let him go and I felt responsible for him losing his job and his family. I just...I didn't feel good at all. I mean, I loved that he defended me. It made me feel..I felt loved. I felt like someone really cared for me and it felt like for the first time ever that I was chosen first.But of course, I felt guilty for wanting to be first. I chose my mom over James. Even when she was a raging b*tch, I still chose her. I wanted to choose James, but I didn't. Liam chose me. He chose me. I had no idea why. I mean, yeah, we were together, but...he was losing a lot. He didn't even have a job. He didn't have his parents anymore and it was all my fault. I stared down at my g
Unapologetically Me Christmas
We went last-minute Christmas shopping. Despite me being here, his parents still wanted me over for Christmas because Liam flat-out refused to join them if I couldn't go, which made me feel amazing. Not.So even though I bought Lillian a cashmere sweater, I still had to buy it for his dad even though Liam kept telling me I didn't have to. I didn't care if they got me anything or not. I half expected to get sh*t in a box, courtesy of his mother, but it was okay. I would accept it gracefully, just to piss her off.And it wasn't like I was aiming to piss them off. I just wasn't going to give in to their bullsh*t wishes.On Christmas Eve we had dinner with his friends and had a white elephant gift party which was pretty fun. I enjoyed my time there, even though Vivian was there. She avoided talking to either of us the whole time which suited me perfectly. I even drank a little because I was feeling the holiday spirit. I came home with a cute set of Tiffany earrings because these rich peop
Unapologetically Me Walk of Shame
When we step off of the elevator I feel almost a permanent blush up my neck and cheeks. I'm not sorry for what we did but Vivian saw and from past experiences, she wasn't very good at keeping her trap shut.I walk into the event center with my arm in Liam's and thank God no one is really paying attention to us. Some people glance at us, but it seems like the drinks have been flowing and people are talking loud and gesturing with their hands. So that's a good sign.I look around and see Vivian sitting at a table with a drink in her hand looking forlorn and I smirk to myself. Serves her right for coming and looking for us. Thoughts have been going on in my head, wondering what she was doing, looking and all I could come up with was that she didn't expect me to be with him.I felt like she thought that maybe she could corner him, thinking I was in the bathroom or some stupid sh*t after what his dad told me. I probably would have been if Liam hadn't noticed I was upset right away. But Lia
Unapologetically Me Christmas Party Cont.
LiamI looked around to see if anyone was watching us and took Kelly's hand in mine. Whatever one of my parents told her had her looking like she was going to be sick and I was not going to let that happen. It took me entirely too long to get Kelly to agree to be mine and I wasn't going to lose her so quickly.I took Kelly out of the event center and to the bank of elevators in the main lobby. We hopped into the elevators and I wrapped my arms around her after I clicked on the fortieth floor, where my office was located."You want to tell me what my parents said to you?" I nuzzle her neck, my favorite place to be and she sighs and leans her body back against mine and gives me more of her neck."No. Nothing you didn't prepare me for. It just sucks.""Who was it?""Your dad.""What did he say?"She takes a deep breath and I watch her chest rise and fall. She looks absolutely stunning in her red dress. The mom
Unapologetically Me Christmas Party
I stare at myself in the mirror, feeling nervous. I run a hand down my red, satin dress and smile. My hair is up in an intricate bun that took me an hour to do and I did my makeup as perfectly as I could get it without looking like I over did it. I have smoky eyes and red lips. My dress drops down into a deep v in between my breasts and it hangs down to mid calf with a high slit up to my hip. It's sexy and formal and I hope it says that I don't give a flying f*ck what anyone thinks about me.I put on my matching red stilettos and turn to my side and grin.I walk out into the living room where Liam is waiting for me and watch his eyes dance and darken as I step into the room. He swallows hard and pulls at his bow tie, then runs both hands down his chest. He looks hot as hell in a tuxedo and my mouth goes dry. "Do we have to go?" He asks as he steps closer to me. His cheeks are red and I smile at him. "Yes." I raise my eyebrows at him. "We have to go." He grabs my hips and brings me
Unapologetically Me Meeting Mom
The days are passing by slowly. It's almost painful, but there's absolutely nothing to be done. So I go to class, go to the gym, go to work and do it all over again. Liam, since I officially decided to be his girlfriend, has been checking in on me nonstop. It's a complete one eighty from how James would do when he was in school. It didn't matter if he was in a meeting or doing important business man sh*t, Liam would call or text me just because he missed me. We would even just be on the phone while he did paperwork in his office, not speaking, but just being on the line.And every day he would tell me about how many companies he has reached out to. He hadn't told his parents yet because he wanted to make sure he had a job first before he dropped the bomb on them.But he also hinted that his father was getting suspicious. I was on the line with him one day when his dad walked into his office. I knew it was his father because he greeted him as such. I muted
