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Confused
James
It was hard coming home. And not to Vegas. I meant home, here in Massachusetts. Because ultimately, that's where home was to me now. I missed Kelly so f*cking bad, and seeing her reinforced all of my feelings for her tenfold, but...the entire time I was back in Vegas, I couldn't help but think of the trauma bond sh*t Sarah told me about.It stuck in my head and I tried to analyze Kelly while I was there, to see if maybe she had some of the markers. But, maybe I had some too? I didn't know because I felt a sense of relief to see her, to be with her, to touch her and kiss her.It felt like I was missing something and she was there to fill in my missing parts.And now, back home, I kind of felt off again. We talked, but that didn't feel like enough. I wanted her here. I wanted her with me and I felt like a selfish prick for wanting it so bad, but did that make me a bad person?Her mother left her for months, stole her money and didn'tRelated chapters
Unapologetically Me Christmas Break
It was a long three weeks of waiting for James to come home but as soon as I saw him at the airport, my heart stuttered and my eyes teared up.I ran to him and felt like those silly romance movies, but I couldn't care less about what anyone thought of our public display of affection.He caught me and held me tightly to his body and everything felt so right again. I had a rough three weeks starting with a man groping me and sticking his hands down my panties and touching me before Paulo was able to get him and throw him out.I cried so hard that night, feeling completely dirty and disgusting. I felt like I cheated on James somehow, even though I knew it wasn't my fault. But I pushed past it because the money I was making from dancing now was a f*ck ton more than I was making just serving drinks.I was asked if I could dance more days out of the week, but since I knew James was coming home for Christmas, I opted out and told Kade I would start after
Unapologetically Me Goodbyes and So Longs
I dropped James off at the airport the next morning and although he kept saying he was okay, I could see that he wasn't.Our drive to the airport was quiet and it made me nervous. I knew he was still upset about my refusal to leave with him and I felt bad about it too. I just couldn't abandon my mom. It sucked.Once there, I cried a little and he just hugged me tightly from the passenger seat and pulled away, his beautiful blue eyes shining with unshed tears. He pressed his lips to mine and I felt his tongue smooth over mine, the kiss hard and passionate. When he pulled away, he pushed a stray hair out of my face and studied my face for a long time. Horns honked behind me but I let him. "Call me." I whispered to him."Yeah." He said. He grabbed all his stuff and left without a backwards glance.I didn't expect a call that first night. I figured he would be tired after his flight. But when he didn't call me the next night and th
Unapologetically Me Big Talk
The days dragged slowly after Spring Break. I focused on myself and my body and getting my routines right. I focused on getting my mom to all of her appointments and getting groceries and doing laundry and cooking, even though I sucked at it.Anything and everything to keep myself busy.May rolled around and I was on my way to the club gym when my mom stopped me. She had been acting kind of strange since I came back from Spring Break, wandering the house aimlessly and muttering to herself. She had lost weight, but remained bloated in her stomach and legs. She showered when I'd force her in and most of the time she just seemed out of it. I wondered a lot of her medications had something to do with it, but I never really put too much thought into it.Now, staring at her face, I saw some light in her eyes that had been missing for a while. Her body fingers dug into my arm as she clung to me and I noticed that the wrinkles in her face were more prono
Unapologetically Me Alone
I'm watching as the EMT's roll out her body in a black body bag and my heart is in a vise."What do I do?" I ask as they begin walking out. "Wait, what do I do?" The EMT that I talked to earlier turns to me. They have been here for a little under an hour. "We are loading her into the car for the funeral home. Remember when we asked you?"I shake my head because I can't really think of anything else. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. "Okay.""Are you going to be okay?"She looks at me with kind, brown eyes and I give her a curt nod my throat beginning to ache. "Is there anyone else you need us to call?""No. We're alone. It's just us. Just...me." My chest constricts and I feel my eyes burn. She places a hand on my shoulder and I smile at her as best as I can. She leaves with everyone else and I watch from my floor as they leave. It's just me. Just me. I walk back into the apartment and shut the d
Unapologetically Me Marlene
"Kelly." She whispered as she closed the door. I shook my head and covered my face with my hands. I didn't want her here. I didn't want anyone. I just wanted to lay down and be forgotten. That's all I wanted.She slid down the door next to me, with only inches away from me and looked at me with James' eyes. "You don't have to talk. We can just sit here." She said quietly.I nodded and laid closed my eyes again. I felt her hand on my hip, moving it soothingly up and down my leg, comforting me the only way she could.After a few minutes, I couldn't stand it anymore. "You don't have to be here.""I know I don't." "I-I shouldn't have even called him.""Why not?"I stared at the back of the couch, noticing trash underneath that I hadn't seen before. "You know why."She was silent for a while and then she sighed. "He never told us. We...we didn't know he broke up with you until today.""He didn't."
Unapologetically Me Three Months Later
Within three months of my mom's passing, I had her funeral fully paid off. Her headstone and everything. It was a lot of money. A lot, but the feeling I got in my chest, seeing that bill gone made it worth it. Made every single drop of sweat worth it.After I finished that bill, I got to work on my mountain. It was still growing with the remaining of my mom's hospital bills coming in, but I didn't mind. It was a goal to finish them off. A purpose.And so I began. I got myself an account to start getting my finances all together so I wouldn't pay out of my ass in taxes and continued working.I danced, getting my routines perfected and adding new ones to the mix since I was now on stage three times a night. I had gotten exponentially better on the pole due to the pole dancing classes I took and was getting tipped so much more money because of it.I worked the floor like nobody's business, plastering a flirty smile and talking out of my ass to horny
Unapologetically Me Renewed
Christmas passed by without a hitch. I spent it in Hawaii. It was still fairly warm and so I spent that holiday much the same as the first one.I did have to avoid all of the holiday sh*t going on everywhere, but being somewhere that wasn't home made it easier to face by myself. I ate to my heart's content and swam and took tours up to the volcano. I enjoyed it there almost too much. It made me think of relocating to somewhere like here, where every day felt like a vacation, but at the same time, I didn't want to hide away anymore.Not only that, but I got things going for that house I found. I talked to the realtor and was able to start the paperwork on my new house. It was an ongoing process, but seeing as I had good credit and money to put down on it, it was going easier than I thought.So I took the time to enjoy myself in Hawaii, visiting different islands and doing every single touristy thing I could do. I hiked to some waterfalls and kayak
Unapologetically Me Starr
I curse and I know I can refuse it but...I don't. I put my earrings back in and find my top from my last dance. I take a few deep breaths after I put it on and fix my hair and makeup.I got to Apple and asked her which private room he was in and she pointed to the first one. I feel like my heart is about to beat straight out of my chest but I straighten up and walk into the room.He's sitting ramrod straight in the room, his eyes on me as I step up onto the small circle stage in the center of the dark room. Music starts to play, but I put my hands on my hips and stare down at Jordan Starr."What the hell are you doing here?"His mouth pops open and he stares at me, his throat bobbing. "Trust me, Kelly, I didn't know you worked here. I-I didn't know."I walk off of the stage stand in front of him and glare down at him. "Is your brother here with you?"His eyes widen and he shakes his head. "N-No! I'm here with Lyle and Keenan."
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