I have to fight tears all the way to my car. Then the second I climb into the driver's seat and shut the door, it is like a fucking flood gate has opened. Tears are coming and they will not go away. I want her so badly. Why in all of holy hell did I let myself come to see her today? Why did I not ring Manuel or Knox for her number so they could convince me this was a bad idea?! Why did I not turn and go home when I began to have doubts?! Why, why, why, why, why and fucking why again?! So many whys and what if's. I messed up. I should never have hugged her. I had stopped her touching me because the contact was throwing me, was confusing me. The sensation from the mate bond felt good, yet it hurt, because, right now in my mind, it is associated with rejection too. But I crave the sensation because it is the mate bond and it feels so fucking good. This is one messed up situation! Then, when I took her in my arms, I was done for. I knew instantly I had made an immense m
Walking back to my apartment having watched Gabe walk away from me knowing that he had basically told me he didn’t want to see me again was one of the most painful things I had done. I know I can’t have him, but I don’t want to let him go either. I thought maybe we could still chat or occasionally meet up, I guess. As spending time with him today has been good, I love being around him, it just feels right, so natural and like it is meant to be. Which I know is stupid, as I know it is technically meant to be as it is what the Moon Goddess has fated, she has fated for Gabe and I to be together, to be a couple, so it should only feel right for us to be together, to be in one another's company. Yet there is too much at risk for us from being together. I thought when he kissed me he wanted the same thing, hoped perhaps he would consider being together, but not as mates, as selfish as that may be. So when he uttered the words he thought it was better we didn’t see each other or speak
All preparations were in place. Flights were all booked. My Mum and Dad were heading over to our house to meet with us all to let us know what the Werewolf Council had said. I was pacing anxiously, hoping they would be the bearer of good news. If the council had not been willing to listen, then we would have a serious fight on our hands to defend Manuel and his new mate. Plus, we had very little chance of helping Esme or the other females in the pack have a normal chance of freedom and life, where they are not treated like second-rate citizens to the men in the pack. Lilah had already got the coffee and tea made and the group of us were sitting in the lounge. Indie and Dan, with Finn curled up asleep on Dan’s knee. It sounded like he had been causing chaos for Indie today, so no doubt he tired himself out. Jake was stood chatting to Manuel and Lola. I assume about the planned mission, ready for tomorrow. Gabe, I had not been able to get hold of. I had tried calling in to
I am lying in bed, my arms wrapped around my beautiful mate. Where I imagined I would feel happiest. But right now, I feel like my world is crumbling around me. It is already the early hours. We returned home from Lilah and Knox’s home having heard the news and discussing the final arrangements for tomorrow. Lola and I ordered in a pizza and watched a film, as neither of us could be bothered to cook. Our cases for tomorrow were now sat by the front door, everything ready to go. But in truth I did not want to go. I was terrified. I was unsure what tomorrow and this trip would hold. Would I be coming home with my mate? Would I be coming home heartbroken because she had chosen to stay with her pack and her family because of the punishments her Alpha has chosen for her for breaking their pack rules by allowing me to mark her? We had had a soak in the bath together to relax, and then headed to bed in the hopes of an early night. Having some fun before sleep, which was difficult to
We have been up and out of pack early. Knox had arranged for cars to take us to the nearest airport in plenty of time for our flights. We had a chance to check in, and then grab some breakfast. Plenty of coffee was going to be needed today, I think. I had not slept well last night, constantly going over in my mind the plans for the mission. It may turn out completely different to what we had planned, and may go smoothly, but from everything we had heard about the Crimson Night Pack and their Alpha, I had a sinking feeling that was highly unlikely. I had more chance of winning the lottery, I think. This is the first major mission I have been solely in charge of that Knox has not been by my side, so there is that added responsibility. But I feel more responsible because of the fact this involves two of my closest friends and their fated mates. I want this to be fixed for them. I see how broken Gabe is and that terrifies me because that is so unlike the Gabe we are used to. Even wh
We are sat in the car heading toward my pack, Crimson Night Pack. Hell on earth….. And things were going to get a whole lot worse when Alpha Jace realised I had allowed my fated mate to mark me without me even asking him or letting him know….. Manny is driving, and I am in the passenger seat. I feel sick with nerves quite honestly and would like nothing more than to get straight back onto that plane and go back to Midnight Forest Pack. I felt safe there. They can protect me there, right? Jake was sat on the back seat, he seemed like he was a mixture of nerves and thoughtfulness. I wonder if he is going over the plans again and again in his head? Manny has said he is one for planning and preparation, so maybe he is just wanting to make sure they are well prepared? It is a bit hard to be well prepared when the Alpha you are coming up against is pretty unpredictable though. When he changes his mind more than time changes…. Alpha Jacob, Javier and Mateo were in the car dri
My heart dropped when Lola went to step out of the car when the guard told her to. If she was going to give in so easily to a mere guard, what fucking chance do I stand against the senior members of the pack or the fucking Alpha?! She was going to stay here, I think that is looking more likely now having seen her reaction to that. But right now, I cannot allow myself to be distracted by that, by my emotions and my feelings. I need to be fully focused or I will put myself and the group at risk. I cant do that. We are literally sat here like we are waiting for Christmas right now. The guard wont let us in. By the sounds of it, they won't let anyone into the pack who is not prearranged, and without the Alpha’s permission, which I guess is not too unusual for packs, as it is general pack security. But surely a quick mindlink with the Alpha and you could authorise us to be permitted into the pack. But the way the guard was talking was like he was in a fucking trance, reciting a sp
I feel my body tremble as my Alpha looks at me, his voice reverberating through the car as he demands an answer “I said she did what?!” Manuel was showing no nerves and neither was Jake, but I saw Manuel take a deep gulp, so perhaps he was just good at hiding his nerves. “We already completed the mating and marking process.” Manuel says. “I fucking heard that, I want to know why” Alpha Jace has not taken his eyes off me and his voice is full of venom. “Well you didn’t really clarify that, you asked what she did, so I was telling you” Manuel says with some sarcasm to his voice. I can see all over his face he does not like this man, and that is not unexpected considering the things he has heard about him. “Don’t get smart with me fucker” Alpha Jace leans into the car, his face inches away from Manuel’s. I don’t like him being that close to him. What if he tries to hurt him? I quickly press on the button in the centre of the car which closes the window without th
12 months later continued… Listening to Esme panic rushing around the house, I am wondering why we offered to hold a get-together at our house for our friends. We should have let it be at Lilah and Knox’s like normal. Damn me trying to be clever and be a better host than Knox. “Have we got enough drinks in? What about snacks?” I hear Esme ask for about the tenth time in about half an hour. She is dashing between the kitchen and the lounge, trying to make sure everything is tidy, when I know my friends really could not care less, and within ten minutes of them being here the house will look a mess, especially when Finn and Kai are toddling around looking for things to mess with. Thankfully, Dan and Indie’s youngest, Wren, is not at the age where she can toddle very well just yet. Though she is just as much of a mischief as her big brother, so that was only a matter of time. “Mi Amor, it is fine” I tell her the same thing I have every ither time she asked. Not that she wil
12 Months later I woke up to look at my mate. She looks so tired, yet so beautiful. The pregnancy seems to be taking it out of her. Though she is getting close to the end now. We truly cannot wait for our pup to arrive. We had waited to find out what we were having, wanting a surprise. I mean the pregnancy came as some what a surprise, so why not let the gender be one too. Well, I say the pregnancy was a surprise. We had not planned it as such, yet we had not done a massive amount to stop it happening either. We just hadn’t discussed having a baby just yet. Lola was getting settled in working in the daycare centre and loving every second of it. Her confidence seemed to be building, and the kids there seemed to love her. I think some people just have that kind of personality that draws children to them, and Lola is definitely one of them. She is a natural with kids, so I know she is going to make the most amazing Mami to our pup when they arrive. She had been unwell for
I would say thank the goddess it is the weekend, but I have been busy cleaning the house today while Esme has been working on some coursework for her degree. I was being the ever perfect mate and providing food and drink for her, so she could focus on her work as she told me she had quite a lot to do. I truly do not know how she does it. I look at the work each time I walk in the dining room, where her texts books, note books and laptops are now spread across the table, and in all honesty, it looks like complete nonsense to me half of the stuff. Plus, I see how many notes she has written, and I truly think I would get bored and think I can’t be bothered and give up. I have yet another level of respect for my mate, I truly do. This is some serious dedication. And she is seriously impressive. Our hospital would be lucky to have her when she graduates. We had agreed to our day doing this, then we were having a lazy night together, time to chill out, movie night, takeaway a
I was glad to have had my time off with Lola, but was ready to get back to work I have to say. Ready to get back to training and burn off some energy through fighting and sparring with the other warriors. Lola had gone into the Day Care centre, her first day being yesterday, and she had absolutely loved it! The staff seemed to love her, and she got on well with them. And Lola loved being around the kids, so I think she had definitely found her calling in life. The smile on her face when she walked out of there at the end of the day to meet me, told me that she was going to be happy there. After a hectic day training, and going over training programmes for the young warrior programme, I had finished later than expected so I had already linked Lola to let her know so she would not expect me to be there to meet her like I had the day before. Gabe and I both were in charge of planning a new training programme for upcoming warriors, and had to work on the training regime
I walk into The Spirits of Tea tea room feeling nervous. I was unsure whether to agree to come or not, to be honest. I have not really spent time with this Diego. All I know is, I think this guy is my fated mate and the crazy fool had run away when he realised. Or I assume he realised. He was new to pack, had come in with the newcomers from the Crimson Night Pack. They seemed nice enough and his parents had made friends with my parents. My wolf Fern had gone crazy the moment I had crossed paths with him in the pack house, but then as I approached him to confirm who he was, he looked at me, his chocolate brown eyes full of uncertainty and he bolted out of the door. Fern had been skulking since. Both of us unsure if this was building up to a rejection. Imagine that, the daughter of a former Alpha being rejected. That would not look good. I honestly did not know if I was hurt or angry. I had not told a soul. Kept the pain and misery to myself. Not wanting anyone to judge me, or
My head was buzzing with the information Manuel had mindlinked me. I drop off with it on my mind and wake up with it still taking over my thoughts. I can’t believe Willow had found her mate yet had not confided in anyone. She would normally speak to our Mum, or our sister, yet nothing had been mentioned. I would maybe have even expected her to confide in Lilah or Indie, but again I would have expected that to have been leaked back to me through them as neither one is good at keeping secrets. She must be in bits feeling rejected by her mate, and I know how that feels. Been there myself with Lilah when we first met, strangely enough . Not for the same reasons, but came back to her not feeling good enough, though she had the added fear of being terrified of being hurt. I can’t imagine how Diego must be feeling. I know how many people consider Alpha families as being way above them, and would see a warrior as not worthy of being mated to someone within the family, but our family ar
We left the BBQ later in the day, Gabe and Esme seemed to have disappeared, not sure when. But Lola and I had enjoyed time with everyone. I get on well with her brother and Esme’s brother, so working with them would be good I think. The week off with Lola seemed to have flown by, but it had been so worth it. We have sorted the house, got a few things for it that she liked so it was more a mixture of our things now and not just mine, which is something I wanted to do for her. We have had plenty of time to chat and I think I see some definite positive changes in Lola now, so I do think we are on the way to things improving for her.I don’t think she will ever get over the crap she went through in that pack, but then I doubt most of the others from there will either. I realise this isn’t going to be a sudden fix, and will be a slow and gradual thing we work on together, and I am good with that, so long as she is doing ok and she is happy. She has been doing amazingly in not trying
We had spent the afternoon at Manuel’s parents’ house, spending time together as one big family I guess. A BBQ to welcome my family and Lola’s family. Though to look at them now you would think they had always been here. No doubt there will always be scars and damage from the Crimson Night Pack, but I think Midnight Forest Pack will be the way forward for them all. There had been so much laughing, maybe something to do with the excess of beer drunk. But at the same time, the atmosphere felt perfect, so warm, and welcoming, like we were home. Like we belonged. My parents clicked with both Mateo and Eden, and Javier and Ada like they were old friends. It was nice to see and I think it will help them settle in. It was the same for Lola’s parents. Mum and Auntie Val are now looking to try painting with Indie – heaven help her! But they are also planning to help around the pack house too. Suggesting cooking classes for some of the younger wolves, which apparently former Luna, Ava loved
Family BBQ day was here again, though this was literally a week later, due to the fact we were welcoming Lola and Esme’s families. Though I seem to have seen them every day this week, I am sure of it! And from what I can gather, our parents are all spending time together anyway, so I'm not sure the BBQ is truly needed. But I won’t say that or my Dad would likely slap upside my head, or my Abuela threaten me! Still, time with the family is meant to be nice, someone else is cooking. And now I have my mate by my side, I don’t have to worry about being hassled about finding my mate, so in all it should be a good day. I get to chill with Esme, and my family while eating good food and drinking beer in the sunshine. Sounds like a pretty perfect day to me. This week has been so hectic helping Esme’s family get settled, and getting into a routine of Esme being back at university but from our home as a base rather than her apartment near the university. I introduced Diego and Luis to