Ch. 2 Long Enough

Olivia 

Declan’s hateful words replay over and over in my mind as I make my escape, not even slowing when Ellie calls my name. I have to get out of here before the dam breaks because I refuse to let any of those monsters see me cry. They don’t deserve my tears. 

I’ve barely made it out the door before the familiar dull ache flares to life in my chest, telling me at least one of my mates is already more pleasantly occupied. As if I needed more proof that I’m less than nothing in their eyes, they don’t even stop to celebrate my misery before moving on to more entertaining things like their next conquest.

Too many nights I’ve lain in bed on the brink of sleep, only for the throbbing in my chest to startle me awake. At least this time I’m prepared for the torture to ensue 

I hurry to make my way home as the discomfort intensifies, the pain a raging inferno, the torment too much to endure. By the time my house is in sight, I’m practically crawling, every step pure agony. I’m panting for air and my wolf howls in anguish, crying for the torture to end.

“Mates! Mine!” Lady whimpers in my head, the agonized sound another dagger to my heart. 

She’d never say it but I know part of her blames me for our mates betrayal. She thinks if I told them they belong to us, they’d fall at our feet, beg our forgiveness, and never hurt us again. She’s too naive to understand they’d never believe us. 

No one would. The weak little she-wolf couldn’t possibly be meant for the most powerful men in our pack. And with no scent to prove it, I’d only come off as desperate and pathetic, two things they already think I am.

I’d risk it for her though, tell them the truth, if I thought it would end our suffering. A rejection would prove to her once and for all that our mates will never be ours and this endless pain would finally stop. But they can’t reject a bond they can’t feel so I put that thought out of my mind. 

At least my parents are gone for the night, I think as I stumble up the stairs to my room and drop onto my bed just as my legs give out. I’ve always managed to hide the worst of it from them but tonight is a new level of excruciating. Somehow, I find the strength to bury myself in my blankets before I give in to the pain, praying I will just black out. And mercifully, I do. 

“Livvy, what’s wrong, sweetie?” I have no idea what time it is when I blink my eyes open, still dazed from the pain, to find mom hovering over me, daddy and papa right behind her looking equally concerned. 

I open my mouth to assure them I’m fine but a whimper slips out before I can stifle it. “Olivia, tell us what’s going on! This isn’t the first time we’ve noticed you whimpering in your sleep, pawing at your chest like you’re trying to tear it open. Let us help you!” Daddy pleads. 

“You can’t help me.” I state flatly, proud when my voice barely trembles. “This isn’t something that can ever be healed. Trust me. It’s just something I have to learn to survive.” My hushed tone, barely above a whisper, betrays what a poor job I’m doing at even that. 

“Oh my sweet baby girl” Mom holds me tighter. “Whatever it is, we’re here for you. I can’t promise we can fix it but I can promise we’ll help hold you together when you feel like you’re falling apart.”

“Momma,” I sniffle, burrowing deeper into her embrace. 

It feels so good to have her arms around me, filling me with her warmth and calming presence. I’m so, so tired of carrying this burden alone. Her words give me courage and I think, just maybe, it would be safe to admit the truth.

“Kaden and Declan are my mates, but they both hate me.” I blurt out before I lose my nerve.

“What?!” Papa bellows. “Livvy, that’s not possible! You don’t have a mate, sweetheart. You can’t bond without a scent. You must be mistaken.” 

I shrink back at his incredulous tone. “I don’t know why the Goddess did this to me but I know I’m not wrong about them. But don’t worry, I know I’m not worthy of them and too weak to ever be a Luna, if that’s your concern. It doesn’t make it hurt any less that my own mates don't want me.” I spit back. 

“This is just a crush, Olivia!” mom insists. “I know it hurts, but the pain will fade in time. You’ll get over it soon enough.”

“It’s not a crush, mother!” Her dismissive attitude has me angry now, overriding the pain for the moment. “I’ve known since I was fifteen years old that they were mine! Since the day of my first shift! Lady scented them both that very day. 

“I can feel it when they’re with someone else and it’s only gotten worse as the years go by. It feels like my heart is being carved from my chest! That’s not a crush! It’s a betrayed bond.” Her face pales but she masks it quickly. 

“Oh honey,” I bristle at her patronizing tone, “I know it can feel like that when your feelings aren’t reciprocated.” She steals an accusing glance at Daddy Finn. “But fifteen is way too young to scent your mate and likening it to a betrayed bond is a bit dramatic. You haven’t said any of this to Kaden or Declan have you?”

“Of course not! I’m not stupid! If I can’t trust my own parents to believe me, why would I think for a minute they would? You’re supposed to love me. They don’t even like me!” I’m shouting now, only just realizing I’ve jumped up from the bed and started pacing the room. 

“That’s a relief. You’d be embarrassed when you realize you're wrong. I don’t want that for you.” But I have to wonder if it’s her own embarrassment she’s worried about. I don’t even recognize this version of her and it hurts my heart almost as much as my mates’ cruelty.

“Is this how you all feel?” I look pointedly at my fathers. “Do the two of you agree with her?” 

“Livvy-” Papa’s tone is pleading for me to listen but I can tell by the identical expressions they wear, of resignation and defeat, that they won’t take my side and I can’t stay here a moment longer waiting for the support that won’t come. I should have kept my mouth shut.

I bolt for the front door in nothing but my threadbare nightgown. It’s freezing outside but I don’t shift. Lady would never let me follow through on my plan if I did. 

I make my way to the edge of a cliff and stare down into the ravine. I’m terrified of heights and my stomach lurches as I peer over the side. But the promise of ending my anguish overrides my fear. 

Three years I’ve lived with this pain. Three years of heartache and suffering. Maybe three years is long enough. 

I shuffle closer until my toes hang over the edge. I’m still gathering my courage when I hear a voice carried on the breeze. “Patience, child.” The words are soft, a whisper on the wind, but I hear them loud and clear. “I’m so sorry for your pain, daughter. I promise your suffering won’t be in vain.”

Could that really be the Moon Goddess trying to literally talk me off the ledge? After this farce of a life she’s forced on me, can I really trust anything she has to say? The problem is, she’s asking for something I no longer have to give.

My patience has officially run out.