Chapter Five: A Coloring Book?

Trick

Sweat drips from my forehead, trailing down to my eyes. Right as I know it's going to slip in and sting like a son of a bitch, I use my forearm to wipe it away. A happy sigh releases the tension from my shoulders and I glance around.

This is my happy place, my shop is everything. From the oil-stained concrete floors to the walls holding the tools that allow me to do the job at hand. It's small, barely big enough for me, sometimes a helper, and ten bikes, but it's mine. Free and clear is something I never thought I would say, but it's true. This place is mine and nobody is going to take that away from me.

Unless I end up having to serve time.

Most days I can keep that thought at bay, other days it's at the forefront of my mind. I've been there before - serving time - and I don't want to go back. I can't go back after I've had this taste of freedom.

In my jeans pocket, my phone vibrates. Forgetting I have grease all over my hands, I reach in, pulling the device out. Fuck, I mumble as I realize I've covered up the message with the mess on my hands.

Getting up, I grab a rag, doing my best to wipe everything off. When I can finally see enough of the screen, I see it's a text from Becky.

B: I can't be there tomorrow Patrick, but please be on time for Riley's session. It's as important to her as it is to you.

Fuck all these people who think they know me, think they know what I'm going through. It's probably more important to me than it is to Riley. I have to prove to someone in this life I can do at least one fucking thing right. If it's helping her not to feel the same loneliness I feel, then so be it.

T: Got it.

The familiar rage boils up in my gut. I want to hit something, get rid of the inadequacy I always feel when I fuck up.

"This is what got you into some shit last time," I remind myself. I'm older and wiser now. Older and wiser me decides to take a break, and take a run. If I'm physically exhausted the only thing I can do is work or sleep.

Two things that definitely won't get me in trouble.

Four miles later and I find myself in front of the neighborhood store. I didn't grab a bottle of water when I started out, and now I need one.

Walking in, I wave at the cashier, who's usually the one here when I come in.

"Afternoon, Trick," the older man calls to me. "Hot one today, huh?"

"Hopefully the last one," I'm grabbing the biggest bottle of water when I realize I'm kind of hungry too. Turning the corner, I find myself in the section with kid's toys.

"The weather man says so," he's continuing. "Supposed to have a cold front move through tonight. They're saying low sixties in the morning."

"I can't wait," I mumble as I glance over stuff decidedly much more pink than anything else I've ever looked at.

Am I trying to buy her affection? It's a question anyone would ask themselves, but I feel like she'd talk more if we did something together. Decision made, I grab a container of crayons and a coloring book. Every kid loves to color - right?

Taking everything up to the counter, I grab a bag of beef jerky and add it to my purchases.

"A coloring book?"

I answer with a chuckle. "Don't even ask. You wouldn't believe it if I told you."

He bags it all up, and I walk slowly outside, having a seat on the curb as I drink my water and eat my jerky.

My future is more up in the air than it's ever been, but I can't help but hope it's all going to work out. I'm just not sure for who. Me? Riley?

I hope for both of us, but that cynical part of my personality won't allow me to fully believe it.

Hadley

"Do you need my help?" I ask Riley as we enter our small apartment hours later.

It's been a long day, and I don't really want to help her, but she's the best thing in my life, and I would never voice those thoughts to her. The fact of the matter is, I'm tired. This life is much different than our previous one, and I'm still desperately trying to find my way.

"No Mom, I got it," she shuts the bathroom door and I hear the bathtub water running.

With a sigh, I open my bedroom door, not wanting to necessarily look at the little corner I've converted into a business center. I'm tired, and the last thing I want to do is work at filling the orders from my Etsy store.

But this is what puts food on the table and allows Riles to take the piano lessons she loves so much. So I'll do it, even if it means it's only going to be five hours of sleep for me tonight.

Unlike her father, I won't ever allow myself to disappoint her. Doesn't matter what it takes, what I have to sacrifice, I'll prove to her there are people she can trust.

Even if there's no one for me to trust.