Chapter 7 - Toxic Masculinity

Mitch saluted to the captain. “Yes sir!” He placed his hands on Ezra’s shoulders with his brightest smile. “Let me help you.”

Ezra shuddered, he avoided making eye contact with Mitch. “N-No thank you.” He backed away but Mitch moved closer to him. “P-Please stop moving closer towards me.” 

I don’t understand why he became uncomfortable with Mitch when they were being buddies before. Though it was more like they’re children. 

Mitch pouted. “Why have you become so cold towards me?” 

Dwight chuckled, he got in between them. “It’s because you look like a girl— Come here, I’ll help you instead.” He pulled Ezra towards him and made him stretch his body. 

Mitch frowned as he scratches his cheek. “You know it’s not a compliment when people tell me that.” He said that in a low voice which was harder for Ezra and Dwight to hear because they were sitting down, but it was loud and clear for me. 

I’m standing near him, and I saw how he balled his fist. It was the first time I saw Mitch reacted like that. I thought he was used to receiving such comments about his looks, but he must have been hurt hearing those things since he’s a boy. 

That’s what society made people think, that being compared to a woman is not something that men should want. Because it means that you're weak because people describe women as weak creatures. Well, at least weaker than men. 

It’s called toxic masculinity. And I hate that concept. What’s wrong with being feminine? I like girly clothes, but I don’t have the confidence to tell that to other people. Like all the normal other boys, the thought of being compared to women hurts, because that’s what society taught us. 

That girls are inferior to boys. I have three sisters and I could say that they’re not inferior or anything like that, they’re strong sometimes not only physically, but also mentally. That’s why I really hate that concept. 

Dwight noticed Mitch’s gloomy expression. “Oh, I didn’t say that to offend you— It’s because of Ezra’s fear of women. I apologize if I did offend you.” He smiled at Mitch. 

“Hey! Why are you telling people my deepest secret as if it’s nothing?”

Dwight tilted his head as he pushes Ezra’s back to stretch him fully. “That’s your deepest secret? How lame.” He laughed. “Everyone knows that though.” He smiled at Mitch again and bowed his head as a gesture of apology. 

I even noticed how Mitch blushed because of that. Though I didn’t expect something like that from Ezra. Who would have thought that a bright and outgoing person like him is afraid of women? 

I thought he gets along well with them too. Maybe I shouldn’t get ahead of myself and shouldn't judge people too quickly. All I thought turns out to be wrong in the end. I nodded as I tell that to myself. 

Ezra turned to me after noticing how I nodded. “Why do you look like you’re dissing me inside your head?” Dwight and Mitch laughed after he said that. I’m not even dissing him. 

After that, Mitch suggested helping Ezra so that he could get used to being with women because he looks like one. It's as if he grew tired of being told that he's like a girl and he's just accepting it. Although Ezra doesn’t want to, he didn’t reject him anymore. Maybe he didn’t want to hurt Mitch’s feelings. He's kind. 

I didn’t even notice that I’m already smiling while watching them. I wonder why this place makes me feel like I’m floating with the clouds. Like there’s nothing I wouldn’t be able to do when I’m inside this place, with these people. 

Though that would probably be impossible with Ezra. I shouldn’t feel attached to them… This is all for Lia. 

Ezra finished cooling down and he once again sat beside me, and out of the blue poked my side. “Why are you smiling like that?” He teased which causes me to lose my smile. 

Of all people! Why does he have to be the one to see such an embarrassing expression on my face? 

“Show it to me again.” 

I was baffled but I soon realized that he’s having fun. “Please stop teasing me.” 

His eyes widened. “Eh? I’m sorry. I’m not teasing you.” He scratches the back of his head. And now I’m the one who’s surprised with how fast he apologized. 

“Don’t be mad at me, okay? I think you’re cute even with that long fringe, but I do think you’ll be cuter without them.” Ezra smiled and ruffled my hair. 

He’s definitely teasing me! I can’t understand why he’s doing this. Can't he just go away? 

He stood up and reached out for my hand. “Since next week would be the training camp, let’s get along well.” I stared at his hand which made him let out an awkward laugh. 

Just please leave me alone already. Doesn’t he feel embarrassed when someone’s blatantly ignoring his actions like that? Because if I were him, I wouldn’t be able to show my face anymore. Although I can’t do the things he does. 

The day ended with us losing at the next match. Mitch’s team became the champion. However, it was enough for the captain to assess the newbies’ skills. I hope I could make it to the team, but I wouldn’t expect anything since they’re all really good. Though it wouldn’t hurt to at least wish that I became a substitute player. 

Captain Leroy reminded. “Don’t forget to cool down.” He talked with the manager after that while we all mind our own businesses. It’s really tiring to train until the evening, and now I’m starving. 

As if Mitch heard what was on my mind, he clung to my arm. “Why don’t we eat in the McDonald's near here?” He said with all smiles, and even his eyes were twinkling. But then, Ezra got in between us. He’s smiling as if he’s doing his revenge towards Mitch who always disturbs our talk. 

“Didn’t you know that it’s bad for the health to eat too many fast foods?”

Mitch pouted and his forehead creased. “I don’t care. Stop bugging us, shoo!” Ezra walked away because of that. I didn’t expect him to lose that quick. 

He turned to me with pleading eyes. “Shall we get some burgers? I really like the double cheeseburger.” 

“I… don’t know. My parents might get worried about me.” 

That was a half-lie. I just don’t want to spend more time outside. I want to go home and get some rest on my bed. Now that the exhaustion came to me, I want to sleep. 

Mitch sighed and pouted again. He really likes to pout. “Then… I guess I’ll get a burger on my own.” 

“Shall I go with you?”

I blinked three times, and even Mitch was speechless. We’re both in shock after Royce said that. Though it made Mitch excited. “Really?” His eyes were twinkling again as he could not hide his excitement at all. 

But Royce scoffed. “In your dreams.” He bowed to the upperclassmen and left the gymnasium. 

“What the hell is his problem?” Mitch burst out and was about to tackle Royce who still hasn’t gone far, but I immediately pull his arm to stop him. Yet, instead of stopping him, he dragged me towards Royce which I didn’t expect would catch our upperclassmen’s attentions. 

“Lexi? What are you doing?” He was clueless but I was dying due to embarrassment.

Ezra cackled, “Pfft! That was so cute!” And he even started rolling on the floor. 

This is so embarrassing! I want to go home!

After the captain announces some reminders, we cleaned the gymnasium and went to the club room to change clothes. I didn’t want to change with the upperclassmen but they’re all seem to be used to seeing each other’s naked bodies. 

Even Mitch looks like he already belongs. I’ve decided to just change clothes in the restroom so that I could avoid being seen naked. They would tease me if they saw my body. 

I was relieved as soon as I got new clothes on. Though I keep looking back because I’m scared that I might bump into another teammate, or there might be someone behind me. I want to avoid talking to anyone right now. 

When I’m exhausted, I would often want to be alone. As I walk towards the main gate, all I could feel was the cold breeze and tiredness. Maybe I didn’t feel tired before because it was fun. Since when was the last time I genuinely had fun like this?

“I don’t remember.” 

I let out a sigh and gaze at the night sky. There are no clouds which makes me able to see the millions of stars illuminating from above. As I got out of the gate, I realized how dark my path towards home would be if there are no street lights. I’m lucky that there are lots of them. 

There’s no need for me to feel scared at all. It’s my first time walking in the street at night and I do feel nervous because there might be bad people lingering somewhere near the dark, but somehow I feel relaxed now that I’m alone.

Well… at least that’s what I want. To be able to relax alone. But someone interrupted that. 

“Alexis!”