3. In his Past

Erica

I woke up to loud shouts and curses outside my room. At first I sat there confused as to who was shouting in the hospital but the moment his deep voice registered in my mind, my whole body went on alert mode and I slid out of the bed. I ignored the warnings that echoed in my mind of the nurse and Ephraim as they had told me not to pull out the IV like I had done the first time but as the tenor of his voice rose and echoed down the hallway outside which I could hear clearly as the door to my room was wide open, I didn't care and pulled it out, biting back the painful gasp and cursing the swelling that had occurred after the first time I had so unceremoniously done it.

I had been prepared for a lot of things that maybe he was having an argument with Ephraim or threatening the doctors like the nurse had suggested previously which had warmed my heart, her exact words were- 'I felt a little jealous to watch a man care for a woman so much', but instead I found him being manhandled by Ephraim and Mario. He was bare chested and a bandage was running across his middle. But as I could not detect any wounds on his chest, I realised his back was where he got shot. And despite the savage look on his face coupled with his glare that he directed at Ephraim, I could still detect the strain of pain on his face.

“What the hell are you doing?” I walked to the trio, wondering if both Mario and Ephraim had lost there mind to grab him like this when he was hurt. He got shot, for Christ's sake.

As both Ephraim and Mario’s attention turned to me Antonio took the opportunity and punched Ephraim in the face. A horrified scream left my mouth as blood trickled down the corner of Ephraim’s mouth. “Ephraim!” Without paying it a second thought I ran to him. “Oh my god.” I went to his side and cupped his face. “Shit. Are you okay?”

I turned to Antonio to ask him what did he think he was doing, but I didn’t get the chance as with a growl, Antonio pushed me away and lunged for Ephraim once again. I stumbled back and there was nothing to break my fall. “Damn it, Antonio! Snap out of it!” I heard Ephraim shout at Antonio as Mario tried to grab me.

Even as my whole body jarred with the fall on the tiled floor, my attention was on Antonio. He looked unrecognisable as he held Ephraim by the throat. I only looked away from him when Mario came to help me stand up. He said, “You should go back to your room, Erica.”

“But... What happened? Why is he—”

Mario shook his head, his expression one of pain and worry as he murmured, “There are a lot of things you don’t know about him. And no I'm not going to tell you. You should rest."

“But why is hurting Ephraim... Antonio!” I called out his name in pure panic when I saw that he was squeezing Ephraim’s throat like he really wanted to kill him. “Please, stop it.”

When Antonio turned his dark gaze on me, the golden in them was totally absent, my breath stuck in my lungs because he looked at me like he didn’t recognise me. He pushed Ephraim away and took a step toward me and for a second my whole body prepared to run, sensing the danger. But then Mario stepped in front of me and grabbed his hand. Mario's voice was too soft as he spoke, “Ragazzo mio, vieni, non c'è più nessuno qui a farti del male.” My little boy, come, there’s no one here to hurt you anymore.

I only understood his endearment and the word 'hurt' but nothing else, but Antonio gave me one last glance before he allowed Mario to walk him back into his room. I let out a long breath, not realising that I was holding my breath all this time. I looked at Ephraim who stood there, still with his back against the wall and with his head down. He looked dejected and tired.

I walked to him and grabbed his hand. “Come, we need to look at that cut on your lips.”

He let me walk him to my room but once we were inside, he said, “I told you to stay inside your room.”

He had but... “I heard his voice, I thought he might need something and I just wanted to see him.” I was worked about him and I missed him.

Ephraim shook his head and said, “You don’t know him, Erica. You don't know about him. You've been with him only for a few weeks and I’ve been with him since always. I know him better than you ever could. I know when and what he needs, you don't have to worry yourself. You could've been hurt, he wasn’t himself just now. You should've listened to me.”

There were so many things I wanted to say to him as every word out of his mouth was like a knife to my heart. I might not know Antonio for a longer time like he did, but I knew what he didn’t. He didn't know everything. He didn't know what Antonio tastes like. He didn't know how Antonio kisses. He didn't know how much Antonio cares for my comfort. He didn't know how he holds me in the night when we sleep. Instead of all those things that Antonio did for me, which had become a part of me, I said, “He would never hurt me.”

Ephraim gave me a look like my words had no meaning. “When he is like this, he won’t care.”

“You don’t know that.” I glared at him as I added, “And what does it mean 'when he is like this’?”

“When he is in his past, where he perceives everything and every person around him as danger to him and nothing else.”

“He just listened to Mario and let him walk him back to his room.”

He sounded like I was an idiot to ask that. “That’s because Mario was always there for him in the past.”

“And you weren’t.” I glared at him. “So don’t you come at me with the bullshit that you had more time with him than me.”

“It’s a fact, Erica.”

“And still you can’t calm him down when he slips into his past. Can you?” I took a step closer to him, my jealousy and possessiveness shining in my words as I gritted out, “If you could, you wouldn’t be here. You spending years with him still doesn’t make you capable of giving him what he needs.”

“And you are? You are capable of giving him what he needs?”

“We won't know until I’m by his side, so maybe you should stop interfering and let me be with him.” I walked past him to go back out but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

He let out a loud sigh as he said, “I was not saying all that just to be an arsehôle, Erica.” I stared at him, doubt clear on my face. “I really don't want you to get hurt. He gets violent and afterward he would hate me and himself if hurt you.”

“So... we are just going to let him be?” He nodded. “I don't like this.”

“I don’t like it either but we don’t have a choice. Mario will give him his medicines and hopefully next time he wakes up, he will be in the right frame of his mind.”

I nodded but I didn’t agree with him. Antonio would never hurt me, and for some reason I believed that I could pull him out of whatever memory he was stuck in. He had done it for me, he had been there for me when I was fighting the demons of my past and I wanted to believe that I could do the same for him. Actually, I wanted to be the only person who could do that for him, someone who could help him stay in present just like he had helped me to step out of my past.

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A. Gupta