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65 || Letters to my love
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2024-10-29 19:42:56I wake up with the strong urge to throw up. Amelia is gone so no one witnesses my rush to the bathroom. I feel like shit. It must be what I ate for dinner last night. Or maybe this is what heartbreak feels like. There are no tears left for me to shed as I rinse my mouth and splash some water to my face.
Calum blocked me. He blocked his baby.
I can’t get over it. I’m not sure I ever will. But the part of me that believes in us wants to give him another chance. I head back to my room with no sense of direction or purpose.
What should I do?
The laptop on my table stares morosely at me. I haven’t opened it in days. I grab my phone and walk to the table. My fingers run over my face so many times as I try to think up the best plan. I can’t sit here and wait.
Instaagram is out of the question.
What about TicToc?
Heart beating in my throat, I open the app. Calum hasn’t un
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“I don't love you anymore, Calum.” Calum’s shoulders slump and his arms drop to his sides. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but it is what it is. He needs to move on. “Since when?” he asks. His eyes are hopeful like Mace’s when he sees his feeding bottle. Since now. Since yesterday. Since he broke my heart. “Since when does it matter?” I say instead. * * * Months have passed without a word from Calum. Cathy is done with that phase of her life. But when she’s getting ready to move on, the man who broke her heart shows up. He has no idea what she’s talking about, but he knows he wants another chance with her. A chance at a new life where he gets to fulfil all the promises he made to her. But Cathy is done. Will Calum be able to change her mind, or has this ship permanently sailed? * * * * * Updates will resume: 24/10/2022 I saw a comment from a reader saying she’s tired of the one chapter/week update, and I’m assuming it’s a mistake. I
To Tempt My Stepbrother 1 || Loving can hurt
It doesn’t get easier but you get better at pretending. So much so that when Calum and his bandmates appear on TV, I don’t even flinch or bat an eyelid. Amelia settles down by my left. I feel her eyes on me right before the show starts. She’s worried. She has always been the mother hen but now that Mace is almost here, she’s paranoid.Amelia grabs the remote from the coffee table, dragging it closer so I can place my feet on the table. I send her a smile. She gets me.“Are you sure you want to watch this?” she asks.I don’t want to but his voice works magic for Mace and I love my comfort. I place the bowl of popcorn on my belly and she steals from it. We stare ahead at the TV glued to the white wall of our office. I can’t hear their voices yet because the sound is on mute.“Not really. You know how his voice calms Mace. I don’t have much of a choice here.”A s
To Tempt My Stepbrother 2 || Nothing is the same anymore
CALUMI slam the door to the dressing room close. Mum walks in seconds after, an apology already on the tip of her lips. Where’s the idiot, Scott? That fool, Jerry, was only supposed to ask the questions on the list.We were supposed to announce the date of our new tour. But the prick kept coming at me like we had unsettled beef. I run a hand through my hair and my fingers brush the mass of ink almost stretching to the nape of my neck. He was right about a scar but how did he know? No one outside the band should know.My chest sags as I drop into the stool in front of the mirror and stare at the man the people love. I press two fingers under my eyes, then lower them to stretch my lips into a fake smile. I’ve done it long enough for the fans to think my smiles and laughter are real.I’m not as happy or content as someone who has had nothing but back to back success in a short term should be. Something is not right and I don’t kn
To Tempt My Stepbrother 3 || And a girlfriend
CALUM“Off?” Mum calls out behind me.I race to the gate, trying to outrun the image growing in my head. Our apartment is on the outskirts to discourage the paparazzi and crazy fans. The small black gate swings open. I walk straight to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of cold water. It helps.Mum joins me. She drags a stool beside me, then proceeds to heat up some food. If she wasn’t living with me, I would be living with the boys. But I can’t ask her to leave and I can’t move out. She has given up enough.“You were saying something,” she murmurs while sifting through her handbag on the marble counter. “Something is off? Calum?”The microwave pings, saving me from her question. When she gets into detective mode, she won’t quit until she has answers.Mum pulls out the Tupperware and dishes the spaghetti into smaller plates. I play with the food, roll it around my fork th
To Tempt My Stepbrother 4 || Permanently closed
My eyes hurt from staring at my laptop, but I can’t look away from the graphs and charts on the screen. I’m trying to understand where we might have gone wrong to lose our biggest support. The dip in the month of December affected the ads, which in turn negatively impacted our revenue.Still, I can’t wrap my head around the fact Thomas backed out. I tap on a random key to keep the laptop’s screen alive. The other half of my screen contains a list of potential investors that might be interested in taking Thomas’s place. If that doesn’t work, we might be forced to take a short-term loan.Tears prick my eyes, and I force them back to their confines. Things were just starting to look up for us. Girls Code crossed fifty thousand downloads in five months. I place a hand on my belly, seeking comfort from Mace while I type away.In the silence of the house, the click clack of my keyboard echoes through the dining room. Ame
To Tempt My Stepbrother 5 || Reminders of him
Sweat runs down my temples. My arms shake a few times in the process of setting up the dining room for the zoom meeting with the CFOs of Loan Dolphin. Due to the travel restrictions caused by the flood of last week, the meeting was rescheduled online.“How’s it going?” Dad calls out from the kitchen.I glance at my phone. “Fine. Thanks, Dad.”Amelia should be here soon. We are having the interview together. Dad is only here for moral support.An ache shoots through my abdomen, but it’s gone as soon as it comes. I sit and smoothen a hand over my belly. I didn’t mention that I was pregnant to them, maybe I should have to score some pity points.Dad’s feet slap the floorboard as he joins me in the dining. He drags his chair close to peek at my laptop. The email with the zoom invite is open on my screen. Dad rubs his shoulder against mine, his face becoming sombre. I can handle thi
To Tempt My Stepbrother 6 || Superstar. My superstar.
CALUMI shaved, not because Mum asked. But because Yani touched my beards. No matter how much I brush my mouth, I still feel the imprint of her lips on mine. What was I thinking when I said yes to Mum? I don’t need a girlfriend. I don't care what the media says about my sexuality. They want music, and I’m giving them music. That is that. Or so I want to think but I can’t ignore the buzz generated since those pictures were uploaded. I didn’t even have to do it myself. The handler posted them after selecting the best five. I browse through the comment sections on my Instaagram page from my other account. Some of the comments are mean, some are neutral, and some wish me well. But one thing is common with all the comments, they believe the pictures. I close my eyes and my head falls back. Around me, footsteps echo in the corridor, with the faint smell of antiseptic acting as a constant reminder of my location and unresolved issues.
To Tempt My Stepbrother 7 || Catherine Jenkins
CALUMCathy.Her name is Catherine Jenkins.She’s the same person. The pink hair and the black hair. They are both her. Cathy. My Cathy. My first and only girlfriend.I slump down on the bed of the hotel I’m sleeping in tonight. My head still reels from the conversation with Tessa. It was a lot. It was too much. I toss my jacket on the bed, get off it, then start pacing the room. My thoughts swirl, creating a confusing mix.A phone rings. The familiar ringtone makes my hands clench into fists. Mum. I let the phone ring. Once. Twice. Thrice. The fifth time she calls, I wrench it from the bed and storm to the window. I pull the curtains open. It’s late but my eyes catch movement below. This is the city where people never sleep.“Cal,” Mum says. “Where are you?”“I’m not coming home tonight,” I tell her and end the call. She knew about Cathy.A
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To Tempt My Stepbrother Epilogue
I should have taken Calum’s suggestion of a family dinner date. As I stare at the sauce in the pan, the colour changed by the black pepper I poured in, my brows wrinkle. This is not good. I touch the spatula to my palm to have a taste. It’s not horrible nor tasty but it’s edible. Turning off the cooker, I grab the plates for dinner from the cabinet.A kick from inside my belly has both hands lowering to cup my bump. I fold the hem of my shirt to reveal my protruding belly. This pregnancy is so much easier with Calum. I have someone to bother when the midnight cravings sweep in. Grabbing the plates and tray, I dish out dinner for Mace and I. Calum will be home past his son’s bedtime, thanks to Scott and the new album the band will be releasing next month.Through the open kitchen door, I try to spy on Mace. But the curly blondie is nowhere in sight. He must be playing with the guitar his dad gifted him on his last birthday. I’m not sure I want him to follow the same path as both of his
To Tempt My Stepbrother 59 || Use me
My ring is pretty. Too pretty. I stretch my hand in front of me and wiggle my fingers. Calum is all smiles beside me, and the rest of the table have similar grins. We changed tables when everyone arrived. Two bottles of wine sit open on the table. My glass is as full as it was when we shared a toast to my future with Calum. I can’t drink or eat with all the butterflies dancing in my belly.“Now we can call you Mrs Dissick,” Lucas says. The whole table laughs. They are all dressed so formally. No suits for them but matching button-up shirts and tailored slacks. Lucas even wore proper Oxford shoes.Rose smiles, and Taylor mirrors it. They are seated side by side. She glances at Calum, her red hair whooshing as she cocks her head.“You’re about to marry your stepbrother,” she whispers. Her voice is loud and carries round the table. The table falls quiet as nervousness creeps in. She brings her glass to her lips, offers a remorseful grin and gulps the entire content down. “Cheers.” Luca
To Tempt My Stepbrother 58 || Marry this man
CALUMI asked Pete’s permission to marry Cathy. I also asked Mum, and she was overly excited to give her blessings. Having both parents blessings builds my anxiety. I pace the entirety of our room, my sweaty palms closing and opening. Cathy is with her friends. Mace is with his grandparents.The phone on the bed rings. I jump. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and stalk to the bed to pick up the phone. It’s a missed call from Lucas. He didn’t even let it ring. I unlock the phone as a text from him enters. Luc: stop worrying. She will say yes.I roll my eyes at my screen, but a smile tugs the corners of my lips. Cathy has no choice. She’s my wife. Walking back to the front of the mirror, I smoothen my tux and adjust my stripped tie. My curls cling to my scalp, thanks to the excess gel I applied earlier. I massage my clean-shaven jaw, and the same hand slides to the back of my neck.The last time I had to dress formally was when I was Cathy’s music teacher. I spin as the door opens
To Tempt My Stepbrother 57 || You came
Dad’s here. Oh my God. Dad is here. Dad. Jason. Rose and Taylor. I’m vibrating with happiness, too stunned to move or react. Calum nudges me with his hip, and I snap out of it. I jump into Dad’s arms, trying to draw all four of them into a hug.Laughter rings out around me as we tear away from the group hug. Dad grins. I smile but it wanes when I notice more of his grey hairs. I pat the greying hairs at his temples and his hand covers mine. He has aged.“You came,” I say to him.“Calum arranged it,” he replies.I hug him again. Only him. My tears wet his shirt as he strokes my lower back. A tug on the hem of my top forces us to break apart.“Mama,” Mace says. Squatting to his height, I offer him a weak smile. He wipes my wet cheeks, and his lips purse. “Mama. No cry.” “No crying for Mama,” I whisper. I hear a chorus of awws and oos, but I don’t look around. Handing Mace to Calum, I take turns hugging my best friends. I hug Jason last, and I hug him the longest. He’s a huge reminder
To Tempt My Stepbrother 56 || Surprise
It’s the last day of the Manchester tour. We can spend a few days before leaving. There are mixed reactions to this. I’m excited to move to another city but reluctant to leave all the memories we created here. Calum doesn’t care as long as we are by his side.“What are you thinking?” Calum asks.His lips brush the space between my boobs. Hooded eyes stare at me, causing a flip in my belly. My lips part, but my reply dies on my tongue as his hairy jaw scratches my nipple. I shiver, and he offers me a wicked grin. On some days, like today, I find it impossible to believe this man was a virgin until me. I run my fingers through the mess of his hair. His fingers dip into my warmth, teasing a little to remind me how we spent our night. I’m quickly relearning his taste.Calum is always super hyped after every performance and if I don’t get away from him as fast as possible, we will fuck in whatever space avai
To Tempt My Stepbrother 55 || I love you forever
Voices from outside drag me out of dreamland. I blink fast, staring at the ceiling until my mind reels to a stop. Calum’s side of the bed is empty. Same with Mace’s crib. I roll over to the other end of the bed, smiling at Mace’s empty crib. A knot twists in my belly as the memory of our late night and early morning activities flood my mind. I’m alone in the room, but my cheeks still heat up due to shyness.If Calum is not here, he must have gone to get Mace. Father and son are most likely together, bonding. I grab my phone from the nightstand. There are missed calls from Dad. After a long call with Dad, Jason, Taylor and Rose, I head into the bathroom.The boys are performing today but I’m not. As exciting as yesterday was, I need a break. Mace and I will watch from the VIP section. I wear one of Calum’s big shirts over my skimpy nightwear. Calum can hardly keep his hands to himself and he proved that last night with the numbe
To Tempt My Stepbrother 54 || Are you scared?
I did great. Not good, great. And everyone who spotted me after the boys performance has not failed to mention that. The feeling of being appreciated and wanted builds in my chest. I rock on my heels, and my butt juts out in a happy dance. I’m happy. But the happiness dwindles when my eyes locate the phone on the bed. Dad isn’t answering his calls. Mace grabs the edge of his crib, his face registering the excitement missing on mine. He still has the headphones Calum had him wearing throughout their performance. I squat in front of his crib. I should put him to sleep but the nerves coursing through my body make it impossible to act or think straight. It feels like I unleashed the beast inside me going on that stage, and I haven’t figured out a way to keep it quiet. If Calum were here, I would maul him, pass off some of that energy to him through sex or a kiss. “Grandpapa Mace isn’t picking,” I tell Mace. My knees meet the ground, and my arms bracket the sides of his crib. He yawns an
To Tempt My Stepbrother 53 || Number one happy place
CALUMIt’s today. The boys are pumped, and so am I. Cathy and I won’t share the stage but she will perform before me, giving Mace and I a front row view of her performance. But it’s impossible to savour the excitement when she’s this nervous and threatening to bore a hole into the rug with her constant pacing. I stay as close to the door as possible. The more the gap between us, the lesser Cathy’s chances of getting mad. My last attempt at trying to calm her resulted in a shoe thrown at my face. This time I’m not alone. I’m with a reinforcement. The boys were nowhere to be found but Mace had no choice. His arms and feet dangle out of the carrier strapped to my chest. Mum wanted to take him while Cathy performed but I wanted both of us to watch from backstage. He has his noise cancellation headphones so he can’t hear a thing beside the playlists I created for him. “Cathy,” I mutter when she halts before the window. No reply. I clear my throat. “Baby.” Cathy turns on her heels and s
To Tempt My Stepbrother 52 || Whatever you want to be
Calum has been acting weird since he left me backstage. I want to believe it’s the talk he had with Dani that’s affecting his mood but she’s smiling. Mace too. I join grandma and grandson when Dani waves me over. Calum grins but makes no other attempt to welcome me. There are only two seats in the room. Usually, he would pull me down to his lap but nothing of the sort happens.I squat in front of Dani. Mace pouts. “Hey.”“Hey,” Mace replies.I giggle. I’ll never tire of hearing him speak. My eyes raise in time to meet Dani’s, and she tries to smile. I’ve been pushing Calum to talk to her but I don’t know if I have the heart to do the same. I’m not upset. I’m over it but don’t have the courage to face her.“How do you like the set up?” Dani asks.“Good,” I reply.They wanted to show us around. The boys prac
