My eyes hurt from staring at my laptop, but I can’t look away from the graphs and charts on the screen. I’m trying to understand where we might have gone wrong to lose our biggest support. The dip in the month of December affected the ads, which in turn negatively impacted our revenue.
Still, I can’t wrap my head around the fact Thomas backed out. I tap on a random key to keep the laptop’s screen alive. The other half of my screen contains a list of potential investors that might be interested in taking Thomas’s place. If that doesn’t work, we might be forced to take a short-term loan.
Tears prick my eyes, and I force them back to their confines. Things were just starting to look up for us. Girls Code crossed fifty thousand downloads in five months. I place a hand on my belly, seeking comfort from Mace while I type away.
In the silence of the house, the click clack of my keyboard echoes through the dining room. Ame
Sweat runs down my temples. My arms shake a few times in the process of setting up the dining room for the zoom meeting with the CFOs of Loan Dolphin. Due to the travel restrictions caused by the flood of last week, the meeting was rescheduled online.“How’s it going?” Dad calls out from the kitchen.I glance at my phone. “Fine. Thanks, Dad.”Amelia should be here soon. We are having the interview together. Dad is only here for moral support.An ache shoots through my abdomen, but it’s gone as soon as it comes. I sit and smoothen a hand over my belly. I didn’t mention that I was pregnant to them, maybe I should have to score some pity points.Dad’s feet slap the floorboard as he joins me in the dining. He drags his chair close to peek at my laptop. The email with the zoom invite is open on my screen. Dad rubs his shoulder against mine, his face becoming sombre. I can handle thi
CALUMI shaved, not because Mum asked. But because Yani touched my beards. No matter how much I brush my mouth, I still feel the imprint of her lips on mine. What was I thinking when I said yes to Mum? I don’t need a girlfriend. I don't care what the media says about my sexuality. They want music, and I’m giving them music. That is that. Or so I want to think but I can’t ignore the buzz generated since those pictures were uploaded. I didn’t even have to do it myself. The handler posted them after selecting the best five. I browse through the comment sections on my Instaagram page from my other account. Some of the comments are mean, some are neutral, and some wish me well. But one thing is common with all the comments, they believe the pictures. I close my eyes and my head falls back. Around me, footsteps echo in the corridor, with the faint smell of antiseptic acting as a constant reminder of my location and unresolved issues.
CALUMCathy.Her name is Catherine Jenkins.She’s the same person. The pink hair and the black hair. They are both her. Cathy. My Cathy. My first and only girlfriend.I slump down on the bed of the hotel I’m sleeping in tonight. My head still reels from the conversation with Tessa. It was a lot. It was too much. I toss my jacket on the bed, get off it, then start pacing the room. My thoughts swirl, creating a confusing mix.A phone rings. The familiar ringtone makes my hands clench into fists. Mum. I let the phone ring. Once. Twice. Thrice. The fifth time she calls, I wrench it from the bed and storm to the window. I pull the curtains open. It’s late but my eyes catch movement below. This is the city where people never sleep.“Cal,” Mum says. “Where are you?”“I’m not coming home tonight,” I tell her and end the call. She knew about Cathy.A
I jolt awake. Mace. I spring out of the bed and race to the connecting door to his room, only to rush back to my room to check his crib. One look at him and a rush of air escapes my lips. We moved his crib here because I have become obsessed with listening to his heartbeat. I have lost count of how often. But I do it as often as I breathe.Cradling him in my arms, I perch on the edge of the bed and watch my little one. His lips pucker, and he makes a cute sound only babies can make as he stretches his tiny arms. My baby. I sway from left to right to assure him he’s okay when his eyes open.Blues the same colour as his father’s stare up at me. He blinks and my heart does a flip. It doesn’t hurt to look into his blues but it hurts to have a physical reminder of my heartbreak. It’s kind of fucked up. He left with my heart but Mace is piecing me back.“Mama. Mama is here,” I mutter when Mace continues staring.A
I wake up feeling different, almost brand new. My hand shoots out to the side to reach Mace but someone brings it back down. I peel one eye open, then the other. Amelia sticks out her tongue, her fingers stretching the corners of her lips to form a toothy smile. She is a clown and I love her.“He’s awake. He’s fine,” she says. My body relaxes at those words. I’m not sure when she got into bed with me but I push closer to her for a brief hug. I like to think of her as the sister I never had but she’s more than that. “I even listened to his heartbeat.”My fingertip traces circles on the tip of her nose. Amelia giggles and swats my hand. “Okay, I believe you.”“Thank you, Mama Mace.”“Mama Mace?” I reply. I stretch out my arms and a yawn escapes me. My head falls to the pillow. I squint at the window behind my bed. The curtains are drawn, making it harder to
Mace will not stop crying. I hold up his maraca, shake it to calm the little man but he flails his arms and lets out another ear-splitting scream. I try to rock him but it doesn’t work. Frustrated, I exit the room with the crying boy in my arms. Soft music booms from Amelia’s speakers. I stomp all the way to the living room where she’s seated on the floor while working on her laptop. I clear my throat, she takes one look at me and her godson, then the music goes off. “What happened?” she asks. Trying to pry Mace off me is futile. He won’t stop crying and he won’t let anyone carry him. I sit on the couch and she follows suit. “Cathy? What happened?” she asks. “I don’t know.” Mace stops crying long enough to catch his breath. Tears coat his lower lashes, he blinks and my heart breaks. “Mama doesn’t like it when you cry, Macey. Please, don’t cry. Stop crying, okay?” Amelia squats in front of the
It’s Mace’s fault. If he didn’t distract me, I would have had time to check my wallet. I wouldn’t be stuck here with no idea what to do. How could I forget to check my wallet?My feet rap against the concrete surface, cars zoom past me with not as much as a glance at the girl standing on the sidewalk.A blue car slows from the distance. I step back, seeking refuge from the walls of the bus stop.The car slows beside me. The driver rolls down his window and I pray for the ground to open up and swallow me. Why him?Jason leans forward, his smug smile as vivid as his blue eyes. “Need a ride, Cathy?”“Maybe,” I reply. Jason laughs. My insides burn. I’m mortified but grateful to see him. He helps me with the bags, dumps them in the backseat and we climb into the front seats. “What if you are some sort of killer?”He drums his index fingers on the
Life is a bitch. Tell me why this new guy we have welcomed into our lives adores Calum Dissick. The one man I want to forget. He also plays the guitar, another punishment.Amelia smiles at Jason strumming his guitar in preparation to serenade Mace. I clear my throat and she looks away but I don’t miss the pink coating her cheeks. She’s a goner. It’s amusing and annoying. Amusing because it’s a first for her, for us. Amelia has never dated. It’s annoying because now her attention is divided to create time for him.Mace rocks on his knees and hands, he might begin crawling soon. I pry the toy in his hand and drop him on my lap but he expresses his desire to be on the floor by making gurgling sounds. Jason laughs. He’s so annoying. Not really. But whatever. He drops his guitar on the floor to carry Mace.“They look so cute together,” Amelia says.She’s annoying too. She invited Jason ove
I should have taken Calum’s suggestion of a family dinner date. As I stare at the sauce in the pan, the colour changed by the black pepper I poured in, my brows wrinkle. This is not good. I touch the spatula to my palm to have a taste. It’s not horrible nor tasty but it’s edible. Turning off the cooker, I grab the plates for dinner from the cabinet.A kick from inside my belly has both hands lowering to cup my bump. I fold the hem of my shirt to reveal my protruding belly. This pregnancy is so much easier with Calum. I have someone to bother when the midnight cravings sweep in. Grabbing the plates and tray, I dish out dinner for Mace and I. Calum will be home past his son’s bedtime, thanks to Scott and the new album the band will be releasing next month.Through the open kitchen door, I try to spy on Mace. But the curly blondie is nowhere in sight. He must be playing with the guitar his dad gifted him on his last birthday. I’m not sure I want him to follow the same path as both of his
My ring is pretty. Too pretty. I stretch my hand in front of me and wiggle my fingers. Calum is all smiles beside me, and the rest of the table have similar grins. We changed tables when everyone arrived. Two bottles of wine sit open on the table. My glass is as full as it was when we shared a toast to my future with Calum. I can’t drink or eat with all the butterflies dancing in my belly.“Now we can call you Mrs Dissick,” Lucas says. The whole table laughs. They are all dressed so formally. No suits for them but matching button-up shirts and tailored slacks. Lucas even wore proper Oxford shoes.Rose smiles, and Taylor mirrors it. They are seated side by side. She glances at Calum, her red hair whooshing as she cocks her head.“You’re about to marry your stepbrother,” she whispers. Her voice is loud and carries round the table. The table falls quiet as nervousness creeps in. She brings her glass to her lips, offers a remorseful grin and gulps the entire content down. “Cheers.” Luca
CALUMI asked Pete’s permission to marry Cathy. I also asked Mum, and she was overly excited to give her blessings. Having both parents blessings builds my anxiety. I pace the entirety of our room, my sweaty palms closing and opening. Cathy is with her friends. Mace is with his grandparents.The phone on the bed rings. I jump. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and stalk to the bed to pick up the phone. It’s a missed call from Lucas. He didn’t even let it ring. I unlock the phone as a text from him enters. Luc: stop worrying. She will say yes.I roll my eyes at my screen, but a smile tugs the corners of my lips. Cathy has no choice. She’s my wife. Walking back to the front of the mirror, I smoothen my tux and adjust my stripped tie. My curls cling to my scalp, thanks to the excess gel I applied earlier. I massage my clean-shaven jaw, and the same hand slides to the back of my neck.The last time I had to dress formally was when I was Cathy’s music teacher. I spin as the door opens
Dad’s here. Oh my God. Dad is here. Dad. Jason. Rose and Taylor. I’m vibrating with happiness, too stunned to move or react. Calum nudges me with his hip, and I snap out of it. I jump into Dad’s arms, trying to draw all four of them into a hug.Laughter rings out around me as we tear away from the group hug. Dad grins. I smile but it wanes when I notice more of his grey hairs. I pat the greying hairs at his temples and his hand covers mine. He has aged.“You came,” I say to him.“Calum arranged it,” he replies.I hug him again. Only him. My tears wet his shirt as he strokes my lower back. A tug on the hem of my top forces us to break apart.“Mama,” Mace says. Squatting to his height, I offer him a weak smile. He wipes my wet cheeks, and his lips purse. “Mama. No cry.” “No crying for Mama,” I whisper. I hear a chorus of awws and oos, but I don’t look around. Handing Mace to Calum, I take turns hugging my best friends. I hug Jason last, and I hug him the longest. He’s a huge reminder
It’s the last day of the Manchester tour. We can spend a few days before leaving. There are mixed reactions to this. I’m excited to move to another city but reluctant to leave all the memories we created here. Calum doesn’t care as long as we are by his side.“What are you thinking?” Calum asks.His lips brush the space between my boobs. Hooded eyes stare at me, causing a flip in my belly. My lips part, but my reply dies on my tongue as his hairy jaw scratches my nipple. I shiver, and he offers me a wicked grin. On some days, like today, I find it impossible to believe this man was a virgin until me. I run my fingers through the mess of his hair. His fingers dip into my warmth, teasing a little to remind me how we spent our night. I’m quickly relearning his taste.Calum is always super hyped after every performance and if I don’t get away from him as fast as possible, we will fuck in whatever space avai
Voices from outside drag me out of dreamland. I blink fast, staring at the ceiling until my mind reels to a stop. Calum’s side of the bed is empty. Same with Mace’s crib. I roll over to the other end of the bed, smiling at Mace’s empty crib. A knot twists in my belly as the memory of our late night and early morning activities flood my mind. I’m alone in the room, but my cheeks still heat up due to shyness.If Calum is not here, he must have gone to get Mace. Father and son are most likely together, bonding. I grab my phone from the nightstand. There are missed calls from Dad. After a long call with Dad, Jason, Taylor and Rose, I head into the bathroom.The boys are performing today but I’m not. As exciting as yesterday was, I need a break. Mace and I will watch from the VIP section. I wear one of Calum’s big shirts over my skimpy nightwear. Calum can hardly keep his hands to himself and he proved that last night with the numbe
I did great. Not good, great. And everyone who spotted me after the boys performance has not failed to mention that. The feeling of being appreciated and wanted builds in my chest. I rock on my heels, and my butt juts out in a happy dance. I’m happy. But the happiness dwindles when my eyes locate the phone on the bed. Dad isn’t answering his calls. Mace grabs the edge of his crib, his face registering the excitement missing on mine. He still has the headphones Calum had him wearing throughout their performance. I squat in front of his crib. I should put him to sleep but the nerves coursing through my body make it impossible to act or think straight. It feels like I unleashed the beast inside me going on that stage, and I haven’t figured out a way to keep it quiet. If Calum were here, I would maul him, pass off some of that energy to him through sex or a kiss. “Grandpapa Mace isn’t picking,” I tell Mace. My knees meet the ground, and my arms bracket the sides of his crib. He yawns an
CALUMIt’s today. The boys are pumped, and so am I. Cathy and I won’t share the stage but she will perform before me, giving Mace and I a front row view of her performance. But it’s impossible to savour the excitement when she’s this nervous and threatening to bore a hole into the rug with her constant pacing. I stay as close to the door as possible. The more the gap between us, the lesser Cathy’s chances of getting mad. My last attempt at trying to calm her resulted in a shoe thrown at my face. This time I’m not alone. I’m with a reinforcement. The boys were nowhere to be found but Mace had no choice. His arms and feet dangle out of the carrier strapped to my chest. Mum wanted to take him while Cathy performed but I wanted both of us to watch from backstage. He has his noise cancellation headphones so he can’t hear a thing beside the playlists I created for him. “Cathy,” I mutter when she halts before the window. No reply. I clear my throat. “Baby.” Cathy turns on her heels and s
Calum has been acting weird since he left me backstage. I want to believe it’s the talk he had with Dani that’s affecting his mood but she’s smiling. Mace too. I join grandma and grandson when Dani waves me over. Calum grins but makes no other attempt to welcome me. There are only two seats in the room. Usually, he would pull me down to his lap but nothing of the sort happens.I squat in front of Dani. Mace pouts. “Hey.”“Hey,” Mace replies.I giggle. I’ll never tire of hearing him speak. My eyes raise in time to meet Dani’s, and she tries to smile. I’ve been pushing Calum to talk to her but I don’t know if I have the heart to do the same. I’m not upset. I’m over it but don’t have the courage to face her.“How do you like the set up?” Dani asks.“Good,” I reply.They wanted to show us around. The boys prac