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22 || No breakdowns
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2024-10-29 19:42:56CALUM
I wake up with a pounding headache. I peel one eye open and shut it immediately. Who is breaking things inside my head? Blindly reaching for a pillow, I place it over my head and scream into the bed.
What the hell?
Someone nudges my foot. “Cal? Calum?”
I steal a peek at the person. It’s not just one person. There are two of them. Green and hazel eyes peering down at me. They look concerned. Did something bad happen?
Hazel eyes stretches a glass of water to me and green eyes hands over the pills. I gulp down the water first, then take the pills.
They settle down at the foot of my bed. Sam is the quiet one, nothing surprising but Lucas is a different story. Only now...
“Why are you guys acting weird?” I ask.
I sneak under the covers and pull it over my chest. The animals in my head hammer away at my skull. It might take a while for the drugs to work. This is why I shou
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To Tempt My Stepbrother 23 || Grown men cry
CALUMA ghost of a smile flies across my lips as soon as those words leaves Lucas. I must have terrified him if he’s this riled up.“I’ll try,” I murmur.They both give my shoulders a squeeze and part for me to exit. I backtrack to my room, grab my wallet and sunglasses. There’s no time for a disguise. I’ll just have to deal with being popular, that’s if anyone will notice me. We are bigger in New York.Mum calls on my way out of Caleb’s house and my finger automatically hits the decline button. How could she? What was the reason? What excuse or explanation can she give that would make this better?My phone rings again. I put it on silent mode and slide it into my pocket. Mum has done her best, it’s time for me to do mine.It takes only seventeen minutes to get a cab that will take me to Cathy’s address. It might have been my accent, but a lot of them have to ask me
To Tempt My Stepbrother 24 || Deleted account
Amelia didn’t return on Monday like she planned. I kind of expected it, so when she called a month ago to inform me, I was not surprised. The only issue is having to wait for her return, which might not happen soon. Ashley is home, and they have family trips and outings to plan before she leaves.On the bright side, it means I don’t have to mention Mr Dissick. She doesn’t have to know he was here, that he hugged me and my body recognised him before it dawned on me how much I loathed his existence.Jason and I agreed not to mention it to her. By now, he has figured out who Mace’s dad is, but it’s still my choice to tell Amelia about the encounter. How dare him walk in there like it’s a regular date at a pub and hug me? What does he think I am? A doormat who waited for her stepbrother?I click my tongue and turn on my laptop. I don’t care what his story is, I don’t forgive him. My heart pounds when an image of him fl
To Tempt My Stepbrother 25 || Just hair
He deleted his BC account, deactivated his email and his number is still unreachable. I don’t know if to laugh at myself or curl into a ball and cry. I don’t know how to feel. I tug the cover over my head, curling into a foetal position. Everything seems to be in shambles. Amelia doesn’t pick my calls. Ashley doesn’t want me at their house. I’m still pitifully clueless.Jason.Jason might know. I yank the cover off me and dial his number. I haven’t seen him since that night. I didn’t get to see him perform. Mace sneezes. I push a hand into his crib and he accepts it. He has no idea what I’ve done. That I saw his father.Will he forgive me? If we are to apportion blame, Dad will take the highest share, then me. Pushing myself closer to the edge of the bed, I peer into my son’s crib.“Uncle Jason isn’t picking,” I tell Mace. He pushes himself to his knees, and his hand locks around the
To Tempt My Stepbrother 26 || Bestest friend
I pace in front of Amelia’s parents house. I lied. Ten days is too long to wait. Did she really expect me to stay away for that long?The sound of a hiccup draws my attention to my son sleeping in the baby carrier slung to my chest. Even his hiccups sound cute. Still asleep, he suckles the air. I brush the tip of his nose with my pinky finger, and he pouts. I might have brought him as a peace offering. Amelia can’t be mad if she sees her godson.That thought lends me courage to knock for the first time. I’ve been here for ten minutes. But when the door opens, I plaster a fake smile and act like I just got here.“Hey, Cathy.” Ashley steps out. Her face is tired, and she has aged since the last time I saw her. She sizes me up. “You look weird.”“It’s the makeup,” I exclaim. It’s not only the makeup. It’s my entire appearance. I’m also not used to it. She hums in
To Tempt My Stepbrother 27 || Heartbreak sucks
CALUMThe thick smell of smoke clogs the air. I pull out the joint between my teeth and puffs of smoke escape my lips and nose. My eyes water as the choking smell of weed invades the studio. It will take a while for me to get used to smoking this much. Not like it helps, it only dulls the pain for a few hours.Heartbreak sucks.A door opens somewhere behind me. It has to be one of my nosy bandmates, and I’m proved right when someone snatches the blunt from my hand and stomps it on the floor. I glare at their foot, my gaze trailing up to the face of a very unimpressed Sam.“You can’t smoke in here,” Sam says.“Who says?”“I do. It’s my fucking house,” he mutters.I almost roll my eyes. He shouldn’t invite me over then if he will police my behaviour.Stopping behind me, he places a hand on my shoulder. The door opens, but I don’t bother to check the
To Tempt My Stepbrother 28 || Will you sing?
I arrived at Wells a day earlier. Excitement and nervousness lance through me. My steps falter as I rush up the front of Amelia’s house with my bundle of joy. Mace’s pacifier keeps him from making a sound. So far, he has been compliant, but I know he will go on his knees the first chance he gets. Now that he can crawl, no one or nothing can stop him from exploring.The door opens, and Ashley smiles. The rat nest on her head is a testament of the toll this journey has taken on all of us involved. Lucky me never have to worry about hair. All it takes is a brush through it and I’m good.“At this point, you deserve a key,” she says.I laugh it off. Pushing my way in without an invitation, my eyes scan the dim place. The living room is empty. Jason must be in Amelia’s room. Ashley pads in after me. She makes a funny face at Mace, and my son giggles around his pacifier. I turn around to face her.“Do you want to c
To Tempt My Stepbrother 29 || Music
CALUMMusic explodes in my ears. My foot bounces on the same spot and my knuckles drum against my knee. I cross my forearms on my forehead, immersed in the sound of my voice. The sound I share with the world. My music. Music. It’s the only thing that matters right now, and maybe weed. The boys would love for me to try and mingle, but I haven’t been able to get far. Kissing or trying to be intimate with another woman feels like cheating on Cathy, which doesn’t make sense since she moved on. I should do the same. Maybe after this tour. A nudge on my knee causes my forearms to separate. Sam. Lucas. Scott. I straighten up.The boys wave. Their frowns rub me off the wrong way, and my annoyance is a tad evident in the way I say, “What’s up?”This had better not be another intervention to stop staying indoors or quit the weed. I have reduced my intake. Now, I only smoke when I’m mostly nervous or bored or trying to stay alive. Lucas throws himself on a couch. His lips move but I don’t he
To Tempt My Stepbrother 30 || Gone forever
The burial was quiet and private. I don’t recall most of it. Maybe I do. But I don’t want to be flooded with images of my best friend being lowered to the ground. Losing Mr Dissick hurts but it’s nothing compared to this. He’s alive and she isn’t. I may see him again but Amelia is gone forever. A cry from somewhere in the house breaks through my thoughts. The pillow in my hands drops. We used to play with this pillow, sleep in this room. I wipe my nose that’s red from excess crying. We buried her today. Taylor and Rose are downstairs entertaining the guests. I hate this idea of the bereaved family serving visitors. They just lost their child, they should be given a break. I hurry to the bathroom and splash water on my face before heading out to check on Mace. Mace is with his grandpa. I may or may not have been the best mother to him. I make sure my face has no evidence of crying as I near the bottom of the stairs. Staying in Amelia’s room gives me courage to go an extra day. It’s
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To Tempt My Stepbrother Epilogue
I should have taken Calum’s suggestion of a family dinner date. As I stare at the sauce in the pan, the colour changed by the black pepper I poured in, my brows wrinkle. This is not good. I touch the spatula to my palm to have a taste. It’s not horrible nor tasty but it’s edible. Turning off the cooker, I grab the plates for dinner from the cabinet.A kick from inside my belly has both hands lowering to cup my bump. I fold the hem of my shirt to reveal my protruding belly. This pregnancy is so much easier with Calum. I have someone to bother when the midnight cravings sweep in. Grabbing the plates and tray, I dish out dinner for Mace and I. Calum will be home past his son’s bedtime, thanks to Scott and the new album the band will be releasing next month.Through the open kitchen door, I try to spy on Mace. But the curly blondie is nowhere in sight. He must be playing with the guitar his dad gifted him on his last birthday. I’m not sure I want him to follow the same path as both of his
To Tempt My Stepbrother 59 || Use me
My ring is pretty. Too pretty. I stretch my hand in front of me and wiggle my fingers. Calum is all smiles beside me, and the rest of the table have similar grins. We changed tables when everyone arrived. Two bottles of wine sit open on the table. My glass is as full as it was when we shared a toast to my future with Calum. I can’t drink or eat with all the butterflies dancing in my belly.“Now we can call you Mrs Dissick,” Lucas says. The whole table laughs. They are all dressed so formally. No suits for them but matching button-up shirts and tailored slacks. Lucas even wore proper Oxford shoes.Rose smiles, and Taylor mirrors it. They are seated side by side. She glances at Calum, her red hair whooshing as she cocks her head.“You’re about to marry your stepbrother,” she whispers. Her voice is loud and carries round the table. The table falls quiet as nervousness creeps in. She brings her glass to her lips, offers a remorseful grin and gulps the entire content down. “Cheers.” Luca
To Tempt My Stepbrother 58 || Marry this man
CALUMI asked Pete’s permission to marry Cathy. I also asked Mum, and she was overly excited to give her blessings. Having both parents blessings builds my anxiety. I pace the entirety of our room, my sweaty palms closing and opening. Cathy is with her friends. Mace is with his grandparents.The phone on the bed rings. I jump. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and stalk to the bed to pick up the phone. It’s a missed call from Lucas. He didn’t even let it ring. I unlock the phone as a text from him enters. Luc: stop worrying. She will say yes.I roll my eyes at my screen, but a smile tugs the corners of my lips. Cathy has no choice. She’s my wife. Walking back to the front of the mirror, I smoothen my tux and adjust my stripped tie. My curls cling to my scalp, thanks to the excess gel I applied earlier. I massage my clean-shaven jaw, and the same hand slides to the back of my neck.The last time I had to dress formally was when I was Cathy’s music teacher. I spin as the door opens
To Tempt My Stepbrother 57 || You came
Dad’s here. Oh my God. Dad is here. Dad. Jason. Rose and Taylor. I’m vibrating with happiness, too stunned to move or react. Calum nudges me with his hip, and I snap out of it. I jump into Dad’s arms, trying to draw all four of them into a hug.Laughter rings out around me as we tear away from the group hug. Dad grins. I smile but it wanes when I notice more of his grey hairs. I pat the greying hairs at his temples and his hand covers mine. He has aged.“You came,” I say to him.“Calum arranged it,” he replies.I hug him again. Only him. My tears wet his shirt as he strokes my lower back. A tug on the hem of my top forces us to break apart.“Mama,” Mace says. Squatting to his height, I offer him a weak smile. He wipes my wet cheeks, and his lips purse. “Mama. No cry.” “No crying for Mama,” I whisper. I hear a chorus of awws and oos, but I don’t look around. Handing Mace to Calum, I take turns hugging my best friends. I hug Jason last, and I hug him the longest. He’s a huge reminder
To Tempt My Stepbrother 56 || Surprise
It’s the last day of the Manchester tour. We can spend a few days before leaving. There are mixed reactions to this. I’m excited to move to another city but reluctant to leave all the memories we created here. Calum doesn’t care as long as we are by his side.“What are you thinking?” Calum asks.His lips brush the space between my boobs. Hooded eyes stare at me, causing a flip in my belly. My lips part, but my reply dies on my tongue as his hairy jaw scratches my nipple. I shiver, and he offers me a wicked grin. On some days, like today, I find it impossible to believe this man was a virgin until me. I run my fingers through the mess of his hair. His fingers dip into my warmth, teasing a little to remind me how we spent our night. I’m quickly relearning his taste.Calum is always super hyped after every performance and if I don’t get away from him as fast as possible, we will fuck in whatever space avai
To Tempt My Stepbrother 55 || I love you forever
Voices from outside drag me out of dreamland. I blink fast, staring at the ceiling until my mind reels to a stop. Calum’s side of the bed is empty. Same with Mace’s crib. I roll over to the other end of the bed, smiling at Mace’s empty crib. A knot twists in my belly as the memory of our late night and early morning activities flood my mind. I’m alone in the room, but my cheeks still heat up due to shyness.If Calum is not here, he must have gone to get Mace. Father and son are most likely together, bonding. I grab my phone from the nightstand. There are missed calls from Dad. After a long call with Dad, Jason, Taylor and Rose, I head into the bathroom.The boys are performing today but I’m not. As exciting as yesterday was, I need a break. Mace and I will watch from the VIP section. I wear one of Calum’s big shirts over my skimpy nightwear. Calum can hardly keep his hands to himself and he proved that last night with the numbe
To Tempt My Stepbrother 54 || Are you scared?
I did great. Not good, great. And everyone who spotted me after the boys performance has not failed to mention that. The feeling of being appreciated and wanted builds in my chest. I rock on my heels, and my butt juts out in a happy dance. I’m happy. But the happiness dwindles when my eyes locate the phone on the bed. Dad isn’t answering his calls. Mace grabs the edge of his crib, his face registering the excitement missing on mine. He still has the headphones Calum had him wearing throughout their performance. I squat in front of his crib. I should put him to sleep but the nerves coursing through my body make it impossible to act or think straight. It feels like I unleashed the beast inside me going on that stage, and I haven’t figured out a way to keep it quiet. If Calum were here, I would maul him, pass off some of that energy to him through sex or a kiss. “Grandpapa Mace isn’t picking,” I tell Mace. My knees meet the ground, and my arms bracket the sides of his crib. He yawns an
To Tempt My Stepbrother 53 || Number one happy place
CALUMIt’s today. The boys are pumped, and so am I. Cathy and I won’t share the stage but she will perform before me, giving Mace and I a front row view of her performance. But it’s impossible to savour the excitement when she’s this nervous and threatening to bore a hole into the rug with her constant pacing. I stay as close to the door as possible. The more the gap between us, the lesser Cathy’s chances of getting mad. My last attempt at trying to calm her resulted in a shoe thrown at my face. This time I’m not alone. I’m with a reinforcement. The boys were nowhere to be found but Mace had no choice. His arms and feet dangle out of the carrier strapped to my chest. Mum wanted to take him while Cathy performed but I wanted both of us to watch from backstage. He has his noise cancellation headphones so he can’t hear a thing beside the playlists I created for him. “Cathy,” I mutter when she halts before the window. No reply. I clear my throat. “Baby.” Cathy turns on her heels and s
To Tempt My Stepbrother 52 || Whatever you want to be
Calum has been acting weird since he left me backstage. I want to believe it’s the talk he had with Dani that’s affecting his mood but she’s smiling. Mace too. I join grandma and grandson when Dani waves me over. Calum grins but makes no other attempt to welcome me. There are only two seats in the room. Usually, he would pull me down to his lap but nothing of the sort happens.I squat in front of Dani. Mace pouts. “Hey.”“Hey,” Mace replies.I giggle. I’ll never tire of hearing him speak. My eyes raise in time to meet Dani’s, and she tries to smile. I’ve been pushing Calum to talk to her but I don’t know if I have the heart to do the same. I’m not upset. I’m over it but don’t have the courage to face her.“How do you like the set up?” Dani asks.“Good,” I reply.They wanted to show us around. The boys prac
