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Chapter 4
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2021-03-07 02:16:39Aria comes from a loving family. Surrounded by genuine friends who look out for each other, and a lifestyle that may not be extravagant but is comfortable. There were no obstacles in her life. Everything Aria could possibly need was already provided or given to her without need to ask.
Aria was well-aware and acknowledged that to be born in such circumstances is a blessing, but she could never truly feel so.
She couldn't shake off the feeling that this wasn't where she belonged, and she'd been stranded in an unfamiliar place all alone.
No matter how much Aria rationalised and convinced herself that this feeling will pass with time, it never did. Instead, it only grew stronger the longer Aria left it alone, so much so that she started to feel guilty.
Incapable of reciprocating the affections and concern they showered her with, Aria was burdened with the obligation to pretend that she appreciated it.
What came naturally for others, Aria had to observe and rationalise to mimic. Even if it was fake, Aria believed that this was better than nothing. At the very least, she believed it was only right to give back at least this much.
However, as the years went by, Aria began to realise that no matter how much she pretended, it could never make up for the lack of sincerity behind her actions and words. Both her friends and family started to notice something was amiss.
However, there was nothing she could do. No matter how hard Aria tried or how long she waited, she still couldn't genuinely reciprocate their feelings. So she could only continue down the road she first set foot on, to pretend.
But one day, she messed up and inadvertently showed her indifference.
Unable to cover up her mistake, she was drowned in their shock, anger, and disbelief. She had attemted to share the long buried truth, but they were convinced she was mocking them. Only a few chose to forgive and trust her again with the condition that she tries to fix her abnormal condition. Telling her that it was unnatural, weird, disheartening.
Not wanting to be deserted by the few that chose to remain, Aria lied for the final time. She promised them that she would work on it and one day possibly be cured of it.
But Aria knew better than anyone else that it would never go away. It was merely her disposition, and she couldn't change that no matter how much she wished for it.
So she continued living in a world surrounded by people who could never understand her.
Aria started to believe that she would never find a place where she was welcomed. Doomed to drift forever in this foreign place that is her home.
And it lasted until one day, Aria fell in love for the first time.
Feelings Aria had never felt before coursed through her entire being, overwhelming her senses in an instant, but it didn't scare her. Instead, it excited her with a wave of relief.
This love proved to her that she too was capable of caring for someone else. That she could feel genuine affection and be concern for another. Though it wasn't the feeling of home, it was a special bond that reminded Aria she was still normal just a little bit different. But that didn't last long either.
The more she loved him, the more obsessed she became. Though Aria was inexperienced and ignorant, she was vaguely aware that the intensity of her emotions wasn't normal. The closer Aria got to him, the more she couldn't turn away from that fact.
But Aria truly loved him, and didn't want to accidentally hurt him because of her obsession. So Aria pulled back and restrained her affections, locking it up tightly to never see the light of day.
Ironically, what ended up driving him away wasn't Arias' intensity but the lack thereof. She was too dull, too bland. Even after giving him her everything, it still wasn't enough to make up for what Aria couldn't provide.
The sudden loss of Aria's special place tore her fatigued heart to shreds and drove her to despair, yet she could only mourning silently and alone. If she had let anyone else know the true reason behind her tears, everyone would call Aria out for the monster she is. Cruel and cold-blooded.
Aria could only struggle to stay afloat in the turbulence of her heart, braving the fear that she could possibly never grasp that feeling again. And the calm seas Aria had been drifting in was no longer as quiet as the surface led her to believe. A single mistake would lead to Arias' drowning, swallowed into its depths, never to resurface again.
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After months of being stranded, Aria discovered a loophole.She just had to fall in love again; the person in question never really mattered. Thus begun Aria's hunt for "love", and the beginning of a vicious cycle.Fall in love > Last for as long as possible > Lose him> RepeatEven though each loss blurred the line between sanity and insanity, Aria couldn't stop, and lost her ability to live without "love".Unbeknownst to Aria, somewhere in that endless cycle he appeared by her side. Quietly assimilating into her life without ripples, and by the time Aria became aware of him she had accepted his presence long ago.Though he never spoke nor touched Aria, he stayed close and never strayed too far away. Aria didn't have to fear losing his silent support and comfort, and she was able to truly let loose the grief of losing her special place at the end of each cycle.She was freed of the pressure to pretend to be normal. There were no devastating consequences if she was found out because he
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The memories and feelings accompanying it dragged Aria deeper into the bottomless sea.But the more desperate Aria felt, the more it fueled her raging desire to find Amon. Yet despite running till sweat covered her skin and her lungs burned and ached for oxygen, Aria still couldn't find him.Aria's body trembled and her eyes teared up. Her knees buckled and gave way, once again diving face-first into the soft grass from the inertia.But this time, she didn't get back up. Instead, Aria lay sprawled out, as an endless stream of tears flowed and formed a small puddle where it fell.The dread. The emptiness. The loneliness. Like a black hole in her heart, the suffocation continuously stifled her and continuously magnified, consuming Arias' entire being.The despair, of having the hope she had held on to tightly and fiercely chased ground to dust mercilessly, pushed Aria back into the all too familiar abyss.Aria couldn't understand. If Amon wasn't intending to let her see him, then why giv
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A deafening silence enveloped the two figures hidden in the cocoon weaved from the shadows.Amon stuck stubbornly to his spot and remained silent, as if his call for Aria was just a figment of her imagination.Amon had imagined a myriad of scenarios of their reunion. A touching scene where he'll bring her the biggest bouquet of red roses, adorned with white pearls. Maybe Aria will cry, or she'll jump giddily into his arms.However, this was not it. Aria was crying miserably, all because he had left her side without a word.Remorse washed over Amon, and he silently scolded himself."What a fool I was. I'd forgotten that time flows differently for humans. How long have I been missing for her to cry in such sorrow.But... For however much Aria is suffering, she didn't give up on looking for me."Amidst the bitterness, a pinch of sweetness trickled in.Yet, he felt equally distressed at the pain he had put her through. All of Aria's pain, suffering, and tears could've been avoided if Amon
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An inch before he made contact, Amon startled awake and tightly clenched his fist before withdrawing in regret.'Not yet.' Amon thought bitterly, not until he had attained an imitation of a humans' body.However, as long as he didn't touch Aria it was still safe. He softly traced her outline, yearning overflowing from his eyes.Amon's scratchy voice deepened, and it sounded like the voice of a demon whetting one's curiousity to step into the neverending darkness."Aria, it was never your fault. You have done nothing wrong.It was all mine, and for that I am sorry.You bore the brunt of my carelessness. You do not have to forgive me. But I hope, that you can stop blaming yourself for mistakes that aren't yours to bear. You can even hate and reject me if it'll make you feel better. I will respect your wishes, whatever it may be."Amon gently kissed the air just above Aria's forehead.It would undoubtedly hurt to be hated by Aria, but it hurts Amon even more to know that she had been blam
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Arias' head snapped up, and bewilderment coloured her face. Not once did it cross her mind that Amon would hold just as much possessiveness over her as she did for him.The reassurance of not being the only one comforted her. She wouldn't have to hold back anymore, and the unreasonable requests stuck in her throat now unclogged.With a trembling voice Aria whispered, "no."Though Aria couldn't see through the darkness, she could feel that Amon was overjoyed and relieved at her answer.An airy chuckle scratched at Aria's ears."That's how I feel too. You're not scary or ugly, and you're definitely not a monster.Even if you were a monster, I will gladly become one too. Whatever you want to be I'll support you, and always love you. As long as you're Aria, I'll forever be here to stay.There'll never be a time when I'll not want or love you."Aria felt her body burn up from Amon's searing love, and her eyes glistened as fresh tears fell drop by drop scaring Amon. Though Amon tried to catc
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Aria comes from a loving family. Surrounded by genuine friends who look out for each other, and a lifestyle that may not be extravagant but is comfortable. There were no obstacles in her life. Everything Aria could possibly need was already provided or given to her without need to ask.Aria was well-aware and acknowledged that to be born in such circumstances is a blessing, but she could never truly feel so.She couldn't shake off the feeling that this wasn't where she belonged, and she'd been stranded in an unfamiliar place all alone.No matter how much Aria rationalised and convinced herself that this feeling will pass with time, it never did. Instead, it only grew stronger the longer Aria left it alone, so much so that she started to feel guilty.Incapable of reciprocating the affections and concern they showered her with, Aria was burdened with the obligation to pretend that she appreciated it.What came naturally for others, Aria had to observe and rationalise to mimic. Even if it
