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I keep picturing her tiny little face from so long ago, as clear as if it was yesterday. Her cute button nose and precious little features that will forever be printed like a photograph in my memory. Remember how she felt in my arms, how light she was, how fragile, and her unique baby smell even though she was bloody and covered in birthing fluid. I stare at the patch of ground below and know she’s down there. Lying in that wooden box. All this time, waiting for me, thinking I didn’t love her, and I‘ve been so selfish. I abandoned and neglected her when I should have been coming here with him every time to remind her that she is loved. My pain shouldn’t have been bigger than her need for me to go to her.

I pull out the long heavy stone sign we had made yesterday, shaking as I fumble with the bubble wrap and unable to hold in my sobs as my body starts to vibrate. Consumed with regret and heartbreak. Giving up the strong façade and falling apart n