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Scared of Letting Go

ผู้เขียน: Harmeen
last update ปรับปรุงล่าสุด: 2022-11-18 06:41:20

I caught my breath slowly, Luke watching me like I would dissipate if he didn't watch hard enough.

"Stop looking at me like that." I said, turning to open the door.

"I don't really know, Karla. I feel like you are hiding things from me. Come to think of it. You kept crying the other day too. I just wish you would want to share it with me."

He followed me in, then dropped his coat on the couch. His eyes were still fixed on mine, and I knew he was waiting for an answer.

"Well, okay. I am an overthinker, and sometimes, I just keep entertaining what ifs and...things that make me cry. I am sorry if that worries you." I lowered my head a little, hoping my little act of guilt would convince him.

"When was the last time you went out, though?" he suddenly asked, a small chuckle in his tone. He probably found me adorable and just the thought made me redden.

"Well...when I came for the wake."

He nodded. "How about we spend time outside? The best memories are made outside, you know."

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  • Through the Threads of Time   The First and the Last

    I watched Luke as he got me an ice pack for the slight bruise on my knee, then an ice cream cone too. He walked back to me, a smile on his face, as he handed them both to me. "Let me put this on for you, okay?" he said as he sat on the other side of the bench, then gently brought my feet to his lap. He moved it so my knee was right in front of him, and he slowly dabbed at the bruise."Does it hurt?" he asked me, briefly looking up to check my face."Are you not angry? I mean, I made all that fuss for nothing. I always make a fuss and..." My tears choked on the remaining words, and before I could bring my hand to wipe the tears away, his hand was on my cheek and he wiped them off. He leaned closer, one hand resting on my knee, and he kissed just under my right eye. "You sort of remind me of my dad, Karla. I guess he so badly wanted to make up for my mum's absence that he sometimes panicked for the smallest things. I would get into a fight where we pulled each other's hair and woul

    ปรับปรุงล่าสุด : 2022-11-19
  • Through the Threads of Time   Luke's Diary

    When I opened my eyes, Luke was not beside me on the bed. I slowly sat up, my eyes scanning the entire room. Alarm bells started to go off in my head, as I suddenly jerked up, looking around the room."Luke?"There was no answer, but music suddenly started to play. I turned towards his closet and Luke was there, wearing a black robe."You are awake." He said to me, a bright smile on his face.I nodded, slowly getting out of bed. "What's the music for so early?"He laughed and took my hands, and without saying a word, twirled me, then pulled me back to him. He was moving side ways, his arms wrapped around me, along with my open arms."It's always been one of my wishes to wake up to music and dance, Karla. I figured since you were already granting wishes...." He laughed and trailed off, then slowly pushed me away from him, raising my hand above my head, then twirled me once.I laughed and came back to him, my hand finding it's way to his chest. "It is so surprising that I am your firs

    ปรับปรุงล่าสุด : 2022-11-19
  • Through the Threads of Time   Memories of Happiness

    We soon finished breakfast, and after a bit of time of Luke laying on my lap while I patted his hair, he soon fell asleep. I slowly propped him up on a pillow, then made my way noiselessly out of the room.I made my way to the dining table, then to the console where his diary was.I flipped through the empty pages at the back, wondering if they would be filled by the time we were married. Would he have gotten a new one, or would he still use this one?How different would the entries be?I sighed and opened the first page. It was mostly blank, except for one line."I asked dad why mum wasn't back yet. He said nothing, but I saw him cry."I gave a small sigh and walked to the dining chair and I flipped the pages. The first pages were mostly about his mother, how they were absent, and how much it affected him."Dad was drunk today. I heard him talk about how much he loved mum till he finally slept. He never mentioned me, but I think it's because he only loves me when he is sober."I cl

    ปรับปรุงล่าสุด : 2022-11-19
  • Through the Threads of Time   I Am Breaking Down

    I and Luke stood on the front porch, my eyes trained on my feet. My shadow was just one now, and I wondered how long I have had one for. Did that not mean my time here...is coming to an end?I sighed at the sunset, then turned to Luke whose eyes were already fixed on me.I raised my brows questioningly, and he smiled. "You seem out of it."I shrugged. "Just...thinking. What else do you think is setting now?"His brows furrowed a little as I turned away, to face the sunset again."The sun?""I mean...what else do you think is ending right now? A life? A love or a particularly beautiful trip?" I felt tears sting the back of my eyes, and I closed it for a while, then opened them again.Luke cupped my face in his hands, then turned me to face him. "Probably all of that. But...don't you think endings can be beautiful too?"He then pulled me so my back was on his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me. "Is that not why you like to watch the sunset?"I swallowed, my chest filling up. The

    ปรับปรุงล่าสุด : 2022-11-19
  • Through the Threads of Time   Do You Believe In Forever?

    I sat in the cab, my eyes swollen and red, as I watched Luke's house. I couldn't see him, but it was bright in there, like there was a party or something.I swallowed, feeling a lump rise in my throat all over again. Luke. That name will haunt me forever.I stepped out of the cab slowly, then walked to the front door. I didn't need to knock, and I just opened the door, then stepped in.The strong aroma of baking hit my nose, and it only cause the tears to well up more. Without a word, I went to his room, and then straight to the shower.I closed my eyes as the warm water hit my skin, my eyes starting to feel again. Can my heart....really go on?"Karla? Is that you?" I heard from outside as the door closed."I just wanted to take a shower. I will be out soon."There was a bit of silence. "You don't need to. I'll join you."I said nothing, and I heard the door open slowly, before Luke stepped in, still in his robe."Did something happen?" he whispered, coming close to me. I closed m

    ปรับปรุงล่าสุด : 2022-11-19
  • Through the Threads of Time   The Last Sunset

    "Luke?" "Yes, love?"Do you perhaps, want to go in the sun? I want to spend the whole day outside.""You don't seem to like bikes, though?"I cuddled closer, my hand moving the hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. "No, love. I want to spend the whole day out in the park." He looked down at me, his eyes still half closed from sleep. He smiled a little, then nodded.I gave a small sigh and leaned back down, feeling his chest. I could feel it in me. These moments that feel like treasure...they are the very last. Maybe I wasn't supposed to make peace with everyone from my past. Maybe just this is enough. I sighed and pulled away from Luke who had fallen asleep again. I then went to the shower. It was already morning, probably the last morning of the past. I could almost feel it in my bones that these were the last moments. Like when your body tells you when you are about to lose someone close. I wish my body had told me, then. I hate that my body is telling me now. I stepped i

    ปรับปรุงล่าสุด : 2022-11-19
  • Through the Threads of Time   Infinite

    "My love."It's Luke."Karla?"His black eyes came into slow view, and the edges crinkled as a small light twinkled between them. It is me. I put those lights in there."You are beautiful."He slowly leaned in, his lips brushing mine lightly. He leaned back as a strand of my hair fell on my face and we both laughed. His voice. Beautiful.He moved the strand away, the tips of his fingers teasing my face."I love you, Karla."But I don't get to respond. He doesn't let me. He covered the distant between us and kissed me, making me forget my years of loneliness. Making me forget the times I had hated him."Do you believe in forever?""As long as forever is with you."His hands were outstretched towards me, his smile big as I ran to him. I could hear his faint voice. I could see his one sided dimple. "Karla!"The way he called my name..."My love."My eyelashes fluttered slowly as the images slowly disappeared into darkness. My eyes slowly opened, and I could already feel the wetness in m

    ปรับปรุงล่าสุด : 2022-11-19
  • Through the Threads of Time   November 13

    I sat up, my chest heaving hard. My eyes stung hard, my body feeling weak. My hands were wrapped in a cross around me as I held I and Luke's wedding picture to my chest.My eyes fell on a dark brown book sitting next to the bedside lamp. I propped myself on all fours and took the book, then slowly let down the picture.It was Luke's diary. The same one he had used seven years ago. The same one I had read in the past. I swallowed hard, feeling my eyes moisten up again.I opened the first page. Most of it was the same. The problems with his mother. His father's death...the only difference was that, there were absolutely no traces of me. Nothing at all.My eyes welled up more as I flipped the pages hard, till I got to a certain page. July 17th, 2022. The day we had gotten married.I swallowed as my fingers moved to let me read Luke's words on the marriage."I got married. I can hardly believe it, but I did get married. I never did believe in finding someone I would love, but marrying

    ปรับปรุงล่าสุด : 2022-11-19

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  • Through the Threads of Time   Epilogue; Te Quiero Mucho

    I stood in front of the spot where Luke's grave had once been, this time instead of the knitted brows and expressionless coldness, I had a small smile playing on my lips, thinking of how far I have come. As a person. As a wife.I smiled again, raising my head to the small tapping sound of a walking stick."Seeing how you are looking at that blank space and smiling like that, I bet it had been well for you." The man I now know to be Mr. McGregor said, his smile knowing.I nodded. "I couldn't think of anywhere to find you, and I thought of here. Where we first met.""Miss the mad man?" He teased and I laughed."How is my son?" He asked once the laughter died down, a hint of seriousness in his tone.I turned to him, squinting against the bright sun rays. "He is perfect. Luke is perfect."He broke into a big satisfied smile, then nodded. "I know. He takes after me. Without the flaws.""I think you are not that bad too."He turned to me. "You seem to have learnt a little too much. But then

  • Through the Threads of Time   November Rain

    I felt tears well up in my eyes again, and I slowly reached for the phone. My hand was trembling badly, and I had to hold it down with my other hand. I picked it up, then brought the phone to my ear, tears already streaming down.It was still raining outside, and I kept my eyes on the drops that stayed on the glass window, as I spoke into the phone."Hello?" My voice shook, and I closed my eyes. "Who is this?"I knew who to expect. The man that would report Luke's accident to me, and the hospital he was rushed to. Then I would run out the house only to meet him dead."Karla?"My brows furrowed at the sound. Even over the static and the heavy rain, I could tell who it was, well enough."Karla, this is Karla, right?"My brows furrowed even more as I clutched the phone to my ear. "Luke?""Oh, thank Goodness gracious. I guess I was so out of it earlier when I was about to leave, and I forgot the documents meant for the meeting on the bed. Did you see it?"My eyes widened as I slowly turne

  • Through the Threads of Time   The Call

    I watched Luke as he slowly went back to eating and a small smile spread my lips. Of course. It was because he had bought it for me.We ate in silence, and once we were done, without letting me even have the chance to protest, he packed the plates up, then headed straight for the kitchen.I followed behind him, and just like I used to do when he baked back then, I pushed myself on to the island and sat, my feet hanging downwards.He looked at me once and I smiled at him. He smiled back, a little sheepishly however, then returned to his chore. It will take some time for me to adjust to the fact that he wasn't in love with me now."You won't go to work today?" He suddenly asked, raising a brow to me.I shook my head immediately, I didn't even need to think about it. "I am going to take a lazy day and...spend it getting to know you better."He looked at me, like I was ssome alien."What?" I asked, laughing a little."I will need some time to get accustomed to you being like this with me.

  • Through the Threads of Time   Miracles and Necklaces

    Luke watched me like he wasn't sure what I was about, but he let me skim my hands over his face, feeling his skin open up under my palm."Was it a bad dream?" he asked slowly, before pulling away from me. He didn't go too far, and I lowered my head, my hair falling in front of me."No, I just...like, the past few months were wrong. On my part...the silence we subjected each other to and the loneliness...everything Luke. They were wrong. Of me. They were wrong. That we both were thrown into this without actually...knowing what to do with this situation. I don't hate you, I could never, I just...we both didn't deserve this."He bit down on his lips. "I know. But it's not us. The situation is...weird. We found ourselves in this marriage and...""I want to make this work." I said, looking up to him, my trembling hands coming to my face to slowly wipe it away. When I dropped my hands, I could still feel the moisture under my eyes.Without a word, Luke brought his thumbs under my eyes and

  • Through the Threads of Time   Let Me Do More

    My heart beat picked up, my eyes feeling with hot tears. My lips parted slowly as the memory came flashing back, painfully.I rushed down the stairs once I heard that clatter, my eyes rolling a little as I passed by the large kitchen door without even turning back."Karla?"I rolled my eyes and turned, a deep exasperated breath escaping my lips. "Yes, Luke?""Well, I....""I have work to go to."He looked at me, his expression unreadable. Like he was trying hard to understand me, to tolerate me, but he was finding it too hard."Karla, I was hoping...I was hoping we could..""I know. You are still finding it hard to adjust to this. So am I, really. I don't understand why I have to wake up. To you. Everyday. That stare. Everyday."His lips parted, and his hands lowered, but I never looked down to see what he was holding."Karla, it's not...""I am tired of it too. I have things to do at the office. Later.""Karla.""I'm busy!"He flinched, but said nothing as I walked away through the

  • Through the Threads of Time   November 13

    I sat up, my chest heaving hard. My eyes stung hard, my body feeling weak. My hands were wrapped in a cross around me as I held I and Luke's wedding picture to my chest.My eyes fell on a dark brown book sitting next to the bedside lamp. I propped myself on all fours and took the book, then slowly let down the picture.It was Luke's diary. The same one he had used seven years ago. The same one I had read in the past. I swallowed hard, feeling my eyes moisten up again.I opened the first page. Most of it was the same. The problems with his mother. His father's death...the only difference was that, there were absolutely no traces of me. Nothing at all.My eyes welled up more as I flipped the pages hard, till I got to a certain page. July 17th, 2022. The day we had gotten married.I swallowed as my fingers moved to let me read Luke's words on the marriage."I got married. I can hardly believe it, but I did get married. I never did believe in finding someone I would love, but marrying

  • Through the Threads of Time   Infinite

    "My love."It's Luke."Karla?"His black eyes came into slow view, and the edges crinkled as a small light twinkled between them. It is me. I put those lights in there."You are beautiful."He slowly leaned in, his lips brushing mine lightly. He leaned back as a strand of my hair fell on my face and we both laughed. His voice. Beautiful.He moved the strand away, the tips of his fingers teasing my face."I love you, Karla."But I don't get to respond. He doesn't let me. He covered the distant between us and kissed me, making me forget my years of loneliness. Making me forget the times I had hated him."Do you believe in forever?""As long as forever is with you."His hands were outstretched towards me, his smile big as I ran to him. I could hear his faint voice. I could see his one sided dimple. "Karla!"The way he called my name..."My love."My eyelashes fluttered slowly as the images slowly disappeared into darkness. My eyes slowly opened, and I could already feel the wetness in m

  • Through the Threads of Time   The Last Sunset

    "Luke?" "Yes, love?"Do you perhaps, want to go in the sun? I want to spend the whole day outside.""You don't seem to like bikes, though?"I cuddled closer, my hand moving the hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. "No, love. I want to spend the whole day out in the park." He looked down at me, his eyes still half closed from sleep. He smiled a little, then nodded.I gave a small sigh and leaned back down, feeling his chest. I could feel it in me. These moments that feel like treasure...they are the very last. Maybe I wasn't supposed to make peace with everyone from my past. Maybe just this is enough. I sighed and pulled away from Luke who had fallen asleep again. I then went to the shower. It was already morning, probably the last morning of the past. I could almost feel it in my bones that these were the last moments. Like when your body tells you when you are about to lose someone close. I wish my body had told me, then. I hate that my body is telling me now. I stepped i

  • Through the Threads of Time   Do You Believe In Forever?

    I sat in the cab, my eyes swollen and red, as I watched Luke's house. I couldn't see him, but it was bright in there, like there was a party or something.I swallowed, feeling a lump rise in my throat all over again. Luke. That name will haunt me forever.I stepped out of the cab slowly, then walked to the front door. I didn't need to knock, and I just opened the door, then stepped in.The strong aroma of baking hit my nose, and it only cause the tears to well up more. Without a word, I went to his room, and then straight to the shower.I closed my eyes as the warm water hit my skin, my eyes starting to feel again. Can my heart....really go on?"Karla? Is that you?" I heard from outside as the door closed."I just wanted to take a shower. I will be out soon."There was a bit of silence. "You don't need to. I'll join you."I said nothing, and I heard the door open slowly, before Luke stepped in, still in his robe."Did something happen?" he whispered, coming close to me. I closed m

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