TaylorJust like any other day, I wake on Monday to a quiet house. I enjoy a light breakfast, complete cleaning tasks, then shower and prepare for my 11:45 doctor’s appointment. With an hour before I need to leave, I print off a new calendar for the refrigerator and a temperature tracking calendar for my room. Then, I save the old calendars in my top dresser drawer.I opt to stand as I wait for the doctor to enter my exam room. Already weighed, left a urine sample, and had my vitals recorded by a nurse, this should be a quick visit. We just need a new script of Clomid and to follow the same steps as the month before.Soon, the doctor enters, tablet in hand. He greets me. “How have you been feeling?” he asks.“We followed all the steps, and we think we’re ready to repeat them again this month,” I answer.He lays the tablet on the counter, looks me in the eye, and states, “That won’t be necessary.”I’m confused. I rack my brain for our conversation from the last visit. I’m sure we discus
BOOK THREE: THE CONFESSIONTaylorKennedy raps on my door before entering to place saltines and a glass of tepid water on my nightstand.Jackson peeks his head in, reminding me, “Text either of us if you need anything while we’re at work today.”I decide I’ll need to nip this over-protective hovering in the butt tonight.Kennedy texts me four times prior to noon. Jackson texts three times before 4:00. I’m happy they’re excited to be pregnant, but I can see why so many women and couples wait until the second trimester to announce a pregnancy.Surrogacy Journal Entry-Tuesday, August 23rd I am officially off the sauce. Of course, that means no more alcohol, but I’m referring to quitting Diet Pepsi cold turkey. No caffeine sucks big time. I realize it’s what is best for the baby and healthier for me, too. My new pregnancy diet feels like a metal chastity belt. Speaking of chastity belt, I am officially knocked up and won’t be having sex for the next 44 weeks. Pregnant for 38 weeks, then a
Taylor“Taylor, look at me,” she sternly directs, taking each of my hands in hers. “Deep breaths in-and-out through your nose. In-and-out slowly. Good. In-and-out. Perfect.” She releases my hands and excuses herself to fetch me water with a cold cloth from her private bathroom. “You are frustrated, and the hormones aren’t helping.” She pats my knee before returning to her seat. “I left the door open.” she motions to the restroom. “Feel free to use it anytime during our sessions.” The doctor jots quickly on her notepad. “We’ve made progress. Today, we found the triggers. We are closer to understanding these flashes.” Her smile seems forced. Looking at my journal, she continues, “Kennedy seems unaware of your reaction to the flashes when they occur.”It’s a statement and a question. I simply nod.“Twice you wrote, Jackson noticed your discomfort. When you return to the common areas, does he approach you?” It seems the good doctor is reading my notes thoroughly now.“He disappears for fif
TaylorFriday afternoon, I make my way one more time through the entire house before tonight’s party. Kennedy and Jackson did most of the heavy cleaning on Thursday evening. They insisted I only dust, unload the dishwasher and take it easy. My fatigue makes it hard for me to argue with them. Today, I spray air freshener, straighten vanities, and prep the kitchen for company. The activity taking its toll, I cuddle up on the sofa for a movie and a nap. I need energy well past my ten o’clock bedtime. Turning in early is my new-norm. As I stare unseeing at the television, I realize my exhaustion is much higher than I expected. I set an alarm on my phone to ensure I wake early enough to get dolled up for the guests. Normally, I don’t worry about impressing anyone, however, tonight I am at the center of the party. All eyes will be on pregnant Taylor and her non-existent baby bump.I startle at the cellphone alarm over two hours later. Once silenced, I slowly rise to a seated position. Mornin
TaylorOn the last Monday of August, I reset the oven timer for ten minutes. The taco-bake looks amazing. I start to close my recipe on the iPad but decide Kennedy might like to see the Pinterest pin. I place it on the island near the barstools and glance around the kitchen. I have plates, salad, utensils, water glasses, guacamole, and tortilla chips all ready. I just need my two friends to arrive home soon. Ask and I shall receive. I hear the garage door rising. I use my phone to lower the volume on the speakers. I leave Spotify playing in the background as Jackson enters while texting from the garage. “Have you heard from Kennedy?” He asks, and I shake my head. “I’m texting to ask why I beat her home tonight.”“I haven’t chatted with her. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes,” I reply. He excuses himself. “I need to change my work clothes.”“Kennedy is with Madison and won’t be joining us for dinner tonight,” he announces when he returns.“Seriously?” I shout. “Seriously!” I rant.
TaylorAt 2:00 in the morning, I lay on my bathroom floor with my head leaning on the chilly edge of the tub. Yesterday, I spent more time over the bathroom stool than usual. It became bad enough, I moved the ginger ale, water bottle, and crackers onto my dresser so I could attempt to nibble without leaving my bedroom area. I found walking caused dizziness, which led to nausea, and thus another visit to the bathroom. In my weakened state, I napped most of the day in my bed. Tonight, I attempt to sleep, but most of my night, I find myself on the bathroom floor. I’m not fighting it anymore. The cool tub feels good on my cheek and neck. I grab the towel off a nearby rack to use as a blanket. My stomach quiet for the moment, I close my eyes, hoping for sleep to rescue me. My headache grows worse with each passing hour.I wake when I hear movement on the stairs and then in the kitchen.“Hey,” I attempt to yell. My dry mouth, cotton tongue, and raw throat make talking difficult. “Help!” I b
TaylorAfter my ten minutes of worshiping the porcelain throne, I brush my teeth, shower, and dress for today’s obstetrics appointment. Choosing an outfit is simple. I only have one pair of shorts with an elastic waistband.I really need to shop for some new clothes.I am not ready for the maternity attire; I just need to purchase a size or two larger now or all elastic waists. Although I can see and feel my baby bump, it’s not apparent to others. It’s my goal to keep it this way as long as I can. The thought of my baby-bump drawing strangers to touch my belly already causes anxiety. I am not ready for that.I tug on my comfy navy linen shorts with the gently scalloped hem. I pair it with a simple navy and pale blue striped V-neck t-shirt. I opt for a ponytail and very light make-up. Comfy and casual will help calm my nerves for today’s appointment.As I slide my navy slip-on Converse upon my feet, a text from Jackson pings on my phone. Jackson: if change your mindJackson: can meet y
TaylorWhispers.I hear whispers.The soft murmurs pull me from my slumber. Opening my eyes, I find Jackson and Kennedy in the kitchen. They notice my movements.“Stay,” Jackson encourages. “Stay on the sofa. We will come to you.”I shift slightly to sit up.My stomach feels okay.I should eat.I attempt to rise, but Jackson raises his palms between us. “Stay put and use your words to ask for help,” he instructs.“I should nibble and drink,” I confess. “Would you mind bringing me some pretzels and water or ginger ale?”Eager to hear about today’s visit, they quickly bring me snacks and a drink. Kennedy kneels on the floor in front of me while Jackson sits beside me on the sofa. I chomp on a few pretzel sticks, needing my mouth occupied while I figure out what to do next.When I sip the ginger ale, Kennedy breaks, “You’re killing us. We need details.”Jackson nods in agreement.“I need to pee, then I’ll spill all the details,” I lie. I need to retrieve the pics from my dresser. When I r