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The choices we make 19
Zerden and the hunting team did not return until the Tuesday after they had gone hunting. They had a good hunt. This meant that in addition to butchering the crudely butchered animals, the kitchen would be cooking and preserving them. Alongside cooking the regular meals. Mary was so busy she had not been able to meet Zerden to ask how he had been doing or about the hunt. But she took comfort in the fact the next day was Wednesday, and then she would be able to meet him. She wondered if Erik would come up to the castle. Maybe all three of them could take a trip in the city. The weather seemed to be holding up, and Mary was really looking forward to Wednesday.Wednesday morning dragged itself forward. Mary stood and cut thin strips of venison which would be dried over the fire. Her hands had a couple of wounds from the knife. She wasn’t used to cutting such thin slices and sometimes the knife slipped. But she continued stubbornly, trying to concentrate on her task. She knew it was soon
Last Updated : 2023-07-09The choices we make 20
As usual, the kitchen was in full swing. Mrs. Karrots shouted orders with a clear voice, the kitchen maids rushed around to perform their duties, and everyone else worked with strict concentration to please Mrs. Karrots. None of the people in the kitchen knew it was Mary’s birthday. Mary herself had almost forgotten about it until Mrs. Karrots casually mentioned the date. Last year, she hadn’t even realized she had turned eleven years old until the summer had passed into autumn, so much had happened. Today Mary turned twelve years old and if she were home with her mother and father, it would have been celebrated and her parents would have had a small gift prepared for her. But now she lived in the castle and her parents were no longer alive. Instead, she spent the day peeling and cutting vegetables of various kinds. It was Wednesday and Mary was able to get off work a little earlier. She went to her room and washed off and changed before heading to church. As she crossed the castle co
Last Updated : 2023-07-10The choices we make 21
Mary handed over the ladle to a kitchen maid, who had to keep stirring in the pot while Mary made her way towards the door.“Hello,” she said, a little surprised.“Hello,” Zerden said. “Mom is wondering if you can come and have dinner with us tonight.”“Wait a minute,” said Mary, walking over to Mrs. Karrots. Patiently, she waited for the big woman to finish reprimanding the farmer who had delivered vegetables that apparently did not meet Mrs. Karrots’ standards. When the cook was done, she turned to Mary.“Zerden’s mother wonders if I can have dinner with them tonight,” Mary said.“Of course you can, my friend. Now run and tell the boy, so you can continue with the porridge.” Mary did as she was told.“I’ll be there as soon as I finish for the day,” she said.“Okay, I’ll tell Mom.” They said goodbye and Mary returned to stirring the porridge. Mary was a little nervous about the dinner. It had gone well the last time she was there, but she was still a little afraid of the castellan. B
Last Updated : 2023-07-11The choices we make 22
As the weeks passed by into months, Mary’s life followed a steady pattern. She worked in the kitchen, learning new things and impressing Mrs. Karrots with how fast she developed her skills. Her days off she mostly spent alone. As Zerden grew older and started to officially train to become a soldier, he didn’t have as much time for Mary. On days that he was free, there were other things that would take up his time, such as hanging out with the other trainees. But he still made sure to spend time with her once in a while. They would explore the castle together, and soon Mary knew her way around the impressive building almost as well as Zerden. On nice days they would walk in the gardens. Zerden’s parents regularly invited Mary to dinner, and Mary and Zerden’s mother grew close. Sometimes in her free time Mary would go and drink tea with Anna. The evenings with the castellan household were some of Mary’s favourite times. As Mary grew older her feelings for Zerden changed. The feeling of
Last Updated : 2023-07-12The choices we make 23
The next day Mary’s face was still swollen but she couldn’t do anything about it, so she went off to the kitchen. She started with the porridge as she always did.“Mary, are you feeling okay?” Mrs. Karrots asked as she came up to her.“Yes ma’am,” Mary answered.“You don’t look good, my child.”“It’s just the aftermath of the headache, I think.” Mary felt terrible about lying but she didn’t want to admit she had spent hours crying.“Are you coming down with something?” Mrs. Carrots asked.“No, I don’t think so,” Marry said honestly. The sickness was not as common as it used to be. But people still shunned anyone that got ill. The fear was still real in most people.“Good, then continue with your work.” Mary did just that. She took all her emotions and shut them in a corner of her mind, and she poured all her energy and focus into her work. Mrs. Karrots noticed a difference in her but as she worked hard and seemed to feel better, she didn’t say anything about it. A couple more days pas
Last Updated : 2023-07-13The choices we make 24
When Mary the next day was learning how to make a new sauce from one of the chefs, Jossi taped her on the shoulder.“The soldier is here to see you,” she said to Mary, and Mary knew she meant Zerden.“Thanks, can you ask him to wait? I can’t get away at the moment,” Mary said with a pang of bad conscience for keeping him waiting. As soon as she could get away, Mary headed for the door and to her relief Zerden was still waiting at the well.“Hi, sorry to keep you waiting,” she said.“No problem, it won’t take long,” he said. “How long do you usually spend in church on Sundays?” he asked.“Well, the service is about an hour and then time to get there and home, so if I go straight there and home, two hours.”“Can I ask Lady Sarah to meet us at the second guard change after lunch? You should be back from church then, right?” he asked Mary. Mary didn’t want to go with him to meet Lady Sarah, but she had promised, kind of.“Yeah, that should be fine,” she said with a small sigh Zerden didn’
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“Isn’t she wonderful?” Zerden said with a dreamy look in his eyes.“She is very beautiful, but isn’t she a bit condescending toward others?” Mary asked. Zerden gave her a hard look.“She is just trying to help others reach her level. Don’t be jealous of her just because she is above your status,” he said to her. Mary couldn’t answer so she started walking.“Where are you going?” he asked.“It’s been a long day and think I need to lie down for a bit,” she said.“But it won’t be dark for at least one hour.”“Sorry, but I’m really tired,” she insisted.“Okay, I will follow you. It’s a bit worrying if you are so tired. Lady Sarah wasn’t tired at all. Maybe I can ask her how she maintains such high energy. Then you can emulate that,” he said. Mary wanted to tell him Lady Sarah probably hadn’t spent the week working in the kitchen and the afternoon being dragged around and humiliated by her best friend. But instead, she just nodded and walked along. As they were walking Zerden seemed to be
Last Updated : 2023-07-15The choices we make 26
“I know it must take time away from Zerden and you, and I know what good friends you are,” Anna therefore said. Mary shrugged.“It was bound to happen sooner or later,” she told Anna. Yes, Anna thought, but it was supposed to happen with you.“Is there something else on your mind?” she asked Mary, going back to her first instinct.“Yes, I think I need your advice on something,” Mary confessed.“I would be honoured to help you.”“For the last couple of weeks my friend Erik has been going to church with me. It has been really nice not being alone,” Mary started. “But the other day Zerden told me I shouldn’t do that anymore, it isn’t proper for me to spend time alone with a man. Now I don’t know what to do. I do want to keep seeing Erik; he’s my oldest friend. But I don’t think I want to marry him, and I definitely don’t want to get a bad reputation,” she continued, and Anna could see she was close to tears. Anna realised this was probably the angriest she had ever been with her son. Fir
Last Updated : 2023-07-16
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“We finished Procecsa’s experiments today, and we think we can see a pattern,” Mary told Tariana excited. She didn’t know how Tariana already knew about it, but it was the only thing exciting which had happened lately. Tariana laughed again.“That is exciting to hear, but no. I was thinking about the fact that you have gotten some control over your fire magic,” Tariana smiled.“Oh, that. Yes, Procecsa helped me with it last night,” Mary said. She didn’t understand what was so exciting about that.“Do you think you could summon it now?” Tariana asked.“I think so,” Mary nodded. Tariana stood and went over to the bookcase. She got a small tray and walked back, placing it on the desk in front of Mary. On the tray there was a candle, an empty bowl, a feather, a pile of what looked like soil, and a plate with a dried bean.“Please light the candle,” Tariana asked Mary. Mary focused and after a while she found the now familiar feeling of her fire magic. The candle lit. “Fill the bowl with w
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The time until the winter solstice went by quickly and before she knew it, Mary was running around the equipment she had helped Procecsa set up the day before the solstices. They were outside the wall, on a flat part of the plain. The grass had been cut down and a light dusting of snow barely covered the ground. The area was guarded by grey riders. Not for the fear of someone sabotaging their experiments, but to keep curious people away. There was a lot of preparation to be made. Luckily for Mary, she had already done this a couple of times before. According to magical theory, occasions such as the winter solstice and full moons could affect magic in different ways. But to Mary’s surprise, it had never been proven, even though everyone used the principle. Procecsa had therefore designed an experiment to perform some basic magic, which was easy to perform and evaluate the effect of and repeat this during the different beneficial celestial occasions. They had already done the control ro
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“I would love to,” Mary said, looking at him. “But I don’t want to take time away from you seeing your family. I know you don’t get to see them that often,” she said. Tenac shrugged.“I will visit them as often as I can while they are here. It’s okay, I wouldn’t have asked if it weren’t,” he said.“Okay, then I would love to come.”“Good. Now let’s get you a new horse,” he smiled.“No, Tenac. I have told you, Buttercup will do,” Mary objected.“I’m not letting you anywhere near my grandfather whilst you are riding Buttercup, Mary. If you are going to visit a Che’hul camp, you can’t be on a horse like her,” he said. Mary looked at him. She really wanted to go with him to visit his family. Her curiosity and thirst for new things was going crazy at the thought of getting to see this whole new culture. At the same time, it felt like she was betraying Buttercup. The horse had been patient with her from the start. Mary recognised Tenac was dangling the visit to the Che’hul camp as an incent
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“In my case?” Mary asked.“For some reason, you have been conditioned to suppress your fire. Most likely not in an effort to suppress the magic, but a characteristic which goes with it. Like anger,” Procecsa said. Mary could hear that she tried to be gentle. Mary sat quietly for a while and thought things through. Her time in the kitchen had made her put a tight lead on her emotions, especially anger, but also passion and love. It would have been the last thing she did in the castle if she had become angry with someone higher up the rank than her. Which had been most people.“So, what do I do? Do I have to get angry at Tenac?” Mary asked, making Procecsa laugh.“No, I don’t think he deserves it. He’s just trying to help you, after all” she smiled at Mary.“I need to get angry at someone else?” Mary asked, confused.“I don’t know if you need to get angry at anyone, Mary. I think it would be okay just for you to accept it is okay for you to get angry. Just to allow yourself to experienc
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It had been over six months since Mary had started her training, and each day offered new opportunities to learn and to explore the world. She discovered she had a craving for learning. The more she learnt, the more questions she had. Her mentor, Procecsa, had picked up on this and gave Mary more and more books to read. Mary was helping her mentor with all sorts of experiments. Procecsa was good at explaining things in a way Mary understood them. In just a few weeks, the winter solstice was to take place and Mary was looking forward to it. Several of the experiments that Procecsa had Mary help with depended on it. In the class for basic magic, they had learned certain celestial events could impact magic. The winter solstice was one of those. Mary was to assist her mentor in trying to figure out just how much it affected certain types of magic. Mary found the whole thing fascinating and couldn’t wait to get to see the results. After the solstice, they would have a two-week break. It wa
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Zerden stood looking at the men under his command. They were training, and they looked tired. Zerden knew he had been pushing them hard this past month. His bad mood had made him irritable, and every mistake was now punished with a gruelling training session. He knew he needed to back off a bit. His men were well trained and the minor mistakes they made didn’t warrant this punishment. Zerden needed to get his temper back in check. Which was easier said than done. It would be easier if he just had known why he was in such a bad mood. If he was honest with himself, he knew why. He just wasn’t up for admitting it just yet. So instead, his bad mood continued and everyone around him endured and stayed out of his way as much as they could.“Don’t forget to put everything back before you head to get dinner,” he shouted. He didn’t wait around to make sure they did what he told them. No one wanted to disobey him at the moment. He walked inside and headed to his room in the castle. Zerden had j
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“Sure, happy to help,” Jontak said, smiling. Firlea looked at Mary, slightly panicked. Mary smiled at her.“Thanks, Jontak,” Mary said. She and Sinhera looked as Jontak and Firlea left the shop.“Not the smoothest hint, but I think that will do,” Sinhera smiled.“It’s a good start at least,” Mary nodded.“What are you two plotting?” Tenac asked as he walked up to them. “And where are Jontak and your friend?”“Firlea needed ink. Jontak escorted her there as it’s her first time to the market,” Mary smiled at him.“You two are scaring me. Please don’t help me like that, ever,” he said. Both Mary and Sinhera laughed. They waited for the two to return before heading towards the weapons stalls. There were a lot of different weapons. Some Mary didn’t even know the names of and couldn’t figure out how to use.“Do you want to look at a new knife, Mary?” Jontak asked her.“No thank you, I’m happy with the one I have,” she told him.“Do you even know how to use it?” Tenac asked her.“Well, it’s
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As Mary got back to her room, both her friends were sitting in the bay window reading. Mary had things she needed to read as well. But she felt like she needed to write her last letter. She wanted to let go of the past. She settled down at her desk and stared down at the empty paper in front of her. This was going to be difficult.‘Dear Anna,I’m so pleased to hear that things are looking up for you. That gives me hope this wave of the sickness will fade as well. I want to thank you for your kind words. They mean so much to me and I will always remember them. I told my father about your kind words, and he was grateful. That brings me to the difficult part of this letter. This is not something which is easy for me to write, or to think about doing. But I feel like it has to be done. Last time I wrote, I was taking the acceptance test to become an aari. Well, as you predicted, I made it and have now moved into the sanctum to start my training. With my training, my lessons with Tenac an
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“What did you need to talk about?” Kopa said, as the two of them sat down at the table. “I read the letter you gave me,” Mary started. “And you got upset?”“Not like last time. I’m angry this time, more than I’m sad,” Mary admitted, which earned her a surprised look from Kopa.“I know. Who knew?” she said, laughing at his expression.“So, what advice do you need?”“I think I know what I need to do, but I don’t know if I should do it, or if I really want to,” Mary told him. “Okay, can you tell me what made you angry?” Kopa asked.“Do you promise to stay calm?” Mary asked.“I do”“I won’t go into details, but the jest of it is that Zerden told me I was a disappointment for choosing to live my life the way I am. For the choices I have made since coming here,” Mary said, looking at Kopa. He had clenched his jaw and there was a muscle tick above his right eye. But he kept his promise and stayed calm, at least on the surface. It made Mary smile. “Are you okay, dad?”“Fine. The letter was
