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The choices we make 23
The next day Mary’s face was still swollen but she couldn’t do anything about it, so she went off to the kitchen. She started with the porridge as she always did.“Mary, are you feeling okay?” Mrs. Karrots asked as she came up to her.“Yes ma’am,” Mary answered.“You don’t look good, my child.”“It’s just the aftermath of the headache, I think.” Mary felt terrible about lying but she didn’t want to admit she had spent hours crying.“Are you coming down with something?” Mrs. Carrots asked.“No, I don’t think so,” Marry said honestly. The sickness was not as common as it used to be. But people still shunned anyone that got ill. The fear was still real in most people.“Good, then continue with your work.” Mary did just that. She took all her emotions and shut them in a corner of her mind, and she poured all her energy and focus into her work. Mrs. Karrots noticed a difference in her but as she worked hard and seemed to feel better, she didn’t say anything about it. A couple more days pas
Last Updated : 2023-07-13The choices we make 24
When Mary the next day was learning how to make a new sauce from one of the chefs, Jossi taped her on the shoulder.“The soldier is here to see you,” she said to Mary, and Mary knew she meant Zerden.“Thanks, can you ask him to wait? I can’t get away at the moment,” Mary said with a pang of bad conscience for keeping him waiting. As soon as she could get away, Mary headed for the door and to her relief Zerden was still waiting at the well.“Hi, sorry to keep you waiting,” she said.“No problem, it won’t take long,” he said. “How long do you usually spend in church on Sundays?” he asked.“Well, the service is about an hour and then time to get there and home, so if I go straight there and home, two hours.”“Can I ask Lady Sarah to meet us at the second guard change after lunch? You should be back from church then, right?” he asked Mary. Mary didn’t want to go with him to meet Lady Sarah, but she had promised, kind of.“Yeah, that should be fine,” she said with a small sigh Zerden didn’
Last Updated : 2023-07-14The choices we make 25
“Isn’t she wonderful?” Zerden said with a dreamy look in his eyes.“She is very beautiful, but isn’t she a bit condescending toward others?” Mary asked. Zerden gave her a hard look.“She is just trying to help others reach her level. Don’t be jealous of her just because she is above your status,” he said to her. Mary couldn’t answer so she started walking.“Where are you going?” he asked.“It’s been a long day and think I need to lie down for a bit,” she said.“But it won’t be dark for at least one hour.”“Sorry, but I’m really tired,” she insisted.“Okay, I will follow you. It’s a bit worrying if you are so tired. Lady Sarah wasn’t tired at all. Maybe I can ask her how she maintains such high energy. Then you can emulate that,” he said. Mary wanted to tell him Lady Sarah probably hadn’t spent the week working in the kitchen and the afternoon being dragged around and humiliated by her best friend. But instead, she just nodded and walked along. As they were walking Zerden seemed to be
Last Updated : 2023-07-15The choices we make 26
“I know it must take time away from Zerden and you, and I know what good friends you are,” Anna therefore said. Mary shrugged.“It was bound to happen sooner or later,” she told Anna. Yes, Anna thought, but it was supposed to happen with you.“Is there something else on your mind?” she asked Mary, going back to her first instinct.“Yes, I think I need your advice on something,” Mary confessed.“I would be honoured to help you.”“For the last couple of weeks my friend Erik has been going to church with me. It has been really nice not being alone,” Mary started. “But the other day Zerden told me I shouldn’t do that anymore, it isn’t proper for me to spend time alone with a man. Now I don’t know what to do. I do want to keep seeing Erik; he’s my oldest friend. But I don’t think I want to marry him, and I definitely don’t want to get a bad reputation,” she continued, and Anna could see she was close to tears. Anna realised this was probably the angriest she had ever been with her son. Fir
Last Updated : 2023-07-16The choices we make 27
Mary thought about what Anna had told her, and she wanted to keep seeing Erik. But there was still a part of her that wondered if it was worth the risk. But the walk to and from church with Erik was one of the rare occasions nowadays when she laughed. She wanted to laugh and be happy and feel carefree, just for one afternoon a week. Was that so bad? Did she really need to give that up? As Sunday came and she headed out of the gate, Erik stood waiting for her. She realised she had been worried he wouldn’t be there. But when she saw him, she smiled and waved happily at him.“Hi, ready for church and then dinner with my family?” he asked as she walked up to him. She nodded happily, as Zerden hadn’t said anything about needing her for a meeting with Lady Sarah. They walked as usual towards the church, greeting Father Link before entering. But Mary felt differently this time. She couldn’t relax but kept looking at the people around them to see if anyone was judging them. In the sermon for
Last Updated : 2023-07-17The choices we make 28
It was Wednesday afternoon, Mary was hiding away in the church, appreciating the silence and that she didn’t have to worry about being recruited to another secret meeting. Mary saw Father Link come walking towards her. He sometimes stopped by where she sat when she was there, just to exchange a couple of words.“Good afternoon, Mary,” he said in a low voice. “May I join you?”“Good afternoon, Father. Please do.”“Here alone today?” he asked.“Yes, Erik and Ida can only come along on Sundays.”“I have enjoyed seeing you with your friends,” the priest said.“I’m lucky to have them.”“Has something happened since you are coming by more frequently of late? Not that I’m complaining, mind you, but I just want to make sure there isn’t something on your mind.”“Thank you, Father,” Mary said and wondered if she should tell him about Zerden. But that didn’t seem appropriate. She chose to go with a half-truth. “The sickness has been on my mind a lot lately.”“As it has for most of us, my child,”
Last Updated : 2023-07-18The choices we make 29
“For those who live outside the castle, there are two options. One is for you to resign; the other is that you stay here. We have made room for anyone who needs a bed to sleep in,” Mrs Meata continued, and there were some murmurs among the staff. Mary paled at the implications for her. Her two last havens had just been taken away. No more church with Erik and Ida, and no more volunteering at the orphanage. But she knew better than to object. Instead, she hung her head, trying to steel herself. “Any questions?” Mrs. Meata asked. There were some from people living outside the castle, asking if they could go home to spend one last night with their families. They would be allowed to do that, and Mary was happy for them. She would have to make other arrangements, she thought, and despite her fear of the woman she raised her voice.“Eh, Mrs. Meata, ma’am…” Mary’s voice sounded frail.“Speak up, girl.”“If we are in the courtyard and someone is outside the castle grounds, on the street, woul
Last Updated : 2023-07-19The choices we make 30
After lunch Mary headed up to visit Anna, as it was her free afternoon. Anna brewed the tea and then they sat down to enjoy it and talk.“Zerden finally told us about Lady Sarah,” Anna told Mary, both women knowing Anna had known about the lady for almost a year.“Yes, he told me you had her over for dinner the other night,” Mary said, trying not to let her jealousy show. Anna couldn’t hide the expression of dissatisfaction that showed on her face.“Yes, that was … interesting,” she said to Mary, who raised her eyebrow questioningly.“Lady Sarah didn’t seem to enjoy her surroundings while visiting, and I think she didn’t really understand Ken’s position or rank. She didn’t offer him any respect or indication of his rank. You know how cranky my Ken can become,” Anna said, frowning. Mary looked at her with horror. Not giving the castellan the respect he deserved was unheard of, and Mary didn’t want to think about being at the wrong end of him being cranky. On the other hand, she was sec
Last Updated : 2023-07-20
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“We finished Procecsa’s experiments today, and we think we can see a pattern,” Mary told Tariana excited. She didn’t know how Tariana already knew about it, but it was the only thing exciting which had happened lately. Tariana laughed again.“That is exciting to hear, but no. I was thinking about the fact that you have gotten some control over your fire magic,” Tariana smiled.“Oh, that. Yes, Procecsa helped me with it last night,” Mary said. She didn’t understand what was so exciting about that.“Do you think you could summon it now?” Tariana asked.“I think so,” Mary nodded. Tariana stood and went over to the bookcase. She got a small tray and walked back, placing it on the desk in front of Mary. On the tray there was a candle, an empty bowl, a feather, a pile of what looked like soil, and a plate with a dried bean.“Please light the candle,” Tariana asked Mary. Mary focused and after a while she found the now familiar feeling of her fire magic. The candle lit. “Fill the bowl with w
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The time until the winter solstice went by quickly and before she knew it, Mary was running around the equipment she had helped Procecsa set up the day before the solstices. They were outside the wall, on a flat part of the plain. The grass had been cut down and a light dusting of snow barely covered the ground. The area was guarded by grey riders. Not for the fear of someone sabotaging their experiments, but to keep curious people away. There was a lot of preparation to be made. Luckily for Mary, she had already done this a couple of times before. According to magical theory, occasions such as the winter solstice and full moons could affect magic in different ways. But to Mary’s surprise, it had never been proven, even though everyone used the principle. Procecsa had therefore designed an experiment to perform some basic magic, which was easy to perform and evaluate the effect of and repeat this during the different beneficial celestial occasions. They had already done the control ro
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“I would love to,” Mary said, looking at him. “But I don’t want to take time away from you seeing your family. I know you don’t get to see them that often,” she said. Tenac shrugged.“I will visit them as often as I can while they are here. It’s okay, I wouldn’t have asked if it weren’t,” he said.“Okay, then I would love to come.”“Good. Now let’s get you a new horse,” he smiled.“No, Tenac. I have told you, Buttercup will do,” Mary objected.“I’m not letting you anywhere near my grandfather whilst you are riding Buttercup, Mary. If you are going to visit a Che’hul camp, you can’t be on a horse like her,” he said. Mary looked at him. She really wanted to go with him to visit his family. Her curiosity and thirst for new things was going crazy at the thought of getting to see this whole new culture. At the same time, it felt like she was betraying Buttercup. The horse had been patient with her from the start. Mary recognised Tenac was dangling the visit to the Che’hul camp as an incent
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“In my case?” Mary asked.“For some reason, you have been conditioned to suppress your fire. Most likely not in an effort to suppress the magic, but a characteristic which goes with it. Like anger,” Procecsa said. Mary could hear that she tried to be gentle. Mary sat quietly for a while and thought things through. Her time in the kitchen had made her put a tight lead on her emotions, especially anger, but also passion and love. It would have been the last thing she did in the castle if she had become angry with someone higher up the rank than her. Which had been most people.“So, what do I do? Do I have to get angry at Tenac?” Mary asked, making Procecsa laugh.“No, I don’t think he deserves it. He’s just trying to help you, after all” she smiled at Mary.“I need to get angry at someone else?” Mary asked, confused.“I don’t know if you need to get angry at anyone, Mary. I think it would be okay just for you to accept it is okay for you to get angry. Just to allow yourself to experienc
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It had been over six months since Mary had started her training, and each day offered new opportunities to learn and to explore the world. She discovered she had a craving for learning. The more she learnt, the more questions she had. Her mentor, Procecsa, had picked up on this and gave Mary more and more books to read. Mary was helping her mentor with all sorts of experiments. Procecsa was good at explaining things in a way Mary understood them. In just a few weeks, the winter solstice was to take place and Mary was looking forward to it. Several of the experiments that Procecsa had Mary help with depended on it. In the class for basic magic, they had learned certain celestial events could impact magic. The winter solstice was one of those. Mary was to assist her mentor in trying to figure out just how much it affected certain types of magic. Mary found the whole thing fascinating and couldn’t wait to get to see the results. After the solstice, they would have a two-week break. It wa
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Zerden stood looking at the men under his command. They were training, and they looked tired. Zerden knew he had been pushing them hard this past month. His bad mood had made him irritable, and every mistake was now punished with a gruelling training session. He knew he needed to back off a bit. His men were well trained and the minor mistakes they made didn’t warrant this punishment. Zerden needed to get his temper back in check. Which was easier said than done. It would be easier if he just had known why he was in such a bad mood. If he was honest with himself, he knew why. He just wasn’t up for admitting it just yet. So instead, his bad mood continued and everyone around him endured and stayed out of his way as much as they could.“Don’t forget to put everything back before you head to get dinner,” he shouted. He didn’t wait around to make sure they did what he told them. No one wanted to disobey him at the moment. He walked inside and headed to his room in the castle. Zerden had j
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“Sure, happy to help,” Jontak said, smiling. Firlea looked at Mary, slightly panicked. Mary smiled at her.“Thanks, Jontak,” Mary said. She and Sinhera looked as Jontak and Firlea left the shop.“Not the smoothest hint, but I think that will do,” Sinhera smiled.“It’s a good start at least,” Mary nodded.“What are you two plotting?” Tenac asked as he walked up to them. “And where are Jontak and your friend?”“Firlea needed ink. Jontak escorted her there as it’s her first time to the market,” Mary smiled at him.“You two are scaring me. Please don’t help me like that, ever,” he said. Both Mary and Sinhera laughed. They waited for the two to return before heading towards the weapons stalls. There were a lot of different weapons. Some Mary didn’t even know the names of and couldn’t figure out how to use.“Do you want to look at a new knife, Mary?” Jontak asked her.“No thank you, I’m happy with the one I have,” she told him.“Do you even know how to use it?” Tenac asked her.“Well, it’s
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As Mary got back to her room, both her friends were sitting in the bay window reading. Mary had things she needed to read as well. But she felt like she needed to write her last letter. She wanted to let go of the past. She settled down at her desk and stared down at the empty paper in front of her. This was going to be difficult.‘Dear Anna,I’m so pleased to hear that things are looking up for you. That gives me hope this wave of the sickness will fade as well. I want to thank you for your kind words. They mean so much to me and I will always remember them. I told my father about your kind words, and he was grateful. That brings me to the difficult part of this letter. This is not something which is easy for me to write, or to think about doing. But I feel like it has to be done. Last time I wrote, I was taking the acceptance test to become an aari. Well, as you predicted, I made it and have now moved into the sanctum to start my training. With my training, my lessons with Tenac an
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“What did you need to talk about?” Kopa said, as the two of them sat down at the table. “I read the letter you gave me,” Mary started. “And you got upset?”“Not like last time. I’m angry this time, more than I’m sad,” Mary admitted, which earned her a surprised look from Kopa.“I know. Who knew?” she said, laughing at his expression.“So, what advice do you need?”“I think I know what I need to do, but I don’t know if I should do it, or if I really want to,” Mary told him. “Okay, can you tell me what made you angry?” Kopa asked.“Do you promise to stay calm?” Mary asked.“I do”“I won’t go into details, but the jest of it is that Zerden told me I was a disappointment for choosing to live my life the way I am. For the choices I have made since coming here,” Mary said, looking at Kopa. He had clenched his jaw and there was a muscle tick above his right eye. But he kept his promise and stayed calm, at least on the surface. It made Mary smile. “Are you okay, dad?”“Fine. The letter was
