Sitting down on my unmade bed I started rethinking about the hug that made me feel a lot of things and I could immediately smell her again. God I was losing it. I was losing control.
I smiled a bit. When last did I feel like this? Never! Not even once in my life. Not even with the person my family picked for me.Growing up ended up not being really rosey for me, considering that I was not so perfect. Everything about me was just a disappointment. I mean my family tried to be understanding and supportive with my sexuality but when I was 14 they were conflicted about a lot of things when it came to me.They found out about my sexuality when I was 12 and they were surprisingly very supportive. I had a crush on this girl and I told my dad I was going to marry her when I get older. That's how I simply 'came out' and he told me I could marry whoever I wanted. I guess I could say I was lucky to have understanding people like them.But that all changed soon as I was 14 and turned into something they didn't expect. I was then told they will pick a person I had to marry without any negotiation. Thank God it wasn't a man, but still.. I couldn't marry into that family even on my dead bed. So 14 year old me thought there was no way I was going to let them send me off to strangers because my family claimed they couldn't take care of what I was.Of course, my parents have always been understanding, so I thought they would hear me out and not go ahead with it.. But they refused to even look at me and then sent me away without my own will. It took me two weeks of hell to get out of that place, two weeks that felt like two years... hell I never want to go through or even think about ever again.After finding out what the Kamp family had to do to me so that I'd be able to control myself I knew from then that my relationship with my parents was over.How could they do that to me? Send me to a place where they knew I'd have to lose myself in order to 'gain strength..? ' I was so mad at them when I finally managed to escape and decided on not ever looking back.I lost a big part of me there and my parents were a part of it. I don't think I could ever face them after they abondened me there.. They might as well have because they never cared to get me after I escaped.The window made a cracking sound snapping me away from my thoughts and I looked at it. Thank God it kicked me back to the present because the past was too dark to remember. I didn't Want to think about it at all because I'd be driven back to the darn place I was in during my teens.To keep being in the presence I thought about one specific person who made me feel all sorts of things that I have never felt. I didn't know whether to take this as luck or what.First of all I was sure that maybe love wasn't for me, especially after everything that happened when I was at the Kamp family with my supposed 'wife'. I never thought I'd be able to feel anything that has to do with love ever again. But here I was feeling butterflies in my stomach like I was some teenager.I got up and tried to clean up a little bit, I couldn't put her off next time because I wanted her closer to me. There was just something about the way she laughed or looked at me that made me want to keep her in my life.I knew it was probably risky because all my life I had planned on not falling. Of course I've had my share of hookups, some turned to relationships but they were not like this, they only lasted a few months until I moved to a different city or even country. But this.. Thus was different.After cleaning up, I smiled feeling so proud of myself. At least I got very productive. I ran a quick shower and took my laptop to watch N*****x. This was going to stop me from doing two things I was trying to avoid. Thinking about a certain beauty and my dark past...Saturday. God! I hated not having friends here yet because it meant I'd either be bored in my apartment or bored out of this apartment.But with whatever energy in me, I mentally planned on talking to someone today and actually making something out of it.. Someone who wasn't Anzania because I was so going to wanna fuck her. Just needed someone I wouldn't want to fuck.I cleaned up pretty well and out on some warm clothes since it was getting colder and colder.I slowly got out with my wallet, phone and house key.Maybe I could go to the pub down there where I met Anzania. There were always people, I just needed to be brave enough to start conversations with them and 'put myself out there'I went in the pub and sat at my favorite place. The bartender fleshed me a smile before lifting one finger telling me she'll be with me in a minute.I waved her off telling her not to worry. I took this time to look around so I could see anyone I could bother. But people in here fit perfectly with whatever group they were sitting with. If I were to go in and start talking I would disturb them."hey... If it isn't my regular customer..." a familiar voice said and I smiled at the bartender, "yet she doesn't even know your name.. Hi... I'd like to have some..""...hot chocolate with maybe a little bit of cake..?" she said and I just looked at her. She laughed, "the cake is on us.. The chocolate is what you always order."I laughed too, "right.. God am I here too much?"She shrugged, "don't feel bad... It's not a bad thing.""yeah thing is I'm new here and still don't have friends.. So this place is like my only friend."She winked, "I might have noticed that you are new, if you don't mind I think I can be able to show you around. If that's okay with you though.""really?" I asked surprised that she even volunteered. God! It was that easy? Maybe I only needed to talk to her."I'd appreciate that so much.. For real. I'm game.""that's music to my ears.. Oh.. My other regulars are about to walk in right now. Let me make you that hot chocolate okay..""yes... Umh... Yeah thank you.""it's Sophie by the way..."My phone vibrated and I took it out as I said to her,"Allison..."She flashed me another smile before disappearing to make me what I needed. My attention went to the phone and I saw unknown numbers with a message reading :"I had no idea an older person could be this adorable... You're the first."I smiled thinking it was her. Then the door bell started ringing and I heard noises.Oh God!So Sophie meant them when she was saying her other regulars were coming. Why them? I mean I wasn't complaining because by the looks of things they were with the girl I had a crazy crush on.. But then again, why were they here...I turned around and found her in her uniform looking hot as hell. She had no cap today but she put her hair up perfectly see her face. Saying she looked beautiful felt like it would be an understatement. She looked like she didn't even belong in this world.She lifted her hand up and I couldn't help but smile and wave back while mouthing her full name.She came to me slowly and I stood up and pulled her into a hug making sure that it's appropriate for the crowd that was in front of us and not too sexual.She pulled away, "how are you?""very adorable.. And how are you?"She smiled and removed the hair that was on my face to put it behind my ear, "I'm good now that I'm seeing you... I hate having to leave you. But I have to go sit with those loosers."I laughed, "yeah they really are loosers.. Enjoy... And I'll save your numbers.""please do.. We will text later.. yeah...? ""most definitely." I said and she looked around, "did she take your order?" she didn't even wait for me to respond she just called for Sophie, "hey Sophie.. Take care of her.. Now before those guys.."Sophie looked at me and then at Anzania, "I'm on it."Anzania winked at me before leaving and going to join them. I smiled, she was honestly going to be the death of me if she was going to be taking care of me like this.'oh my God what the hell was what?' one guy asked as soon as she reached them and she laughed, 'what was what?''that show you were playing for us.. You and her? Does she smell good.''oh my God Alex stop talking.. You sound so stupid whenever you open your mouth.''have you fucked her already? Why do you attract these girls like you're a magnet? What is it that you have that we don't have?'Pussy... I mean it was so obvious... And brains maybe to talk something with sense and respecting people. I thought to myself.'maybe if you stopped talking the way you do to people then you would turn into a magnet too. Respect others dude. But here we are..'I almost laughed out loud for what she said. I felt bad that I was prying on them but I loved this conversation.'no... Please answer him.. What is it that you have that we don't..? I mean remember that other hot ex of yours again? Who's she?' another guy said.''Ava... Even though I fucked her too.' Alex responded and my heart felt like shit. I wished I hadn't heard that part of the conversation because what the fuck. So Ava wasn't just a smart 'hot' doctor, she was her ex too... Fuck!I fully regretted prying on their conversation after finding out who Ava really was to Anzania.. But then another part of me had so many questions. I wanted to know what happened between them? Why did they break up .... Was it because Alex slept with her? Did he even sleep with her during or after the break up..?My mind was honestly full of questions I had no answers to. Questions about someone I didn't even know. I felt so stupid for letting her occupy my mind like this. Already feeling jealous yet there was nothing happening between us.A cup of hot chocolate was placed in front of me, "girl... You owe me some explanation..."I looked at Sophie puzzled and she laughed before looking at the group of cops over there, "her... And yet you say you don't have friends.."I shrugged, "yeah I don't..""but you hugged her and she literally yelled at me to take care of whatever you wanted... Oh and she told me tell you she paid in case you left your wallet at home."I rolled my eyes, "she's s
This Café, Lucky's, was right in the city center. It was apparently a café during the day and a lesbian club at night. Also, on Saturdays it had karaoke night which made me smile the second I walked in and saw that on the screen. It was a very famous brand known for its authentic taste and quality ambience. This place had very comfortable furniture where people could sit for hours without being tired at all. The lighting was so beautiful. Sophie lead the way and I followed her in and sat on a comfortable couch. A guy came and asked what we wanted. Sophie told me to try the Sex On The Beach drink while she tried something else. I didn't fight against that. People started coming in and the vibe was very nice. Our drinks came and the music was playing nicely. It was really just chilled. "so.. How long have you been staying here?" "6 years now.. I'm thinking of changing you know but I'm kinda scared of starting over in a place where I don't know anyone at all. Like how would that be
After laying a very drunk Sophie in bed and making sure to close the door, really hoping that no one walks in because it wasn't locked.. I went to my room on the floor below and quickly got in. Today was a long day but it was also beautiful for me. I talked with two people who were probably about to become close friends to me. So moving from zero friends to possibly two in one night was a good thing for me. I took out my phone and was so shocked at the 3 missed calls and 6 messages I had. Four messages were from two unknown numbers while two messages and 2 missed calls were from Anzania.God! Why the fuck did I put my phone on silent again? Oh, so that she would not distract me all night. I quickly opened her messages."I hope you're home... I honestly would love to see you.." then one missed call.. That was two hours ago..An hour ago another message from her came in saying:"can I see you before I drive back home... I'm done at the station.." and it was followed by a missed call
When I saw my phone light flash indicating that I have a message I might have put my hopes so high that when it was not who I expected, they were crashed into tiny little pieces... But I tried to read Jeremy's message with an open heart. JEREMY : I could imagine how long it took you to find a crazy, smart, idiotic and cute friend like me.... Lucky you that I found you in a lesbian bar... Don't worry I'll not buy you a drink anymore... Haha good morning and enjoy your day. It's my first day at work and so is my sister's. I'm a little nervous about her and I turn to be an idiot when I'm nervous. This is proof that I'm alive. My Monday started without a message from a certain girl and I was pushing myself a million times not to text. Because I didn't want to be more desperate than I already acted the last days..But seeing this message from Jeremy made me laugh at how stupid he was thinking he was funny.I took my bag and headed out but called him instead of texting him.He answered bu
"it's been a week if not two...""I'm sorry what?""you're still sad... Did your boyfriend break up with you?" Matt asked and I furrowed my brows at him, "what?""I have been keeping my distance and didn't want to piss you off coz you kinda seem pissed already... And I haven't seen your boyfriend at all this week. So.."He left that sentence short. And I still looked at him confused. What the fuck was he saying? That he was now creepily stalking me and checking how I felt?? Watching my every move seeing who comes here for me and who doesn't? What was wrong with him? "Matt.. Could you please...""Ally... Umh... You ready for our date tonight?" Letty asked walking in and I looked at her a bit confused. Today she honestly screamed gay. She was wearing a military green suit with a white shirt. It looked really good on her. "it's Thursday..." she said as if this was supposed to mean something to me. But I swallowed and nodded my head a bit going along with whatever she was doing, "yeah..
We went to her car and after getting in I realized that I didn't have my bag with me. I left it in Letty's car. Anzania started the car. 'ahh shit!' I said and suddenly someone next to me cleared their throat, "is everything okay? We can just sit here you know. We don't have to drive at all. I'd like to just talk." she said switching off the car. I furrowed my brows at her, "did I say that out loud?""yeah... Are you good? I mean besides what's happening... Here."I nodded my head, "yeah.. I just realized that I left my bag in Letty's car... We can go it's okay.""do you need it? Do you know where she stays?" she asked and I looked at her, "I know.. But I'll just call her later and ask her to bring it tomorrow. It's just that I wanted to finish my work but I can do that tomorrow at school.""alright..." she said starting the car again and driving out of town. Then I remembered her telling me that she lived a little out of town. I guess I can say it was good leaving this place even i
The shower water was gloriously hot for once, and I spend an indulgent amount of time just letting it run over my body, washing away the day's grime and my thoughts after the conversation I had with Anzania. I soap myself up thoroughly, and massage my breasts a bit to work out some tenderness caused by my sports bra. My thoughts ran to her to how she said my name and I knew where this was stupidly going to lead. I haven't been with anyone in over 8 months and being in this position made me wish... My phone started ringing taking me away from my thoughts. Really? Who on earth was that? I grabbed the towel and wrapped it around my body then got out. It stopped ringing immediately and I rolled my eyes. I decided to just concentrate on getting me dry and getting dressed. Whoever that was will have to wait for me. After putting on my sleeping shirt I went to check my phone. It was her. My heart skipped a bit as a little fear hit me. Was she mad that I missed her call? Were we going
"so what were you thinking?" the girl without a uniform asked. I wanted to tell her how disappointed I was that she wasn't wearing her uniform but she'd think I have lost it. Heck I thought I had lost it already because if how I was feeling and everything.I looked at her and smiled, "I was thinking I want a chilled evening with any noise."She smiled too, "well..." and started the car, "then you shouldn't mind a little movie date at my place..? We could grab something to eat or order in."I brushed the palms of my hands together, "I wouldn't mind. Let's order in."She started driving, I couldn't help but notice how clean the car was inside, it even smelled a bit different. Like cleaning materials and not the ones you use to clean a place after you have deposed a dead body.We drove in comfortable silence until we were back in the woods where the weird fast animal passed.She looked outside a bit before looking at me, "hey.. I meant to ask, why did you stop me from going out yesterda
I looked at them both wanting to scream. What the hell was going on? Another part of me wanted to leave but another one was so happy to see Brandy alive. I couldn't bare the thought of her being dead, and not that she was here in front of me I was so happy, but then again I was so conflicted because of what Anzania said.Should I leave? Should I not? My heart was inconclusive."Hey..." Brandy said again and I slowly walked towards her and pulled her into a hug trying by all means not to cry.I thought she was gone. I saw the plane and it wasn't good. How was she here?"You have no idea how happy I am yo see you right now. I never thought I would." she said and I nodded my head, "I never thought I would see you too. I'm so glad you're okay.""Yeah, thanks to Kaycee. I honestly didn't believe it when I first got her text." My sister said and I looked at the Kaycee she was talking about. She slowly lifted her hands up, "I'll give you guys sometime, but please Allison don't leave before I
I went to take a shower and I cried in there. I let my tears out and allowed myself to feel the pain. Last time I felt like this was over two years ago when I thought Anzania was dead. But then I didn't have a chance to cry like this. So now I cried. I turned on the water and put it on cold then cried silently.All the little memories I shared with my sister these past 21 months were running through my head and the more I thought about that the more I got sad. I knew I'd never have that again. I'd never see her again. The more I thought about it the more it broke me.I was startled when the water stopped. I was so tired to even lift my head up to see what was going on.I felt a towel on my body, and someone lifting me up. I didn't fight, I just let her.She laid me in bed and then started drying my whole body, she put lotion on it and put me in shorts and a shirt."We are still waiting. Please don't lose hope." she said and I shook my head, "she sent me this text while boarding. She i
My hand was shaking. My head began to heat and my heart was beating so fast on my chest.Sound started to be louder. I could hear the dor that was walking outside. I could hear kids laughing from the distance. I could hear the train moving. Everything that was far from me seemed to be so close. Yet everything that was so close to me seemed to slowly parish. I could see people's lips moving but heard no sound.That was until I felt my body hit the wall.I looked around me and quickly pulled away when I saw Cecelia standing in front of me. She was touching me and trying to say something.I pushed her off me and started to walk but quickly felt something push me against the wall again. It was her.She moved her lips but I couldn't hear her.I heard someone cry and looked around. I couldn't see who it was. I heard someone sing and looked but couldn't see.Who were they? Where were they?"Allison... Allison. Oh God." I finally heard call sounding like she was so far from me. I slowly turne
I felt a little bit empty and out of place. I went straight back to sleep when I got home. I was going to face everything tomorrow. And to be honest tomorrow couldn't come fast enough. I was dreading it, but the fact that I spent two to three hours in the mountain talking to my ex who was supposed to be dead kinda lead to my night being short and the morning arriving sooner than I anticipated. I felt like screaming when I woke up. I felt like running away and also funny enough, I felt like I didn't even know Cecelia. She laid there looking so beautiful and so innocent. I couldn't believe everything that Anzania said but then again what did she have to lose? 'You Allison, she stands losing you.' a little voice said inside me. Anzania stood a chance of losing me if she didn't say all these things to me. I'd marry someone else who wasn't her. So she was driven by jealous and didn't want to see me happy. But why would it take her so long to come? Why would it take her me accepting th
On the way back I couldn't stop thinking about Marry and about what Anzania said. They were in a relationship. I didn't know what Cecelia Was capable of.I looked at her as she scrolled through her phone. What was she capable of? What was she planning behind my back. I mean she told me the plan but it benefitted me. Sophie, her dad and her brother were going to die and she was going to inherit everything. Why did Anzania say the things she said...?I hated how much these questions were pilling up instead of reducing. The more I met up with Anzania the more questions I got without any I had getting answers."Hey..." she whispered taking my hand and I slowly pulled away from her.She swallowed, "look. I know Marry can.."I shook my head cutting her, I didn't want her to lie to me."You don't have to explain anything to me Cecelia.""But you're mad..."Our stop got announced and I got up getting ready to get off when the train stops. I went out and she followed me."You're mad at me." S
"When you suggested we drove to Hamburg I thought the initial plan was for us to spend time together and play music and all that stuff. But no, you just wanted to sleep." Cecelia said as we took the first break out of nowhere.I yawned and wiped sleep off my face, "yeah I had high hopes too, but your music is so boring.""What do you want?"I took her hand in mine, "if you're going to play some classic love song please also throw in some hip songs you know."She pulled away from me, "you called me boring... And my music."I laughed and kissed her cheek, "you're a very beautiful wam with a boring taste of music. Mix it up a bit."We went back in the car and I drove the other half. I have to say she enjoyed my music. She even told me that it wasn't as bad when we got to Hamburg.We took a shower and fell asleep. That was a lot of driving for 10 hours...Sunday we woke up later than we usually do but I didn't care because we were not home, we were on vacation. I turned around to look at
I extended my hand towards her but she pulled away, "you can't touch me. You know what she is, she will know."I felt like screaming. I knew she was alive, because she was right here in front of me, but I still wanted to confirm it by touching her so I could feel if she was real. This somehow still felt like a dream. Like I'd blink and this would all be an imagination. "Princess..." she said and I shook my head cutting her off, "stop, please. Stop calling me by that as if everything is okay because nothing is okay. I thought you were dead."She nodded her head and looked around us, "I'm sorry. I'm sure you have questions.""Yeah, the first one being where the fuck have you been?" I whisper yelled out of frustration and that got us a few pair of eyes from people who was at the restaurant. I watched as the woman who has been stalking me walked towards us, she tapped Anzania on the shoulder and left.Anzania sighed, "I have to go.""Really Anzania? I haven't even...""I know," she cut
"Anzania told me not to go ahead with the wedding." those were the first words I let out to my sister the second we both sat down.She looked around us and then back at me, "what? How?"I sighed, "I don't know how but I know she is since the text I received. Though it took her a whole fucking year to contact me, she did. I don't know whether to be mad or happy.""We are so close with the plan you can't be happy that Anzania is back and asking you to ruin it.""She just said not to marry Cecelia.""The plan includes you marrying Cecelia. Or did you forget what we talked about?"I sighed not knowing what to do. Of course my sister said I should marry Cecelia in community of property so that what is hers can be mine and what's mine can be hers.. I had nothing under my name so I was good with that.I sighed, "part of this was me making them pay for taking Anzania away from me.""And what happened to you when you were a kid. Or did you forget that? I don't know how many times I've stopped
"Are you ready for whatever is behind that door?"I sighed and opened my coat revealing how half naked I was and how much that meant I wasn't ready. She arched her brows, "really?"I shrugged, "I mean I can turn Wolf if that's what you're asking. I just might have to wrip off these in a non attractive way." "Did you come here to seduce me to have sex with you or to apologize." I shrugged, "I kinda did apologize already. So I came here to do both. There's no crime in that is there?" We heard the figure move and she sighed, "really...? They are leaving." "Go check who they are. I can't leave looking like this." She rolled her eyes but left me there. I ended up cleaning the rest of the room and even fixing her bed. I cleaned up the living room too and then she walked in. "What the fuck?" she exclaimed and I looked at her confused, "who was that?" "Not Anzania.. It was Marry the one who was in the meeting I had at the beginning of the week."Ahh so she was the one who smelled like