Losing Control

"Helena stirred the contents of the pot, simmering on the stove, robotically.

Her trembling hands and overall shaky countenance had made it difficult to get everything done, as fast as she would have liked but she powered through and prepared a small feast for dinner.

"You're not evil," she whispered with a wide-eyed stare as she placed the lid on the pot and moved away from the stove.

"It's not evil." She whispered again as she took a seat on one of the chairs and held her trembling hands out in front of her.

Helena clenched her hands into tight fists and opened them back up. She stared down at the small purple mist that slowly poured out from the centre of her palm and her eyes grew moist.

"It's a part of you," she sobbed as she held her hands up to her face and allowed the mist to pour over her.

"Are you alright?" Came her brother's voice causing her to startle as she turned to stare at him, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm..."

A flash of purple light filled the kitchen and the pot on the stove exploded.

She leaped out of her chair with a frightened scream and ran towards the older man by the doorway.

"What the hell was that?!" He demanded as he tucked her behind him and glared at the vibrating pot, his broad shoulders growing tense.

Helena peeked over his shoulder to stare at the stove and walls covered in the soup she had been cooking.

"My powers have been wonky since..." She stopped when the memory of what she had done popped up alongside pain-filled screams and the wet feel of blood covering her from head to toe.

"Since what?" He pressed as he turned around to stare at her, his blue eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Helena!" Her Father called out as he rushed into the kitchen, saving her from Charon's interrogation.

"Are you alright?" Tristan asked with a worried frown as he looked her over and turned to stare at the mess. "What happened in here?"

She shook her head, gently, finding it difficult to explain what had happened.

"I made dinner," she announced, weakly, walking away from both men and towards the seemingly alive pot.

She stared at it with a contemplative look for a few seconds then waved her hand over it, bringing an end to its movement then switched off the stove.

"Did something happen?" Tristan questioned as both he and Charon kept a safe distance from the stove.

Helena stared at the stains on the all, intensely, ignoring his question and snapped her finger, causing the mess to evaporate in a cloud of purple.

"Helena!" Charon snapped, having lost his patience and marched over to her despite their Father's protests, forcing her to turn around and look at him.

"I hurt someone," she whispered with wet eyes as then wrapped her arms around his torso and dug her face into his chest.

"Who did you hurt, my love?" The older man asked as he joined his children by the stove.

"It was an accident and I was scared," she defended, shuddering as Charon wrapped his arms around her and squeezed, gently. "I just wanted them to leave me alone."

"Listen to me," Charon instructed as he pulled her away from him, his hands tightening on her shoulders when she tried to continue the hug. "If something dangerous enough to affect your powers happened then you have to tell us so we can help you and stop it from happening again," he said slowly like he was talking to a skittish animal.

Helena blinked, her face growing red in mortification of how emotional and silly she was behaving, and nodded in agreement.

"I was at the park this morning," she began narrating, "and Henry came by with his friends..."

"That son of a b*tch," hissed Charon with a sneer on his lips, already knowing where she was going.

"Did he do something to you?" Tristan asked, blankly, the tenseness of his jaw and the unhinged look in his eyes, betraying his calmness.

"He wanted to but," she looked down at her hands, unable to shake the image of them being covered in blood, "I didn't let him."

"He's a menace and needs to be put down like the rabid animal he is," Charon said to his Father and Alpha, waiting for the older man's reaction.

Their Father may masquerade himself as a kind and gentle man who believes in justice but his children knew him better and had witnessed what he was capable of when pushed too close to the edge.

"He is." Tristan responded finally with hardened eyes and Helena jumped in.

"You don't need to go after him..."

"He harassed you and that kind of behaviour is unacceptable Lunae Lumen..."

"And I tortured them. I..." She shook her head, wishing to rid herself of the memory but knowing it will be with her forever. "I'm the menace that deserves to be put down because I didn't mean to do it..."

"Of course, you didn't. You were scared..."

"I was but you don't understand!" She yelled with growing frustration and pulled her hand down her face. "I was scared and all I wanted was some room to escape but my magic... It... took control of my body."

Tristan and Charon stared at her with understanding and worry, a lot better than the fear she had been expecting, though she wouldn't have blamed them.

Helena felt like her body was a prison after what her magic had done today and she did not know if she would ever feel safe in her skin again.

Her past life's magic had been a comforting blanket she could wrap around herself to chase away the pains of life. It had been her companion, friend, and even an irreplaceable part of her that was almost sentient.

She could not understand why things were so different this time and why her magic was now an unfriendly suit of armour that could control its wearer without any regard for their feelings.

"This is serious." Her Father said and Charon scoffed at the understatement.

"When did your magic start controlling you?" Tristan asked as he steered her over to the dining table and made her sit.

"This is the first time it ever happened," she confessed, comforted by the weight of his hand on her shoulder and an attentive Charon seated on her right.

"It's a little like our wolves, isn't it?" Charon asked their father with a quirked eyebrow and Helena perked up in interest.

Memories of a teenage Charon being confrontational or transforming at the slightest provocation popped up and she understood what he meant.

"Can you train me to control my powers like you did Charon," she pleaded to the older Alpha with a wobbly pout and wide purple orbs.

He smiled with fondness and sadness in his eyes. "I would be overjoyed to help you but I don't know if I'm capable of doing it."

"But you're an excellent teacher and you've helped thousands of pups gain control of their wolves," Charon argued with a brow raised in intrigue.

"With their wolves," he emphasised. "Helena's power is uncharted territory and in my quest to help, I might end up causing more harm than good."

"It's worth the risk," she insisted with distant eyes. "I never want to experience something as terrifying as what happened again. When I died..."

"Died?" Charon asked and her head snapped to him with wide purple eyes like she had seen a ghost.

"What did you just say?" She rasped and he frowned in confusion while staring at her like she had lost her mind.

"You said 'when I died'." Charon informed her with narrowed eyes. "What the hell does that mean?"

"I-, that is-, m-," Helena stuttered, her heart beating so fast, it felt like it was about to pop out of her chest.

"It was a slip of tongue, wasn't it dear?" Her Father asked and Helena nodded in agreement, thankful for the rescue.

Charon still appeared suspicious but thankfully let it go. "Whatever. Let's eat before the food gets cold." He said as he walked over to the table and took a seat.

"Go take a seat," her Father instructed when she made to move, "Charon and I can handle it."

He turned to the younger man who sighed through his nose before getting up and helping to set the table.

"The training I give to young pups will be too extreme for you so we'll have to find a way to customize it." The older man explained as he placed her food in front of her and settled down to enjoy his meal.

"How long did it take for Charon to get his wolf under control?" She asked as she glanced over to her eating brother.

"Eight months," he responded and moaned in appreciation when he took his first bite.

Helena frowned down at her food. There was no way she could wait that long to get her revenge on Rigel. In eight months, Rigel would have already conquered a good number of packs and gained his footing, and she could not let that happen.

"Do you think it's possible to speed things up?" She asked while worrying her bottom lip and her Father stared at her curiously.

"What's the hurry?" Tristan asked with a raised brow and she shook her head.

"Never mind," she mumbled and shoved a forkful of food into her mouth, bringing an end to the conversation.

Helena knew she had to be more careful after her slip-up. She could not afford to make Charon or her Father more suspicious than they already were, and she knew her brother well enough to know he wouldn't let it go.

Helena wrapped the fluffy blue towel around her wet form and grabbed her phone lying on the counter.

Her skin felt raw and red from how hard she had scrubbed it. She ignored the discomfort it caused, knowing she was not ready to address the phantom smell and feel of blood that still clung to her.

"Why is my magic so different in this life?" She mumbled as she exited the bathroom and stepped into her bedroom, a small frown on her lips.

"You've been saying a lot of weird things, lately," came her brother's voice, causing her to startle, violently.

"Charon," Helena gasped with a hand over her heart then glared at the man seated on her bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my room at," She glanced down at her phone, "one in the morning?"

"I was worried about you." He revealed while avoiding eye contact and Helena deflated, feeling bad for how defensive she was acting.

"I'm sorry, I just..."

"You don't need to explain yourself. I understand how frightening it can be to lose control of something as intimate as your own body."

She smiled as she walked over to the bed and settled beside him, ignoring the chill that seeped into her bones being wet and exposed.

"Would you like to know what I did to them?" She asked in a whisper, the quietness of the night causing her to feel solemn.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I did things I'm not proud of too." He revealed with a sad smile and she placed her head on his shoulder with a smile of her own.

"Dad's a good teacher. He might doubt himself in the beginning so you have to be patient but he'll come around." Charon advised in a quiet voice.

She hummed in agreement, the caress of sleep that had refused to come for so long, creeping up on her.

"I don't know when your lessons will begin because he'll be busy preparing for the meeting but I'll take on most of the work so he can devote more time to training you."

"What meeting?" Helena mumbled sleepily, as her vision grew blurrier.

Charon wrapped his arms around her when she began to fall back and steadied her. "The annual meeting of eastern packs," he stated in an obvious tone and all traces of sleep vanished from her eyes.

"The meeting!" She exclaimed as she pulled away and he nodded with a confused expression.

"When is it happening and why didn't anyone tell me?" She questioned as her mind ran through the benefits of having access to so many powerful Alphas.

"In a week or so and you've never shown interest in it before so we didn't think you would want to know about it." He reminded her while eyeballing her thinking form.

"Right," she muttered, her shoulders sagging as she recalled how much she hated the meeting because of her disability.

Whenever her pack hosted the meeting, Helena would lock herself up in the house for the duration of their guest's stay.

Years of being insulted and humiliated by strangers she had hoped to make friends with, had let her know what the world thought of her and made her avoidant. But she couldn't afford to miss out on such a golden opportunity, now.

"I think dad wants to turn down the offer to be the hosting pack so you don't have to worry about..."

"He can't do that?!"

"Why not?" Charon asked with narrowed eyes and she remembered herself and who she was talking to.

Helena yawned, loudly with a dramatic stretch and Charon stared at her with an unimpressed look.

"I'm so tired..."

"Bullsh*t." He spat but she was already tugging him towards the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said in parting as she pushed him out of her room. "Goodnight" She ended with a small wave and shut the door before he could respond, debating on how to convince her Father to change his mind without seeming too eager or out of character.

"Being reborn is so hard," she whispered as she flopped down on her bed, springing up when she remembered she was still wet.