Chapter 9- Struggles

Lua POV:

After what feels like an eternity we finally get home. Everyone is there to great us, but I fake a smile and quickly walk by carrying the carseat. Elias is sprinting to keep up. Once he gets in the elevator I press the button to close the door a couple of times angrily, then hit our floor number. Elias has no idea what to say and is avoiding eye contact. I'm so annoyed and worried at the same time. We get to our home and I hand Elias the carseat while I rush around the apartment making sure there's nothing. I lock all the windows and lock the deadbolt along with the bottom latch of the front door. My breasts are pretty full so I know it's time to feed the baby. I gently pick him up and slowly sit on the couch. I position my nipple into his mouth and he starts suckling. While he eats, I keep looking around the room making sure I didn't miss anything.

"Lua were safe here. No one got into the gated community let alone the pack house. You can relax baby. You need to. Doctors orders."

"I know. I just can't handle anything else Elias. This is not how I wanted to start our family. We were supposed to have more time. Now the madness has started. Someone out there is hellbent on killing us. Or experimenting on us. We have no idea who or why"

"I know and I've got the best detectives on it. I've hired more security for the perimeter of the gated community as well as the pack house. There's not even a minute of the day or night I don't have double security on patrol. And once you feel better and have fully healed, I'll go everywhere with you and we'll have the security with us as well."

"Ha I'm not leaving! it's never going to be safe. I stupidly came out and everyone knows what I look like. I can't go anywhere without being noticed."

"Lua. "

"I don't want to talk about this right now. Kai said Juno wanted to come over I think it would be a good distraction. She's been dying to know the name. As for everyone else, they'll have to wait until I figure out how or even if we release it."

Elias nods and sits next to me on the couch. I hand him our son to burp and change him while I get something to eat. I know he's worried about me, I'm worried about myself too but my only goal right now is keeping baby safe. I'm hyper focused on making sure he's OK. We could have lost him. It's a miracle we didn't. I don't know if I'd be able to live with myself if anything happened to him. As I gobbled down two grilled cheese sandwiches like a pig, I hear a knock at the door. My heart stops for a second before realizing it's probably Kai and Juno. I look through the peephole to confirm, then unlock the three different locks.

"Oh Lua I was so worried! I'm so glad you're ok now. And congratulations! Your little man is here!"

She hugs me tight and fixes a loose strand of hair back into my bun.

"Congratulations Lua. I'm glad you're home safe now. We were all worried about you. Don't know how you did it, you're amazing."

Juno punches him in the chest and gives him a look. I motion for them to come sit on the couch.

"Thank you guys, really. I don't know how I pulled through but here we are. And thankfully you're nephew is alright. Eli is just changing him. There they are!"

Elias walks in cradling the baby with a huge smile on his face. He hands the baby to Juno then sits beside me. Juno is gawking over him, and even though Kai was there for the birth, this is the first time he is actually seeing the baby.

"OH my God Lua! He is so so so cute! He has your light auburn hair, your eyes! That little nose and mouth! That chin! Those cheeks! He's literally perfect. And so active for a two day old! Gosh he's going to be a genius! And a Heartbreaker! Ugh I want my baby to be here even more now!"

"I'm in awe of his beauty too. Can't believe we made something so perfect and he's completely healthy even after everything he's been through already."

"Yeah well he takes after his mother's beauty. I might be biased since I'm his dad, but he is the cutest baby I've ever seen"

"Well wait until Juno and I's little girl arrives. They'll both be breaking everyone's hearts!"

"Kai! The gender was a surprise!!!"

"OH shit babe I'm sorry!"

"It's ok, they're family anyway and they'll keep the secret better than you. Eli, Lua. I have to know the name. You know how I am with names. I'm obsessed. Whats my little nephew's name?

Elias and I look at each other and smile. He carefully takes baby from Juno then while supporting his neck and bottom, holds him up Lion King style.

"We would like to introduce Zenon Asher Cruz Onyx! Zenon means peace, and we both loved it the second we heard it. He has a double middle name after our fathers. We're nicknaming him Zenny."

"OH I love love love it! Little Zenon. Zenny. What a perfect name! And the meaning! Great job you guys. A perfect name for a perfect little boy!"

Elias hands Zenny over to Kai. Kai is obviously nervous but is doing a good job holding him correctly. Juno is beaming with joy watching Kai hold Zenon.

"We did have a favor to ask you two. Lua and I couldn't agree faster on this decision. We were wondering if you two would be his godparents. We know if anything happened to us you'd be the best parents for him"

Juno struggles up and hugs us both. Kai doesn't move a muscle afraid to move while holding Zenon, but he is obviously touched by our request.

"Of course we will, it would be an honor. Kai and I actually just agreed on godparents as well. We were wondering if you two would do us the honor of being your niece's godparents?"

"OH Juno of course! We'd be honored! What a surprise! I figured Elias would be the godfather but are you sure you want me as the godmother? I wouldn't be offended if you guys chose a different godmother. You haven't known me long and plus I have the highest risk here of not living long"

I didn't think before I spoke that last part. The mood changed quickly and everyone was silent.

"Lua, we might not have known you long but you completed this pack the second we started to get to know you. You're an amazing woman, and already an amazing mother. I wouldn't want anyone else."

"And you're in the Onyx pack now Lua. I know you've been through he'll these past 2 days but I promise as Beta that the whole pack would put their lives on the line for you. Everyone was worried and so relieved once we got you back. You're not going to die from anything other than old age"

I start tearing up and nod. I pull everyone into a group hug. I want to believe what Kai said, but after all I went through in the past two days, it just doesn't seem like my reality. Elias is still slightly frowning and he has concern written all over his face. He takes Zenon from Kai and forces a smile.

"Well you guys thank you so much for coming and meeting Zenon. We're honored that you accepted being his godparents and were excited to be your little girls godparents. Your secret is safe with us Juno. Unlike Kai we won't let it slip."

We all laugh and say our goodbyes. Once they leave I lock all the locks on the door and check through the peephole. As Elias puts Zenon in the sleeper in our bedroom, I double check all the windows. He comes out and catches me doing so and I feel a little embarrassed.

"Lua, I love you. And I'm sorry I failed you so much these past 2 days. I'm sorry you were taken in the first place and it took me so long to get to you. You've been through he'll and are acting like it was nothing. I know you're struggling. I'm here to talk and we can get a psychologist too."

"Elias please I'm fine. I'm not crazy for being extra careful about the door and windows. Our son was kidnapped right under my nose and almost stabbed. He could have been stabbed or dropped and we xould have been burying him today instead of showing him off to Kai and Juno. Yes these past 2 days have been he'll but this has been my whole life. it's my normal Elias."

"Our noses. He was taken under our noses. I was right there Lua. It's not our fault. How xould we have known? And that is not your normal anymore Lua. You're my mate and mother of my child. You're the Onyx Pack Luna. What you went through is not going to happen again. We've been training hard using your handbook and we're learning to do better by you. Please Lua what you're going through isn't normal. You don't have to keep it to yourself. Let me help you"

"I don't need gelp! I'm not talking to a Shrink! How could a shrink even understand what I've been through! And it is my fault Elias! I should have known better! I was trained to see and expect the worse. To never trust anyone. I just handed Zenon over to a stranger without a second thought!"

"Anyone would have done the same! You were drugged , malnourished, in excruciating pain, shot, your feet were cut up. You had hypothermia and severe blood loss. You delivered a baby with no assistance. You died and they brought you back to life! All that in two days! You're not the moon Goddess Lua! You were healing! Anyone else probably wouldn't have survived!"

The tears start coming and I curse them. I couldn't stop them. Elias tried to comfort me but I stepped back.

"I just want to pump and go to sleep. Zenon has to eat in another hour. I was hoping you'd bottle feed him my breadtmilk. I just need rest and I'm sure I'll be better. I'm going to try ok? I'm going to try to let you help me. I need time to process and feel whatever I need to feel. I can only do that if I feel safe. So please just leave me be? "

Elias safly nods and hands me my pump and the bottles. We sit in silence for a bit and he heads off to the office. At some point I fell asleep while pumping but I awoke early the next morning by Elias.

"Baby the breastmilk you pumped ran out. He's hungry again. I hate to wake you but I had no choice. I sit up and take Zenon from his arms. I look at the clock. 4am!?!?! I slept that long?

"Elias I was able to pump for that many feedings? How much did he drink each feeding?"

"2oz every 2 hours. Hungry little man. And yeah you've actually leaked a bit so I put an extra pad in your bra while you were asleep. Not sure how you didn't wake up. What do you want to eat? Zenons not the only one who has to eat every few hours here. "

"Chicken sandwich? Really craving that. And water. I'm dying of thirst here. Thank you Eli. You did amazing with him. Can't believe I slept that long"

Elias return 20 minutes later with my food and pump. He takes Zenon and changes him before putting him back into the sleeper beside our bed. How did I get so lucky? I devour the food and start pumping again. Geeze I'm a literal cow. Can't believe how much comes out! I start drifting to sleep again. Eli lays my head on his shoulder and his body warmth puts me put before I could even fight it. How could I be so tired? He's basically doing all the work it isn't fair he has a pack to run...