Chapter 23: Wherever You Are

BEING sad was better than being empty. I once heard Madam Dela Torre spoke those words one cold evening to the younger Hunters as she spent another night without her husband. She said that when you are sad, at least you feel something.

I still think she was wrong. Wasn’t being sad just as worse? Sadness could be very suffocating. It was like there was a dagger stuck in my chest and I couldn’t pull it out. Each time I try, the dagger just goes deeper inside me.

Christmas was making me remember how much I had lost over the past years and how little I had gained. It was making me remember how lucky other humans were. Only those who could afford freedom could celebrate this occasion. Now that I could somehow afford it, I had nobody to share it with.

I stopped the car for a while to compose myself. After sometime, I felt guilty when I held my belly. How stupid of me. How could I forget? My daughter was with me. A faint smile curled my lips. Same time next year, she is going to be with me.